How do you bring up your wife needs to lose weight? :confused: Not just a few pounds... but about 60! :eek: When we met we were young and active. ;) Life happens and Kids happen and its been five years since our second child. :rolleyes: My wife is a stay at home Mom that has "Let herself go" :( Now her health is suffering and she is only in her mid thirties.:confused: She has just stopped caring about her looks.

First of all, you need to make her feel good about herself or she will not be able to get the inspiration that she needs. Explain to her that she will always be beautiful to you but that you really want her to be healthy so that you both can have a long, eventful life together; her health is also extremely important for the children. Explain to her that you will be right by her side and will help her to lose the extra pounds that just need to come off.
I found a website that would be very helpful for you; let me know what you think!
10 Ways to Help a Loved One Lose Weight (http://www.webmd.com/content/article/118/113036.htm)

Start exercising together walk together at night or in the morning. Be supportive and caring. Get her a gift certificate to a spa so she can get a make over. Let her know her outer beauty needs to match her inner beauty.

How do you bring up your wife needs to lose weight? :confused: Not just a few pounds... but about 60! :eek: When we met we were young and active. ;) Life happens and Kids happen and its been five years since our second child. :rolleyes: My wife is a stay at home Mom that has "Let herself go" :( Now her health is suffering and she is only in her mid thirties.:confused: She has just stopped caring about her looks.
Love her as she is. That's about as easy as it gets. You fell in love with one person and that person has changed... so you need to love her as she is now. Only other option would be to join a gym TOGETHER. Support her but make it seem like it would be something you could do together. Make it your idea about you getting in shape. That way you're not critiquing her! And like I said if all else fails.. just accept her

love her as she is. that's about as easy as it gets. you fell in love with one person and that person has changed...so you need to love her as she is now. only other option would be to join a gym TOGETHER. Support her but make it seem like it would be something you could do together. make it your idea about you getting in shape. that way you're not critiquing her! and like i said if all else fails..just accept her
Yes but his wife really needs to know the truth and needs to accept the fact that she is beginning to become unhealthy. Doing it together is great but she needs a bit of a reality check and needs to know the truth about what her husband is feeling/thinking.

Don't bring up one word about her weight. Or her health.

Get a sitter and take her (your wife, not the sitter) for romantic walks in the moonlight, go bowling together weekly (join a couples' league?), join a fitness club and twice weekly begin lifting weights (and invite her to spot you... and then to try it herself), join a Y with an indoor pool and take her weekly to swim laps, have lots of sex after the two of you dive in and clean the house... and sweep out the garage... and wash the cars... and do yardwork -- like, DO active stuff TOGETHER!

AND DON'T MENTION HER WEIGHT!! OR HER HEALTH!!

Don't bring up one word about her weight. Or her health.

Get a sitter and take her (your wife, not the sitter) for romantic walks in the moonlight, go bowling together weekly (join a couples' league?), join a fitness club and twice weekly begin lifting weights (and invite her to spot you...and then to try it herself), join a Y with an indoor pool and take her weekly to swim laps, have lots of sex after the two of you dive in and clean the house...and sweep out the garage...and wash the cars...and do yardwork -- like, DO active stuff TOGETHER!!

AND DON'T MENTION HER WEIGHT!!! OR HER HEALTH!!!

Great answer but we don't know if she is in denial about her weight or not. A lot of people go through this process. It's important for her to be setting a good example for her children as well. In MY opinion it just needs to be addressed in a polite manner... maybe you should suggest that both of you should see the doctor for a yearly check up. They will surly give her a little more insight on her weight.

Great answer but we don't know if she is in denial about her weight or not. A lot of people go through this process. It's important for her to be setting a good example for her children as well. In MY opinion it just needs to be addressed in a polite manner...maybe you should suggest that both of you should see the doctor for a yearly check up. They will surly give her a little more insight on her weight.

It doesn't matter a whit if she is in denial. If she is, all the more reason NOT to mention her weight or her health or both in the same sentence. (Please reread my earlier post for what to do, how to handle this.)

If anyone is aware of her weight and the potential for health problems, SHE is! Now, let's watch her husband smear her face in the fact with "gentle platitudes" about how unhealthy her fat is, about how she is a shining light for her children, how she should see a doctor and have HIM give her a talking to.

Wow! You've got this female psychology thing down pat!!

He needs to express his concerns with her in my opinion. I would want my husband to do the same for me; I like to know what he is thinking whether it's good or bad. No need to be rude hun this is an opinion based post... only he knows which approach would be best for his wife.

And if you were 60 pounds overweight, it would be just fine if your husband expressed himself to you as you suggest? Think about that. (I'm guessing you aren't 60 pounds overweight and never have been.)

I am not being rude. I am being honest. I have known kazillions of women throughout my life, and cannot think of one who would welcome such criticisms evenly "gently" put. Oh, some of the women might make agreeable-sounding noises just to be "nice", but I betcha nearly every one would be seething inside. If she isn't, she's got a self-esteem (i.e. Stepford wife) problem.

Personally I would want him to confront me, I have no problem with that. It all really depends on the woman. Just because a woman is comfortable with her husbands views does not make her a "Stepford wife." That's absurd.

You aren't married, are you. Ho, ho -- you have an adventure ahead of you!

I sure hope there never will be something you "let go" about yourself that your husband can remark on and/or bring up as a "health" problem that needs to be fixed.

Anyway, you and I should discuss this at lunch next week. Meanwhile, I stand by my advice in my first post. A woman's weight is a very touchy subject. Read Janet Evanovich mysteries and note how Lula handles comments about her "traditional figure".

No, I'm married. You are right, I may not have experienced the whole "letting yourself go" part but I do know that I would like his input if I ever do. I respect what you have to say, don't get me wrong. I'm sure you have had more experience than me in that department and you probably have heard from a lot of other women who have shared their stories about subjects like this. As of right now, I would want his input. I will take you up on your word and read that book!

Start with the first one, One for the Money, and read them in order. You will meet Stephanie, the two men who are after her (romantically--Ranger and Joe Morelli), Vinnie and Connie, and Lula. I'm reading Twelve Sharp now, will have my bedtime glass of milk and some Entemann's soon while I read--trying not to gain weight so my husband... ooops, never mind.

LMAO! I will definitely eBay these books tonight! Enjoy your glass of milk... sound yummers!

well first if you really love her you will except her the way she is...
But well i say you could help her by well exercise everyday with her like go walking and well you could watch what you 2 eat if you want to help her you will have to do it with her so she knows she's not by herself!

Women need to take care of themselves. Some of us worried too much about bieng gaining weight, some of us lose control on dieting. Those are not encouraged.Men like women who know how to take care of herself-that is just the fact.
It's really up to your wife if she wants to lose it or not.
Is she depressed on the marriage you are having?
There are many reasons cause her weight problems, do some research before you talk to her about it.
Honestly, I doubt are there many women can handle your advice? Even if they are very gentle and super friendly...

I'm pretty sure she already feels pretty crummy about herself. Most women feel bad when they gain that much weight. I'm sure her self esteem is collapsing and she needs to know that she is loved and supportive. I'm pretty sure your wife knows she has gained 60 pounds she probably just feels ashamed.

I don't know if confronting her is the right way because what his wife will hear is "you are fat and I think you are disgusting". Which is what most women would hear in a situation like that which could send her into a spiral. When people do that to their spouses sometimes they do the opposite and actually will start to eat more as a way of rebelling.

Maybe this guy needs to get her more active and involved. I think WonderGirl is actually right. Getting his wife involved in more physical things will make her feel better and giving her more sex will make her feel more desirable and will help her feel good about herself. Physical activity and sexual activity will help to build her self esteem and she more start wanting to lose more weight.

Why not also take over the shopping for her and pick up lots and lots of healthy foods and try to find some healthy, family friendly recipes.

My experience is that its always easier to exercise when you have someone to hold you to it. And I think women especially, in my experience, are better at finding workout partners to get them committed...

So, as mentioned, walks are a good start. Biking. Hiking. Things you can do together.

If I put on that much weight my wife would tell me I needed to do something about it. The health issues are real. Do you have a gym membership? The YMCA is great for families, reasonably priced... there's a childcare room where the little ones can putter for an hour and a half while the parents workout.

After sleeping on this question, I've come up with more thoughts. During these years of marriage, the wife has stayed home and given up the chance at a career and talking with adults to be at home to raise this man's children to be decent, loving people. She probably has helped with homework, kept the house clean, laundered everyone's dirty clothes, taken care of the family pets, has had dinner waiting when he gets home from work, has probably baked her share of cookies and cakes for his and the kids' pleasure, and has actually given up her own ego for the sake of the egos of her husband and children.

And he is complaining about her weight?? I hope his hair hasn't begun to recede or that bald patch gotten bigger or his love handles haven't muffined out over his pants or his eyes begun to wander or he now has dentures or he's become a workaholic, i.e. drone, with no other interests or has dumped all the household/homeowner chores into her lap... If so for any of that, please pass me the plate of still-warm-from-the-oven cookies!

I still stand by my first response.

Well I'm mαrried αnd whαt I would like to hαppen is:
1) don't mαke fαt jokes or poke αt her or do ugly fαces-- you probαbly don't do these on purpose or do them αt αll but you could do ugly fαces unconsciously

2) confront her nicely when no one is αround

3) when confronting her sαy: "i think you αre beαutiful, you still mαke me smile till this dαy αnd you've given me __ wonderful kids. αnd i wαnt both of us to grow old αnd see whαt they hαve become, i think we should stαrt α heαlthier lifestyle, me you αnd the kids...
i don't wαnt to upset you but i tell you becαuse i cαre αbout you αnd us... i don't think your ugly, i'm just thinking αbout your heαlth..etc"

4)see whαt she hαs to sαy αbout if she gets mαd- let it go for α couple of dαys, if she gets sαd be there to comfort her..

5) see gyms together [don't bring home brochers! ]

6) αctuαlly stαrt living α heαthier lifestyle: eαt less junk, αdd more veggies, drink more milk less pop, go out to the pαrk with your fαmily, evening wαlks with the wife... the sky's the limit!

Good luck to yα<3

Weight is also tied to health. Yes, physical attraction is part of it, but my wife would be upset if I put on a lot of weight, not just for the physical aspect, but the increased issues tied to heart disease, high blood pressure, etc.

So lets not just make this a "hes an ungrateful pig of a man" post. Physical fitness has a lot of benefits, some mental, and I see keeping myself fit tied to my responsibility not only to myself, but to my spouse and my child.

And yes, I have gained and lost before. Its not like I'm one of those people who don't have to work at trying to stay in some kind of shape. My metabolism keeps screwing around and my body doesn't heal as fast as it used to. Its not going to get any easier for her in the years to come to be fit.

So pile on him if you want. My wife would be right there beside him defending a spouses concern for the health of the mate, and that includes a healthy sex life, an active lifestyle, and being a role model for the children.

All my suggestions had to do with the mental, physical, sexual, and emotional health of BOTH of them.

How do you bring up your wife needs to lose weight? :confused: Not just a few pounds... but about 60! :eek: When we met we were young and active. ;) Life happens and Kids happen and its been five years since our second child. :rolleyes: My wife is a stay at home Mom that has "Let herself go" :( Now her health is suffering and she is only in her mid thirties.:confused: She has just stopped caring about her looks.

If this were a woman writing about herself, people would be treating her with soft hands. Because it's the hubby, the response is "hope HE isnt becoming the fat ape most men become with age"...

OK...

Mid thirties, health suffering. Again, if a woman wrote this about herself wed see a different tone.

And yes, I know we CAN be pigs. And women have a lot more pressure from a lot more sources to be "perfect"...

Assuming she weighed 140lbs before... and who knows what it was, 60 lbs more would be a weight gain of 42%, 200lbs. She's in her thirties. She's having problems (what, we haven't been told) it only gets harder from here on out.

I αgree with KP:

theres nothing insensitive αbout being concerned αbout someone's heαlth

Concern and love for an overweight spouse is wonderful, but this thread started, not with concern and love, but with the heading, "Shes an overweight wife." The health "concern" was mentioned only as a "by the way" at the end of the original post.

Yeα but still αt leαst he wαnts her to lose the weight insteαd of going out αnd find him α loosey goosey..

Plus it benifts her in the end: she'll feel better, look better αnd her self-esteem with sky rocket..

I agree, Wondergirl.I am not comfortable of this title either!

The title wαs just to cαtch people's αttention in order for more αdvice-- this is α mαn we're tαlking αbout-- do you think he would sit there αnd think "whαt would be α politicαlly correct title for my question??"... I beg to differ.. it's just α title lαdies:)

She IS an overweight wife most likely.

And his post is a few sentences long! Is he really a bad guy cause he mentioned health after his question? Yes, the topic could be worded differently.

So the guy signs up here and goes through the trouble of getting other peoples opinion and... yknow what?. I think I give up.

We agree to disagree on whether the guy is a jerk because of sentence structure and placement.

i give up.

Like I sαid : it's α guy!

Women try to mαke α "sensitive issue"-- oh no cαn't sαy your fαt.. Jeeze αt leαst he's not like your typicαl mαle "my wifes α cow..." if he wαs α jerk he wouldn't αsk for help he'd go strαight up to her smαck thαt chocolαte bαr off her hαnd replαce it with α cαrrot αnd tell her she's fαt..

we agree to disagree on whether the guy is a jerk because of sentence structure and placement.

I haven't said he's a jerk; you implied it. I'm concerned HOW he goes about helping the wife he obviously loves.

Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight, even if she seems to welcome a spouse's concern for her health. Stand outside the local grocery store and do a "Your spouse is concerned about your health because of your weight" poll of every woman who emerges. That would be a random sampling. I suspect you would have a great awakening.

First you should look at what could be causing this weight gain. Is it simply that she is not making healthy choices, or is something wrong with her thyroid, or birth control, or menopause? If this weight was put on in a short time, I would be more concerned that something is wrong, not just she is sitting around all day eating junk.
Secondly, I think this man has received lots of good advice from both stand points, and since we don't know his wife he needs to make the final decision on how to deal with this. Weight is a very sensitive issue with most women. Just make sure whatever you do you do it out of love and not vain.

What ever you do, just tell her she's beautiful ~ every day :)

I haven't said he's a jerk; you implied it. I'm concerned HOW he goes about helping the wife he obviously loves.

Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight, even if she seems to welcome a spouse's concern for her health. Stand outside the local grocery store and do a "Your spouse is concerned about your health because of your weight" poll of every woman who emerges. That would be a random sampling. I suspect you would have a great awakening.

Its not very sensitive of you to say a statement of "Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight" Not all men are Jerks. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder. I won't go there. The simple fact is... I just want to know how to approach the issue. To go online and ask for help should indicate I'm not asking for a diatribe of how insensitive men are... Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the fact you posted so many times on this question. Obviously it has hit a cord with you as well as others. It proves it not a subject to be taken lightly. As for the title of my post. I tried others but the software does not allow certain key words and you have to have a subject. No secret motive... No hidden agenda. Thank you all for your advice. I will approach this as... first start hitting the gym... ask her if she would like to join and go while the kids are at school since a package deal is cheaper. She might even start soccer again. I cannot risk not trying something to steer her toward weight loss. I love her very much she knows that... if her weight continues to climb it robs us of so much. I want her around and healthy. I don't want to risk so much health wise, simply because of it might hurt her feelings. Its complicated.

I think your wife needs to know that you love her regardless. Having that security will be her biggest motivator to lose the weight she needs to lose. My own wife lost 80 pounds after having gastric bypass surgery. That may not necessarily be an option for your wife as there are strict guidelines that need to be adhered to before any doctor will perform the operation and before insurance will agree to pay for it. However, I did not pressure her to lose the weight, she decided to do it all on her own. Actually I was rather concerned about her having such an invasive surgery as she has a history of not tolerating surgery well. But I supported her because I knew it was what she wanted. But I love her all the same and she knew that. I liked her the way she was and I like her the way she is now. The point is, you've got to love her for her and she's got to love herself.

Focusing on a females weight may make you overlook another more emotionally based issue that the weight only covers up. You need to talk to your female and pay attention to what and how she expresses herself, to make sure she is happy and secure, or has something on her mind that may depress or overwhelm her. Many women have their outward appearance tied to emotional health, so before you drag her around the block, or make a big deal about her weight, check and see if she isn't something on her mind you need to know. That should be the first step, Talk and listen and Keep your concerns to yourself, until you have identified the root cause of her actions. Few women let themselves go, when they are happy and healthy.

Before undertaking any physical activities, a check up is a wise course for you both.

Like yours, my wife gained a lot of weight after we got married, as you can see in the photos below. I kept my mouth shut and now feel like it's too late to do anything about it. She was always on diets before, but after the engagement, she started to eat more and there was never any more talk of diets. My advice is to talk to your wife before she is too far gone. It sounds like she is close already.
http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z300/dangela2/Angela/569f.jpg http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z300/dangela2/Angela/agorda.jpg

OP'er hasn't been here in almost a year. Old thread.