I have never been married, never engaged... I'm in my thirties, educated, very successful career, more than one person has told me that I'm the nicest person that they have ever met, and I've been told that I'm attractive all my life... blah, blah, blah Somehow love has eluded me. There have been times when I've avoided it altogether because I didn't want to get my feelings hurt again. Most recently once again I met someone out of the blue, and once again it didn't work out (never really got started). I am discouraged and don't even want to try. My friends, relatives and co-workers don't help because they keep saying that no one is good enough. How can I keep from losing all hope?

Well would you rather be single or be married to the wrong person and stuck in a miserable marriage?

Are you maybe sabotaging yourself in these relationships? Are your standards really high? Where are you meeting people? Are you out there trying? Have you tried dating sites? Speed dating? Matchmakers? There is always hope and always another avenue you just have to work at it. If you want something in your life I'm sure you go for it so why not this?

I do have high standards, but I don't think they are overly high. I don't want just anyone - being alone is better than that. I have barely tried a dating site... honestly I found it depressing. Thanks for the answer.

I would give it another shot. My brother met his wife on eharmony. She is his perfect match in every way. He has high standards and decided that he wanted to meet someone. So he signed up for eharmony and approached it like business. He went out with everyone who he was matched with and spent a month or two just dating everyone then narrowed it down to three girls and then to his lovely wife. You never know.

Also a lot of cities have matchmakers that work with successful people like yourself and match them with other high caliber individuals.

Aw... sweetlady7, pull a chair, hugs... tears... laughters...
We are def. sisters! :)
I feel the same thing as you do!!

I have never been married, never engaged
I have never had a boyfriend,I am 23

educated, very successful career, more than one person has told me that I'm the nicest person that they have ever met, and I've been told that I'm attractive all my life... blah, blah, blah Somehow love has eluded me.
EXACTLY LIKE ME!

There have been times when I've avoided it altogether because I didn't want to get my feelings hurt again.

Most recently once again I met someone out of the blue, and once again it didn't work out (never really got started).
I went to couple dates just movies and hang out but didn't work out, they think I am overqualified, I was a little bit hurt.
I met a guy who is in Cambridge now a year ago, didn't work out either.

I am discouraged and don't even want to try. My friends, relatives and co-workers don't help because they keep saying that no one is good enough.
Same here, everyone thinks there is no one is good enough for me.

HUGS!

WHat are we going to do stweety7??

I wish I knew what to say to you... you are actually young (that isn't helpful though, is it?).
Oh "I look younger when I smile ;)", I still get carded everywhere, and I'm 37.

I think guys like us, but they are a little bit intimidated...
And they don't really admit it.

I am young, but there is not one single person I know that have never had a boyfriend by the age of 23. I basically never dated only two dates in my whole life. So total should be about 4 hours. Period.

:D Hey do we work at the same place? U work for global 500?

I'm 28 and only one of my friends is engaged. The rest of us have no boyfriends and we always have a hard time meeting quality guys. I feel like my standards are that high I just want someone who matches me. Is it so wrong to want someone who is ambitious, mentally and emotionally healthy, funny, smart and close to their family oh and they can't smoke or do drugs. But I feel the pinch from people. Its like they always ask why you aren't seeing anyone in a way that says "what' wrong with YOU?".

I tried everything however I recently moved and I'm considering trying it all over again. I had little success with online dating when I lived in NY. I think that guys in Jersey are a little less stuck up and jerky then New Yorkers. I would love to have a great result like my brother.

I don't really trust online dating. NOt the site but the people. It seems like everyone is perfect,lol. Ppl can hide stuff during advertising themselves.

Yeah but you usually figure that stuff out in the first few dates. Some stuff people can't really hide. Some people have no social skills which you can figure out in the first phone call. Some people are crazy which you can usually tell from their profiles. Its all about reading between the lines.

My concern is what if he has mental problem, or a rapist, therefore, I won't even go meet them. Not even one date...

That's why you meet them in a public place and have an "escape clause". I never leave the place where we met with anyone. I will only meet people where I'm familiar. I talked to one guy who kept insisting that I come by him for our first date and it made me so uncomfortable I blocked him. You just have to be smart about it I've employed friends to go to the same place with me. Now I'm more comfortable with it. I've known a decent amount of people who have gotten married or found boyfriends so it has to work sometimes, right?

Yes, I will do all these. It does work out for some people.
And I am also afraid that what if he likes me too much, end up being a stalker.
I had couple stalkers in college before, I had to call cops on them!!

Oh jeez! That's really scary. Its not for everyone that's for sure. I have friends who won't touch online dating with a 10 foot pole! So you aren't alone in that.

I sometimes just wish all great eligible guys were somehow corralled into one space and we could all just spring on it and find some awesome guys!

Glinda,I'd date you if you were a gentleman... you pretty much meet my requirements,:D

:D

You too! Why can't more men be like us??

can you take this short survey?


1) describe your relationship with your father
2) did you date much in high-school/college
3) are you comfortable in a swimsuit
4) describe your last boyfriend
5) what do you do for fun on the weekend
6) what do you do for a living
7) what do you do for fun? Hobbies? Passions?
8) what type of guys do you like?
9) what's your favorite movie/book
10) what age did you think marriage was for you?

Standing by --

1) my father is mentally unstable and has been out of my life since I was a kid
2) Yes. Long term relationships
3) Yes
4) Very appreciative and respectful of me.
5) Hang with family and friends, run in the park, shop, rock climb, play bar trivia, wine tasting
6) Own my own business - it's a personal growth business for women
7) I love to knit, crochet and sew. I love rock climbing and working out. I'm killer at pop culture trivia. I'm passionate about the work that I do helping people especially women is my life.
8) I like men who are ambitious, confident, love their life, are mentally and emotionally sound, funny, laid back, outdoorsy, intelligent and who are close with their families.
9) Favorite books are The Mists of Avalon, The Wizard of Oz, Eat Pray Love
10) Around 26 (I'm now 28)

I can't wait for Ash to tabulate these results

I've had great results on online dating as well as some of my friends. You just have to be patient and have fun with it. And remember, give people a chance. Don't base everything on that one initial date or one e-mail... someone love/attraction needs to grow. I mean it shouldn't take that long. After a couple of dates, you should know whether you're into the person. Just don't put so much pressure on that one first meeting.

1) my father is mentally unstable and has been out of my life since I was a kid
2) Yes. Long term relationships
3) Yes
4) Very appreciative and respectful of me.
5) Hang with family and friends, run in the park, shop, rock climb, play bar trivia, wine tasting
6) Own my own business - its a personal growth business for women
7) I love to knit, crochet and sew. I love rock climbing and working out. I'm killer at pop culture trivia. I'm passionate about the work that I do helping people especially women is my life.
8) I like men who are ambitious, confident, love their life, are mentally and emotionally sound, funny, laid back, outdoorsy, intelligent and who are close with their families.
9) Favorite books are The Mists of Avalon, The Wizard of Oz, Eat Pray Love
10) Around 26 (I'm now 28)

I can't wait for Ash to tabulate these results

Umm... Do you have a BF/husband Glinda?
I have some results but want to wait until Sweetlady weighs in...

Nope. No boyfriend or hubby to speak of.

Ahh but I'm CURIOUS. Dang.

Do you wish it posted to you via message or on this thread?

Woohoo, Glinda! Welcome to Jersey! As an expert in Jersey/NY boys, Jersey boys are definitely less stuck up.

I've already put plenty out there Ash. It takes a lot to embarrass to this girl

Woohoo, Glinda! Welcome to Jersey! As an expert in Jersey/NY boys, Jersey boys are definitely less stuck up.

Glad to hear it! I was SO over hearing "Hey, I have a Mercedes". Wow good for you. Could you please go away now, thanks!

I'm looking forward to meeting down to earth dudes!

A short personal survey for women seeking relationship insights


1) describe your relationship with your father
2) did you date much in high-school/college
3) are you comfortable in a swimsuit
4) describe your last boyfriend
5) what do you do for fun on the weekend
6) what do you do for a living
7) what do you do for fun? Hobbies? Passions?
8) what type of guys do you like?
9) what's your favorite movie/book
10) what age did you think marriage was for you?



1) my father is mentally unstable and has been out of my life since I was a kid
2) Yes. Long term relationships
3) Yes
4) Very appreciative and respectful of me.
5) Hang with family and friends, run in the park, shop, rock climb, play bar trivia, wine tasting
6) Own my own business - its a personal growth business for women
7) I love to knit, crochet and sew. I love rock climbing and working out. I'm killer at pop culture trivia. I'm passionate about the work that I do helping people especially women is my life.
8) I like men who are ambitious, confident, love their life, are mentally and emotionally sound, funny, laid back, outdoorsy, intelligent and who are close with their families.
9) Favorite books are The Mists of Avalon, The Wizard of Oz, Eat Pray Love
10) Around 26 (I'm now 28)

I can't wait for Ash to tabulate these results

Ok Glinda (and other posters I linvite to peek at her profile and benefit from introspection),

1) This is a Vital question. We develop our view of the opposite sex as children. Your father, unfortunately, has made it hard for you to find the right guy/believe in the right guy yet. That said, you have compensated by becoming very outgoing/charming... And feeling - almost everyday - you can do anything - but feeling doubt down deep - and hope a man will provide you with unconditional love and make you feel safe.

2) You have worked hard on your relationships. You do not want to lose men, like you did as a child. And don't want a man to have a reason to leave...

3) you like your body. Good. Though, the straight yes makes me think you would be danged if anyone told you otherwise

4) You are seeking a good catch and will not settle. Your guy has to be going somewhere - but beware of expecting too much/being unrealistic... and get to know the man himself... and believe in the team

5) you are outgoing and an extrovert. Your potential mate will need to appreciate this - even if he is not

6) "A personal growth business for women" - this says A LOT. You really feel that a woman must feel empowered and defended. I would explore that father situ again... Your mate needs to not make you feel controlled. Some women like a man running the show - some don't... Know thy self. Be aware that you will need a man to be on board with this and sometimes understand if he cannot match your passion for it though

7) GO. GO. GO... ACTIVITIES AND WOMEN ARE YOUR LIFE...
I would say you might need to compromise for a mate... And trust in the man/woman team.
You may find yourself frustrated by his insensitivity, or dis-similar interests.. if you respect him, you may have to let some things slide.

8) "Ambitious and close with their families..." are first and last among your very solid list. The man you listed is great... and I sense that this guy better be leading, because you have set your standards high... just don't be disappointed if he weakens or doesn't lead sometimes... and the last - see #1. I think your mate will tested to see if he will not do what your dad did - and that is good! As long as you don't fear this happening once you commit trust.. then you will stand a better chance of being happy. This may take work...

9) subjects of fantasy and escape... coupled with a romantic voyages to the far away.
You want to be swept away, where stress disappears and life is idyllic... be wary of idealizing with your mate. You may grow frustrated. Rejoice in reality.

10) You are young and fun. I am sure you will find Mr. Right as long as you know what hurdles may face you (you both may face and go through them together)

....We should all be so lucky.

Thus ends this epistle.

(I may have used up the poster's thread on you :-)
More later...

Cheers!

Nicespringgirl & Sweetlady do this! Ash's "Evaluation" is so good!

Thank you again Ash. You really are right on.

Ha!

More on the how's and why's later... thanks. Have a good day!

Wonder how sweetlady will do...

Ps - I think your attribution has a typo - unless you were upset with me :-)

Ah! It does sorry about that. I of course meant Ash. If I was going to call you a name I'd come right out with it ;)

Thanks in advance, and I will comment on some of the other answers soon. Here are my results/answers:
1)I was very close to my father, but he died when I was 11.
2)Several dates in high school, one boyfriend off and on throughout college
3)For the most part, but I am petite with a large chest and don't like the amount of cleavage most bathing suits give me (I'm serious)
4)Last boyfriend was from college…smart, nice looking, strong morals, but also arrogant and selfish
5)Spending time with friends, go to dinner, house projects, sporting events
6)Computer Engineer
7)Spending time with friends, my dog, walking, watching sporting events, music
8)Intelligent, mannerly, easy-going, similar interests, ambitious, nice-looking
9)I like numbers more than reading…can't think of a favorite book (murder mysteries that I read are all alike). Favorite movie: It's a Wonderful Life, but Pulp Fiction is high on my list too
10)Considered marriage as I was graduating from college, but I haven't thought about it again until recently and I am 37. I was at a wedding a few months ago and thought that is just not for me which is how I've been thinking for a long time. Then I met someone that I thought was very special and imagined that I actually could get married and live with someone.

Thanks in advance, and I will comment on some of the other answers soon. Here are my results/answers:
1)I was very close to my father, but he died when I was 11.
2)Several dates in high school, one boyfriend off and on throughout college
3)For the most part, but I am petite with a large chest and don't like the amount of cleavage most bathing suits give me (I'm serious)
4)Last boyfriend was from college…smart, nice looking, strong morals, but also arrogant and selfish
5)Spending time with friends, go to dinner, house projects, sporting events
6)Computer Engineer
7)Spending time with friends, my dog, walking, watching sporting events, music
8)Intelligent, mannerly, easy-going, similar interests, ambitious, nice-looking
9)I like numbers more than reading…can't think of a favorite book (murder mysteries that I read are all alike). Favorite movie: It's a Wonderful Life, but Pulp Fiction is high on my list too
10)Considered marriage as I was graduating from college, but I haven't thought about it again until recently and I am 37. I was at a wedding a few months ago and thought that is just not for me which is how I've been thinking for a long time. Then I met someone that I thought was very special and imagined that I actually could get married and live with someone.

1) You lost your father. You have separation/abandonment issus. The hole is still there, and will always be. You need a mate whom you feel will not leave you - yet you find ones that do - as you subconsciously create a sef-fulfilling prophecy. So, try to be vulnerable to nice guys. And if you respect him, then don't expect him to be super human. Again, respect and communication are key.

2) You dated a bit, but did not cyle through to a place you oughta be. You need to find a guy now that let's you feel some of that ay have some high school butterflies but is stable. Your challenge is to not idealize the relationship and embrace that you are older now and that means different things.

3) Some basic insecurity is OK. That's honest. But if it translates to the bedroom that is a problem - you need to work through that... Body insecurity can mess up intimacy. Flaws must be embraced - confidence is a turn on.

4) Your boyfriend choice goes back to #1... Be wary of your need for self-fulfilling prophecy. You must learn to date the opposite of what you crave for a spell. Try some platonic dates/hangingout with nice guys... You are loyal so mr. jerk gets way too much of your time.

5) You are perhaps a bit introverted. So, practice doing things that make you "reach out" and touch someone... a shared experience - that is not just spectating or fixing but exchanging. Dining after perhaps - a physical or mentaly sharing activity perhaps - (games)
Your mate will likley be a bit more extroverted - look for a guy who is good to his friends and his family - but is not a mama's boy.

6) I think a man with intelligence and an appreciation for what you do would be good - since your job is mental and "inward" - I think a man who respects your quiet time would be good.. you do not want a 3-ring circus atmosphere...

7) see 5.

8) You listed intelligence 1st and I agree. The key is to not find someone who is introverted and/or self-absorbed... Look for a mate who's intelligence is not worn on hs sleeve.


9) I think rational things are what interest you. And fairness... Yet, you will find this boring in the wrong package. I would say embrace a guy who is not going to make you feel compromised at the end of the night. (i.e the endless movie references and pop culture stuff may not be you) A fair and practical guy will look boring at first, but if he is a good guy it will grow.

10) Marriage is not a consuming dream for you... You like the idea but it makes you uneasy. So, look at it this way... It's not marriage you want... it's a person... Just find a good guy to go for a walk with or go to a game with... If you can talk for hours, keep talking. If not, go on a walk etc. with someone else.

To meet a guy simply put yourself out there in an environment YOU are comfortable in... but make the effort to be out there - then be in good physical and mental shape - and let fate take over...

Your ideal mate is just a conversation or a ball game away. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - except to be active in being active and out there. The hardest thing in life is that character often dictates fate, and to change this is tough... So, be aware of your sensitive points - and fight some instincts that may just be slowing you down. I think a good friend may pop up sooner than you think.

can you take this short survey?


1) describe your relationship with your father
2) did you date much in high-school/college
3) are you comfortable in a swimsuit
4) describe your last boyfriend
5) what do you do for fun on the weekend
6) what do you do for a living
7) what do you do for fun? hobbies? passions?
8) what type of guys do you like?
9) whats your favorite movie/book
10) what age did you think marriage was for you?

standing by --

Ash123, thank you for the survey, I am taking it and any comments from you will be greatly appreciated.
1. He was a busy businessman, I love him but he was too busy to spend much time with the family. He passed away when I was ten.
2. Not at all.
3. Beautiful, fit, was once homecoming queen. I don't like to show my skin or body much at all, reduce unnecessary trouble.lol
4.I never had a boyfriend.
5. hang out with grilfriends, go to nursing home, volunteering, shopping sometimes, spend time with my family.
6. Young professional working as Financial Analyst for a Fortune 500. I had degrees in both engineering and accounting.
7. I paint, dance, practice martial arts. Recently interested in golfing.
8. Mature, intelligent, ambitious,strong morals,healthy, willing to learn from each other and enjoy self improvement.
9. I like numbers more than reading. I like self improvement books.No fiction in my life!movie: Crash Book: Turn you mind into an alley
10. A little bit before 30, maybe 27,8.

Thank you.:)

Ash123, thank you for the survey, I am taking it and any comments from you will be greatly appreciated.
1. He was a busy businessman, I love him but he was too busy to spend much time with the family. He passed away when I was ten.
2. Not at all.
3. Beautiful, fit, was once homecoming queen. I don't like to show my skin or body much at all, reduce unnecessary trouble.lol
4.I never had a bf.
5. hang out with grilfriends, go to nursing home, volunteering, shopping sometimes, spend time with my family.
6. Young profesional working as Financial Analyst for a Fortune 500. I had degrees in both engineering and accounting.
7. I paint, dance, practice martial arts. Recently interested in golfing.
8. Mature, intelligent, ambitious,strong morals,healthy, willing to learn from each other and enjoy self improvement.
9. I like numbers more than reading. I like self improvement books.No fiction in my life!movie: Crash Book: Turn you mind into an alley
10. a lil bit before 30, maybe 27,8.

Thank you.:)


1. Your role model was absent. Recognize this. You feel like a man is not a safe thing. Recognize this in yourself. Don't pick a man who is going to leave or push a man who won't. Nurture a man who deserves it... but don't lose yourself... women who have lost a parent or have an absentee parent suffer lower self esteem in the attachment phase and don't make it as well to the next level. They sacrifice for things that don't make things better and don't sacrifice for things that will. Beware. And be confident... in yourself - and him if you respect him.

2. You are a late bloomer. So, you may idealize men since you have late exposure to the ups and downs of relationships. Be active and get used to the exposure... not sexual per se - but the gender clashes of culture that some embrace and makes others cringe... find someone who is patient and try to be with them. Your tough spot is going to be figuring out what is and isn't normal - and when to be stressed. If you pick a good guy then you focus on being supportive and get nurtured in return. It will never be perfect. And people without a parental and relationship paradigm for successful living struggle with when to talk about change and when to ignore.

3. Ok, so you feel like a star on the inside but not enough to show it on the outside.
You don't want to let go and be vulnerable. You must - even if it means getting hurt a bit.
TRY to make the guy you choose one you respect and your friends respect - and then see if you can talk a long time... after that it's the pure risk that only practice and inner voices can guide... Do something that makes you feel scared and it will be rewarding.

4. Well, now you are getting warmed up. Since you don't have a lot of practice. Get guy friends... Beware of always leaning on "the girls" - or you will use the same method to get through life and only succeed in one half. Also, cultural differences can make us feel separated. Fight to not let that happen. Live for yourself - not your relatives!

5. You are an achiever with girls as your allies. Look for a guy who gets along with your girlfriends - but don't expect him to hang out with them... And realize that the volunteer work you is great - though it needs to be mixed with activities that mix you with your peers - and make you... feel vulnerable. Your achieving nature needs to be nurtured, so a guy that likes to do something you've never done is a way of giving as well, and you both can benefit.

6. Beware of the office. It promises happiness, but only via the corporate avenue.
Also, Your impressive resume does not attract a man in the way a woman is attracted by a man's career accomplishments. Men like to be nurtured and they will chase when they are given encouragement. Your job is not a starter really. It's a bonus. So, connect in other ways than just biz talk.

7. Very well rounded - but not bonding/interactive things. Try a group or more connected activity - like a raft running trip or a picnic in the park or group dinner that you organize -

8. Your description sounds nice. Not a lot of fun... no sense of humor I see... You want him to be like your resume... ready to achieve. I admire that, but consider time with a nice guy who you can both learn from each other as a good start. Beware of a guy in a dark suit that just got his bonus... Unless you can talk for hours, he will just make you want to go hang out with the girls after you analyze each other... Make sure you mix with groups where smart guys are there, but they may not be as corporate.

9. No fantasy for you. You could use some! Realize that you need to let go a bit and a guy will respect that... numbers are nice because they are rational... but life is NOT... so, the more you embrace that, the happier you will be - in fact, rejoice in it.

10. Not a lot of wedding fantasies... more career fantasies... recognize that in yourself and practice being vulnerable and nurturing for a guy that does the same for you... if not, keep moving. No man is perfect, and realize that your makeup believes that can exist. Fight that.

Peace from the Ashes...

Not a lot of fun... no sense of humor I see...
Coz I have a great sense of humor so as long as he knows to laugh, I don't ask more of that.:D