Why Am I Here
Oct 23, 2007, 08:30 AM
My background: I'm a young mother, a college student, with the father of my child going on 5 years, we are not married and we don't live together. I want to graduate first before making any move and the only way that I can is if I stay home so that my parents can provide for school financially. I don't want to give school up so my child and I are at home and he is at his parents' home. (maybe that's the problem)
I hope that this is interesting enough for feedback I know it's long I apologize!
Situation 1: Even though it has been about 6 years, I think about my ex almost everyday. We were young but he was great, sweet, hilariously funny, we were not reluctant to act like idiots with each other and most of all his family loved me and I loved them all back. We were together for a while until I found out he cheated. (I know that at this point I should have just let it go but I didn't.) We broke up but continued to keep in contact. He was the only person I truly confided in and vice versa so we held on to each other. We got back together sometime after, but then I realized I couldn't handle the cheating situation and I let him go. However we continued to speak to one another. I met my current guy and we began dating things were okay but I always had my ex in the back of my mind. He met some one as well. We continued to confide in each other about our relationships. We came to a point where we were comfortable with that. Sometimes we would reminisce about the past and it would bring many feelings back but we didn't act upon them. We were able to respect each others' relationships in this way. Even after my child was born, he was still there for me. He visited me at my home to see the newborn. My parents didn't mind they loved him as I did. I visited his family to introduce them to the baby, his mom was so sad, she wished it was her grandchild. My ex wished he could have been the father but we still continued to go on with our lives. Later, I managed to gather the courage to explain to him that if I could ever have a happy family I was going to have to let him go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but at the time it felt right. We managed to stop contact for about a year but only days ago, he called! Just making sure I was all right, if I was still alive. And even after trying to let it go, all I had to do was hear his voice and I was back at square one. I had been thinking about him weeks before he called. I wanted to know the same... was he all right, did he need someone to talk to (I know I did)? To this day, I'm not sure if I want to let him go. I know most people would just say give it up but it's almost like I never had closure, it's like I want him to tell me he doesn't love me and that I need to move on but I know that in my heart... he never would. All I'm asking is that no one answers with let it go. I need feedback like ways that I can help move on, or if I should act in some way to see if the feelings are legitimate. Or if I'm not alone in my situation.
Situation 2: After going on and on about my ex I have a completely different story. I would like to tell myself that maybe it's because I'm not happy that I look in other places to fill a void or maybe it's because me and the father of my child don't live together that is the source of all our problems(as I mentioned in the beginning). I know he loves me but I don't want love just as an emotion I want it as an action. Anyway, the campus I go to is in the middle of an extremely poor and rundown area and it's rather scary. There's a classmate of mine that walks me to my car every Monday evening as we get of class around 10 pm. I've noticed that every Monday that we walk together we are a little closer, and it's beginning to get cold in my town so last night he put his arm around me because my teeth were chattering. It was nice to be held like that. We make eye contact with each other and I can see a spark and we play around a little, flirtatiously. I almost feel guilty but at the same time... I love that kind of attention because I'm not getting it anywhere else as I should be getting it from my man.
Conclusion: Some people may judge and say give up the ex and stop flirting the other guy, others may be in similar situations. I'm not married, even though I have a child I'm still free to do what I choose. I just want some advice that could help me make a choice. Do I try to make closure with the ex? Do I try to rekindle? Do I drop my current guy and go back to the ex? Move on to the new interest? Or just stop being such a stubborn hard @$$ and try to make things work with the father of my child? Obviously things are not good in my relationship or I wouldn't even question my feelings. But is it that the relationship isn't going well that I continue to think of other possibilities, or is it because of these other possibilities that my relationship isn't going well. What came first... the chicken or the egg?
I hope that this is interesting enough for feedback I know it's long I apologize!
Situation 1: Even though it has been about 6 years, I think about my ex almost everyday. We were young but he was great, sweet, hilariously funny, we were not reluctant to act like idiots with each other and most of all his family loved me and I loved them all back. We were together for a while until I found out he cheated. (I know that at this point I should have just let it go but I didn't.) We broke up but continued to keep in contact. He was the only person I truly confided in and vice versa so we held on to each other. We got back together sometime after, but then I realized I couldn't handle the cheating situation and I let him go. However we continued to speak to one another. I met my current guy and we began dating things were okay but I always had my ex in the back of my mind. He met some one as well. We continued to confide in each other about our relationships. We came to a point where we were comfortable with that. Sometimes we would reminisce about the past and it would bring many feelings back but we didn't act upon them. We were able to respect each others' relationships in this way. Even after my child was born, he was still there for me. He visited me at my home to see the newborn. My parents didn't mind they loved him as I did. I visited his family to introduce them to the baby, his mom was so sad, she wished it was her grandchild. My ex wished he could have been the father but we still continued to go on with our lives. Later, I managed to gather the courage to explain to him that if I could ever have a happy family I was going to have to let him go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but at the time it felt right. We managed to stop contact for about a year but only days ago, he called! Just making sure I was all right, if I was still alive. And even after trying to let it go, all I had to do was hear his voice and I was back at square one. I had been thinking about him weeks before he called. I wanted to know the same... was he all right, did he need someone to talk to (I know I did)? To this day, I'm not sure if I want to let him go. I know most people would just say give it up but it's almost like I never had closure, it's like I want him to tell me he doesn't love me and that I need to move on but I know that in my heart... he never would. All I'm asking is that no one answers with let it go. I need feedback like ways that I can help move on, or if I should act in some way to see if the feelings are legitimate. Or if I'm not alone in my situation.
Situation 2: After going on and on about my ex I have a completely different story. I would like to tell myself that maybe it's because I'm not happy that I look in other places to fill a void or maybe it's because me and the father of my child don't live together that is the source of all our problems(as I mentioned in the beginning). I know he loves me but I don't want love just as an emotion I want it as an action. Anyway, the campus I go to is in the middle of an extremely poor and rundown area and it's rather scary. There's a classmate of mine that walks me to my car every Monday evening as we get of class around 10 pm. I've noticed that every Monday that we walk together we are a little closer, and it's beginning to get cold in my town so last night he put his arm around me because my teeth were chattering. It was nice to be held like that. We make eye contact with each other and I can see a spark and we play around a little, flirtatiously. I almost feel guilty but at the same time... I love that kind of attention because I'm not getting it anywhere else as I should be getting it from my man.
Conclusion: Some people may judge and say give up the ex and stop flirting the other guy, others may be in similar situations. I'm not married, even though I have a child I'm still free to do what I choose. I just want some advice that could help me make a choice. Do I try to make closure with the ex? Do I try to rekindle? Do I drop my current guy and go back to the ex? Move on to the new interest? Or just stop being such a stubborn hard @$$ and try to make things work with the father of my child? Obviously things are not good in my relationship or I wouldn't even question my feelings. But is it that the relationship isn't going well that I continue to think of other possibilities, or is it because of these other possibilities that my relationship isn't going well. What came first... the chicken or the egg?