The Past Two Years Have Been A Major Rollercoaster For Me... Between Bad Relationships An Family Problems All Of It Has Really Affected Me Emotionally And Is Really Starting To Take Its Toll On My Life... ive Lost All My Friends Because Of My Bad Traits An Insane Ways Of Self Harm. Which Is How I Cope With My Life Cutting, Excessive Exercise, Starvation, Overeating, Purging Its All Part Of My Healing Process To A Better Life. I Know It May Not Seem Very Effective But Its All I Know... I Can't Talk To My Family For The Simple Fact They Won't Understand I Could Never Live With Myself If They Hated Me... how Can I Start Helping Myself Get My Life Back An Stop Hiding From The One Source Who Could Really Help Me Get Through This... Otherwise I Won't Be Here Much Longer... :( :( :(

Hi,
There is hope and you can do it.
Are there some groups in Dublin, free, that you can go to? And talk?
I know in the US there are free groups, that you can talk with others, face to face, about these types of problems. Talking with others about it, with those who have experienced the same things, is taking the first step toward change. Getting it out in the open with someone else is a major step.
Look in your local phone book, looking for "group help". Take the first step to the rest of your life. Talk with a counselor of some type, or anyone in your area who is familiar with these types of issues.
Even talking with a Minister, Priest, or other Church member, can help. Your post here says that you want help; and that is the first step on the computer. Now, take the first step with a real person, face to face, and talk about these issues. You will be AMAZED at how much better you will feel, and can start on the way to recovery from these feelings. I sincerely wish you the very best, and hope you take that first step in talking with someone.
I also have the feeling that if you talk with your parents, they might not have the reaction of "not understanding" as you think. Parents can surprise you, and be the best friends you will ever have!

The Past Two Years Have Been A Major Rollercoaster For Me.... Between Bad Relationships An Family Problems All Of It Has Really Affected Me Emotionally And Is Really Starting To Take Its Toll On My Life........ive Lost All My Friends Because Of My Bad Traits An Insane Ways Of Self Harm. Which Is How I Cope With My Life Cutting, Excessive Exercise, Starvation, Overeating, Purging Its All Part Of My Healing Process To A Better Life. I Know It May Not Seem Very Effective But Its All I Know...... I Can't Talk To My Family For The Simple Fact They Wont Understand I Could Never Live With Myself If They Hated Me........how Can I Start Helping Myself Get My Life Back An Stop Hiding From The One Source Who Could Really Help Me Get Through This...... Otherwise I Wont Be Here Much Longer..... :( :( :( Hi dear, I'm keying in on the phrase "can't talk to family... they won't understand" This for me, puts it in a nutshell. You have always strived to get approval from them and not received enough of it in your opinion. They might want something totally different for your life and have other ideas for your future, that you don't really want to do, but are compelled to do so to 'please' them. If you continue on this road, you're right, it won't lead you anywhere other than more self-destruction. You have to learn to be yourself, do the things that you want to do and most of all not strive to get approval from anyone else other than yourself. This, at the point you are now, can only be done with a lot of help, professional help, so please do yourself a favor and see someone. Once you've done that and feel better about yourself, the others i.e. relationships, etc will fall into place. But until you like yourself first, you can't expect others to accept you. The only real source for help is someone totally neutral to you and your family - get a fresh view of you and then the help will be given - and should be a professional. Please think about this seriously and good luck.

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Chery thank you for your advice which I have acted on I've found someone who I can really connect with an they have truly helped me through this bad stage of my life... it's a slow process but I'm getting there slowly but surely... again thanks so much 4 your advice an I'm here if you need me... xxxx

Hello Fetts,

It is a good sign that you are looking for help. If you wonder why your parents do not understand your illness, its is because depression and self-harming is very difficult to understand by people who have not experienced these feelings. It is not something that can be explained rationally, because the problem is at the level of our biochemistry and not at the 'thinking' or 'mental' level. It is physiological disorder.

The real problem is that your body cannot produce the feel good neurotransmitters called serotonin (http://www.google.com/search?complete=1&hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=define%3A+serotonin&btnG=Google+Search).

Most psychiatrists prescribe antidepressant medications for this but I, being a retired nutritional psychologist, believe that the problem can be resolved by nutritional means.

Most people with the depression haven been found to be hypoglycemic (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/what_is_hypo.html).

This is a condition when he body has problems converting glucose to biological energy due to Insulin Resistance (http://www.google.com/search?complete=1&hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=define%3A+insulin+resistance&btnG=Google+Search).

Thus brain cells lack sufficient energy to manufacture serotonin. This can be treated nutritionally with the help of a CAM doctor or health care worker familiar with Nutritional Medicine.

The condition can be tested with a proper Medical Test for Hypoglycemia (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/testing_hypoglycemia.html).

It can also be tested with a paper-and-pencil test called the NIB (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/nutrition-behavior_inventory.html). If you score high you are likely to be hypoglycemic.

Please read:

The Serotonin Connection (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/serotonin_connection.html)

This can be treated by going on a Hypoglycemic Diet (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/hypoglycemic_diet.html)

Please discuss with a CAM doctor or health practitioner and also let your parents read this message.

Best of luck.
Jur

chery thank u for ur advice which i hav acted on ive found some1 who i can really connect with an they hav truly helped me through this bad stage of my life.... its a slow process but im getting there slowly but surely....... again thanks so much 4 ur advice an im here if u need me..... xxxx Glad I was able to help, and please keep us posted - you know we are always here for you in case others back off. Share your help with others, but concentrate on YOU first now, OK? Good Luck dear!

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I finally started getting my life back got myself a job an started being more open about my life issues however, I feel nothing has changed. I still feel so depressed nothing can ever go right for me I want to be happy so much but this voice in my head won't leave me alone it won't go away... :confused: am I just picking the slightest thing out of life an just moaning about it or have I really got something to be depressed about... is this real? A real issue I must accept... cause depression sucks a whole lot... I don't want to be this person no more... please help me someone I'm falling apart... x :(

Hello Fetts,

My heart is breaking for you. The good thing is that you are admitting that you are having a problem. As the others had said seeking treatment and talking to people is the first thing you need to do. Your parents may be confused at first, but in time, hopefully they will understand your plight.


My daughter self mutilated as you do, she was also depressed and sometimes has suicidal thoughts and was on the verge of bulimia. When she first came to me I denied that this was truly happening to me, but it was not me it was happening to, it was her. This went on for a few weeks and my husband and I tried to deal with matters on our own. It did not work. She came to us on a September morning and asked for us to put her away. I could not do it, it was too hard. I felt like I was losing my baby. She informed us that if we did not do something for her she would do it herself and do it drastically, long story short.

We took her to a behavioral health hospital; she was there over a month. She learned how to cope with life and its daily pressure. She learned how to survive her thinking processes and to turn it to something other than the destructive thoughts and action she was taking and making. I hope that makes sense to you. They diagnosed her with all of the symptoms of bi-polar disorder, but not bi-polar disorder. She has been almost 40 day since she last harmed herself. She still goes to treatment and probably will for a long time, but she is better now. She is not whole yet but she is trying. I hope this was in someway helpful to you, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Hey lilfyre thank you so much for sharing your daughters story with me an I really hope she recovers from her depression soon... sometimes I think depression is like a migraine its really painful but it goes away I've realised depression doesn't... I have good days an bad ones but more bad than good... I cut today cause I couldn't stop crying I coulndnt understand why an it helped but I know I can't live this way I'm only 19 I need to start living... I wish I could tell my parents but I can't its too hard after so long.. they wouldn't be able 2 deal with it... what else can I do? :confused: colette xxx

She will recover as will you, the first thing you need to understand it there is nothing wrong with you, something is not just right at the moment, if you can follow me on that one. I have a tendency to confuse myself and other people. When my daughter was in treatment I learned that harming ones self, no matter how you do it, (I will not list the specifics) is an addictive habit that is formed over time, along with the other things that are going on with you. It would be nice if you could tell your parents, but I learned threw other groups and fellowships that you are the only one that can truly help you. I will do some research and see if I can find treatment centers for you. I am not sure on things where you are but I will do my best, if you need some one to chat with I am almost always on yahoo messenger, I am pinkpiggies336, or you could email my in this site, it is listed in my profile. Be safe and please take it one day at a time, you can do this I know you can you have already taken the first steps no matter how small they are. :D

Rather feel the pain of a sharp razor cut than the pain I feel inside or maybe I am punishing myself. These are reasons I have heard from cutters. I was one myself. Cutting and banging my head into things and those were my reasons. I have other people to look after now so I have to be stonger than I was I have to hold back what I feel inside so they don't suffer. They are more important than any bad feeling I have. You have people you care for so be strong for them and for yourself. Wish you happiness.

Is there anything you like to do, that makes you happy? For example, do you like working on a car? Programming? Electrotechnics? Swimming? Assembling plastic models? Anything?

Try to spend more time doing things you like... it will keep your brain thinking about things other than bad thoughts.

If it means anything, I used to punch a huge rock until I could no longer feel my fists (which would end up covered in blood) when the girl I loved dumped me... physical pain can really dominate over emotional pain, so it's a way of getting away from it. If you have to hurt yourself, just make sure you don't hurt yourself bad enough to have permanent effects from it.

hey lilfyre thank you soo much for sharing ur daughters story with me an i really hope she recovers from her depression soon.... sometimes i think depression is like a migraine its really painful but it goes away ive realised depression doesnt... i have good days an bad ones but more bad than good... i cut today cause i couldnt stop cryin i coulndnt understand why an it helped but i know i can't live this way im only 19 i need to start living.... i wish i could tell my parents but i can't its too hard after so long.. they wouldnt be able 2 deal with it... wat else can i do? :confused: colette xxxDear Colette, you posted that you did not want to tell your parents at least two times now, so your real underlying wish is that your parents already know about your stife, or should have seen it coming. We all go through a depressive period this time of the year, I had a about that lasted over eight months, and it was NOT fun, but I survived it by reaching out to others and letting my emotions out, no matter what consequences for others because this was my life I was trying to save. You too are reaching out because you WANT to live, and you need the help to do so. This cannot be done alone, it's been too long and too deep for you to just snap your fingers and make it go away. So professional help would be your most practical step at this time. If you will not or cannot get it, try to help yourself by continuously contacting us, and also reading up on vitamins and minerals to take as supplements, since in this season, the sun is less prominent and we all need the sun to help feel better, so try vitamin D, which is a supplement for the production of this in the winter. I would also check on the nutrition help you have on this thread, the others might be a little too 'professional' and confuse you and I don't want you for one second to give up on yourself right now. Take the test, stated also, it can't hurt. But you and I know that this is a lot deeper and has roots you probably forgot, but they don't go away, so you will need professional help too. Do you ever use candles? I know this sounds out of place, but they helped me.. I used White and Dark Blue candles to give me a positive load of energy. Try then for a week and see what they do for you, while listening to some easy listening music. The advice about finding something fun you like doing, is also very good, because you need to take your mind off 'crap' for at least one hour a day to re-generate. And guess what, I'm NOT telling you to be strong for anyone else. It's your turn now, and YOU are the one who needs all the help and strength and support you can get, not one ounce needs to be wasted on anyone else right now, please understand this. It's time for you to be selfish for your own self-preservation. Once you have yourself to the point where you are ready to share, then you can be there for others, but YOU first, no matter what. Believe me I know what I'm talking about, I've been there and my 'bleeding heart' almost let me bled to death, so don't go that route. Get to the deep root of what's dragging you down, pull it out and don't ever let it imbed itself again. If you do seek professional help, ask if therapy can be done without antidepressants, because I also don't believe in them either, they suppress, but don't help the situation. Regression therapy helped me a lot, but I'm still a little depressed this time of year, but know when it's coming and can prepare for it now. So, bring out your selfish surivial instinct and take care of #1 - YOU. Remember, professional help is best, but if you need us, we'll be here. Don't keep anything in, and don't hide stuff, it'll come up if you try and then drag you down again. I don't know when or how your delema started, but I bet you wanted to yell at someone and felt it inappropriate, well now it's time to do that yelling to save yourself - even if the yelling starts here, it will be a beginning. Stay with us dear, don't give up.

I ended up telling my sisters about my cutting I decided not to tell my parents because they are not the type to take on anytn too well especially anytn like this... so I thought my sisters were the next best thing... it was so hard but I did it but to be honest I not sure how they took it... my eldest sis was firm an said to get into a local support group... an she's txtin me evryday seeing am I OK... my other sis hasn't talked to me since... alll she said when I told her was was I OK? Sometimes I wish I had never told them... but maybe it was a good idea... I'm feeling the same though there was a moment of relief when I got it out it felt good... next step is the doctors who I know is going to put me on anti depressants which I heard make you put on weight... not I good thing 4 my mental health... y am I still feeling the same... I know I have 2 act on getting help but a support group isn't my thing id crack up... what can I do 2 make me feel better... :mad:

I ended up telling my sisters bout my cutting i decided not to tell my parents because they are not the type to take on anytn too well especially anytn like dis... so i thought my sisters were the next best thing.... it was so hard but i did it but to be honest i not sure how they took it.... my eldest sis was firm an said to get into a local support group.... an shes txtin me evryday seein am i ok... my other sis hasnt talked 2 me since.... alll she said when i told her was was i ok? sometimes i wish i had never told them... but maybe it was a good idea....... im feelin the same though there was a moment of relief when i got it out it felt good...next step is the doctors who i know is gona put me on anti depressants which i heard make u put on weight......... not i good thing 4 my mental health... y am i still feelin the same.... i know i hav 2 act on gettin help but a support group isnt my thing id crack up...... wat can i do 2 make me feel better........ :mad:It is a good thing that you told your sisters, and they need time to digest this and work with you on it. Seeing a local support group is what you really need to do, and also a doctor. You won't necessarily need antidepressants, if you tell the doctor you want to try without it, he should help you anyway. The most important thing is to 'talk' this out with other's who are in the same boat as you, that way you can support each other. You are not alone in this, and need the confirmation that you are not at fault and get help to get out of this rut. So, DON'T go through this alone, don't be ashamed, and who cares if you 'crack' up in group, that's what they are for, and they've cracked too, so this is exactly what you need. Please consider this as a positive step to help you live. You need this for your survival, and you do want to survive otherwise you would not be worried about your 'weight' right now, so don't hide it anymore! Stop trying to become an image of what you think people expect of you, start getting healthy and like yourself. Again, who care what others think - go and take care of what you know needs to be done and don't make anymore excuses. Please keep us posted, and try to think positive. The real world you are trying to excape can be painful at times, but a hell of lot better than what your doing to yourself right now.

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Heys guys well since the last time I checked in a lot has changed... I'm doing OK... haven't cut since an everyday its getting a little... easier.. I think cause its out in the open now it feels as though I'm not as alone... I know the people around me are aware of my problem so its not all on my shoulders... that kind of sounds selfish but I could never have made it through much longer on my own... one little problem is I've lost a lot of weight recently an to be honest its making me really happy people are actually saying I'm skinny I love it... but I don't want to eat now an I know dats going to make me sick... its always been my dream to be skinny... god its one thing after another with me... do I still need help... :confused:

Yes get help with that please. Just to let you in on a little secret men like women with meat on them. Seeing someone with their rib cage showing is just plain nasty. I am a person that eats but I have always had a hard time gaining weight because of heredity and metabolism. When I was a child they wanted to take me away from my parents because they thought I was being starved. I face ridicule because of anorexic and bulemic folk. Because of the fact that I am slim with my spider legs and such I am constantly labeled as anorexic although my mama will tell you that I'm eating her out of house and home. Thank god I'm getting closer to 30 and I'm getting some curves. Please help us naturally skinny people out and get some meat on you. Im tired of strangers tossing quarters at me and shouting" go get yourself a cheese burger,little lady!"

Thanks crankie for your advice... I don't plan on becoming emaciated... I myself don't find sticky out ribs attractive... however to hear people saying I'm skinny is shockin an great an its making me feel good... I think when I start feeling weak an can't work den il decide I need to eat the pies... but once I hit my target weight which I've always wanted il be :))))))))))))))))))) so happy... I sound so silly but I think this might help me... :confused:

Pies? Yummy! No really if you were once over weight and just lost it then stick to something healthy like fruit and vegetable and lots of exercise but not too much exercise and get some vitamins. I know you aren't pregnant( I guess) but the best to take is prenatal vitamins. You can find them in the pharmacy section and you do not need a prescription for them. They work best for women.

Hats off to you both for your compassion and understanding for showing light to a needy soul bless you both. :cool:

Hats off to you both for your compassion and understanding for showing light to a needy soul bless you both. :cool:You just keep contacting us any time you need help. Until you get to where you like yourself better, it might take a while longer, but you'll get there. See how much letting some things that bother you out, instead of keeping them inside and constantly stressing you can do? You've jumped one hurdle, you'll manage the other. Just don't try to do it all at once, and as crankiebaby said, take vitamins if you feel you can't eat - a healthy body contributes to a healthy mind. You can also check with your physician for a nutrition plan and stick to it. Glad you are feeling better about yourself, and hope your sisters will continue to support you in this. Good luck and don't forget we are here, so keep us posted.

Hey everyone who's been helping me through this crazy stage of my life... I just want to thank everyone who's been helping me an giving me the strength to keep going... I haven't had a chance to observe how I'm actually feeling to be honest cause I've been working my ****in *** off lately I work nights so I'm sleeping during the day an working nights... its been crazy an now that xmas is creepin up its so busy an I wish it was all over... I cut the other day cause I got so angry but I'm getting better I really feel it now cause I did it almost everyday... now ts not so much... I'm so glad I can tlk 2 peoplewho understand what I'm going through cuause trying to make everyone realise an comprehend why I do what I do is so hard... guys 1 more time I thank you all ut I think il take it from here you have helped me reach my goas... to tell my family... an relise I have problem... thnk you guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey every1 whos been helping me through this crazy stage of my life.... i just wana thank every1 whos been helpin me an givin me the strength to keep goin.... i havent had a chance to observe how im actually feelin to be honest cause ive been workin my ****in *** off lately i work nights so im sleepin during the day an workin nights.....its been crazy an now dat xmas is creepin up its so busy an i wish it was all over.... i cut the other day cause i got so angry but im gettin better i realy feel it now cause i did it almost everyday........ now ts not so much.... im so glad i can tlk 2 peoplewho understand wat im goin through cuause tryin to make every1 realise an comprehend why i do wat i do is so hard..... guys 1 more time i thank u all ut i think il take it from here u hav helped me reach my goas .... to tell my family... an relise i hav problem... thnk you guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxDear, a little hint, take it slow, and you know how important protein is also, so either eat a egg for breakfast, or if they don't taste too good, eat a teaspoon of peanut butter, or even a Reeses each day. They will not make you fat because if you eat it in the morning, it will give you energy and let you work it off during the day, but will also keep your muscles from deteriorating which is not a good idea in the long run. When I worked all day in a sedentary job, I used to each a Reeses, with the chocolate, which also kept my muscles relaxed and did not set my anger off as quickly as I normally would get angry at little things. As crankiebaby said, think about those vitamins on a daily basis because they will also help you keep your body stable enough to help heal the cuts you will still give yourself now and then until completely healed from this disease - and that's what it is. You are not the only one afflicted by it, just like addicts of all types, and you can be helped only if you really want to and you've taken the first and most important step towards that by admitting to it. It's also not 'modern' anymore to be a Twiggy as this is a condition that most HIV candidates first experience, which will also scare people off, so don't go overboard there. It's just exchanging one crutch for another. That's why it would be a good idea to find someone you can talk to and let everything you remember from way back out, once that is done, you'll understand a lot more of why you escaped to that world in the first place and with luck you'll be able to have total control over yourself and your emotions from then on. Now that a big part of the burden is no longer on your shoulders alone, the rest should be easy, but not without professional help for a while. Don't be shy, and know that you can always count on us for support any time. Hope to hear more of your progress soon, and have a happy holiday season.

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Fetts, Im so happy your getting the help you need. And the first step in the right direction is recognizing there is a problem. You can do it. It may seem like a long process and you will have some hard times but you can do it. I may not know a lot about cutting and things to that degree. But I do know a bit about depression. Both my parents went through it, my mom went on medication and my father is currently going to self group therapy though his church. The one thing that I find is very useful to people is support. Talk to people as much as possible. You already made an instant connection on this forum and we are here to support you. Good luck!

Hi everyone I'm doing OK but ders this guy I work with who I've heard is crazy about me... he's such a nice guy but I'm so scared to let him like me I mean its me... the total sham who's life is a total mess... I think it might be too early todo anytn about this guys feelings... the thing is I think I like him too but ders no way I could be stable enough to hold anytn down without either making him run a mile or really hurting him
I'm pushing him away how can I make him understand without totally scaring him off... maybe he's what I need rite now or maybe I need more time what am I to do:confused:

hi everyone im doin ok but ders dis guy i work with who ive heard is crazy bout me... hes such a nice guy but im so scared to let him like me i mean its me... the total sham whos life is a total mess..... i think it might be too early todo anytn about dis guys feelings... the thing is i think i like him too but ders no way i could be stable enough to hold anytn down without either makin him run a mile or really hurtin him
im pushin him away how can i make him understand without totally scaring him off........ maybe hes wat i need rite now or maybe i need more time wat am i to do:confused:You are taking steps, so this is also one... You have a choice here - be a casual friend at first, feel him out and see if he's the type you'd like support from, then when you feel confident enough in yourself and him, tell him that you have a problem that needs working on, and if he accepts you the way you are, bingo - you'll have another person willing to help you.
You could also continue feeling crappy about yourself, which is not a good step, and ignore him - which he probably will not understand and you might lose a potential friend to help you through a rough time.
It's your choice dear, take your time, but don't run away - start facing things and learning to deal with whatever comes your way - you need to gain that strength. Good luck, dear and have a Happy New Year!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_6_23.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)The first step is the hardest in any journey..

Cherry is right. Don't worry your little self. Everting will be allright mon. :D