Hi! My name is melissa and I am 19 years old. I have a job and currently go to school for paralegal studies. However, about a month or so ago, I met this guy and we started to mess around. One month later I come to find out that I am pregnant and he dumps me. He said that he needed to concentrate more on his career/life. He didn't know I was pregnant until after he dumped me. He said that I tried to trap him. Funny isn't it. He does not want me to have the baby. He wants me to have an abortion and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. But, I am capable of raising a child. I have family that I know once they know, will support me after they get over the tears etc. They are not going to let me do it by myself. So my question to you is, do you think it would be a good idea to have this child and raise him or her on my own? I do not want to abort my child. I do not want to kill my baby. I think a person should face all the troubles that they get themselves into instead of running away and getting over it the easy way. Why should I kill a child that is truly innocent? And if I do get the abortion pursay, it is going to break my heart and every time that I see a child I will cry. So, I am asking you to please let me know what I should do? Thank you:confused:

Sweetie, I feel for you, yours is not an easy position to be in. But you have choices, and it's good you already know this.

Now, some people here will try to talk you into abortion, others will try to talk you into adoption, yet others will try to talk you into keeping your baby. I can't try to talk you into any of these. Why? Because I do not know you personally, and without knowing you personally I cannot try to sway your decision.

This is a very personal decision that only you can make, and nobody on an anonymous website has any right to try to make you think one way or another. It is all about beliefs, values, and morals. Without knowing where you stand, deep in your heart, we will be doing you an injustice pushing our values and morals on you.

We have Pro-Lifer's here, we have Pro-Choicer's here... And all are very strong in their convictions and will try to persuade you to follow their beliefs. But, ultimately it is your decision.

No matter your decision, it will be life changing, and you will never forget it.

Now, I will give you my side, from all 3 perspectives...

I had an abortion, why? Because it was a medical necessity. The child I was carrying had a disorder called Anacephaly (simply put, little or no brain)... My husband and 2 of his siblings were adopted and they are very thankful for the parents that they were raised with... I am a mother of 4 now, and my oldest will be married on Saturday, and my youngest is just 5. No matter what the circumstances were, they were all life changing events and will be forever ingrained in my mind. You, I am sure, will experience either regrets or happiness.

I wish I could help you more, but this is a VERY personal decision and should not be left to the anonymity of a website such as this.

Thank you for your answer. I guess I just want to hear what my options are even thought I already know them. I would just like to hear it from someone else's perspective.

I gave you all 3 perspectives...

1) Abortion = Can you live with this?

2) Adoption = Can you live remembering every day of your pregnancy and date of delivery, wondering how the child has grown? Wondering if the child wonders about you? Wondering if the child is healthy, happy? What it looks like? What it's likes and dislikes are?

3) Keeping baby = Can you afford it? Are you willing to go through all of the strife of fighting for child support (and yes, you are due it an deserve it), are you ready to be tied to this man for the rest of your life? Yes, you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. Weddings, grandchildren, etc.

You will hear it from someone else's perspective, I can PROMISE you that. But few here have the perspective of all 3, like I do. Most will tell you that abortion is murder... That adoption is the easy way out... That keeping it is your responsibility.

The final choice is yours, and yours alone.

Hello, Dear One: It is not by coincidence that I logged into this website and saw your question regarding being pregnant and 19 years old. I, too, found myself pregnant at 19 while attending college 36 years ago. The baby’s father decided he did not want to stick around once he found out about the pregnancy. Thank God, I had a wonderful, supportive family and could afford to have and raise my baby as a single parent. I was scared and disappointed with myself for getting involved with someone who could abandon me when he learned I was pregnant. Once I told my parents, they encouraged me to continue my education and said they would help me with my baby. I had a beautiful baby boy. I won’t lie to you – it was difficult being a young mom to a little baby, attending college, and working part time. However, I was determined to make the best life I could for me and my baby. My parents helped with childcare, but I never abandoned my responsibility as mother to my precious son. I finished school, got a really good job, and made a good life for the two of us. Several years later, I met a wonderful young man when my son was 4 years old. We began dating and I told him early on that I had a son. When he met my son, they hit it off. After dating for nearly a year, he asked me to marry him. Of course, he knew that we were a package deal – my son & me.

We had a beautiful church wedding in my home town with all the trimmings. He was a young Naval Officer and the wedding was beautiful. I wore a beautiful, ivory and beige wedding dress with a custom veil and lace overlay. His fellow Naval Officers were groomsmen and best man, and my life-long friends were bridesmaids. My son was the ring bearer and my daddy gave the bride away. It was the wedding of my dreams.

We have been happily married for 31 years and I am more in love with him today than on the day we married. He adopted my son, and 2 years later we had another son together. We were a Navy family for 24 years. We have 2 wonderful sons, and 5 beautiful grandchildren that we absolutely adore.

Why am I telling you all of this? To let you know that you can make a wonderful life for you and your baby – with or without the baby’s father. Your answer is within your heart. It is clear that you already love the baby growing inside you. How could you not love that precious soul?? He/she is a part of you.

Talk to your family, pray and trust the Lord to provide for your needs and the needs of your precious baby.

Blessings,
Mom427:)

Well it sounds like you already made your decision... you said you don't want to have an abortion, and your family will help you support and raise this baby.

I was engaged at 18... about 5 months after we got engaged we found out I was pregnant. Everything fell apart, I was 18 he was 21... neither of us were ready for this. I had been on brith control pills, and took them religiously... we had tried to avoid this. But for me abortion was out of the question and he knew this so he didn't even bring it up.
Because things got bad between us, I moved in with my mom. And a few weeks later he and I got our own apartment together. I went through my entire pregnancy alone. Doctors appts by myself, baby shopping by myself. I sat at home alone, while he was out with his buddies drinking. Then when I was about 5 months pregnant he told me "I think after the baby is born we should split up"... I was like "why wait". I packed my things, and the things for the baby and went to live with my mom again... I was determined to show him I could do this on my own... I was determined to show myself.

I turned 19 and a few months later gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Funny, though how after I had her he begged me to come back. But we had so many problems when I was pregnant, there was a baby here now, I didn't want to put my baby into that situation. He eventually fell out of our lives.

Now don't get me wrong, it was hard. I got my own apartment and waitressed nights so my mom could be home to watch the baby. I didn't get to go out partying like other girls my age. I eventually moved back in with my mom so I could cut back on bills and afford to go to school. I went to school at night and waitressed at night on the weekends. When I turned 21... no huge drunken party... I had a baby to get home too. Once I got my medical assisting degree I moved out again.

I had her in daycare and worked during the days, and had my mom watch her at nights so I could take night classes at college... then I would still pick up a couple shifts waitressing on the weekends for extra money.

I will stop there... but by NO means is it easy. It's hard work, but so rewarding. I'm sad that I was gone so much with working and going to school. I missed her first steps, I missed the first time she went potty, I missed first words. But I wanted to make sure I didn't give up. So many girls who get pregnant young, give up on themselves, and usually just have more kids. I didn't want to do that... not for my daughter. I wanted to go to school, get my education, and be able to support her on my own. Of course I had help from family during hard time (like when I was trying to go to school). You just have to realize you don't come first anymore... everything you do now is for that baby.

I am now married, and my daughter is 5... almost 6 :):)

Hello, J9 has pretty much laid it out for you and what your options are. I did want to tell you some additional information on adoption in the event you are even considering it. There is a closed adoption which basically is what J9 was talking about. You would have no contact with the child or family. However, open adoption is a lot different. We see our son's birthmother (and extended family including the birthfathers 2 teenage daughters... the birthfather signed off on his rights and walked away) twice a year. It works for us. My son understands that they are part of our family. Again, it works for us. It doesn't work for everyone. The one question I always get is "aren't you scared that the mother will come back for your son?" The answer is NO! Our birthmother had raised a child alone and had just gone back to college. She wanted something more for her second son. I hope this helps you in some way. I wish you all the best in whatever path you chose! Take care of yourself... :) If you have any questions or want to ask me any questions, please feel free...

Just know babies are happy with their mothers. If there is a reason you think you would be a bad mother then yes adoption is something to look into. Life is full of surprises and sometimes its best to embrace them. In times like this many women find their inner strength. Before I got pregnant I had no idea how I would handle being a mother (even though I wanted to be one). It's almost like my pregnancy has helped me find an inner strength I never knew I had. Your life will change if you chouse to have and raise this baby. But then life is always changing. I don't know you, but I think you have it in you to be a good mother and raise your baby. By reading your post I think that's what you want to do. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

I think you are an intelligent person, and that you already know the answer to your question. I respect your decision to not have an abortion, I think it takes a strong person to make that kind of a decision in a case like this, so I tip my hat to you.

I'm also a young mother, but I have a supportive family and a wonderful husband to help me out. I think if you know your family will help, that you will get through just fine... and that lout that left you will regret the fact that he won't know his own child. Be sure that he pays child support though--you weren't the only one responsible for creating the child, and you shouldn't be the only one to care for him/her.

You are making the right decision. My heart goes out to you... good luck and God bless! :)

You have been given some very solid and warm advice. If you decide to raise this child please do go for the child support. Don't try and be so self sufficient that you do not ask for that. That is a rightful and just sum of money due to your child. It is the very least the birth father can do and should do and will do. Even if you say you do not need it, your child will need it. Save it for college or the first car or the first apartment or whatever. Just do not let this guy walk away like nothing happened.

The very best to you.

I thank you all for your responses they were very help ful but shygrneyzs: he told me he has no money for himself let alone take care of a child. This is why he doesn't want me to have it. So, what should I do in this situation?

I thank you all for your responses they were very help ful but shygrneyzs: he told me he has no money for himself let alone take care of a child. This is why he doesn't want me to have it. So, what should I do in this situation?

If he makes even $100 a month go for the % you are owed.

If he makes even $100 a month go for the % you are owed.

I agree wholeheartedly. If nothing else, maybe it will encourage him to make something of himself.

He will be assessed an amount according to his income. Do not have any pity on him or feel sorry for his financial situation. He just does not want the consequences but he was sure there when he thought it was just a fun time. His income taxes can be garnished also for back child support - if that should ever come to happen. That happened to my ex for his back child support and it worked!

You have so much ahead of you. I pray your family holds you close during this time. Mine shut me out when I became pregnant at the age of 20. May you have all the blessings that you and your baby will ever need.

Hey guess what guys? There is such a thing as stressing your baby to death. I just found out today that I lost my child and I will never forgive myself for letting that idiot get to me the way that he did. I hate when doctors say, "It happens all the time" so now I definitely feel so alone and I hate the idiot so much!!

Yes, stress can cause the mom to miscarry. But many other things can also. I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy and beat myself up for that. The "what if I had done this or that". I was working long hours and on call a lot and my (then) husband blamed me for losing the baby. I had shoveled snow two weeks before and that could have played a part. Maybe I was not eating right. Maybe the baby was not healthy and this was God's way of taking the baby home. So many maybes.

Do not do that to yourself. You had a precious life for a short time and you certainly can grieve. There are even counselors and grief support groups for moms who miscarried. I hope you take some time for yourself now and heal. Hugssssssss you tight. Take care.

Adoption would be your best choice
Unless you want to raise a child but it seems like you too busy
Yea, the child will worrie about you
(I was adopted and I think of my birth parents all the time)
But I wouldn't abort the baby please don't its murder

Hi! My name is melissa and I am 19 years old. I have a job and currently go to school for paralegal studies. However, about a month or so ago, i met this guy and we started to mess around. One month later I come to find out that I am pregnant and he dumps me. He said that he needed to concentrate more on his career/life. He didn't know I was pregnant until after he dumped me. He said that I tried to trap him. Funny isn't it. He does not want me to have the baby. He wants me to have an abortion and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. But, I am capable of raising a child. I have family that I know once they know, will support me after they get over the tears etc. They are not going to let me do it by myself. So my question to you is, do you think it would be a good idea to have this child and raise him or her on my own? I do not want to abort my child. I do not want to kill my baby. I think a person should face all the troubles that they get themselves into instead of running away and getting over it the easy way. Why should I kill a child that is truly innocent? And if i do get the abortion pursay, it is going to break my heart and everytime that I see a child I will cry. So, I am asking you to please let me know what I should do? Thank you:confused:


I think you already know the answer don't get an abortion. Either keep the baby or put it up for adoption.

Good luck,
Michelle

This is a decision that's yours and yours alone to make. And I think you've already made up your mind. And for the record, I agree with your not wanting an abortion. Best of luck!

As this post was October 18, it would be too late at this point in time for her to have an abortion at this point in time.

An update from the OP would be nice.

Well from my own personal experience, I was 16 when I got pregnant, my boyfriend at the time wanted nothing to do with it and wanted me to have an abortion and I told him no way in HELL would I kill my child. We actually stayed together, and when my son was born he refused to even come see him at the hospital. I am 19 now and my son is 18 months old and I have a 2 month old daughter with the same guy. We are no longer together, and he is not in our lives at all. He has never seen our daughter, and hasn't seen our son for a year now. There is no contact whatsoever but I am happier than I ever could have imagined. My kids are the best thing that EVER happened to me, and my family was very supportive as well. I am in college to be a teacher, and I work 2 jobs to support my kids, but I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world, so my opinion is keep the baby, I agree that an innocent child should not have to die because the "father" doesn't want it! Good luck with everything and I hope all works out for you. And CONGRATS! On the baby!

Have your baby ! I was 19 I had a great mum for support and 2 sisters we got through he wanted for nothing as a child now, wants everything! But that can't be helped he's 13 this month, congratulations even if you decide mother hood isn't for you yet there are other options out there apart from abortion you could ahave your child adopted there are millions of wondeful caring childless couples out there you could help, but I think you actually want your baby when the heat has died down don't you??

You make a great m um!

I like the other people that have given you advice here am currently a pregnant teen. But I unlike you have been lucky enough that I am soon to be engaged and married and the baby's father loves me and the child. Like I said I'm one of the lucky ones!

The guy is responsible for his part in this and you have to remember that. You did not climb on top of yourself and get pregnant... I promise! It his moral and legal obligation to pay child support even if he does not want to be in the child's life. He will regret that decision when he grows up and turns into a man. You appear to be against abortion so I won't even touch that, I am pro choice it is just that every woman's choice.

But I will tell you that adoption is not the same as it used to be. There are open adoptions now, the birth parents are allowed to see there children as often as they like and you can even interveiw couples and choose who adopts your baby. This is a good alternative if you feel that you cannot do it on your own but cannot live without knowing anything about your baby. But I will say that anything is possible if your family and friends are behind you. My mom had me at 12 and kept me. My father was in prision through most of it so there was no child support probably 70% of my childhood and I moved out at 16 so he didn't help much after that either. With the exception of us butting heads quite frequently she was a great mom and did everything I needed her to do and anyone has that ability if they truly want to keep there child. But be prepared for the missed parties and extra hours at work that you will undoubtedly have to put in. my mom always regreted keeping me because of those things and I only bring it up because she never thought about it. She only thought about not being able to kill her baby and the couple that was supposed to adopt me filed for devorce about 3 weeks before I was born making them no longer eligible to adopt me.

I know this is a hard decision and I hope that everyone's input has helped you. If y0our family is there for you through every thing else they will deffinantly love your child too.

Best of luck with everything your future holds.

Baby girl I am your age and went through the same thing.. I went through with my pregnancy except I suffered a lot because the father of my child made my life hell while I was pregnant because He wanted to have control over me he wasn't there for me at all and he did mention having an abortion when I was first pregnant... you know what's right and what's wrong... only you.. dont let him tell you what to do with your child.. a child is a blessing and I know you would not regret it.. and I tell you what.. I bet once you have that baby he is going to want to be a part of that child's life and He is going to be the one having a hard time and regreting what he said and did to you.. Its happening to me now my son is 4 months old and now the father wants to be a part of my life and all but I'm not giving it to him that easy and he loves his son.. but there's consequences he is facing because of what he did while I was pregnant.. And my family supported me also... thats all you need is your family no one is going to love you and be there for you as much as your family.. they always got your back.. and remember everything happens for a reason.. my best friend had an abortion last year and she still cries and regrets it until this day.. that is something I don't encourage anyone to do but that is only your decision.. there's always people willing to take care of your baby if you cant.. people that are not able to have kids.. But I think you know what you are doing.. Just think about that baby and you don't worry about him because It will all work out and once you have that child you are not going to care about anything else but that baby... believe me I went through the worst in my pregnancy and I would do it all over again just to have my son.. he's a coward he can't step up to his responsibility... dont let him make you feel guilty about anything if he tries to because men tend to do that.. well If you need some advice you can message me.. I been through it all!. take care

I know a lot of people say been there done that, but I have been in your situation, and my beautiful one year old daughter resulted from it. I wouldn't change a thing for the world. I believe that you are a much stronger person than your ex and are quite capable of raising a child... family support helps a lot. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and confused at first, but she is a gift from above, and a life altering choice that I made. You would regret having an abortion every day for the rest of your life, if you have feelings as strong as you do already. I hope the best for you, and your soon to be child... things will work out, I promise.