I try not to post on here because I usually get answers through reading other people's posts. But I am hurting so much and I need a way to get through the pain.
I've been with him for seven years. Had a few months of a break over a year ago, but got back together because it was too difficult to be apart. Or so I thought. I don't know why he wanted to be back with me. We have two children together. A beautiful house. He is only home one day a week. I know he is abusive, I know he cheats, and because of all this he hates me. Why I don't know and that kills me. Why do I stay with him? Why am I so scared to leave him. Everyday I cry. I am a very good woman to him and I stand up to him when need be. But that doesn't help. It just gives him another excuse to leave and not come home for the night. He swears he's not cheating, but I'm sorry, you don't' spend Tuesday through Sunday at your boys' apartment sleeping on the couch. I can't ever get ahold of him, he doesn't try to get ahold of me.Even when I try the no contact thing, he accuses me of seeing someone else. I am always at home with the kids. Sometimes when I try to make love to him, he says "I guess I'm just getting old". He is 29, I'm 26.
I tried. I tried to leave him one time and there was this overbearing sadness and pain in my chest, it literally made me sick-so I couldn't do it. It ended up I begged him to stay. He didn't chase after me when I threatened to leave. I chased after him. THAT IS SICK! What is wrong with me? I have a great job, I am a beautiful woman. Why don't I have enough self esteem to leave this guy? I need some encouragement, I have gotten it here before, but I need it again. I don't want to waste anyone's time though some of you may feel that way, but I just need some suggestions of how to start feeling better again, because I can't take this anymore. I don't want to be sad for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I leave him, I'll be sad, If I stay I'll be sad.
Why does he stay with me? If he is sleeping with others, and never around me or his kids, why doesn't he leave me? The day he does come home, he expects me to be happy and have a good time, and I try, but inside I am screaming wondering why, what, where, and who has he done. What has he been doing? And if it is nothing as he claims, Why can't he tell me why, where and what he has been doing.
Please, if there is anyone who can give me suggestions on how to feel better. I just can't take it anymore.
Thanks much,

T

I think the reason lots of women stay is they are afraid of the unknown. And that fear keeps us in relationships we know are no good. This week is my one year since I left. I am in a good place. It took a long time for me to get here . I like you put up with his cheating. (he also spent a lot of overnights with his pals.Using the excuse of not wantng to drive after drinking. )

Go to your family and friends for the emotional support you need. You are worth more than this. Take agood look at your life,then add ten years .Don't you think you deserve more.And your kids need more .

He stays because you let him. He knows you will always be there.The best thing you can do is get on with your life. It is hard to walk away but sometimes that is the only way. You can not change him . And leopards do not change there spots. He has had seven years to change.
You said you have a good job,and you are a beautiful woman so start there.If this was your friend asking for advice would you tell her to stay an take scraps. I don't think so.

I moved out and on. It was hard at first not to call but my friends and family talked me through those days. You need to take one day at a time.

Look at your own life is this what you want ,if not you need to take action for yourself. List out the things in life you want for you and your children. Use this list to build your resolve to have a better life. You are in control.

I think the reason lots of women stay is they are afraid of the unknown. And that fear keeps us in relationships we know are no good. This week is my one year since I left. I am in a good place. It took a long time for me to get here . I like you put up with his cheating. (he also spent alot of overnights with his pals.Using the excuse of not wantng to drive after drinking. )

Go to your family and friends for the emotional support you need. You are worth more than this. Take agood look at your life,then add ten years .Don't you think you deserve more.And your kids need more .

He stays because you let him. He knows you will always be there.The best thing you can do is get on with your life. It is hard to walk away but sometimes that is the only way. You can not change him . And leopards do not change there spots. He has had seven years to change.
You said you have a good job,and you are a beautiful woman so start there.If this was your friend asking for advice would you tell her to stay an take scraps. I don't think so.

I moved out and on. It was hard at first not to call but my friends and family talked me through those days. You need to take one day at a time.

Look at your own life is this what you want ,if not you need to take action for yourself. List out the things in life you want for you and your children. Use this list to build your resolve to have a better life. You are in control.

Thank you this helps. It's just now he is telling me he hates me (over something stupid-he can't find our checkbook). It's breaking my heart. He actually has me to believe that I am worthless and that I'll never be anythingmore than I am now. He won't talk to me, every time I try to calmly sit down and talk about the situation he huffs and puffs and ends up telling me he doesn't want to talk about things. I tell him if he wants to leave or break up then he just needs to tell me, but he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever. But whenever he gets angry over something, he hates me and threatens to leave me. I am seriously depressed.

Are there any over the counter anti depressents I can buy? (God I hope that was not a stupid question).

I try not to post on here because I usually get answers through reading other people's posts. But I am hurting so much and I need a way to get through the pain.
I've been with him for seven years. Had a few months of a break over a year ago, but got back together because it was too difficult to be apart. Or so I thought. I don't know why he wanted to be back with me. We have two children together. A beautiful house. He is only home one day a week. I know he is abusive, I know he cheats, and because of all this he hates me. Why I dont' know and that kills me. Why do I stay with him? Why am I so scared to leave him. Everyday I cry. I am a very good woman to him and I stand up to him when need be. But that doesn't help. It just gives him another excuse to leave and not come home for the night. He swears he's not cheating, but I'm sorry, you don't' spend Tuesday through Sunday at your boys' apartment sleeping on the couch. I can't ever get ahold of him, he doesn't try to get ahold of me.Even when i try the no contact thing, he accuses me of seeing someone else. I am always at home with the kids. Sometimes when I try to make love to him, he says "I guess I'm just getting old". He is 29, I'm 26.
I tried. I tried to leave him one time and there was this overbearing sadness and pain in my chest, it literally made me sick-so I couldn't do it. It ended up I begged him to stay. he didn't chase after me when I threatened to leave. I chased after him. THAT IS SICK! What is wrong with me? I have a great job, I am a beautiful woman. Why don't I have enough self esteem to leave this guy? I need some encouragement, I have gotten it here before, but I need it again. I don't want to waste anyone's time though some of you may feel that way, but I just need some suggestions of how to start feeling better again, because I can't take this anymore. I don't want to be sad for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I leave him, I'll be sad, If I stay I'll be sad.
Why does he stay with me? If he is sleeping with others, and never around me or his kids, why doesn't he leave me? the day he does come home, he expects me to be happy and have a good time, and I try, but inside I am screaming wondering why, what, where, and who has he done. What has he been doing? And if it is nothing as he claims, Why can't he tell me why, where and what he has been doing.
Please, if there is anyone who can give me suggestions on how to feel better. I just can't take it anymore.
thanks much,

T
Wow, I reall ydont know what to say but what are you thinking. Women have it all they have the power and seems that you are letting him have the power. He doesn't deserve you and if for anything your kids need to not be in that situation. You don't want them thinking that its OK for daddy to be gone. They know something's wrong. Intelligence in the women's mind is a powerful thing it will make you ever so happy to leave. Start over you feel bad about yourself because that is how he makes you feel. You deserve a man who will cherish eveything about you.

Ps Leave him and you'll find that you are so much happier. No one deserves to be miserable

I have had some things going on with me too. I don't know if it's depression or what it is. But my wife suggested I start taking St. Johns Wort. I was a little skeptical at first but I think it really has had some positive effect. You might give it a try. Good luck

Wow, I reall ydont know what to say but what are you thinking. Women have it all they have the power and seems that you are letting him have the power. He doesnt deserve you and if for anything your kids need to not be in that situation. you dont want them thinking that its ok for daddy to be gone. They know somethings wrong. Intelligence in the womens mind is a powerful thing it will make you ever so happy to leave. Start over you feel bad about yourself because that is how he makes you feel. you deserve a man who will cherish eveything about you.

ps Leave him and youll find that you are so much happier. no one deserves to be miserable

You are right, and I know that. Typically in these situations, the women do have the power. He is just a mean manipulative man. I left him before because of the way he was, then he was threatening me andm y family (yes did the whole restraining order thing, and clled the cops, doesn't work until after they fact they harm you) So we talked, put together a plan to work things out so he could see me and the kids, but he is right back to the same as I knew, but had hoped wouldn't happen. I am waiting for him to leave me. It just sucks that he has to hate me to do so.
I just don't want him to do anything to my family. Which truthfully is the main reason I went back to him. He said he wouldn't hurt anyone as long as he could see me and the kids whenever he wanted. Well he never wants to see us obviously. But I don't want to leave him again and go back to being in fear or putting my family in danger.
I know there aren't many options out there. So please don't be upset with me. I am really just venting and looking for ways to lower my depression and up myself esteem once again. Thank you for your thoughts.

You are right, and I know that. Typically in these situations, the women do have the power. He is just a mean manipulative man. I left him before because of the way he was, then he was threatening me andm y family (yes did the whole restraining order thing, and clled the cops, doesn't work until after they fact they harm you) So we talked, put together a plan to work things out so he could see me and the kids, but he is right back to the same as I knew, but had hoped wouldn't happen. I am waiting for him to leave me. It just sucks that he has to hate me to do so.
I just don't want him to do anything to my family. Which truthfully is the main reason I went back to him. he said he wouldn't hurt anyone as long as he could see me and the kids whenever he wanted. Well he never wants to see us obviously. But I don't want to leave him again and go back to being in fear or putting my family in danger.
I know there aren't many options out there. so please don't be upset with me. I am really just venting and looking for ways to lower my depression and up my self esteem once again. Thank you for your thoughts.


I'm not trying to be me nor am I I just want you to know that there are ways out. He won't hurt you he's just using his manilaptive way to bring you down he can't have his cake and eat it too. He won't hury you. Get a tape recorder and record it with out him knowing and then when he says it you have it on tape to get a restraining order to use it against him :)

Hi honey, long time 'no talk'. Sorry to find you in such a state.

It hurts like hell to be treated as if not worth anything, no matter how hard we try. Some men are just raised with the impression that the only way to treat us is like crap. Mine is the same way, and always has been, no matter how many times I try to mend things - it only works for a while and then he's back to his old ways. Some men just never change because they are so self-centered.

I did not reject him when he came back, and went through another two years of hell. Now, I'm sure I'm better off alone. My daughter is 32 though and not a small child that needs a 'family' She has a 'family' of her own and at least I don't have to worry about that.
What I do not like is the idea of being all alone, especially now, but I know that it is better for my self-esteem and well being. It does hurt, but I know that hurt is less than what he had dished out and would continue to do so.

One thought just crossed my mind... is it possible that he is enjoying an 'alternate lifestyle' and does not want to come out of the closet? He sounds so selfish and wanting the best of both world for himself. At his age, anything is possible.. and probable.

The question here is do you want him to continue to drag you down and make a mess of the family image for the kids? Many of us have raised children on our own, not easy, but it's doable.
Weigh the pros and cons of your state, sweety, and make a choice that is best for you and the kids.

Wish I were there to comfort you, but I can send you a hug, a great big one.
If you leave him, you'll be sad, yes, but only for a little while until you realize that there is happiness out there..

Don't give up on yourself, you deserve a lot better.

Love,
Chery



http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_4.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000) http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_1_139.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)

Hi honey, long time 'no talk'. Sorry to find you in such a state.

It hurts like hell to be treated as if not worth anything, no matter how hard we try. Some men are just raised with the impression that the only way to treat us is like crap. Mine is the same way, and always has been, no matter how many times I try to mend things - it only works for a while and then he's back to his old ways. Some men just never change because they are so self-centered.

I did not reject him when he came back, and went through another two years of hell. Now, I'm sure I'm better off alone. My daughter is 32 though and not a small child that needs a 'family' She has a 'family' of her own and at least I don't have to worry about that.
What I do not like is the idea of being all alone, especially now, but I know that it is better for my self-esteem and well being. It does hurt, but I know that hurt is less than what he had dished out and would continue to do so.

One thought just crossed my mind... is it possible that he is enjoying an 'alternate lifestyle' and does not want to come out of the closet? He sounds so selfish and wanting the best of both world for himself. At his age, anything is possible..and probable.

The question here is do you want him to continue to drag you down and make a mess of the family image for the kids? Many of us have raised children on our own, not easy, but it's doable.
Weigh the pros and cons of your state, sweety, and make a choice that is best for you and the kids.

Wish I were there to comfort you, but I can send you a hug, a great big one.
If you leave him, you'll be sad, yes, but only for a little while until you realize that there is happiness out there..

Don't give up on yourself, you deserve a lot better.

Love,
Chery



http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_4.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000) http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_1_139.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)

LOl-thanks for the hugs, God knows I need them. And Hugs to you too.
I've questioned his possible other "lifestyle", of course, he would not admit that to me. But he has said he would rather be gay than to put up with some other 's sh*t.

He has got to be cheating. Do you think it is possible that he really isn't? I don't see how, but if there is any reasoning to that logic, please do share, because I don't know what else he could be doing based on his behavior.

im not trying to be me nor am i i just want you to know that there are ways out. he wont hurt you hes just using his manilaptive way to bring you down he can't have his cake and eat it too. he wont hury you. get a tape recorder and record it with out him knowing and then when he says it you have it on tape to get a restraining order to use it against him :)
That is a good idea, but would I be able to use a tape recorder in court?

Yes, I have, it is a legitamte piece of evidence that states he was going to hurt you or your kids. I bought one a target and it was 30 and it doesn't make any sounds and it will record for like over 10 hours. Put it up in a place where he can't see it and wait for him to be himself. It is always worth a try just make sure you watch what you say too. Good luck!

You could try what a lot of european women do. They ask a friend or hire someone who is his 'type' and see if he compromises himself. At least that way, you'd have a wittness. When fishing, use a Big Lure...

It's an idea..

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Yes, i have, it is a legitamte piece of evidence that states he was going to hurt you or your kids. I bought one a target and it was 30 and it doesnt make any sounds and it will record for like over 10 hours. put it up in a place where he can't see it and wait for him to be himself. it is always worth a try just make sure you watch what you say too. good luck!

Ok I will do that. I just don't want my family to have to be involved (even family outside of the kids). They've been through enough already (including the kids).

You could try what a lot of european women do. They ask a friend or hire someone who is his 'type' and see if he compromises himself. At least that way, you'd have a wittness. When fishing, use a Big Lure...

It's an idea..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_35_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)

Well, you see, he hides his phones (yes, he has two of them) under the mattress every night that he is home.
I'm not one for invading one's privacy, but after years and months of trying to talk and not getting honest answers, after weeks at a time of him not being home, I looked and I saw a text message to this one certain girl that read "Hi Sexy, I can't wait to get some luvns from you".

Did I mention that he came home day before yesterday briefly (shower and shave) with a hickey on his neck? He swears its not a hickey and that he and some friends were wrestling around.

When asked about the text message, he said a lot of people knew that girl and that someone must have used his phone and sent her that message.

Am I STUPID? Well yes I am because I'm still with him. A part of me asks-what if he is really telling the truth? But the other 98% tells me Don't BE STUPID.
I am really in a sad mess.

I try not to post on here because I usually get answers through reading other people's posts. But I am hurting so much and I need a way to get through the pain.
I've been with him for seven years. Had a few months of a break over a year ago, but got back together because it was too difficult to be apart. Or so I thought. I don't know why he wanted to be back with me. We have two children together. A beautiful house. He is only home one day a week. I know he is abusive, I know he cheats, and because of all this he hates me. Why I dont' know and that kills me. Why do I stay with him? Why am I so scared to leave him. Everyday I cry. I am a very good woman to him and I stand up to him when need be. But that doesn't help. It just gives him another excuse to leave and not come home for the night. He swears he's not cheating, but I'm sorry, you don't' spend Tuesday through Sunday at your boys' apartment sleeping on the couch. I can't ever get ahold of him, he doesn't try to get ahold of me.Even when i try the no contact thing, he accuses me of seeing someone else. I am always at home with the kids. Sometimes when I try to make love to him, he says "I guess I'm just getting old". He is 29, I'm 26.
I tried. I tried to leave him one time and there was this overbearing sadness and pain in my chest, it literally made me sick-so I couldn't do it. It ended up I begged him to stay. he didn't chase after me when I threatened to leave. I chased after him. THAT IS SICK! What is wrong with me? I have a great job, I am a beautiful woman. Why don't I have enough self esteem to leave this guy? I need some encouragement, I have gotten it here before, but I need it again. I don't want to waste anyone's time though some of you may feel that way, but I just need some suggestions of how to start feeling better again, because I can't take this anymore. I don't want to be sad for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I leave him, I'll be sad, If I stay I'll be sad.
Why does he stay with me? If he is sleeping with others, and never around me or his kids, why doesn't he leave me? the day he does come home, he expects me to be happy and have a good time, and I try, but inside I am screaming wondering why, what, where, and who has he done. What has he been doing? And if it is nothing as he claims, Why can't he tell me why, where and what he has been doing.
Please, if there is anyone who can give me suggestions on how to feel better. I just can't take it anymore.
thanks much,

T
The problem tends to be that women think of the good times or how we would like things to return to when they were different. If he is acting strange and you think he is cheating he most likely is. Most men tend to become paranoid and put accusatory when they are the ones doing wrong. Talk to a few officers from your local police about being able to use a tape recorder in court. They will know the basic law in your state regarding the use of tape recorders from their traffic stops.

The problem tends to be that women think of the good times or how we would like things to return to when they were different. If he is acting strange and you think he is cheating he most likely is. Most men tend to become paranoid and put accusatory when they are the ones doing wrong. Talk to a few officers from your local police about being able to use a tape recorder in court. They will know the basic law in your state regarding the use of tape recorders from their traffic stops.

Yes, I know this is true. See the problem is much deeper than the obvious. I know all these things I've been told so far, but I cannot figure out why it is so hard to leave-knowing all of these things.
He did not come home again last night. My heart is so broken I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed.

Anyway, thank you for your reply.

Oh man I feel for you... I'm really sorry about what's going on. I think you know what you should do though. I know you're going to hurt when you leave him... it's going to kill... I was with my ex for over 4 years when I finally got the curage to leave him... then it was back and forth with him for about a year... I finally moved out of the state to get away from him. I had to... now about 6 months into the new state and completely without my ex I feel a MILLION times better... but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. You may feel like if you leave him you'll always be sad with out him... but time heals everything and you WILL be OK after awhile... you will not be OK though if you stay with him. You will have no chance of happiness and you deserve it...

Oh man I feel for you...I'm really sorry about what's going on. I think you know what you should do though. I know you're going to hurt when you leave him...it's going to kill...I was with my ex for over 4 years when I finally got the curage to leave him...then it was back and forth with him for about a year...I finally moved out of the state to get away from him. I had to...now about 6 months into the new state and completely without my ex I feel a MILLION times better...but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. You may feel like if you leave him you'll always be sad with out him...but time heals everything and you WILL be ok after awhile...you will not be ok though if you stay with him. You will have no chance of happiness and you deserve it...
Thank you. Yes I know. Believe me, I wish I had the means to move out of state. I know what I need to do, it's just I need to find a way to keep that motivation after I'm gone to stay away. He will make me feel guilty, he will try to make me feel like I cannot live without him, he will make me feel like I'm messing up our kids' lives because I have taken them away from their father... I know everything he will try to do. Thing is, I'm afraid of the fact that there are things I may not know of that he will try to do which scares me the most. Again, fear of the unknown.
Thank you for sharing your story though. It is much encouragement to me.

T

Are you married ? You have to check with a lr=egal service about what you can do about the kids and their Fathers rights. But in regard to him making you feel gulity about taking the kids from their father .hello how can he be a father to his kids if he's not there!
He is the one who is messing up the kids life. You know what you should do. Yes it is hard .Each day is a little easier. I did not tell my ex where I moved,and have had no contact in over six months . In the beginning some contact about bills and stuff . Getting his name off anything with mine then I let it go.

Since you have kids together check the law first. There are legal advisors in the phone book or check with local shelters if you fear for your safety they can help with all the legal stuff.

*please ntoe this is an 18yr old amles opinion, and therefor may not have allt eh maturity/knowledge an older person could give

I would seem to me you are afraid of the world more than the relationship, that in your mind it is better to stay with him then venture intot he world. Or maybe it is because of the links betweent he kids no you doubt love.

If you are 26 and sucsesful, I believe you could make it in the world and find someone who loves you, would not cheat on you or abuse you. But I can't imagine this would be easy to do.

It seems to them that he is taking advantage for you, because you know that you won't leave him no matter what he does, some people will not change ever, to be happy maybe it is time for you to leave and find someone who likes you for you.

The overbearing pain I believe will go away I'v seen some of my family members in almost the same situation as you, one left and tried to commit suicide, but they all agreed after a few months it got better, and the one who ahd kids said that having them with her really helped her move along gave he hope and a reasont o move on. I think if you need to decide what is best for you and yours kdis and follow that path, it should make you the happiest, and if you leave him and get the overbearing pain, try to find somthign to fill up all your free time, ( I donno how old your kids are) but paly with them, take them to a park, join yoga or a local activity, volunteer, in this same way you may unexpectidly met someone you liekw ithout trying, although you may not be ready for a relationship maybe he/she will help you through this trying time.

I guess the only real advie I can offer is think about you and your kids and do what you believe best from there, whatever you need to do to make you and them happy.

I've not had an affair, and couldn't imagine being with anyone buy my wife. But several of my ex-friends have cheated. The thing that's in common with them is that they all are cowards, and lack any sort of self esteem. That's what's funny. You may think that you're the weak one, but in fact it's them men who are weak. You sound like a fantastic gal: A great mom, a perceptive, loving, and forgiving person. That's all great stuff!!

These ex-friends have cheated because they've been too dang afraid to have open conversations with their wives. It's easier for them to get a piece of action on the side than it is to actually talk about sex, her lack of a career, her weight, whatever. They don't have the guts to ask for divorce. Instead they live their lives in denial of a broken relationship that they are afraid to fix.

I have no advice. I'm sorry that I don't have a simple solution for your complicated problem. The only thing I know is that the only way to fix a problem is to work on it head-on. Be strong and committed to whatever decision you make.

I've not had an affair, and couldn't imagine being with anyone buy my wife. But several of my ex-friends have cheated. The thing that's in common with them is that they all are cowards, and lack any sort of self esteem. That's what's funny. You may think that you're the weak one, but in fact it's them men who are weak. You sound like a fantastic gal: A great mom, a perceptive, loving, and forgiving person. That's all great stuff!!!!

These ex-friends have cheated because they've been too dang afraid to have open conversations with their wives. It's easier for them to get a piece of action on the side than it is to actually talk about sex, her lack of a career, her weight, whatever. They don't have the guts to ask for divorce. Instead they live their lives in denial of a broken relationship that they are afraid to fix.

I have no advice. I'm sorry that I don't have a simple solution for your complicated problem. The only thing I know is that the only way to fix a problem is to work on it head-on. Be strong and committed to whatever decision you make.

Thank you for your reply. The thing is, I'm not overweight, and I was always the one who tried to spice things up in the bedroom. I've shared many thoughts and ideas. I understand that after you have been with someone for a while, things tend to seem "old"-even women feel that way with their men. But I have always loved and supported my family and I can't believe that this turns him off so much. He keeps telling me he is not cheating, but when he doesn't come home for days at a time, and I don't hear from him for days at a time, what else can he be doing?
I do have a great job, but I have three kids, the money I make mostly goes towards their caring expenses. I haven't had a new pair of shoes in two years. I have work pants that are stapled together at the bottom because they are so old, but I can't afford new ones. He comes home with new clothes and jewelry from the mall every week. He doesn't even have a REAL job. It just hurts so bad that he doesn't care about me at all and no matter what I do, there is nothing that will make him see. So there are some reasons I feel bad about myself. I don't have the means to buy new nice things to look as good as he wants me to. I feel as though he is ashamed of me.
And I'm not even overweight-I just can't pinpoint the problem at all. What could it be?

Where the heck is he getting the money from? Drugs, male prostitution, or you bank account?

No matter what, you have a right to know. And if and when he makes you feel guilty for leaving and 'messing up the family' tell him to look in the mirror. So you might feel guilty and worried of the unknown, but get informed and in time, dear, you'll get over the guilt as soon as your life is more stable, happy, and comfortable.

You don't need the constant stress. The kids will also be proud of you for doing something about this sorry state. Believe me, they are more aware than you think. If you do nothing, they will consider you weak and probably will not trust or support you. If you show strength and responsibility for them and yourself, they will understand and support you.

It happens in a lot of families. Don't let the kids learn that it's OK to treat women/mothers like crap. That will not do them any good.

Hugs,

Chery

[QUOTE=Chery]Where the heck is he getting the money from? Drugs, male prostitution, or you bank account?

Well, let's just say his job is not legal. There is nothing incriminating in the house, which is one thing he has respected me on, but no legal job. It is a sickness what he does, but he is not willing to get help, which he has admitted he even needs. He says he's had therapy as a child; however, he knew how to manipulate the psychiatrist-making them believe that he was OK or "better". He has no fiath in anyone but himself.

I know he has faith in me because he truly does believe that I will never leave no matter what he does.

I don't see how he could not have self esteem, he completely loves himself. Which is good I guess, but he is very arrogant and conceited. He has more confidence than anyone I know. And he has sucked it all out of me.

How about you and your self-esteem?
Do you really feel comfortable being in the 'role' that you're in?
My man put me down so many times, and now booted me out because I have cancer and he does not longer have use for me. What does this do for me?. I want to hit him with a baseball bat!

Do you really want to be driven to such and extreme that you might become violent, or do you want to get out and let him manipulate someone else? Do you want the kids to learn from him - that will place them on a very dangerous road in life.

I wish there was something I could do for you, dear, because what he's doing is worse than what some do to animals. You really deserve better and I hope you have the chance to find someone who will care for you and love you for who you are and not what you can do for him. Legal or not.

All my best,
Chery

I found a website called Domestic Violence Support Organization - Online Support Group, Information (http://www.healingclub.com) and it is for mentally, sexually, emotionally (same as mentaly?) abused women. I'm getting into that as of yesterday. Hopefully through these people, I can get help and find courage to get gone and stay gone.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I will be in touch.

I found a website called Domestic Violence Support Organization - Online Support Group, Information (http://www.healingclub.com) and it is for mentally, sexually, emotionally (same as mentaly?) abused women. I'm getting into that as of yesterday. Hopefully through these people, I can get help and find courage to get gone and stay gone.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I will be in touch.

Go for it dear, you'll see that you are not alone, and that others have found solutions. I hope you find your's as soon as possible.

Don't worry about repercussions from him, there are ways and means to force him to leave you alone. Take it step by step.

Go for it dear, you'll see that you are not alone, and that others have found solutions. I hope you find your's as soon as possible.

Don't worry about repercussions from him, there are ways and means to force him to leave you alone. Take it step by step.

Thank you for being so kind to me. Last night when I went home, I saw that he had a bag packed for the weekend. Today is his birtthday. He didn't even call me. Or answer any of one of the two calls I made to him last night. If he loves me so much, wouldn't he want his woman to be by his side on his birthday?

I'm so depressed I can hardly focus today. I know I won't hear from him until Monday.

I will probably be on the new site a lot today. I really need some help to cope.

Anywya, Thanks again.