Please help! Here is my story!
I met a pretty awesome friend, Mike, in 6th grade. I am 29 now! I was not interested in him as anything but a friend. I had a crush on his friend. We became great friends and I was that typical teenager that talked on the phone to him all the time. I dated his friend for a year or so.
I went through a hard time when my dad moved back to our area. He began to sexually abuse me. I did not share it with anyone. I became very depressed and in 8th grade I tried to commit suicide. I just happen to get a phone call from my friend, Mike (same friend), right after I took the pills. He knew something was wrong, and called my mom. He came everyday to the hospital even though I did not even know my name. About a week later, I began to come to. I seemed to stay pretty close to him. We started dating and things were on an off. We were involved in a youth group and during a self esteem workshop I told him what had happened (my dad had been sexually touching me). I admitted what happened with the suicide as well. We became counselors of this workshop and stayed incredible friends. I was always invited to his family functions and we became inseparable.
He had to move away during my sophomore year to Florida. He came and surprised me on Christmas Eve and we had sex for the first time, just to make it clear it was the first for both of us.
After that happened, he had a hard time talking to me and you know that awkwardness happened. We continued to stay in touch but went our separate ways.
After graduation, I got married to a friend. The day I got married my mom told me I better call him, and I DID NOT! I have regretted that forever.
Well just a year later I had my first child. Mike just happened to be in town right after she was born. I went to see him and his mom. This was the moment I realized that we had an incredible chemistry that neither one of us could hide. I just sat right beside him and with out thought we simultaneously held each others hand. His mom looked right at us and she knew that this was trouble.
I was just 19 and all these feelings started racing! We had never made love again, but I knew it meant something because his older sister said that he could not stop asking her what to do. We both confided in her throughout our relationship. Well, my husband was gone and he stopped by to say goodbye and it happened again. I told my husband and asked for his forgiveness. It took sometime but he did forgive me.
Mike and I stayed in touch, but did not see each other for a while. I had several miscarriages after my first and became extremely depressed. My husband and I started to have problems. I traveled to Florida and spent a few days with Mike. These were very strange times. We were both exploring sex and there were feelings there but things were awkward.
I went back and had a very clear head that I was ready to leave my husband and set out for the goals I had (I am very driven). Mike is a great counselor and he can read my mind. He always seems to help me through the darkest times.
I did not leave my husband because of my guilt. Mike and I stayed in touch. I had another child. Mike got MARRIED!! We still stay in touch. I knew what kind of problems our relationship had caused my marriage, so I kept my distance.
He still kept in touch though.
We have both become successful and I see that our lives have went different paths. He called me out of the blue (we usually just talk over email or messenger) and said I needed to watch a movie. It was the notebook. I had no idea what the movie was about. He told me it reminded him of us. He said no matter what path we go on we always seem to come back together.
Yes! My heart still races and I can't get enough of him. If I didn't have children and if his son did not exist, I would lay in bed with him all day and enjoy every minute I had with him. Does he feel that same way? Why is it that I feel so guilty. I know my mom and dad were not in love. I lived a life without a dad. I have a wonderful husband and father to my children.
I never can bring myself to want him unless I am drinking, but I do not want to destroy the stability of my family. I don't even know how Mike feels about me. We can talk for hours and it always seems he wants to know how my relationship is with my husband, but we never talk about our feelings for each other. We will talk about our past feelings but current would be wrong. He just recently asked me to come visit him again or he come visit me. I am so confused. Have I chosen the wrong path or will our path's just collide into each others again.
PLEASE HELP ME! How can I tell if I am denying myself my soul mate?

I just wanted to add that everyday we have the webcams turned on and watch each other work. I am so confused.

Hi,
This is a fact... over half of all marriages in the US end in divorce. You are playing with FIRE. Your marriage might be next.
We don't always get what we want out of life. If you married, with a good loving husband, who you love, with children, you are getting to the point of throwing it all away!
STOP the webcam stuff. Stop talking with him, seeing him, and don't get in touch with this person, ever again.
Both you and your husband, together, should go see a marriage counselor, a Professional, and talk with them. You have to get this out of your system and out of your mind. If not, you will be miserable, and possibly do something really stupid, like ending your marriage, and his!
I do sincerely wish you the best, and please go to a marriage counselor. You need it badly, and your husband needs to go with you. Getting it out in the open is the only way to solve the issues.

You are a brave woman, one who has not allowed the abuse of her past to hinder her outlook on life. While I can not affirm or deny that Mike is your soul mate, I can attest that Mike represents ALL that is SAFE in your world. In life we tend to embrace images that signify a high life, a good time, a time cherished and longed for. These images... hairstyles, clothing, people, places merely serve as a point of reference to cling to because it makes us feel good or it is our expressed happy time in life.

You are wise enough to know that you both have a lot to loose, you both have respective families that requires full, focused energy to sustain and maintain the health thereof.

I have one question for you;;;Have you shared ALL with your husband, if not why... I need not an answer, but you must answer it. You have built such a fortress of trust with Mike, now it is time to redirect and shift that bundle of trust... time must be permitted to allow your husband to adjust. Men some times freak out when the answer/solution is not in their immediate midst. If they can not quickly think of what to do to solve the matter. Be patient with your husband... be intimate with him, expose your heart to him more often than you do with Mike. Mike has your heart because you have given it to him, what does your husband have. Some of these problems in your marriage directly relate to how you see your husband, at times you compare him to Mike, Mike would have... but remember... you have given Mike those things reserved for your husband... so be easy on him, grant him grace and mercy because you short-changed him coming in the door. Think about it, you know that your husband loves you... he forgave your indescretion... because he love you... do you not feel it fair that he loves the totality of you and not bits and crumbs you afford him.

Unfortunately you and Mike seem to have weaved a very tangled web. You're both married and have children. Obviously the two of you did not end up together, you each ended up with other people. That right there suggests that you are not each others' "soul mates." You may be dealing with some issues from your past that you've mentioned and it seems like Mike might also have some similar issues to work through. It seems like the two of you were a source of strength for each other during your youth when the two of you were dealing and living with these things. However, that was way in the past. You both have your own lives now and the two of you were simply not meant to be. Remember that the grass always looks greener from the other side of the street. If you were to pursue this, you just might find that things would turn out very differently from what you expect. My advice to you would be to keep Mike a memory and send him a card every christmas. You have your own family and he has his. If the two of you were to break that up you may come to have very deep regrets that would haunt you for the rest of your life.