Yeah hi, I've been reading up on everyone's space issues and I'm going through that phase at the moment with my (ex) girlfriend.

We were together 3yrs and only broke up last week, after a month notice of it taking affect, straight after our 2 week holiday!! Basically, I'm her first boyfriend, we've done EVERYTHING as a couple, never apart, love each other to bits, care about each other SO much, but she now wants a chance to explore her options as she's just turned 21, and as I said, I was her first boyfriend.

She didn't ask for this space because of the relationship, she loved it, it was not an issue. She just wants to see her friends more, experience different things, and meet different people. She assured me that she's not tryna find another relationship but if, months down the line, someone does interest her, she will have the option of doing so, as do I sadly. Obviously how I'm feeling now, only a week into the break, I don't want ANYONE else, just her, but maybe a few weeks from now my attitude will change. We both know that we COULD end up together again, and I'm confident we will. No-one could treat her as I did.

And as I speak, she's currently home alone, having a chinese dinner, watching a movie, and God knows WHAT ELSE, with a male friend from work, who I HAVE had suspicions about, and I'm surprisingly comfortable with it. She assured me that he's only a friend and I believe her.

Has anybody been there and been successful in a reunion and a happy ever after relationship?

Hey man I am going through a similar situation, you can see all the posts in my topic but basically I am wondering the same thing. If after this space, if things will ever be the same or if we will ever get back together. Only time will tell. Its sucks I know, I am going through it right now and its not fun. Just got to have faith and hope you two are meant to be.

I know we are. In the long term, this is great because there'll be no regrets from either of us. But it's the short term, the NOW that hurts the most. I guess we'll just have to give each other some moral support until it all works out!

My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago.. for somewhat similar reasons. He said he couldn't be in a serious relationship anymore, he needed to figure out his life, blah blah. I went somewhat NC (I never initiated contact but he called weekly and I usually answered). Eventually, I got serious with no contact and didn't answer his calls. After 3 weeks of real NC and a little over 2 months of being broken up... he came crawling back. I took my time though letting him back into my life. Now a full month of seeing each other again and talking (and I mean really talking about what we both want out of a relationship), we're officially back together. Sometimes people really need space to appreciate what they really had. At least that's what happened in my situation. He said the time apart made him realize how important I was to him and his life and how he can't imagine his life without me and there's no one else he could ever imagine spending his life with. It seems to have worked in my situation, but honestly, I don't think it's the norm. However, the best thing you can do in this situation is stick with NC... if they want to come crawling back, they will, but you can't force it. Also note, the time we were broken up and I was doing NC, I wasn't doing it with the intention of him coming back to me. I was doing it for my own healing and to move on. That's the point of NC.

I wasn't doing it with the intention of him coming back to me. I was doing it for my own healing and to move on. That's the point of NC.
Whether they come back or not healing to make better decisions and to see things realistically is the way to go. It starts with no contact to avoid mixed signal, and confusion from the ex. It gives you time to get off that emotional roller coaster with out influence from a missing partner.

So, that guy I mentioned has left, she text me saying she's in bed, I rang her. Nothing happened she said, so we had a quick chat, said goodnight. I text her asking is she angry with me and she's just sending me real snappy short messages such as 'it's been a long day, goodnite' and 'you've nothing to worry about, goodnight'.

Exactly, talaniman. I think if he had tried to get back with me in the first few weeks of the breakup when I was a wreck and miserable, we would have gotten back together but for all the wrong reasons. NC, healing, and moving on really helps you put things and your relationship in perspective so if the person tries to come back, you're not just getting back because its comfortable or because you're miserable. When my ex came back, I was actually in a really good place and having fun and having a new life. I think because of that it really helped me have a clean view about the relationship and made me ask for and express exactly what I want out of a relationship. In the end, and however the future turns out, my boyfriend and I now talk about how that time apart was probably a really good thing for our relationship. It might turn out to be the best thing we ever did for ourselves.

Jorny - Stop contacting her. Its only going to push her further away. Don't look at this as a "break". It's a break-up. She said herself that she wants the option of seeing other people. Start healing and moving on or you'll prolong your pain.

Exactly, talaniman. I think if he had tried to get back with me in the first few weeks of the breakup when I was a wreck and miserable, we would have gotten back together but for all the wrong reasons. NC, healing, and moving on really helps you put things and your relationship in perspective so if the person tries to come back, you're not just getting back because its comfortable or because you're miserable. When my ex came back, I was actually in a really good place and having fun and having a new life. I think because of that it really helped me have a clean view about the relationship and made me ask for and express exactly what I want out of a relationship. In the end, and however the future turns out, my bf and I now talk about how that time apart was probably a really good thing for our relationship. It might turn out to be the best thing we ever did for ourselves.

That's a great story, I can only hope we all have happy endings like that, me included.

I know, but as is human nature, it's so difficult. Like how can ANYONE expect another person to go from 3yr relationship to best friends overnight? She originally WANTED to keep in contact, but I made the decision myself by saying I couldn't be friends for now because I couldn't stand by and watch her and know her while she met other guys. That can't be expected of me can it?

I did the same thing. We're were together for 3 1/2 years. He wanted to remain friends. Its not possible. For first 4 weeks, KILLED! I refused to contact him, but would wait by the phone waiting for it to ring. Finally, after 6 weeks of accepting his weekly phone calls (we never saw each other in person), I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I could not be friends with him. "Its either all of me or none of me". About 2-3 weeks, later, he called again. I reiterated that I didn't want to be friends and he needed to leave me alone. Then a week later, he kept calling... and calling... and calling. Finally, I agreed to see him and we started rebuilding our relationship. Now, a month later, we are back together.

Don't play into her "friend" card. She's trying to keep you around as a safety net so she can know that she still has your emotional support. The sooner you're not there for her, the sooner she can possibly realize what she lost. I can't stress enough. She either gets all of you or none of you.

Totally agree. Don't know what you've got till it's gone! You guys have been great to talk with, I might go offline as it's late here, but I'll be back tomorrow to read anymore updates. But before I go, what are the signs that she HAS kissed another guy, without her telling me. Like that guy I was talking about and the short snappy messages. Could that be a sign that something DID happen, and she's afraid she'll let it slip out?

Don't even think about it or worry about it. I know its easier said then done, but thinking about it will only hurt. Whatever she's done is not a reflection on you.

I hope so. She couldn't possibly have done something like that to me in the space of a week of this break. Not if she loved me as much as she says she does. It's a right heartache this issue, and hopefully with these extra insights and experiences, all shall be well. Su, you're a genius, thank you.

Exactly, talaniman. I think if he had tried to get back with me in the first few weeks of the breakup when I was a wreck and miserable, we would have gotten back together but for all the wrong reasons. NC, healing, and moving on really helps you put things and your relationship in perspective so if the person tries to come back, you're not just getting back because its comfortable or because you're miserable. When my ex came back, I was actually in a really good place and having fun and having a new life. I think because of that it really helped me have a clean view about the relationship and made me ask for and express exactly what I want out of a relationship. In the end, and however the future turns out, my bf and I now talk about how that time apart was probably a really good thing for our relationship. It might turn out to be the best thing we ever did for ourselves.


My story is about the same thing almost.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-should-do-plzzzz-tell-me-im-completely-lost-134524.html

Its like.. she EVEN told me that after this is over, "Our 2nd part of our relationship will be better than our first." I mean she is ONLY doing this for us, the way I see it.

But you Jornny I KNOW its hard... my girlfriend and I just broke up on wed. this week.. Its been hard for both of us.. we Haven't talked since the last Quotes I had on my page for help. Believe me, if you stop talking to her, she will REALIZE that you are the one for her, EVEN if you 2 break up and she dates this other man to only later find out she ed up... ITS WORTH IT. Alrite man it is.. you can take a few months of pain for happiness rest of your life can't you? Even if it means for her to try to date another guy to see that you are the ONE and ONLY for her.

Jornny, this is what I've been doing, its been HARD for me to even eat, but you just have to FORGET that you even had a girlfriend for this time.. ignore what you had with her.. I mean play Halo 3 with your friends or something, you can't make yourself be alone at this time like I did and get all emo for half the day.. STAY with your friends, stay at there house, sleep over, go out, do what you have to do to keep your mind off it.

As I posted earlier, in the long term its for the best but for the short term it's difficult. Obviously thinking of each day as it comes multiplied by 7 days in the week, by 4 weeks in a month by so many months this goes on for, it's really really daunting. I even bought her a hamster for her birthday and she LOVES him to bits, but when I gave it to her, she accused me of getting her a pet so that she couldn't go out so much to have her space, because I didn't want her meeting anyone. This was totally not the case. She loves animals, and I didn't do it to make her come home every night after work and not enjoy herself.

She's become emotionally detached from you, so she can do be "friends" with you. You're still attached to her, so you can't.

Well I feel really good about all this when I've got WonderGirl taking an interest!! Cheers. My main concern that does bother me is that when we DO talk, mostly ending in an argument or fight, I always have to make sure the next day that when we ARE out of contact, that she's not angry with me and having bad thoughts about me. I'd rather her miss me and think good of me while out of touch. Get me?

I understand wanting to leave it on a good note. So, next time you talk to her be cool, calm, and collected.. and act happy. Then immediately, go NC. It'll be one of the hardest things you've ever done but you can do it. We've all gone through it. You'll feel like cr*p but it will get better... eventually. It'll be an emotional roller coaster. You'll think about her in the morning as soon as you wake up and probably will think of her every second of every day for a while but it'll get better. You just have to wait it out and keep busy. Do anything to keep yourself from dialing that phone. I often would log onto this site when I was feeling particularly weak. Reading the posts on here really helped to talk me down off the ledge in my darkest moments.

Excuse me... but what does NC mean? I see it used a lot.. sorry but I'm new to some computer slang.

NC means No Contact. It could mean a couple of different things depending on the situation, either NO Contact= you don't initiate contact, but you answer their calls/texts or real No Contact = you don't initiate contact, you don't accept or answer any attempt by then to make contact.

NC means No Contact, so I've figured. Tough to bare, but do it to care I guess. If space is what they want, NC is what is needed, and if you DO Contact, she'll eventually lose it with you and want NOTHING to do with you. I had the rand last night personally. OUCH!!

Ya NC is what's best.. I even told my EX if she texted or called me if probably not answer just so she knows that I WANT her to have her space.. by you saying this it shows that you can handle WITHOUT talking or being with her.. . then it will make her REALIZE that she cant. Knowning that you can do fine without her hurts her more than knowing you are there. Her sister is on MYSPACE atm.. talking to me, but the way she's talking, I really think its NOT her sister and really Monica, my EX. So I left asap when she starting writing mgs to me.

In response to you Su, I'll wait until I hear from her first before I do anything. I don't want to call HER to see if she's feeling good or not. If I do call, she'll probably be angry again for bothering her. But how can she feel like this if she loved me so much. How can she just put her feelings for me aside so easily, when I'm struggling to stop checking my phone for calls/messages? And she lives alone with her dad who's out a lot, how can she not miss me after 3yrs of 'habit' so to speak?

Yeah I'm on Bebo, and my ex was My Other Half up until today when I took her off myself, even though during the week I told her I wouldn't. I doubt it makes much difference to the relationship, seeing as it's only a website to meet and see people, but the worst thing is, in weeks to come, I might not be able to help myself in looking at her profile and seeing things I wish I hadn't! I know I could just NOT look, but the temptation will always be there!

That sounds like an excellent idea. And don't worry, she will miss you. Its all so recent and she still thinks she has u so it hasn't really sunk in with her yet.

I hope to God she does. But what if after so long of this split, that she comes back for me again, and we DO get back, would some of the feelings not be lost? Cause I can't see it being the same, or better even. Sure I'm saying now I'll be glad when it does happen, but I don't know HOW I'll feel in months to come. Or how SHE would feel.

You're going to drive yourself crazy if you think about the "what if's". Concentrate on the now, and what you can control. Concentrate on yourself and making yourself better.

And I think you answered your own question. You don't know how you'll feel. You have to heal and clear your mind in order to see clearly. A month from, 2 months from now, you might realize that breaking up was the right thing.

And if you did get back together? If you did it now, or did it before you're out of this emotional hell, it definitely wouldn't be better. If months from now, you both go back in with a clear mind and a clear slate then it definitely has the possibility of being even better than before. The time apart for me and my ex only served to make our feelings stronger for each other. And it honestly, feels so much better now than it did when we together before. Because now we know we're together because we both want to be together, not just because we were together for so long that it was just easier to stay together than breakup.

You're fantastic. Are you on this site a lot? It's my first time, and I think it's great. Like you said yourself, if ever I'm feeling weak or out of options and don't know where to turn, this'll be my place to be. When you broke up, did you or he see anybody else in between, not just relationship wise, but on a night out or similar?

Yes, we both saw other people. I actually dated more than him... a lot more than him. Neither of us anything that lasted more than 1 or 2 dates.

If she does see other people, you can't worry about it. She's not going to be able to replace a 3 year relationship in a week or even a month. But you just have to think of this as a breakup and try to move on. If she's going to come back, she'll come back. If not, at least you'll already be on your way to moving on. Set yourself little goals. It really helped keep me sane.

Is it necessary for the re-union or did you do it thinking 'moving on'? I don't want to do that, I found who I want, but SHE needs to find if I'M who SHE wants. I'd hate to risk finding someone when I'm perfectly happy with who I still love.

Is it neccessary for the re-union or did you do it thinking 'moving on'? I don't wanna do that, I found who I want, but SHE needs to find if I'M who SHE wants. I'd hate to risk finding someone when I'm perfectly happy with who I still love.


Yeah I feel your pain, I am happy with her but for some reason right now she is not as sure as I am and you are. So we have to just wait it out, become better people and if they miss out then you know what, it's their loss. I know most guys out there are losers or just looking for one thing. If that's what they want, well although hard, better to know now then after marriage.

Exactly. My sister told me she went through the same thing when she was 21. Living with her boyf since being 18. She took time off, but only for a month(lucky guy, poor us!) but she went back. They now are married 9yrs, in their second home with 3 lovely little girls. That was the best support I got 6-7 weeks ago before it all began. But listen to this- this is bril.

-If you love something, let it go. If it loves you, it'll come back-

Johnny I wishyou the best of luck, butmate you are blinded by love at the moment and if you honestly think there is nothing between thet guy and your girl hen you are a fool. She has the choice of spending the night with you or him she has spent it with him.

You are in denial and can't see the truth this girl is playing you after 3 years. WHAT A!!

I guarantee you she is on with the guy. Do NOT believe what she is telling you... She asays you have nothing to worry about!

What she is saying is if this guy doesn't ork ill go back to you and treat you like a dog!!

She is Definitely on with the other guy she would NOT be spending the time with him if she wanted you...

You cannot see this but it is true I hope you rrealise what she is doing.. Hold no hope DO not call her...
Why the hell are you still texting calling

DO NOTHING she is using you after all this time...

Don't FOOL YOURSELF ANYMORE.. if you want her back disappear don't let her lean on you she is used to you and well she can't spend as nuch time with the new guy as she could have with you cause she doesn't know him that well so she is using you for the moment

THIS IS THE TRUTH

Johnny I wishyou the best of luck, butmate youare blinded by love at the moment and if you honestly think there is nothing between thet guy and your girl hen you are a fool. She has the choice of spending the night with you or him she has spent it with him.

You are in denial and can't see the truth this girl is playing you after 3 years. WHAT A !!!!

I guarantee you she is on with the guy. Do NOT believe what she is telling you... She asays you have nothing to worry about!!

What she is saying is if this guy doesnt ork ill go back to you and treat you like a dog!!!!

She is DEFINATELY on with the other guy she would NOT be spending the time with him if she wanted you.....

You cannot see this but it is true i hope you rrealise what she is doing.. Hold no hope DO not call her ...
Why the hell are you still texting calling

DO NOTHING she is using you after all this time .....

DONT FOOL YOURSELF ANYMORE..if you want her back disapear dont let her lean on you she is used to you and well she can't spend as nuch time with the new guy as she could have with you cause she doesnt know him that well so she is using you for the moment

THIS IS THE TRUTH


I kind of agree 100%... even when mckenzie134 gave me advise, I was like... but really... in a way its ALL TRUE. My girlfriend is thinking of her ex of 3 years at the moment.. you think that's cool for me? After she fell in love with me first few weeks? But you, mckenzie134 is right in a way.. if MY GF LOVED ME, why would she want a break because she's thinking of another guy, her ex? ITS HER fault and that she's confused.

Let her remember... I mean really.. give it like WEEKS before you even make connact with her I MEAN WEEKS, mckenzie134 is right, Don't text or CALL her back or answer. THIS IS THE ONLY way she can realize that she really misses and needs you. If not, then it WAS NOT meant to be.. . Let her KNOW that she NEEDS you. If you call her, yes mckenzie134 is 100% right... she will USE you for a back up. Get on with your life. MY advice.. GET A NEW GF before she gets with this GUY. I think that is the only way to deal with this at this time.

I agree. Your girl would not be spending so much time with the other guy if there wasn't an interest... at the very least. A girl doesn't just hang out with a guy when she is recently broken up... just because. She is exploring her options and at this time... those options don't seem to involve you. I must say that I am sorry that you are going through this mess. Man, I hear lots of single girls say all the great guys are taken... and then when they get one... that can't see what is in front of their face.
Something I have noticed with some of my husb. And mine couple friends is that they go through a funk. When they have been together at such a young age, or if the girl had a baby before she was ready... it is like the girl goes through a renewed adolescence. Really, they do. A normally responsible and kind person turns and starts partying and whooping it up. I think they are trying to prove to themselves that where they are right now is where they want to be. My sister even went through the same thing... but at a much older age... her and her hub had been together since she was 17.
When you start a serious relationship at such a young age, you really haven't had the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. At some point, that catches up with a person. Then all of the doubts that they had collected over the years seem to come out as if the floodgates had been opened. Although I haven't discovered what triggers this, I have seen it happen first hand numerous times.
I have also seen both results. With my sis and her hub, she made the decision that she wanted to make it work. With one of our friends, she made the decision that who she had was better than anyone else out there. With one of our friends, she couldn't stop the partying and they got divorced. Each case is a little different, but they seem to all have the same beginning... too much, too soon, too fast.
When I was 18, 19 and 20... I thought I knew what I wanted in life. I thought that I was mature to handle a "real" relationship. The older I get, the more I realize that I didn't have a clue. Marriage is a lot of really tough work. It is mentally exausting and some days I feel like I have an extra kid (my hub). The media really glamourizes marriage that it is supposed to be all hunkey dorey... but life is not like that. Someone one told me that marriage is a mission. It is a mission like the people that go to third world countries are on a mission. I think any long term relationship is like that. Quite honestly, if you are the same age as she... don't be so eager to settle down. You will end up being unhappy years down the road. Although it sucks that she is doing this, take it with a grain of salt and move on. If a girl is getting this skittish now, imagine how she will get when the mission of marriage happens. I'm telling you... a flighty girl like that is not one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You don't want to be married to her and then have a castatrophe happen and you need her support... and she flew the coop because it got too tough and she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it anymore. This girl left because she got bored... plain and simple. If she is bored now, wait until you have been together for 10 years. You don't want someone that leaves when they are bored... you want someone that will talk to you about what they are feeling before it comes to this. That is what makes a mature relationship... a mature one... it is all about the communication. I know I was kind of rambling, but I hope you can find some of what I said helpful. Take care.

Jornny, Star is so dead on with what she has said. I hope you read her post twice and see what she is saying. You may be so in love that you cannot imagine that she doesn't feel the same as you. What's on her mind is not compatible to what is on your mind and it doesn't work. We all get stuck on stupid when a relationship ends , but we don't have to stay there.

Yeah, hi everyone. I last spoke to my ex 3 days ago, Saturday morning for 30mins. Twas a good, friendly conversation, and she said she'd text me later in the day. I decided to round up some friends for an old school night of Gremlins and BEER! Had a brill time and then I told my mate later that evening, say 1.30am that there was a girl I started showing interest in through Bebo. I've known her a while, worked with her, know her bro etc etc, and I managed (through a girl who knows a guy who knows a girl kind of thing!) to get her no that night. We started talking through the night and eventually it lead to me being invited to her friends house party at 4am! Yes I kissed her goodnight, she's on my mind since then, and it REALLY helped me block out my ex. But we're just friends at the moment. She thinks I'm just going through a rebound thing, which is an understandable view, but I don't feel it is. I feel that since using everybodies advice here, that I've accepted that my previous relationship is over, and that I'm starting to go out and enjoy myself and gain interest in other girls. I know self healing is about staying single and recovery, but I really like this person, and I hope it does develop over time. Thanks everybody, for EVERYTHING. You're like the friends I never had. Best of luck to all us lonely broken hearts. It's not a fun thing to have to cope with. Especially with full time jobs or exams or anything concentration requiring. Thanks again, Jornny.

I am so happy for you. Try not to be over eager to get into a relationship. That is where the rebound phenomenon comes from. A person is so lonely and hurt that they have to prove to themselves that they are still desirable in the eyes of the opposite sex. Then they get into a relationship, convinced that it is the real deal... only to find out after a month or two max, that this in fact was a rebound relationship. I am not advising you not to date. I am advising you to take it slow. Be sure your feelings are the true ones and you are not just high on the lust hormones. True love takes time, lust takes seconds.

Ok fine, I'm back! Just cause I'm feeling better about myself, doesn't mean I can go and leave all you behind. We're in this together! Anyway, yeah I believe now after a few days that I'm kind of jumping the gun with this new girl. Not that I don't feel anything for her, but at the moment I think I just need a girl-FRIEND to talk to and have a laugh with. And she's the ideal person for that. Over time, who knows, but I really got to take the hard, more sensible road and get over this heartbreak alone. I wouldn't dare dump my feelings onto ANYONE, especially somebody that I'd care about. But it's now been FIVE days without contact from OR to my ex. And tonight our fave TV show is on and usually we'd be reminding each other or watching it together. Yes, it's Prison Break, how romantic.. But back to the point, yeah I'm really happy with how I've been feeling recently. A lot has to do with this girl, a lot more to do with everyone on this site, and a small amount from my lack of ability to be anything but nice, yet I TRY my best to keep up the NC, but I'm doing it, and I'm proud. Talk again soon I hope!