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View Full Version : My boyfriend says he needs time to himself


Hansbre
Aug 21, 2007, 01:31 PM
My boyfriend (30) and I(26) have been dating for a little over 6 months. We met online though a dating service, and he made the initial contact. I'm an old fashioned type girl taking advantage of online dating since I don't go out very much (consistently only on Saturday nights). So I decided to try online dating and we've been talking since the beginning of January of this year. Slowly our phone conversations became longer and longer, and after about 3-4 weeks, we were talking every night for a good hour, sometimes even 3hours! On Valentine's day he asked me over the phone to be his Valentine and I said yes and I was all smiles. We still haven't met at this point, we've only emailed each other photos back and forth, from our cell phones when we're randomly out and thinking about each other. Being a huge skeptic, I still insisted to him that until we meet in person I would not very completely comfortable continuing this phone/photos routine. I live in Miami and he lives in Atlanta. He mentioned to me before that him and his best friend, along with his best friend's nephew, were planning on coming down to Miami for 4 days sometime soon so that would be a good time to meet. We made plans to have dinner the night they got to the hotel.

They came down at the end of February, I picked him up from his hotel, and we headed to south beach and had a great dinner. I was so nervous, but at the same time so relieved that he was such a great humble guy in person. We both agreed that we hit it off. We spend a little more time together before he had to had back his city and since then everything has been so nice. He told me how comfortable he feels around me, that he doesn't have to try to impress me or act fake since I'm a down to earth girl, and how says that he hopes we can continue to grow. Since we are serious about making things work between us (we had a talk about not seeing anyone else) we made it a point to fly to see each other every 3-4 weeks (I'm always on the search for cheap airline tickets and he's always open to help with most of the expenses). So far he's visited me 3 times and I've visited 4 times.

We have a lot in common (values, religion, and career) which are all important to me, and I really want this man in my life for a long time.

Last weekend we took a weekend getaway trip to a nearby city 3 hours from his home town (this was a casual celebration of our 6 months anniversary). I fly one way into his city, and we drove together for the short getaway. We had a nice romantic weekend and we drove back, I stayed at his place for a couple days and we also searched for a return ticket for me to fly back home. We've always had talks about me staying up there for an extended stay (our usual visits back and forth last 5 days at a time), to see if I like the city in case I were to ever move up there (since I can do my work from home, and he's pretty much established in his city). On day 4 (Wednesday), I decided to ask how he feels about me staying until Saturday. His reaction was not what I was wanted to see.. he say 'Saturday?' in shock. So his reaction completely turned me off, and I said, well let me just find a flight for tomorrow then. He said he would be really mad if I left so soon, so maybe find a flight for Friday since he had to meet his best friend to go check out this house (they're trying test out real estate together). So after we argued about how he made me feel un-wanted, and he said it's just he needs his space sometimes, I found an early flight for Friday morning.

To make a long story short, when I got back home, I left him a message saying that I arrived safely, and when he called me back I didn't pick up. I figured if he needed space, that I would start be giving it to him now. Then he texted me that night 'you're not talking to me?' I was out at the time so I text back 'Ofcouse not sweetie, just out for a little bit' but I knew I really just wanted to give him space. Now I called him back, and he didn't answer and hasn't returned my call for two days now. I then texted him saying ' Hi sweetie, I guess now you're not talking to me.. take all the time you need... maybe this is what we need'. He text back "I just need some time to myself.. thanks for being understanding'.

I feel that I should have never suggested that I stayed a little longer, and maybe that's why he grew a little tired of me. Since we only see each other every 3-4 weeks, when he visits me, I always wish he could stay a little longer, but he has to go back for work. When I visit him, I wish he could feel the same way about me. We haven't said 'I love you' yet even though we both really care about each other, but I also feel that I may have stronger attachment for him, so I would be really hurt if things ended between us. I don't know how long it will be before he calls, but I'm planning to stay busy with work and maybe take a vacation alone. There has been a lot going on lately with me, such as getting this job offer on the west coast, and they would allow me to work from the east coast (possibly even from his city!) since it's all computer based. He told me to try and convince them that Atlanta is a good place for my work, so I know he wants me to be closer to him and I do to, but if he feels like I would take away from his freedom, then I'd stay in my city, or if my job wants me to move to Atlanta, I don't think I would let him know (unless things work out between us), so he doesn't think he had something to do with my move to his city.

Please give me some good serious advice it you have any. Thanks in advance!

s_cianci
Aug 21, 2007, 03:52 PM
Give him the space he seems to need. You don't need to rush or push things right now. And don't make any drastic, life-altering decisions based on him right now.

peony234
Aug 21, 2007, 04:43 PM
I say... do what you got to do with your life. Do what you WANT to do with your life. He claims that he needs some time to himself - maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Either way, he'll come back to you if he really wants you in his life. It has to be a 2-way street. In the meantime, don't stop living your life - not for anyone.