Silent Breeze
Oct 7, 2007, 02:24 AM
Hi,
Please bare with me, this is going to be long but please take the time to read.
Well ever since I could remember people have looked at me and said, "Girl you are so skinny! Go eat!" In addition, I would eat. Not a lot I admit, I had the habit of only eating when I felt hungry. I wasn't the type of girl who enjoyed chips and chocolate and all that. Now I am too skinny, even for myself. Some of my friends tell me I'm anorexic. I used to laugh and mock them for thinking so. I thought I was well, and that I was actually a little bit fat. Now I see the truth. I AM skinny, too skinny for a normal person. I weigh 36.8 Kilogram, I don't know how much in pounds... sorry. Anyway, and I am 15, younger girls weigh more than that. Its not like I don't want to eat, I really do. It's just that whenever I see food I immediately feel like vomiting. The smell is terrible. I love pizza, who doesn't, but one day after spending the entire day not eating anything I should be starving, and pizza should've made me jump from my seat, but when I did, and when I saw it, I couldn't eat, I ate only two pieces and couldn't eat anymore. I usually wake up for school feeling as if I'm about to vomit. I went for 2 days eating necessities. Five table spoons of dinner, half a bag of chips for lunch and half a piece of cake and milk for dinner. The second day in school was terrible, I had no energy. This is getting way out of control. It's not in my hands anymore. I am unable to eat, even if I'm hungry, it's like my stomach won't allow me to eat. I went to doctors and some gave me medicine that opens my appetite. But my mom hates them and so do I, she says, "if this opens your appetite, what is going to close it?!!!" I do not know what to do... I am so skinny, can you imagine people who do not even know me, haven't even talked to me go like, "girl you're so skinny...” or "do your parents hide food from you?" It gets really annoying! It's not like I'm obsessed with my weight or something, its not like my parents didn't take me to doctors and tried to make me eat whenever I didn't feel like it, its not in my hands!
I was wondering, is there any way I can get through this. Any way I can start eating well and not have to go to school every day like I just came out of my grave. I have no color in my cheeks, no curves in my body. Some people think losing weight is much harder than gaining weight. Well here, I am telling you, IT IS NOT! They are both the same. At least when you want to lose weight you are not sick, (well most people are not) but when you are at this extent, you are sick! And people don't go saying you need to lose weight, or your fat... they say these things to skinny poor people! Oh and another thing bad I do, I don't eat in school, as in I don't have breakfast. I don't like eating in school. The food there is terrible, and I don't like bringing food from home. So I end up drinking juice and hanging out with my friends and walking around. I know I should eat, and God knows I lost count of how many arguments I had with my parents for not eating breakfast... its just that... I don't like it! My friends are awsome, they keep telling me to eat and encouraging me... but I don't know why I hate it! I'd rather be playing, running, laughing, walking than sitting at a table eating and doing nothing! (Yeah, I like to move a lot... hyperactive :P! )
The scariest part is being unable to run around a lot, not being able to last a whole basketball game. I can take the sickness, but not being able to do the things I love most... that's devastating.
Help! What do I do? :(
Please bare with me, this is going to be long but please take the time to read.
Well ever since I could remember people have looked at me and said, "Girl you are so skinny! Go eat!" In addition, I would eat. Not a lot I admit, I had the habit of only eating when I felt hungry. I wasn't the type of girl who enjoyed chips and chocolate and all that. Now I am too skinny, even for myself. Some of my friends tell me I'm anorexic. I used to laugh and mock them for thinking so. I thought I was well, and that I was actually a little bit fat. Now I see the truth. I AM skinny, too skinny for a normal person. I weigh 36.8 Kilogram, I don't know how much in pounds... sorry. Anyway, and I am 15, younger girls weigh more than that. Its not like I don't want to eat, I really do. It's just that whenever I see food I immediately feel like vomiting. The smell is terrible. I love pizza, who doesn't, but one day after spending the entire day not eating anything I should be starving, and pizza should've made me jump from my seat, but when I did, and when I saw it, I couldn't eat, I ate only two pieces and couldn't eat anymore. I usually wake up for school feeling as if I'm about to vomit. I went for 2 days eating necessities. Five table spoons of dinner, half a bag of chips for lunch and half a piece of cake and milk for dinner. The second day in school was terrible, I had no energy. This is getting way out of control. It's not in my hands anymore. I am unable to eat, even if I'm hungry, it's like my stomach won't allow me to eat. I went to doctors and some gave me medicine that opens my appetite. But my mom hates them and so do I, she says, "if this opens your appetite, what is going to close it?!!!" I do not know what to do... I am so skinny, can you imagine people who do not even know me, haven't even talked to me go like, "girl you're so skinny...” or "do your parents hide food from you?" It gets really annoying! It's not like I'm obsessed with my weight or something, its not like my parents didn't take me to doctors and tried to make me eat whenever I didn't feel like it, its not in my hands!
I was wondering, is there any way I can get through this. Any way I can start eating well and not have to go to school every day like I just came out of my grave. I have no color in my cheeks, no curves in my body. Some people think losing weight is much harder than gaining weight. Well here, I am telling you, IT IS NOT! They are both the same. At least when you want to lose weight you are not sick, (well most people are not) but when you are at this extent, you are sick! And people don't go saying you need to lose weight, or your fat... they say these things to skinny poor people! Oh and another thing bad I do, I don't eat in school, as in I don't have breakfast. I don't like eating in school. The food there is terrible, and I don't like bringing food from home. So I end up drinking juice and hanging out with my friends and walking around. I know I should eat, and God knows I lost count of how many arguments I had with my parents for not eating breakfast... its just that... I don't like it! My friends are awsome, they keep telling me to eat and encouraging me... but I don't know why I hate it! I'd rather be playing, running, laughing, walking than sitting at a table eating and doing nothing! (Yeah, I like to move a lot... hyperactive :P! )
The scariest part is being unable to run around a lot, not being able to last a whole basketball game. I can take the sickness, but not being able to do the things I love most... that's devastating.
Help! What do I do? :(