I am just really curious, there are a lot of regulars on here and I've read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.

I am glad you are doing well.

Sometimes a little break in communication (by the breaker) can help in the healing process.

Glad NC has gotten you closer to the New You.

Well there's important things to remember. First and foremost is, that this new person is NOT your Ex. Any comparisons you draw could be your downfall.
That said, breakups are never easy. If you can talk to your ex and still be cool then the worst has passed. Good for you! Keeping yourself busy is probably the wisest move you could make in that situation, it cirtainly helps the healing process. Self destructive behaviour is no way to go, I learned that lesson some years ago, Luckily I snapped out of it. Not because there was any real intervention, but because I realised one day that it was the most counter productive way to deal with anything. It may have made me a stronger person, but it was a hard lesson learned. I hope other people can learn from it.
Focus on the possitives, for as many f'd up and cold things you can see in the world there ARE beautiful things out there. Keep your eyes, and your mind, open to them... you;ll do OK (^,^)

I'm at a little over 5 months. I went 5 straight months with willingly and forcefully avoiding her like the plague. She contacted me about 3 weeks ago and I've realized that either way I'll be fine. It would be nice if we could be friends, but if she doesn't have the purest intentions, hasta la vista baby! I've realized her flaws and I no longer feel depressed nor sad when I think of her. I've also got way too much on my hands in terms of a career and my scholastic ventures to really focus on her. Just this week I had completely forgotten she had emailed me again so it had been two weeks since I replied to her email, today. She asked me how I was doing and I was so gallantly and pridefully honest, well listen honey I'm doing masterfully, increasing my ventures into my career and excelling and I've got no time for kid games so if you aren't capable of losing the ambiguity I can't continue in this repertoire with you, at least the gist of what I said. I feel good about it. We will see how it works out.

That's good to hear, I think the thing that helped me the most was knowing and seeing other people getting through it eventually.

It's going on six months for me, and I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. I try to keep myself busy and spend more time with friends. Dating anyone new right now isn't even an option for me. I'm not nearly healed enough or ready for any kind of relationship. I know that all I would do is compare whoever I would be with to my ex and that wouldn't be fair.

Like you, I think of my Ex WAY too much. He's with someone else now and I know that I don't really even cross his mind. I know that I will eventually feel better and I am looking forward to when that day comes. I'm ready to get my life back again. It hasn't helped that I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'm on meds and am just taking things day to day.

By the way, thank you for asking. Coming to this site has really been helping me to heal. It's nice to know that there are others that are dealing with the same stuff and know where I'm coming from, although I hate for anyone to have to go through this at all.

Well I am still a newbie, going on 12 days NC. Well 12 days since phone conversation , 9 since last texts, so I guess 9 days total NC. Left it on a decent note, she knows how I feel and what I want. So now its up to her, she has to figure things out on her own and deal with her life w/out me. She is seeing someone new but probably just a rebound since she probably doesn't want to be lonely or to distract her from her other issues. So I am getting better, I still miss her a lot, think about her a lot but the urge to call is not as strong. I still miss talking to her, but I have been able to hold off texting her or calling her. Her birthday is in 2 weeks and I will be out of town but might send her a card? Well That's all I have for now, I am shooting for 30 days NC and then see how I feel. Thanks for everyone's support and advice.

I feel strange sometimes. One day I can be like... not a care in the world about her, then the next day I will be down cause I really miss her so much. NC is working for me I think. It has been a total of 10 days once again from my failure of responding to her call. 3 months since the breakup. She knows how I feel and its up to her. I have been seeing others, it does suck that I do compare and I need to stop that. But at least it is making me feel more like myself being around other people and making new experences. I sometimes still can't believe this has happened to me with her, but well at least I have me. It has been a hard road so far. I just wish it could be different. I wish I would not have answered the phone and sent texts last week. I will not do that ever ever again. The only thing that is really bothering me is that the Holidays are coming up and I just feel sad we are not going to be together. I hope I feel better and stronger before then.

Lets hope we all feel better and stronger before then. :)

It's been 5 weeks for me and it's had it's peaks and valleys. It doesn't feel like it has been better, but in some ways, I am better than before. Like you I have found this site very helpful. There are a lot of people here that have given great advice and support.

I think about more than I want, and the thoughts overcome me.

After reading everyone else's I'm embarrassed to say it's been more than two years, although I stopped talking to him almost a year. I still think of him more than I like to admit.

After reading everyone else's I'm embarrassed to say it's been more than two years, although I stopped talking to him almost a year. I still think of him more than I like to admit.

Don't be embarrassed. Although you may still think of your ex after 2 years, you probably think of him differenly than you did 1.5 years ago.

I bet, for example, that the first six months of the breakup you would cry your eyes out when you would think of him. But I'll also bet that two years later, where you are now, you do think of him, but "that's all". As in, you just think of him: maybe even to notice that you don't really cry over him.

At least, that's what I observed of myself, after being broken up for over a year. I also see this change with my friends. They still talk about their ex, but there is something different. And that difference is healthier.

This is not to say that I don't think of my ex, even in romantic terms at times, but that "thinking" is a very different type than the kind that would keep me up all night, with anxiety and stress, crying and wondering how I would live without him.

I don't know. Time passes and something happens...

Everything you said is true but I don't think I've dealt with it as a normal person would. Does it sound normal that after more than two years and him living with a woman that we wouldn't be divorced? He's already said a few times he doesn't want a divorce. I've had the paper work ready for months, all I need to do it take it to the court house but I always come up with stupid excuses why I'll wait till next week. Next week never comes. I think I'm as over him as I'll ever be yet I can't turn those papers in. I decided I wouldn't, couldn't date or get involved with anyone till I was no longer married to him and I haven't. Maybe I'm thinking that paper saying we are married holds us together somehow, and Maybe I'm afraid that even a divorce won't cut that bond... or maybe I'm afraid it will.

I'm just a few days past 3 months since my breakup and I honestly don't know from one day to the next what I'm going to feel like. Today I'm doing all right but yesterday was hell the day before that I wasn't to bad but the day before that was hell. I think I see a patteren in my future. I'm still in denial or maybe I would call it disbelief. STILLLL!! I think if I could just get it in my head that this is FOR REAL maybe I could get better. I don't feel anyone of us should be embarrassed about our recovery time. I feel that the reason it's taking some of us so long to heal is because we loved with our whole hearts and even though our ex's didn't see forever in us, we did in them and the adjustments we are having to make in our lives now are not only hard but takes lots of time.

Yeah its crazy the contrast between one day and the next. I miss her like mad, but I know that it will never be again. I have a small bit (tiny) of excitement for the future growing in me. Im trying to see it as my second chance to do whatever I want to do in life. It just sucks that she was so hot, but I guess all the crazy ones are haha.

Hey madaman, you just gave me a revelation. Maybe that's why I suck at relationships... I'm really hot, but pretty psycho... hmmm. :)

MMm well me and my ex broke up feb 07 day before valentines and 2 weeks before my 21st. Not that means anything but hey. It kind of ruined both days REAL BAD!!

I haven't spoke to my ex since July now. I had enough of being in contact with her and whatever that entails. i.e. all the stringing along. Every day I think of her less and less. The NC wonders are severely great! I advocate to all those who have had their heart broken.

I pretty much have a good life and I am in a much better place than my ex ever was or will be unless she wins the lottery. If she does - b*tch

I think my toughest task is staying focused on the long term goal : Getting over the girl and being happy with my life. Sometimes I forget that things are going to be OK and I start to feel despair which can spiral out of control pretty quickly. It is so hard to stay focused!

He never meant anything to me anymore. I saw his photos with his newgf few days ago but I didn't feel anything. Thanks to everything, I am at my best, physically and mentally. I felt so great.

Important thing is that you always have a belief in a bright future. Even when I was most depressed, I still believed that someday I will love someone who deserves my love.

Its his lost to lose me forever. I'm happy more than ever before!

Well me and my ex have been nc for over 2 months. I am doing way better with handling the NC and not being consumed with it. I still have my emotional moments but I usually embrace them instead of beating myself up about thinking of her. I realized allot of the things she didn't like I didn't like either. 1. Smoking 2. Biting my nails. And others. So I have been focused on getting both of those things together. I haven't smoked for a couple weeks and I have not bitten my nails for the same amount of time. Big deal for me since I have been a lifer for both lol. I am not bitter towards my ex as I was cause I realize the break was needed. Good Luck Every 1 :>)

I think it's the best time to get rid of bad habits and find new things to enjoy. I sat down earlier today and set some non negotiable goals for myself to be achieved by Jan 1st. I have done this in the past, but I'm actually making myself do it this time. I feel like there is no better time to rebuild myself into who I want to be, than when I am at rock bottom such as now.

Im honestly OK with most things, but as SOON as I think about her with her boyfriend now, it kills me. I really really really wish I had never asked those questions I did back at the start of the breakup.

Well I am updating my healing or lack thereof. Today I got home and went onto my Facebook and myspace. My ex is not a friend on myspace , she said it was an accident it got deleted or whatever. I still had comments from her and I noticed she changed her picture. So I clicked it, its set on private so all I see is that cover page and I see she put a pic of her and her new guy she is seeing and a quote that basically says... cuddling in his arms is like heaven. This totally blew me away, messed me up. I have been NC for 2 weeks but not feel like I am back at 0.

I knew she was seeing him but just seeing that , mostly the comment, just made me feel like wow, she doesn't care about me anymore, like she claims she does. She said she was confused, well doesn't seem confused to me. I can't believe I let her play me, toy with my heart and then stomp on it for the final blow. I feel like such an idiot. I always trusted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, even now, and all she has done recently is lie to me and give me a bunch of BS. I was stupid enough to think that after 4 years , she would still love me and miss me somewhat. Whether she really does or now, I don't know, but it looks like she doesn't. This is not the girl I fell in love with and thought I knew and that hurts. To be hurt by someone who claims to love and care about you is the worst feeling I have ever felt or could have imagined.

It seems so easy for her, whether she is masking her feelings and distracting herself, I don't know but I hope one day she realizes what she has done here, and done to me. And then come running back and I hope to be moved on and let her suffer the way I have. I still love her, and it hurts, I don't think I will ever not love her. I was too nice I guess, let her fool me and give me false hope. Now I see that it looks like she been plannign this all along with no regard for my feelings. Well I needed to vent that out, I feel I was too nice the last time we talked. I just want to call her and tell her that she should feel like crap and that you don't play with people's emotions and feelings like this. She lied to me and crushed me, and that she's a totally different person. I want to curse her out so bad and leave her feeling like crap. WEll I probably won't but I want to. Sorry for being so long, I needed to vent that out.

I'm not ready to heal myself.. I don't think I ever will..

Reading your first post makes me so depressed

To heal myself would to be given a 2nd chance with her.. :(

I now hardly ever think of my ex. Its been since feb 12th I think we split up, about a month after that, her contacting me led me on a trip of self-emotional-harm (led me on, kissed guys in front of me, had a boyfriend, went to a concert) until July when I went NO CONTACT after she said sorry - briefly.

Tell you what every day is now more depressing. Life is hard enough work on your own! Lol every day I give less and less of a sh*t about my ex. In fact I can pretty much say I am over it.

The best thing honestly you can do is keeping busy, improving yourself. Those things helped me. Doing things you never would have done before also helped me become the new person I am today.

You all think its hard work, it is! It really is to get over some people, but it can be done. It takes time and a lot of work though. + You cannot expect to move on being in contact with said ex either. No contact is brill! I can probably say by early next year she will hardly cross my mind at all.

well i am updating my healing or lack thereof. Today i got home and went onto my facebook adn myspace. My ex is not a friend on myspace , she said it was an accident it got deleted or whatever. I still had comments from her and i noticed she changed her picture. So i clicked it, its set on private so all i see is that cover page and i see she put a pic of her and her new guy she is seeing and a quote that basically says......cuddling in his arms is like heaven. This totally blew me away, messed me up. I have been NC for 2 weeks but not feel like i am back at 0.

I knew she was seeing him but just seeing that , mostly the comment, just made me feel like wow, she doesnt care about me anymore, like she claims she does. She said she was confused, well doesnt seem confused to me. I can't believe i let her play me, toy with my heart and then stomp on it for the final blow. I feel like such an idiot. I always trusted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, even now, and all she has done recently is lie to me and give me a bunch of BS. I was stupid enough to think that after 4 years , she would still love me and miss me somewhat. Whether she really does or now, i dont know, but it looks like she doesnt. This is not the girl i fell in love with and thought i knew and that hurts. To be hurt by someone who claims to love and care about you is the worst feeling i have ever felt or could have imagined.

It seems so easy for her, whether she is masking her feelings and distracting herself, i dont know but i hope one day she realizes what she has done here, and done to me. And then come running back and i hope to be moved on and let her suffer the way i have. I still love her, and it hurts, i dont think i will ever not love her. I was too nice i guess, let her fool me and give me false hope. Now i see that it looks like she been plannign this all along with no regard for my feelings. Well i needed to vent that out, I feel i was too nice the last time we talked. I just want to call her and tell her that she should feel like crap and that you don't play with people's emotions and feelings like this. She lied to me and crushed me, and that shes a totally different person. I want to curse her out so bad and leave her feeling like crap. WEll i probably won't but i want to. Sorry for being so long, i needed to vent that out.

This is what we spent a month trying to tell you, Im so glad that you see it now (as much as it probably hurts). I know you want to curse her out, make her hurt like you do etc, but talking to her will do the opposite. She will still think she has you on a leash. If you really want your 'revenge' never phone/email/txt/smoke signal her again. Let her wonder and never know how you are doing. You now know that she moved on, its your turn!

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is I'm SICK of thinking about her, and I know she's gone, and I'm slightly OK with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is im SICK of thinking about her, and I know shes gone, and im slightly ok with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

The best thing you can do is when you think of something negative feed a positive thought into it. Example would be I would think of my ex being or seeing someone else and my thought would be I DESERVE BETTER. Maybe I would think man I miss her then I would think I missed her when I was with her lol. Guess not the most positive but you can fill in the blanks these helped me allot. It will take time. You won't notice the difference for a while but you look back you will smile. :>) I did. You have to find the moment of peace in yourself where you say I can sit here and cry and be sad and waste time or I can dust myself off and move on. Its her / his loss not yours they were just in your way. That's how I see it. My ex is a good women over all and It was the first time I was with someone that I don't think cheated on me. However what I realized is what am I doing to myself? And to my relationships? #1 I am seeing myself and relationship as 1 that is not the case they are separate. #2 I need to consciously separate me time from our time. When I was wit my ex I use to spend all my social time with her along with our time. This created a huge void when we broke up which made it sooo much more dificult. Now I learned and now I see that I can stand on my own 2 and I can have fun and do what I like without having to hear someone complaining that I spend 60 bux on a game while she spends 500 on a pair of shoes she will not wear. I just saved myself 440 bux lol

Good Luck every 1 !

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is im SICK of thinking about her, and I know shes gone, and im slightly ok with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

If you sit there and try to think positive it will not happen.

You need to trick your brain into seeking dopamine elsewhere... Go to an amusement park, rent a movie, see an old friend, go on a trip, do something crazy and new... then for a minute, an hour, a day... you may suddenly realize - "Whoa, I didn't think about her. Cool!"

And that's step 1.

The more you trick the brain the more it will do it on it's own... it will not include her in your mental framework.

If you sit there and try to think positive it will not happen.

You need to trick your brain into seeking dopamine elsewhere....Go to an amusement park, rent a movie, see an old friend, go on a trip, do something crazy and new.....then for a minute, an hour, a day...you may suddenly realize - "Whoa, I didn't think about her. Cool!"

And that's step 1.

The more you trick the brain the more it will do it on it's own....it will not include her in your mental framework.

I disagree. I think one can train one's mind to think positively. It takes time of course, but much like going to school and receiving an education, which to me is a training within itself, the mind can be strengthened. You can learn to focus intently on the things you want. I know I have trained my mind to think in a more productive and healthy way. I had to do it to beat alcoholism. I do agree, that the best way to move on and to not overwhelm yourself is to fill your life with the right amount of positive activities, it is also important to note that the mind much like a muscle can be toned. Filling your life with productive activities is an aid for that. I think that meditation can certainly be a stress relieving activity.

I try so hard to maintain the positive thinking. It usually works until something else triggers a minor depression and then it all comes sliding down. Personally I miss her less and less every day, but I still am getting more depressed. Im starting to see our relationship from a 3rd party perspective and I realize how dysfunctional it was. I can't wait until I'm completely happy alone without her.

The basic problem is I'm SICK of thinking about her, and I know she's gone, and I'm slightly OK with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice.

I can totally relate. I'm sick of my ex creeping into my thoughts throughout the day, heck
He even invades my dreams (like some kind of Freddy Krueger). It dosen't matter where I go or what I do, there is always something to remind me of him, whether it be the smell of his cologne on someone else, a place that we went together, or a movie, that if we would still be together, I know we would go see. Even at the dance club that I've been a regular at since before he and I even met, I feel a pain in my heart when certain songs play that he and I always loved to dance to together.

I end up making things worse on myself because I start wondering if he does those same things with his new girlfriend. I still find it so unfair that he moved on to someone else so quickly. He's happy and is making someone else happy and I'm left to try to put myself back together again. :(

I am just really curious, there are alot of regulars on here and ive read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.
I'm almost two months in and it sucks. Some days I'll wake up and go through my day and try not to think about her - these are the days when I feel like I'm pissed with her and just want to meet up with her and call this "break" what it is - a break up with a dangling possibility of reuniting. Then there are other days I wake up and I'm just completely sad all day. Then there are days when I wake up and want her back and think I will do anything to get her back. And sometimes, if I'm lucky, there are days that I wake up and don't think much about her at all - but of course, these are the days where she will text me like 3 times and call and just F it all up for me. But regardless, every day I wake up with an emotional hit when I realize she's not in bed next to me. It totally blows. The thing that's hard for me is that she keeps in contact with me, and will tell me she loves me and misses me, but she created the situation and doesn't seem to want to do much about it (see my huge novel of a post) - so basically I'm being strung along and just being kept on a back burner I guess, but I don't really know. I try to ignore her texts and calls, but that usually just leads to more texts and calls, so I relent. I know I need to stop, but I can't help it. I suck! Haha, but it's good to know that all of you guys are on here, and that I can come lay it all out on the table for everyone to see... good luck to all of you with this!

little firefly
I can totally relate. I'm sick of my ex creeping into my thoughts throughout the day, heck
He even invades my dreams (like some kind of Freddy Krueger). It dosen't matter where I go or what I do, there is always something to remind me of him, whether it be the smell of his cologne on someone else, a place that we went together, or a movie, that if we would still be together, I know we would go see. Even at the dance club that I've been a regular at since before he and I even met, I feel a pain in my heart when certain songs play that he and I always loved to dance to together.

I end up making things worse on myself because I start wondering if he does those same things with his new girlfriend. I still find it so unfair that he moved on to someone else so quickly. He's happy and is making someone else happy and I'm left to try to put myself back together again.

Firefly, I so know what you mean. My ex I am sure is making her new boyfriend real happy and vice versa. It hurts to know end since it was so easy and fast for her to do this to me. Even after she wanted to marry me one day then a week later is with someone else, then wekk after that living with them, then telling me she loves me and misses me but now has feelings for someone else? What a crock of crap. It is totally mean and cruel to be so in my face about it. Plus it is hard to now like you said to be able to repair yourself and feel better when she seems like not a care in the world and she is happy and doesn't care about the chaos she has caused. I just don't get it either, how our partners can change so drastically and be someone else we don't know? It hurts and I am sorry for you, I know your pain, I feel it everyday. I hope we get better soon...

Diamondstar, I'm sorry for your pain too. It gets so tiring having to live with it. People keep telling me to just get over it and move on with my life. If it was that easy I would have done it already, I mean do they think I enjoy hurting all the time? I know that with time we all WILL get better, it's just nice to know that we don't have to go through it alone. At least here on this forum we all have each other. :)

I know what so many of you are feeling. The reminders are everywhere. There is literally nowwhere in this town that we haven't been to together. In 7 yrs time I know we went to every restaurant, movie theater, store etc. etc. countless times. At home is just as hard, we cooked a lot together so now being in the kitchen and having to cook alone breaks my heart. Its so strange being there without him. Like many of you my ex has also moved on with someone else, left for her is more acurate. Moved in with her shortly after that. The only comfort I get from that is knowing this girl is such a low life piece of crap with so much baggage and drama in her life she is soon going to make his life a living hell. It's not everyday you go from a fully functional committed relationship into an all out dysfunctional extravvaagannza. But you know what they say about the grass being greener and all... NOT SO MUCH!

Yeh it gets easier. Trust in me!! :)

No contact does the trick.

I guess I am not as well off as I thought I was. From my thread got a text sos, I have fallen back into complete chaos. I am a basketcase. Man I wish I would have not fallen so hard for this girl. I am in such misery!! Can't seem to get myself back together. She is being so cruel and hurtful.

I feel that the reason it's taking some of us so long to heal is because we loved with our whole hearts and even though our ex's didnt see forever in us, we did in them and the adjustments we are having to make in our lives now are not only hard but takes lots of time. This pretty much sums it all up right here. Making these changes in life, and rapidly, can be scary. After my ex wanted to go on a "break," I've had to move to a new place, start driving 30 minutes to and from work, integrate with a whole new group of friends, and I think I'm probably going to have to switch my job location so I don't have to drive so far - which feels like another nail in the lid of the coffin for this relationship. I'm also looking into a new job - which isn't so bad really because I'm trying to work on myself and my situation, but it still makes me almost frightened in a way when I realize that I've had to basically just give up my life and start new in about two months. And I'm not a person who likes changes. I like to get into my groove and stay there. And I did want to spend forever with my ex, but clearly she did not.

All she's had to do is make a minor adjustment to the reality that I don't live at her apartment anymore. She still has the same job, the same friends, and her routine hasn't changed really.

The drastic changes in your life will make it easier to get over her and more quick. It's the routine of daily life that reminds most of us on our Ex, but you have changed almost everything.

freakinconfused
This pretty much sums it all up right here. Making these changes in life, and rapidly, can be scary. After my ex wanted to go on a "break," I've had to move to a new place, start driving 30 minutes to and from work, integrate with a whole new group of friends, and I think I'm probably going to have to switch my job location so I don't have to drive so far - which feels like another nail in the lid of the coffin for this relationship. I'm also looking into a new job - which isn't so bad really because I'm trying to work on myself and my situation, but it still makes me almost frightened in a way when I realize that I've had to basically just give up my life and start new in about two months. And I'm not a person who likes changes. I like to get into my groove and stay there. And I did want to spend forever with my ex, but clearly she did not.

All she's had to do is make a minor adjustment to the reality that I don't live at her apartment anymore. She still has the same job, the same friends, and her routine hasn't changed really.

I feel you %100 man, I am in almost the same situation. I am so sad once again. I am sure she is just fine. That's really great for her, but hurts me so bad.

The only comfort I get from that is knowing this girl is such a low life piece of crap with so much baggage and drama in her life she is soon going to make his life a living hell.

I can relate Missinghim2much. My ex is now with his best female friend, so when he and I were together I got to know her pretty good. She does things that are pretty questionable which makes me wonder why my ex, who is pretty devout in his faith and has a 5 year old son, would even want to have a relationship with her.

A girl friend of mine ran into my ex and his girl about a week ago. She didn't realize that she had gone to school with her and so she called me asking why he would want to be with her because she had always been such a loser. I told her that that would be something that my ex would have to figure, out and when he does he need not call me. He filled his pig sty with mud, now let him wallow in it!. I'm not bitter, just brutally honest. :)

Hey there missing...

At least you get a break now and then. I live downstairs from mine. When he found out I have cancer, he changed the lock to his door so that I cannot even get my stuff out - I'll worry about that later though, and will get it eventually. I'm not as hurt as you were because he was such an a-hole that I'm actually glad that he 'dumped' me

He purposely walks by my window near the backyard, sits on the picnic table near the fishpond every day, and I also hear him walk around upstairs, so there is no way I can 'forget' him. But now I'm so busy planning the life I have left, playing music he never liked and turning up the volume so that he no longer stays outside too long - that's my little way of getting revenge and enjoying music I neglected while I was with him. I also know it bothers him that his son and I get along, our neighbors visit me more than they did before now, so he is lonelier than I am. I even hum some tunes when I take the trash out just to show him that he does not bother me and that gets him even more upset.

I also have comfort in knowing that he will wind up on dialysis because I maintained his diet, nursed him and made sure he kept his blood pressure down. Also know he has no new 'bed bunny' or anyone else to cook for him. His son (my ex-son-in-law - long story) still goes out with me and my daughter and grandson. We go to parks and fast-food places and don't invite dumbhead to go along. I rent my place from son-in-law and my ex actually wanted him to give me notice to move.. but I'm still here. The way I see it is that it's his LOSS, not mine, and you will soon see it that way too, no matter how many 'ladies' he goes with - he will NEVER forget you and that can comfort you also. You are special, he's nothing.

Invite a new friend to cook with you, try out some new menus and make new memories, it's never too late to get a taste for something else and soon that old stuff will be very stale - literally.
Give the place a new paintjob, buy new bathroom mats, change soaps and rearrange the bedroom.

Keep up living your life to the fullest and you'll have new memories before you know it and he'll be a creep from the past, and we all have them.

All the best hon... things will get better, I promise.

So, you see, whether we are female or male, survival first, advancement second, and a new life on it's way!

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I guess I am not as well off as I thought I was. From my thread got a text sos, I have fallen back into complete chaos. I am a basketcase. Man I wish I would have not fallen so hard for this girl. I am in such misery!!!!! Can't seem to get myself back together. She is being soo cruel and hurtful.

We've all been through cruelty, hurtful and even hatefulness, but I promise it will get better. Write a diary and re-read some of the threads here and you'll see that the changes you are going through right now will make you stronger. Five years from now, you'll be so indifferent because your life will be so much more balanced and you'll seek new adventures.

Lots of luck, and many hugs.

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Things have been going pretty well for me. It has been about... 2 1/2 months since break up. We unfortunitly started contacting again last week. That was probably one of the dumber things I could do. It took me down for about 2-3 days just cause she was trying to convience me she loved me, only she just wanted someone to talk to too. Things will get better. I have made awesome new friends, and have been meeting new people.

Unfortunitly I have still been having the same probel of compairing new girls to her. Which is something I need to get over and fast. I am picking myself back up. Thankfully I will not be going back to my hometown until around christmas time. I see that as more of a blessing now.

She changed a lot got lip pierced and started being "emo" when she was really "preppy/pink" type. Kind of a big turn off for me, but w/e. She had broken up with her last boyfriend "for me" but then they got back together a week later. All in what I figured would happen.

I am praying that the day where I find someone 10x better and new will come, and all the pain will be in the past forever!

Hey there missing...

At least you get a break now and then. I live downstairs from mine. When he found out I have cancer, he changed the lock to his door so that I cannot even get my stuff out - I'll worry about that later though, and will get it eventually. I'm not as hurt as you were because he was such an a-hole that I'm actually glad that he 'dumped' me

He purposely walks by my window near the backyard, sits on the picnic table near the fishpond every day, and I also hear him walk around upstairs, so there is no way I can 'forget' him. But now I'm so busy planning the life I have left, playing music he never liked and turning up the volume so that he no longer stays outside too long - that's my little way of getting revenge and enjoying music I neglected while I was with him. I also know it bothers him that his son and I get along, our neighbors visit me more than they did before now, so he is lonelier than I am. I even hum some tunes when I take the trash out just to show him that he does not bother me and that gets him even more upset.

I also have comfort in knowing that he will wind up on dialysis because I maintained his diet, nursed him and made sure he kept his blood pressure down. Also know he has no new 'bed bunny' or anyone else to cook for him. His son (my ex-son-in-law - long story) still goes out with me and my daughter and grandson. We go to parks and fast-food places and don't invite dumbhead to go along. I rent my place from son-in-law and my ex actually wanted him to give me notice to move.. but I'm still here. The way I see it is that it's his LOSS, not mine, and you will soon see it that way too, no matter how many 'ladies' he goes with - he will NEVER forget you and that can comfort you also. You are special, he's nothing.

Invite a new friend to cook with you, try out some new menus and make new memories, it's never too late to get a taste for something else and soon that old stuff will be very stale - literally.
Give the place a new paintjob, buy new bathroom mats, change soaps and rearrange the bedroom.

Keep up living your life to the fullest and you'll have new memories before you know it and he'll be a creep from the past, and we all have them.

All the best hon... things will get better, I promise.

So, you see, whether we are female or male, survival first, advancement second, and a new life on it's way!

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Hi Chery,

Geeez he does sound like an a-hole. I almost wish sometimes mine had been, it would be easier I think. He was really good to me so that makes me miss him all that much more. I guess what he's done since the breakup could be considered an a-hole thing to do but all I can remember is how good he treated me and how much fun we had together, even after all those years together. I think the thing that probably breaks my heart the most is thinking that he has forgotten all we shared and all we meant to each other for so long. We accumulated a lot of stuff in 7 yrs and he left it all. Stereos, Video games, furniture, camping gear, fishing gear and he left it all.

A friend of mine works at McDonalds and he said he saw my ex and his new ready made family there. His girlfriend and her 4 children under the ages of 7. She only has custody of 2 so she must have had the other 2 for Halloween. And of course she's pregnant with twins, ( may or may not be his ) so they are going to have 6 kids here soon. Lots of his friends and some of my family think he's going to try and take these twins if they turn out to be his and bring them back for me to raise. He better hope that's not what he's planning. He'd have to be f'd up to think I'm going to raise this crazy ho's babies.

Anyway Chery thanks for the words of encouragment. I need every bit of positive support I can get. And please take care of yourself and don't let that fool upstairs get you down.

It's been about 9 months since my ex fiancé broke up with me again.Although I stll think of her sometimes. I am so much better now then 3 months ago. Time does heal the pain of a break up.

I have been seeing this one girl on and off for almost the last month, and its made me realize that I truly am not over my ex. It sucks a lot right now, but I actually want to be alone for a while it looks like.

And for no apparent reason the dreams about the ex have returned this last week, which REALLY sucks. Sleep is supposed to be the one part of the day where my brain doesn't think about her!

Mine was a year ago, now I feel totally healed and have began to date again. Ive met a very nice guy and we are taking things slow.

It takes time , but allow yourself to feel through all the emotions.

Time really helps..

Everything happens for a reason.

I guess I am still in my healing processs like most of everyone else here. I am a little upset at myself for still thinking about him so much. I even have thoughts of how he had sex w/me and what he may be doing with someone else, and it can get pretty torturous.

I have to admit, and I may sound biased by this, but I am kind of fighting the feeling of hating men sometimes. I love them, but I hate them at the same time. It happens when I recall or experience situations where I'm approached by someone I know isn't interested in me seroiusly, and their trying to slick talk, or invite me to come over and drink with them, or something along those lines. I mean its nice to be invited in a way, but I know their intentions and it starts to piss me off in my head.
I guess I think about my ex, and how I was vulnerable and got tricked by his repeated requests for my company, like he cared about me to some degree, when he just wanted to "get some" and have company for a little while. Men know how women are, and I think its very mean and deceptive to pursue and continue sleeping with a woman when you know that you have no good intentions for her.

Anyway, that's just a little of what I'm battling at the moment; part of my healing I guess...

Kia
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I guess I am still in my healing processs like most of everyone else here. I am a little upset at myself for still thinking about him so much. I even have thoughts of how he had sex w/me and what he may be doing with someone else, and it can get pretty torturous.

I have to admit, and I may sound biased by this, but I am kind of fighting the feeling of hating men sometimes. I love them, but I hate them at the same time. It happens when I recall or experience situations where I'm approached by someone I know isn't interested in me seroiusly, and their trying to slick talk, or invite me to come over and drink with them, or something along those lines. I mean its nice to be invited in a way, but I know their intentions and it starts to piss me off in my head.
I guess I think about my ex, and how I was vulnerable and got tricked by his repeated requests for my company, like he cared about me to some degree, when he just wanted to "get some" and have company for a little while. Men know how women are, and I think its very mean and deceptive to pursue and continue sleeping with a woman when you know that you have no good intentions for her.

Anyway, that's just a little of what I'm battling at the moment; part of my healing I guess...

Hey Kia, I know how you feel. I also think about how she had sex with me and how she can be doing whatever she is doing now. It drives me up the wall!! I feel like such a doormat. However I don't agree with your putting all men into that boat. We are all not like that, I do know that most guys are, but not all of us. I could say that about women as well, she pulled a big fast one on me and it broke my heart. Seems both male and female's are equal able to be hated. I am doing my best to not think of it anymore, but yes it still hurts. I just wish I had not fallen so hard for her. I feel like such a sap now since I am the one still in love with her and she dropped me like I was nothing. Just hurts, I hope you are able to feel better, as I hope we all are.

It will be 3 months of NC for me in a week or so. Every day I think of her less and less. I still miss her though and wonder what is going on with her and hope she is doing well. I still can't say I wouldn't try to work it out with her eventually but right now I am in no place to be with someone. I miss her though...

Love u Ki

:>)

Am in the same boat as all of you its been a month and a half for me.. I still miss her a lot there is not one minute that passes by where I don't think about her... she broke up with me after datin for four years over nothing just said she was not feeling me anymore and that I was making her happy.. that really hurt because I felt I was giving her my I spend every spare time I had with her, helped her in anyway and always supported her with her decisions.. yet this was not enough... know I hear from my mother who has seen her walking around with another guy huggin each other.. and that just kills me to know that she is moving on so quick as if a 4yr of relationship was nothing to her.. I haven't contact her in 2 weeks last time I did was out of anger of hearing she was already datin.. I feel so stupid for having done that..
I find some peace in reading other ppls similar issues lets me know am not alone in my feelings yet I wish none of us was going through it...

The best of it is, we are all here crying our hearts out and one day we will all be married with a family and all happy. (talking mostly to the younger people, but you know what I mean) I too miss my ex, but what can you do? Spend every day crushed with self pity? We are all better than that, there is that special someone out there for all of us. Don't forget that.

Personally I'm starting to get worried, as I feel like I've reached a wall in the healing. It really bugs me because I know she is gone forever, and if I could just move on that would be great. Im worried that I might be slipping into a depression (I was on some prescription for it years and years ago) and I really don't want to get stuck in a rut.

This sucks!

Personally im starting to get worried, as I feel like ive reached a wall in the healing. It really bugs me because I know she is gone forever, and if I could just move on that would be great. Im worried that I might be slipping into a depression (I was on some prescription for it years and years ago) and I really dont want to get stuck in a rut.

this sucks!

I have battled depression all my life and to be honest just recently after seeing a

Therapist did I realize what was causing my grief. #1 stop beating yourself up for mistakes.

That is HUGE! We all make mistakes and it is all normal. That and also doing some

Exercise have helped me sooo much! Keep focused and don't forget to be a little bit easier

On yourself. That helped me allot! GOOD LUCK!

madaman, are you going to want to stay in this rut forever? No you don't. What things do you do in your spare time? Have you got many mates? Do you go out much? You don't need prescriptions, your better than that. You need to make the most of your life, stop getting slumped in the dumps, trust me you will meet someone else, someone better and someone who deserves you. I know I will, and I know everyone else here will too.

My family has a history of depression, but I will never go back on any prescriptions for it, so that's not a worry of mine. I have a fair amount of friends and I go out somewhere every 2nd or 3rd night right now (concerts etc). Since the breakup I have been going through up and down phases, but this down phase as of late has not changed one bit. Ive already met a couple other girls but it was way too soon and I had to stop seeing them which sucked.

My family has a history of depression, but I will never go back on any prescriptions for it, so thats not a worry of mine. I have a fair amount of friends and I go out somewhere every 2nd or 3rd night right now (concerts etc). Since the breakup I have been going through up and down phases, but this down phase as of late has not changed one bit. Ive already met a couple other girls but it was way too soon and I had to stop seeing them which sucked.

Yea I tried to see girls right away also but I just couldn't even be around them.

Good Luck! If you need to chat drop me a message.

Keep pushing!

Yeah same as. I am going through the same thing, I can go out with my friends and have a good laugh and they are all there for me, they even talk to me about how to get over my ex. How it's her loss etc etc. I also have up and down phases, one minute I'm fine and then the next I see something or am somewhere which reminds me of me and my ex, if you know what I mean. And it hits me for a couple of minutes. It will take time, so lets just keep our heads up.

I hit a really big wall last night as far as trying to heal myself. I went to the movies with my sister and as we were walking in I saw my ex boyfriend at the snack counter. He was with his girlfriend, his 5 year old son and her six year old daughter. My ex and his girl had their arms around each other and they looked like a little family. The pain I felt was indescribable. He and I used to go to the movies like that with his son and my 5 year old nephew. We used to do so many things like that together and we felt like we were a family. He looked so happy to be with her the way that he always seemed to be with me. I haven't slept all night. It's been over six months now. When is the hurt supposed to stop. I don't know how much more of it I can take.

I hit a really big wall last night as far as trying to heal myself. I went to the movies with my sister and as we were walking in i saw my ex bf at the snack counter. He was with his gf, his 5 year old son and her six year old daughter. My ex and his girl had their arms around each other and they looked like a little family. The pain i felt was indescribable. He and i used to go to the movies like that with his son and my 5 year old nephew. We used to do so many things like that together and we felt like we were a family. He looked so happy to be with her the way that he always seemed to be with me. I haven't slept all night. It's been over six months now. When is the hurt supposed to stop. I don't know how much more of it i can take.

That's my question as well, WHEN is the HURT supposed to stop? I've been lucky in the fact I have'nt seen my ex with his new girlfriend and all her kids but my friend seen them at McDonalds on Halloween. Just hearing about it broke my heart. It's almost like the faster they get on with their lives the slower we heal. I have'nt heard that they are getting married or anything but I did have a dream that they did and he chose my Birthday as the date just to be mean.

It's almost like the faster they get on with their lives the slower we heal. I have'nt heard that they are getting married or anything but I did have a dream that they did and he chose my Birthday as the date just to be mean.


I know what you mean MissingHim, one thing that still gets me is the fact that I got an e-mail from my ex a while back telling me that I had done nothing wrong and that his feelings for me had been real. So, why now her and not me? I haven't had any dreams about them getting married, but I could so see them choosing a day like my birthday just to be mean. The thing is, it wouldn't be my ex that would choose that day, it would be his girlfriend.

She and I had become friends while I was with my ex (she had been his best friend for a few years) When he broke up with me to try reconcile with his now ex wife (they had been separated for a couple of years), She acted so upset for me, and wanted things to work out between me and my ex. According to her I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. When the reconciliation didn't work and the divorce proceedings started she and my ex suddenly started seeing each other in a different light (only a month into his divorce). I honestly believe she was just waiting for the moment to come that she could have him for herself.

[QUOTE=little firefly]I know what you mean MissingHim, one thing that still gets me is the fact that I got an e-mail from my ex a while back telling me that I had done nothing wrong and that his feelings for me had been real. So, why now her and not me? I haven't had any dreams about them getting married, but I could so see them choosing a day like my birthday just to be mean. The thing is, it wouldn't be my ex that would choose that day, it would be his girlfriend.

I don't honestly think he would choose my Birthday to get married. It was just a bad dream. He was a good boyfriend and treated me really good throughout our whole relationship.

I don't really think he will actually marry this tramp... I hope he has more brains then that. Rumor has it he's only with her to get a baby. For some reason we were unable to have one and something he said to me about a week before he left leads me to believe it might be the case. He said he wanted to have a baby with me but if we couldn't he would have one with some random girl..

Yeah that is something I've been wondering myself, when IS the hurt going to stop? Its getting ridiculous at this point. Im lucky that I live in a big enough city that I probably won't run into my ex (fingers crossed) but I dread the day that happens if so.

There is an old saying time is a healer !

Everyone is different when it come's to a break up, some people can heal over night and for some it takes along long time before the hurt goes away..

A lot of times the Ex can play in your mind and playing a cd, going out to a bar eating out at a certain place can bring a lot of hurt back to the front of your mind.

That's why its good to keep yourself busy and moving forwards, that person will always be a memory, but over time people learn to let go ! In time that person may only crop up at certain times of the year etc, but for the most part as time goes by you will maybe wake up one day and not think about them.

I usually experience that the posters on relationships have to endure a lot of time getting over their latest mucked up relationsip and I try to help them through the process.

My relationship ended abruptly because I received a diagnosis of cancer recently. When HE found out, the lock on his apartment door was changed the next day. No 'sorry but I cannot handle this', no 'too bad', no emotions whatsoever. It hurt like heck, and I'm upset because some of my stuff is still in his place, but guess what, I'm so happy that I'm rid of this unemotional self-serving egotistical %&stard, that it does not bother me to be alone. I am enjoying the time I have left doing things I like doing, staying up all night watching sci-fi, or playing on my computer, going out with my grandson, and spending more time with my neighbors and friends who know both of us and they have noticed a positive change in me.

So, guess what, it does take time to heal, some slow, some fast, it depends on the circumstances..

There is hope for all of us, and happiness at the end of that road, no matter how long we travel on it.

Wishing you all a wonderful journey in any and all of your relationships and hope they are better than mine ever was!

Love,
Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_15_15.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000) Sure do.. not to spend it with anyone that irritates me and enjoying every moment!

I've not long been dumped myself, and it's starting to really knock my confidence, I just seem to do too much for my girlfriend or try and be as nice as I can if you know what I mean, my ex had no job and I did everything for us, paid for holidays etc. it really upsets me. It's as though I feel scared of having another relationship, the fear of getting hurt again just hits me.

I've not long been dumped myself, and it's starting to really knock my confidence, i just seem to do too much for my girlfriend or try and be as nice as i can if you know what i mean, my ex had no job and i did everything for us, paid for holidays etc. it really upsets me. it's as though I feel scared of having another relationship, the fear of getting hurt again just hits me.

Build your confidence back up, that's priority number 1.
If you cannot learn how to handle rejection - which is something we all have to live with - then you need to build a log cabin way out in the woods, become a hermit for the rest of your life. That's the only way to prevent you from further experiences, good or bad. That's life.

When you were a baby, you fell down a lot, got back up and kept on going. That was all a learning process and now you can walk without falling down, and dress yourself, use a fork and knife, and don't need diapers anymore. Well, that was also a part of life you had no control over until you had help, guidance and gained experience..

Do the things that you can control well, be confident in them, and then let life just happen as it does to all of us and learn. You'll have new experiences, make new memories, make new mistakes, experience new interests and happiness - all that - until the day comes where you take your last breath. And at each step of the way, you'll find good people that will help you, bad people that will try to hinder your progress, and support from family and friends that you didn't know would ever come... so live life to the fullest, dear and I promise - it's not all that bad.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000) Welcome to the Human race. It sucks some times, but it's better than being a roach or fly, at least from our point of view. They might love their life, but humans are different.

I was doing Great! Until yesterday I go home to find a package, with a bottle of wine some lottery scratch off's a note and some kind words! He personally delivered to my house and I was not home thank GOD because I would have went back to day one... THis was the first form of contact since we broke up and I think he was expecting me to be home! He could have mailed me my keys, and Emailed me a letter But why did he do this? He promised to keep in touch, and the letter stated I would always hold a special place in his heart(he sprayed his cologne).. yada yada he loves me, it's so hard to be away from me but he needs this time to think... As It was a nice gesture and he didn't have to do that... I didn't know how to respond, I just texted him very generic Saying Thank you. I didn't get all mushy although I did get butterflies to see something waiting for me when I arrived. This EFFORT he made has really confused me, and I was doing great without the contact I would have preferred he mailed my things As he told me he would. Why Did he do this and why go out of his way, making a 2 hour drive, I think he was expecting me to be home..

Great topic.

I went 3 months NC and it was hard some days and real easy the next. ALAS I caved and called her after 3 months, not really sure why? She picked up, we had a good talk about nothing and now we chat on MSN. It goes against the NC, which makes perfect sense, I guess it will depend on how things turn out to say what would have been best.

I guess that's the killer part, the "what if" I call or "what if" something changed, leads us either one way or the other. I hope you all are content with whichever road you chose, cause relationship pain really,really, sucks:(

Time to dredge this topic back up again I think.

Its been a month since I posted this one, and its been a bumpy ride. I find myself getting depressed every few days, but on the bright side its not really about her anymore. My buddy let slip last night that he saw a picture of her with the guy she left me for, and it made me feel like absolute dirt. It wore off after a couple hours but it still sucked. My buddies think I'm over her so they do bring up the subject every now and then. The good part to that is that apparently the guy looks like a total loser, balding and fat, but then I start thinking about the fact she left me for him. Its really a lose-lose situation to think about haha. Its slowly dawning on me how messed up she is though, and that nothing I could have done would have saved the relationship. The guy is almost 10 years older than her (shes 19) and working the night shift at a warehouse.

I plan on getting myself something great for christmas this year, to ease the pain of being alone on that cursed day.

I feel for you madman, I really do:( I woudn't wish these situations on my WORST ex-girl, but they happen.

I think its hard that your friends think your over her and they bring it up. My ex knows my brothers and I let on that I'm over her (not), but I worry that they'll tell me things thinking I'm over her. I'd tell them to NEVER tell you anything, I know a pic with another dude is like an arrow through the heart, its always best not to know.

Wish I could make it go away but some things have to happen I guess. If it makes you feel any better... I hate your ex-girlfriend and her new man too:)

Hope it helps.

I really wish that I could say that I'm starting to feel better, but I can't. It seems like anytime I try to move forward something happens to push me backwards again.

Unfortunately, I have to pass near where my ex boyfriend works when I head home from my job in the evenings. Tonight on my way home I passed him and his girlfriend leaving his work to go get something to eat together (something that he and I had done many times when we were a couple). It made me remember how very much I miss him, and that I feel so totally alone.

I just really want to be able to feel happy again.

Well I do feel sorry that you have to see them together, as I know I would be a lot worse if I had to see my ex with their new person.

Is there no way to avoid seeing him? Taking a different route? I can guarantee not seeing him will allow you to heal more quick. I know just seeing a picture of my ex or hearing her name, it is like a kick to the stomach every time. It can actually cause physical pain, which is crazy and I try to avoid those situations as much as possible.

Even though it will be a couple of miles out of my way, I do think it would be best for me to take another way home. It made me feel physically sick when I saw them yesterday. I was reminded that it wasn't long ago that it was me that he was with, but now he has someone else to love.

All my friends tell me that I need to just get back out and start dating again. I would like to, but I know that I can't until I feel that I can give my full attention to whoever I'm with. It wouldn't be fair to my new guy and it wouldn't be fair to me either.

Well it's been four months now... I'm pretty sure that I've finally grasped the concept that it's over for good, but the thing I want to know is. WHY is it when I tell myself it's time to COMPLETELY LET GO it sends me into a PANIC?? Why does the thought of totally letting him go scare the hell out of me?

I'm currently 2 and a half weeks NC. Relationship ended by my ex for no decent reason about 5 weeks ago. I look on this site everyday and the help and support I've had is undescribable. I am definitely over the worst, but still going through the "what if" stage but I'm sure I'll soon get over that. I'm only 21 and it felt like my life was over, I'm also quite low on confidence at the moment, to go out and meet a new girl, I've never felt like that before so I just don't know what it is. I just feel like wanting to settle down, I know it's such an early age but do you know what I mean?

I'm pretty sure that I've finally grasped the concept that it's over for good, but the thing I want to know is. WHY is it when I tell myself it's time to COMPLETELY LET GO it sends me into a PANIC?? Why does the thought of totally letting him go scare the hell out of me?

I can totally relate to that MissingHim, I still have pics of my ex on my myspace profile. I know I need to take them off but I know that by doing that I'll be letting go and that really scares me, almost like I'm cutting him completely out of my life... I guess I should though because I know he's cut me out of his.:(

I can totally relate to that MissingHim, I still have pics of my ex on my myspace profile. I know i need to take them off but i know that by doing that i'll be letting go and that really scares me, almost like i'm cutting him completely out of my life....I guess i should though because i know he's cut me out of his.:(

That happened to me my ex girlfriend wasted no time in taking the pics of me and 'us' off her myspace, it really hurt and it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Like she didn't care. I kept my pics of 'us' up but after a few weeks I just had to take then off I was making myself look stupid. It's the right thing to do. Do the same. Don't let them get to you, trust me. We are better than them. We will find the one for us, there's somebody out there who wants someone like me and you, just keep telling yourself that. Over n Over if you have too.

We are better than them. We will find the one for us, there's somebody out there who wants someone like me and you, just keep telling yourself that. Over n Over if you have too

Thanks Chris, just having someone say that makes me feel better. You're right, we ARE better than they are and there is someone out there deserving of us. I need to stop wasting my time and tears on someone who probably never deserved me in the first place. If I can just get my heart to agree with my head then I think I'll finally be OK. :p

Well I do feel sorry that you have to see them together, as I know I would be alot worse if I had to see my ex with their new person.

Is there no way to avoid seeing him? taking a different route? I can guarantee not seeing him will allow you to heal quicker. I know just seeing a picture of my ex or hearing her name, it is like a kick to the stomach every time. It can actually cause physical pain, which is crazy and I try to avoid those situations as much as possible.

Yeah that's always fun. Nothing like the beauty of myspace in the 21st century.

Thanks Chris, just having someone say that makes me feel better. You're right, we ARE better than they are and there is someone out there deserving of us. I need to stop wasting my time and tears on someone who probably never deserved me in the first place. If i can just get my heart to agree with my head then i think i'll finally be ok. :p

Your Welcome, Anytime. If you ever want to chat about things just send me a private message as it seems we're going through the same phase. Good Luck, and remember, We're better than them!

:)

Yeah that's always fun. Nothing like the beauty of myspace in the 21st century.

I hate Myspace, I wish someone could burn it. It causes so many problems and issues, who would have thought a pointless website could have so many affects on peoples relationships?

It seems that we are all going through the same things. I wish I had something positive to share with you but unfortunately I'm not doing that great either. Its been three months since the break up and after 10 weeks of NC, I was still feeling very lonely and called to wish her well on her birthday. One thing led to the other and we ended up meeting up the same night. It was very emotional for both of us. She couldn't hold back the tears and she kept telling me that it was her fault we broke up and that now she has been single for three months she appreciates what I am even more. She kept telling me all that I was longing to hear and that her life is much worse without me.

We had a very intense and emotional couple of hours. At the end of the night she was telling me that no one had ever loved her like I did and she wished there was a way to show me what I mean to her. At the same time she told me that she is not ready to try again as she feels very vulnerable and confused at the moment.

I'm guttered to say that I'm back to square one, having to deal with all those horrible feelings of insecurity and neediness you feel after a breakup. For those of you who are doing well with NC keep up the good work cause believe me its 1000 times more painful to let those feelings surface again just to have your heart broken again.

She is taking your head for a spin and it is not fair. Leave her now to decide what she wants. Easier said than done. But we all have to do it don't we.

Chris, you are so right. I really let myself down with what I did and now I'm paying the price. I'm so frustrated now because it seems I can't let go. It seems like I am addicted to the intimacy we used to have and which I cannot have with anyone else ( at least at the moment). I want to let go but when Im lonely I let my feelings take control and don't think about the consequences. My counsellor is going to have a handfull to deal with this week:))))))))

I am just really curious, there are alot of regulars on here and ive read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.
Well I am just about to hit the skids as I am going to finish my relationship this weekend. I have to put aside what I feel as I can never trust the man and know I will face the pain of break up in the end so I'm going cold turkey and getting it over with. NC is going to be difficult as we have separated before and he turns up on my doorstep or calls from a phone number that I don't recognize. I will visit this site on a daily basis for support so please all you out there write me notes to encourage me to get through this as my heart is already breaking.

She is taking your head for a spin and it is not fair. Leave her now to decide what she wants. Easier said than done. But we all have to do it don't we.

Chris honey, would you please look in the mirror and repeat that to yourself, please..

And, yes, this site is full of people who have had their hearts broken and some have healed a little faster than others, but at least we attempt to heal, share our experience, and come to the realization that this happens to millions all around the world. We are unique only in the way we accept and adjust to our predicaments - then we pass our knowledge on in order to help others.

That's life, love, and just plain being human beings with vulnerabilities.

Ain't life grand... sometimes. We all deserve our share of happiness, and we will eventually get it, but we really have to want it.

Just like everything else in our lives, we determine our own pace... and our visits here to AMHD.

All the best to all of us!

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Today I started to get spam from the ex. I think that about sums it up. I also told her it was necessary our relationship ended. She said I wasn't right for her. I then ran my first 10k. Saw the folks for the first thanksgiving without her (in three years) away from home and had a good time. I've got some friends back. I'm at the turning point now I think.

1 month ago, I stopped responding to her for some time. I realized she hadn't changed much and that I have changed quite a bit.

1.5 months ago I was wondering whether she wanted me back. I was freaking out over a single email she sent me after 5 months of NC. Then I calmed down and realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I then analyzed our relationship.

4 months ago I would get really sad and dream of her. I would beat myself up over all my perceived flaws.

5 months ago I was a recovering alcoholic. I would cry sometimes.

7 months ago she ended our relationship, and life fell into a complete drunken stupor.

NC is forever or until you can honestly say you could see an ex with someone happily and be happy for them + be happy yourself. Sometimes the best friendships can come out of the past. One or two of mine have though they were of the same sex lol so that doesn't count.

The future can bring many things. I know of four people personally who got back with ex's years down the line. However they had grown, experienced life - This is what we need to do to get ourselves back to a strong, happy, independent person.

With NC we can gain a clear understanding of the past and heal without the constant confusion of the ex. I advise it for all + keeping your mind occupied. I haven't spoken to my ex now for about 5 months and every day which goes past gets easier and easier. Sometimes it feels like my relationship ever happened. I was lucky to experience what I thought was 'love' and we should all be. I took away good memories and more importantly a learning experience.

It's been a year for me, and a I feel GREAT! I spent most of my time improving myself, setting goals , etc. I have more self-confidence, and am happier with myself now. Although I don't know how I would react if I see my ex again, so I hope he's doing well, and I hope I won't bump into him for another at least another 5 years.

Yeah Today would be roughly the 4 month mark, 3 months of NC for me. It really does get better, even if its very very slow progress. I still miss her more than anything, and the fun we had. I also realize that she isn't who I made her out to be.

I've done a really terrible thing, I have been doing so well with no contact over the last few weeks and then I get a moment of madness last night when I got home after a night out I sent my ex a text saying 'take me back steph' I feel so bad and I've let myself down. Oh god :(

Meh, not a big deal we all slip every now and then. Just remember how doing this made you feel afterwards, and you won't do it again. Definetely don't be so hard on yourself please. Next time you get the urge to send her a text or whatever, just post here and we will all smack you around.

So just checking up on everyone who has been posting these last few months. How is everyone doing/where are you in the whole process?

I think I may have finally made it over that final hill myself, I actually went a whole day without thinking about the ex which is something I never thought possible. Christmas might still be a little sad but I can truly say that I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore. Time really did a great job wearing the memories down.

Though the years of having a boyfriend vs not bothering with any guys I have found that I am more have direction, am at peace and can think more clearly when I don't have a guy in my life.

My BF and I were together on and off since 1999. I have always done the compromising. When we broke up the first time, I was the one who left and felt fine without him, even though we live in the same building. He always walked by my window at least once a day to irritate me, and it did then. A few months later, he knocked on my door (before Xmas) and left a plate of a casserole that he cooked. The next day he asked me if I liked it and we started talking again. He invited me up to his place, but I told him I was busy and I might have time the next day. We were together again for two years since then. This year, in October, I found out I have lung cancer, and naturally I told him, and went through a very depressed period and got absolutely no emotional support from him. One night, Oct 13th, I went to my place in the evening to sleep there because I had enough of his coldheartedness and to spend time with my cat. I fell asleep and spent the night. The next morning, the lock to his door was changed and I could not get in. What a way for a guy to break up - I guess he thought it was catching or he did not want to live with someone who was going to die soon, but he still has my stuff in his place.. and I am not in a hurry to get any of it.
I feel free, happy, not depressed or stressed anymore and spend a lot of time doing things I love doing, seeing my family, playing with my grandson, and not spending or wasting one minute thinking about that jerk. I now know what he is really like and am glad I don't have to put up with him.
I will get my stuff back from him one day, even if I have to take a baseball bat with me, I have nothing left to lose now and am not stressed by him at all. He knows this through his son who is my son-in-law.. and now leaves me alone and does not walk by my window anymore. His son now knows what a cruel person he is and so do all the neighbors.. who all of a sudden invite me over to dinner or lunch - it's kind of funny when he looks out his window and sees them coming to visit me or driving me to go shopping. I guess he thought I'd be a recluse and depressed - NOT
So, folks, those that hurt us and are cold-hearted, get paid back one way or the other.. just keep that in mind - they don't get away with it so easy

I hope this is a consoling thought for all of you still in pain
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Hi guys I'm new to this but I'm at about the week 10 stage... im seriously trying no contact now its really tough and I'm still thinking what if. My ex and I have both broken N/C at various times and the longest its been without contact has been 14 days so now I'm giving it a real go for my sanity and to give her some space!

This site has helped me no end, I've said things on here I wouldn't say to my dearest friend and I am thankful for all of the feedback my question has been given!

Well tonight thanks to advice on this sit I'm going NC. I just redid my myspace and took everything and every picture of my ex off. I just found out he was cheating on me 2 days ago. Merry christmas huh? Its all so confusing to me. I can't eat or sleep. I was willing to try and work things out after our break but he's still talking to the girl. I've lost all trust in people. I see that no matter how much you love someone and know them, that you really don't know them. You don't know what's in there head or what they want or what they would be willing to give up for a fling. NC is going to be so hard for me.

i was willing to try and work things out after our break but hes still talking to the girl.

They say it takes two and I have found that to be most true when it comes to working things out. I have seen for myself that it doesn't take two to fight or break up, but it does take two to make things work!


ive lost all trust in people. i see that no matter how much you love someone and know them, that you really dont know them. you dont know whats in there head or what they want or what they would be willing to give up for a fling. NC is gonna be so hard for me.

Time heals all wounds and you have to learn from the past so you don't repeat the same.
I think one thing that is important is being choosier in what you want in a relationship.

Well another month (and some more) has gone by, just checking in with everyone. With christmas and new years (and my bday) over it was quite the relief. It was tough but Ive had worse. Ive actually gone a full day+ without thinking about her, which wouldn't have seemed possible before. I still miss her, but more so the life that I had with her, and not so much the person. Im going to be a pro at this by the time Ive finally found the right girl!

How is everyone else doing/coping?

A little over a month. I actually haven't kept track of the days... just going through it day by day.

I have had absolutely no contact from her side either... which has its own benefits/downfalls.

Valentine's is coming up... so that should be interesting... as well as my birthday. This should be even more interesting...

3 months 8 days lol. At least I am not crying anymore. I don't check her myspace or Facebook anymore. I don't check my email as much hoping for an email from her. I don't worry that ill see her while I'm driving (which is very possible daily) I still think about her everyday, but at least I'm not getting horrible depressed when I do.

Id hope in another 3 months or so I will be doing really good.
I am not afraid anymore :)

It's been a little over a month for me. I haven't checked her myspace since before new years, don't wait for her e-mails or calls or anything. I'm not expecting anything from her, I'm just doing what I want to for now and slowly getting better