Hello. Please, help me, I don’t know what to do and really could use some help. I was together with my (now ex) boyfriend for a year and two months. Now I’m 18 and he’s 3.5 years older then me. He left me at the end of June’07 (2 month ago). We met in the beginning of spring 2006, both of us were feeling for each other since we met and we liked each other more and more each time we would see each other, had that sparkle… In 2.5 month knowing each other we started being together. He said I do something weird to him (in a good way), that he never felt anything like that with anyone else and that I even gave him something to look forward to. Of course for me he was nothing like I’ve ever felt, when with other guys I started to lose my feelings when I started to get them, with him it was the opposite – as closer we were getting , the stronger I felt about him. We loved each other a lot, according to him I was the best out of all, was a centre of his Universe, he felt stronger then for anyone else (and later on, I was his longest relationship), according to him mom he was shocked in the beginning cause he never thought that somebody could love him like this and be so good and caring and stuff like that, he even said that probably would marry (some day) when he never even thought of marriage and even wanted or believed in it (different people – different opinions), and what now makes it even harder to “hold on” knowing that I was the one that changed his mind about marriage. Well, we were happy together, though we fought a lot over some small things which I thought were important and he didn’t, or I thought it wasn’t that important when he did… But mostly it was when we couldn’t see each other, because we couldn’t see each other as often as we/him or I/ wanted, but when we were together, everything was great. And so it was going till New Years, when I didn’t want to meet it on some stupid party among drunk people I don’t even know, I wanted to meet it with him and then we could go to the party (I didn’t tell him that I want to meet it only with him, I was hoping he would know, but how it turned out later he didn’t know and I just should’ve said it). I went to that party with him giving it a try, but all there was no food only drinks, we were sitting around the table (me, my boyfriend and bunch of jew “kids” of older age then me) and they were talking their language, while me and Him didn’t understand a word, so I left that party at 11pm before NewYears leaving him there (I will never forget his look like I was leaving him forever), Next day he didn’t call or anything and only day after we got into a fight because of it, then in a week we got into a very big fight on the phone and I said what I didn’t mean and “we’re over” in a rage; he took it seriously, week we didn’t spoke, eat or sleep, but we made it through and everything seemed to be fine, but since then we fought a lot, got a lot of problems, and in the end of February he left me, said that feeling is gone, I was over at his plase, we both talked, cried (even him just a bit), in two weeks he wrote to me that he misses me way too much and all that, and asked me to meet up with him, and asked me to take him back, said that his feeling is back even stronger and stuff, that he never break up with me again, that he can’t live without me, that I’m his soul mate, that he is even more serious about me than before, and all that, made promises… For a month everything was better then ever, but he broke my heart when he broke up with me, betrayed my trust and trust once’ve been betrayed is hard to regain, and it takes a lot of time and “action”, he didn’t really thought so, he thought that it’s enough to say all those things which he said he really did mean. But I had a fear that he would break my heart, hurt me again, and that I called not trusting enough. I was always looking through his Facebook and imvu profiles, asking questions about them, his buddies on there and that stuff, but he wouldn’t tell me anything, but get frustrated and upset at me for that, and it made me more “interested” in it, and I would ask more questions (as I was monitoring him, and I know I made mistakes, and shouldn’t have be that paranoid and all; but if he just talked to me once, explained those things to me, it wouldn’t have happened, and I wouldn’t “monitor” him if he only talked, but he didn’t). He wouldn’t talk to me about things that bothered him but would get upset and frustrated…And one day I like always on Fridays stayed at his place and was waiting for him to come back from work, and I was going through his computer cause I was bored and I saw his porn folder with some nasty pictures of naked girls kind you can find on internet. I didn’t like that (it was kind of offensive to me, like he didn’t have enough or something) I told him that, on what he was mad, stopped talking to me than, I went home, next day he didn’t write, didn’t call me, then day after that I called him and it wasn’t pleasant talk… He said he’s unhappy with some things, and finally explained all that I needed him to explain long time… It was last time I heard his voice, and that day when he got mad at me for going through his stuff without permission, it was last time I saw him… Next day I wrote email where I said that Im sorry for all that and tried to explain everything to him… It didn’t help, he said that he’s sorry but it’s not working out… Few weeks ago we talked on msn just friendly, about nothing, but then he said that he doesn’t want to date me, he doesn’t want to date anyone, he said he still cares about me, but it’s just that he doesn’t want me to control him like a puppet (that’s how he said that), and that he doesn’t play game but it’s all that I do (he thinks and thought that before that I played with him, when I never played, I just wanted attention, for us to be open to each other, talk). I love him more then anything/anyone in this world, I still do, he means everything to me, I can’t live without him. All I wish more than anything is for his feelings to come back, for him to come back to me, for another chance to be with him… What do I do? How do I get him back? Can his love coma back.. It’s been 2 month, but I still can’t help it, can’t and don’t want to forget, and when I try, I feel even worse, and I'm not interested in other guys at all, in fact they just turn me off… My world has turned apart, my life lost meaning without him in it… All I want is for us to be together again, love each other, and be happy… I would give away anything just to get him back... What do I do..

1) Start here:


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

2) Then we can talk more...

3) re "- And one day I like always on Fridays stayed at his place and was waiting for him to come back from work, and I was going through his computer cause I was bored and I saw his porn folder with some nasty pictures of naked girls kind u can find on internet. I didn't like that (it was kinda offensive to me, like he didn't have enough or something) I told him that, on what he was mad, stopped talking to me than, I went home, next day he didn't write, didn't call me, then day after that I called him and it wasn't pleasant talk… He said he's unhappy with some things, and finally explained all that I needed him to explain long time…"

You might want to address #3 the best way you can before No Contact...BUT If he's the one - would you all have so many divisive issues - like porn etc...

Ash123, thank you, I'll try these steps (naturally, I'm at the stage of silence , but I've done some mistakes on first stages about being cool and all, I hope it won't affect situation too much)...

All depends on how much there was to begin with... don't torture yourself too much - as long as you are true to yourself... you will find the right guy.

Ask yourself if want him as a soulmate or a roommate.

"But I had a fear that he would break my heart, hurt me again, and that I called not trusting enough. I was always looking through his facebook and imvu profiles, asking questions about them, his buddies on there and that stuff, but he wouldn't tell me anything, but get frustrated and upset at me for that, and it made me more “interested” in it, and I would ask more questions (as I was monitoring him, and I know I made mistakes, and shouldn't have be that paranoid and all; but if he just talked to me once, explained those things to me, it wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't “monitor” him if he only talked, but he didn't). He wouldn't talk to me about things that bothered him but would get upset and frustrated…"

This doesn't sound like a soulmate for you.

You don't seem relaxed. It's either because of him, your childhood, your natural countenance, or....

For all that love through the break ups, neither of you knew how to work together to solve your problems, and that is not only from being young, and inexperienced, but blinded by each others love. Through out your post, there is emotion, but NO sign of working together. A lot of talking but NO communication. No communication, No relationship.

Ash123, for more then two month now of being without him (and since he broke up with me that first time) I've been thinking about it all and I know that I love him, I know that he's the only one I need and I wan't him as a soulmate (if there is such a way to say it), not just a roommate... I'm sure of all these since I've met him...


talaniman, I see... but what is there left now? Is there anything for us out there..

What you need to remember her Eternal_K is that in order for a relationship to work both people have to be committed to making it work and making it happen. Both people have to want it and want it the same amount. You can't do all the work to keep the relationship afloat.

It sounds as if you were very insecure in this relationship and not trusting at all. Please recognize that this sort of behavior will drive any man away from a relationship. I feel that he would not want to be with you until you addressed these issues. What you need to do is focus inward - there is a reason the relationship ended and I'm not saying its all you but I'm saying that your insecurity and trust issues could not have helped. You need to work on these things maybe even with a mental health professional because you will potentially sabotage all relationship with insecurity and distrust.

Work on yourself now YOU are important and treat yourself that way.

I see... but what is there left now? Is there anything for us out there..

Work on improving yourself, as this will happen again and again, until you deal with it properly.

In time things will get easier. Stay busy and plan things to do. Try new things and meet new people. Who knows what the future holds but its best to get healthy first before trying anything else. There is a whole lifetime ahead... left for reconciliation or w/e. Choose to see this as an oppurtinity and don't look back.