Entire story merged

Are their any sure fire ways or methods in getting your ex love back?

There's one chance. DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and if he comes back then he still wants you if he doesn't then he doesn't want you. Try anything else and your waisting your time!!

It's that simple and you probably won't even believe it but its true, if he wants you he will let you know, don't ever contact him again...

My boyfriend left me a week ago today. I called him and begged him to come back on Wednesday and again on Friday but haven't contacted him since... DID I BLOW IT?

You know what I don't get though. Ok, what if she does come back but after she has been with other guys? This is my worry in my current situation, that she might come back after but after she has met other guys. I actually wrote her an email saying that I don't want her to ever tell me she wants me back even if she does. Maybe I have depleted my chances of her ever coming back when she does feel so, but on the other hand if she strongly feels she wants back she will not care about the email and beg for it. Then again my ex has such a personality, where she would not let her emtions do as she they tell her and instead she will stay strong and not ask me back just for her own sake of not feeling stupid. And to be honest I probably will accept her back, given she has not been with other guys cause that is just bull in my opinion. And to be honest my perception of her after having been with other guys will be just that I am her plan B, more so than I was her Plan A but she just needed time away from me to reflect, regardless of the fact she doesn't want me anymore and tells me she wants to experience other people. It could be so many things, I sometimes think I am more confused than her. Oh, does anybody have any tips on how to sleep without the girl propping up in your mind. Last night I couldn't stop thinking of her having flash backs of good times. I even woke up and walked around my room looking for her. So pathetic. Oh and one more question, people say you should not get back with your ex after she has been with other guys. Well, should the ex know that you will never get back with her after she has been with other guys? My ex is under the impression after she has met other guys and might have figured out that I was really the one for her that she might come back to me. I would consider it but not under the condition she met other guys. I guess she is most likely to meet other guys, so I shouldn't even think about her even daring asking me back again and that is why the chances are so slim that people get back with their ex. So complicated... the funny thing is, when I read what Im writing above, it just shows how I am having hopes when in reality that is the worst possible thing I could be doing to myself. The irony.

My guy and I were together for 7 years. He was totally devoted and loving. In that 7 years that didn't change. He was wonderful to me. He left me last week and I have yet to get a straight answer as to why he left. He doesn't call or try to contact me at all. Should I hold out hope he will ever come home?

>THREE threads merged as they are all the same issue<

My boyfriend of 7 years left me suddenly out of the blue. Their were no warning signs that he wanted out. He was as loving the day before he left as he had always been. How can someone be loving and devoted for all those years and then just POOF they're gone.

Are you sure he wasn't unhappy and he was just putting up an act?

Firstly, how long has it been since he left you?
Secondly, what reasons did he give you for leaving?

He may be back in your life again soon. Its not over until its over. I've seen people get back together after months of being a part.

Sounds like there must have been a lot of underlying issues that were going on without you knowing. It is strange that he was loving one day and the next day he wanted out; life is truly a mystery. What were his reasons for leaving?

You never know what's going on in the other person's mind. Don't contemplate too much, it will drive you crazy. It's sure is sad that he left without letting you know what was going on, but in a way good too. You know why? Because he was a coward and you sure don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would want to come and go as they please. Damn 7 yrs.. a bit too much... but let it be an experience for you to know that No One person stays with you forever... live the moments. I am sure you enjoyed some moments with him... cherish them and go on with your life. To hell with someone who didn't care enough to hv open conversation with you... learn from it.

I was wondering, in everyone's personal opinions. What seems to be the most successful tactic in order to reconcile with an ex

The best tactic is to not be available and have no contact for a while. Even then it doesn't guarantee that they will come back. I've said it before and I'll say it here again you broke up a reason and unless both people in the relationship are willing to address those reasons it won't happen. With that being said, I hope it works for you.

By reconcile what do you mean? And explain your situation.

Are you talking about being friends. Are you talking about trying to get him back?

Why did you break up? How old? How long together? Explain.

But a general trend has been mentioned already... most of the time when a break occurs it's the end of that part of the relationship. Yes... sometimes people can reconcile. But its rare and I don't think there is any perfect "system".

Addressing the issues that prevented the relationship from moving forward is the first step toward understanding what "went wrong"... even though sometimes its just the match that's wrong, at least longer term.

So more details can help. No perfect system.

Back off, let them contact you and from there on out it's everything on your terms, not theirs.

but a general trend has been mentioned already... most of the time when a break occurs its the end of that part of the relationship. yes... sometimes people can reconcile. but its rare and i dont think there is any perfect "system".

I don't know if I would say it's "rare." In fact, I think it happens more than people think, it's just that we don't hear about it. Remember, people don't come to sites like this when things are good.

Also, I think many times relationships end up having a chance for reconciliation but then one party or another decides that it's no longer what they want.

As for the system, I totally agree, no perfect system or set of actions. No instruction book, so to speak. It's completely reliant on the people involved, their personalities, the situation of the relationship, etc etc.

If there were really no warning signs then it's hard for us to give you an answer. You're best bet may be to talk directly to him. If you do, be prepared for a possible runaround but I really can't give you an opinion. It seems most unusual that he'd invest 7 years in a relationship that evidently seemed satisfactory then just up and go without any warning whatsoever. Are you sure there's something you're not telling us here?

I think rare is perfect. Name all your friends. All of them. Since you were in HS and on. How many of them broke up with someone and never got back together? And then dated again and broke up and never got back together? And then ones that did get back together, how many of those lasted?

In my experience, I know of only two different people who dated, broke up with the partner, and some time later dated again and made it last. One of them was after divorcing, of all things. Considering how many people I've known through the years, that's not very many.

So yeah, rare is what ill say. If we are talking about yo-yoing back into the sack with an ex or trying again and failing, sure it happens more often. I'm guessing she's wanting this not to be a fling or another failed attempt.

You can choose to compare like that, however I would never compare what happened in high school to real life. Teenagers are not what you want to base your idea of relationships off.

Really? This is where this is going?

OK. Forget HS. Forget college. Even though we don't know whether this person is in hs, college, grade school, or beyond... so it might, just might, matter...

Of all the people I know from work and other social circles in my adult life, I know of two who have made it.

Do I really need to keep justifying my position? I think its rare. You don't. We agree we don't agree. Most people I know don't get back together with the ex. To me that means few people do. And fewer make it work.

Never said doesn't or impossible.

Know what, I give up on this one. You win. Choose the word I should use and post my opinion for me. Will save me the time and not distract from the original post.

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y'all ignore my noise today. I'm b!tching at anyone and everyone it seems. Mama said thered be days like this
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I know of two people in my immediate family from teen relationships which failed to adult relationships when they met again, which succeeded. Apart from that I am going to discount any teen/young adult relationships I know of.

Personally I think its best to let the emotional dust settle with no contact for a while, whether that is many months to many years. Chances are though it won't work. So that's why its important to go NC to stop the confusion and get happy again.

I'm really good at getting back together with exes.

The only thing I can say to help is you need to be honest. It usually also involves a few admissions:

1) I made a mistake

2) I miss you

3) I can't see me without you

4) You are my best friend

Those kinds of things. But you have to be ready to face rejection if the other person doesn't want to get back together. And if the other person says "i'm not sure", then you have to be patient. I'm not sure isn't a no, it is an invitation to try harder.

One thing that absolutely does not work is waiting around for the other person to come back to you. That is passive behaviour, not active behaviour.

do i really need to keep justifying my position? i think its rare. you dont. we agree we dont agree. most people i know dont get back together with the ex. to me that means few people do. and fewer make it work.

never said doesnt or impossible.

know what, i give up on this one. you win. choose the word i should use and post my opinion for me. will save me the time and not distract from the original post.

I don't know why you felt you needed to justify your position in the first place. It's all a matter of opinion. It's your position and it's fine :p I'm not entirely sure why you seem to have reacted personally it to my position being different than yours.

Has he done this before? Some guys just disappear for awhile when they undergo stress. I think it's kind of weird that he didn't give you an explanation after seven years. Have you tried contacting him?

How old are you? I need a lot more background here. Sorry for your loss.

He may have been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. So he was probably acting rite before breakup.

My ex told me his life wasn't worth living if I wasn't in it 3 weeks bfore he left me, now in all fairness to ex I noticed he was unhappy even asked him about itn he said if he didn't want to be there he wouldn't told me the love you bit then up and off. I thought it was just a touch of depression and sometimes still do but now he has someone else so I guess the depression lifted lol. There probably will be e a rason all I get is I was unhappy but never a why and that makes it hard to move on what did I do? How do I not make the same mistake again if I don't know what I did wrong in the firat place? All of these questions and more will be e foating through your head right now and it takes a bit of getting used to. I still talk to my ex and he says nothing bad ever happened between us he still cares agreat deal for my but he can't allow himself to be affectionate to me any more. I guess I may never know the real reason he left in fact I sometimes wonder if he even knows. If he isn't going to give you an honest answer then there's not much you can do I'm afraid but if you badger him for the truth you nedd tob eprepared for it to hurt. I hope you get it sorted please don't make hin mistake I made of constant contact it really does hold you back

Friends will tell you forget him move on but avoid a rebound relationship as you will only end up hurting the person you rebound with as you have just been hurt trust me that's what happened with me I reckon we rushed in too soon after he split with ex now he has done it again with new girl and I still care enough to hope that he doesn't get hurt and I hope she doesn't either because although I don't know her it is unfair for her to get caught up in our emotional mess so I realyy hope it works for them and for you take care gal

We're going to need a wee bit more info so we cna help ya out.

Since my recent breakup I've been visiting some of those DON'T BREAKUP and GET BACK WITH YOUR EX websites, they say if I buy their E-books that they can guarntee me methods on how to win back my ex and keep them for good. They give you little bits of imformation about what's in the book like ( make absolutely no contact with your ex and that will make them come running back to you) but you have to buy the book to get more detailed imformation... My question is has anyone here or anyone that you know bought any of these books and if so did it work?

Hi
I have brought some of these books and to be honest the advise you get you can get for free on a lot of websites if you type "Breakup" etc. into Google. I have soft copies I would be happy to email to you if you like.

Your local public library is a treasure house of (free) books like this.

You don't need the book. Just do whatthey said. Don't contact till they contact you and if they don't well you have your answerr

Basically what these books are saying is that at the end of the relationship it is natural for both parties to still be emotional connected attached to the other. The dumper ends the relationship because there is something, not everything wrong in the relationship and they will generally feel a sense of frendship to the Dumpee.

The Dumbee on the other had feels a sense of loss and rejection and if left unchecked and they act on their emotions they will try anyting to get the Dumper back. This attention to the Dumper is there fore greater than the normal attention given and is overwhelamling negative. The Dumpee acting on stronger than normal feelings does not see this.

The Dumper gets a barrage on constant contact that is negative and reinforces the negative aspect which made them want to leave, therefore pushing the Dumper further away.

The books like the helpful people on here basically advocate no contact.

First and Main reason is that the Dumpee can emotionaly step back from the relationship and stop the feeling overwhelming them, and thus making a fool of themselves. Ie, they can emotionaly heal and realise that life is not over.

Now the no contact affect on the Dumper is that once removed from the relationship, and given time, alone without the emotional benefits of a positive relationship, they MAY begin to miss the positive aspects of the previous relationship and the person who provided them. It is by this no contact that these books say you can win back an ex !

Obviosly there is a little more to it than that, but that is the gist of it... Now my hand hurts!. lol.

No one can guarantee that. You cannot make someone want to get back into a relationship. The best thing you can do is instate no contact and get along with your life. If they want to comeback they will but you cannot make them

There is no such thing as a guarantee on changing how someone feels....

I have wasted my money on these e-books. I have several if you want a copy of relevant information. The information is mainly all good. Basically there is no 'one' way to get your ex back. All the info from these books you can get online and in this very forum and others like it. Just look through all the threads. In fact to outline them all in one short sentance:

"Go no contact and improve you!"

Why be exes in the first place? There's a reason you are exes, and doubtfully a "no contact" rule isn't going to change that in order to win him or her back.

Any stupid tricks and ploys to win someone back is an attempt to tamper with their free will. Think how you would feel if someone did that to you - can you honestly say you would respect them?

More often than not, people assume they want their exes back because they THINK they love that person, when the truth is, they simply cannot bear being "dumped". If the other person does not love you, find someone who will and quit wasting your time.

Breakups are often painful and can make someone act totally out of character. Let some time pass and decide then if getting back together is what you REALLY want, and if so, remember the feeling has to be mutual.

Save your money and read and get free advice that works. Most people after a break up really don't want their exes back because as they heal and get healthy, they want someone better, and are ready for it.

I haven't bought any of them but to me it just sounds like a big money-making gimmick. The truth is, there is no magic formula to make an ex come back to you. You cannot command another person's love. There are things you can do to up the odds in your favor but there are no guarantees. But you can find all that information on this forum ; you don't have to buy some online book. In the long run, what you really want to do is learn how to attract the kind of people who won't leave in the first place. You can find a lot of pointers to that effect on this forum as well. To that end, investing in an inexpensive paperback on relationships may not be a bad idea. However, I wouldn't trust any online advertisement promising big, miraculous results. Try browsing bookstores in person or online. That's a safer bet to finding something that will actually be useful to you without getting yourself sold down the river.

I've asked a couple of questions on this site but have'nt giving too much details about my situation. Okay here goes my boyfriend an I were together for 7 years (living together for 7 years) Our relationship was wonderful. We had just about everything in common. We did everything together. He also had friends and was able to go hang out with them whenever he wanted. Neither of us were jealous or possessive. We were committed to each other in everyway. We had a closeness that's rare, We would get up on Sunday mournings and have coffee and talk for hours then maybe go fishing or whatever together. We never fought and basically just loved being together. I swear I'm not exaggerating that we had a PERFECT relationship. The only one thing that was not ordinary is our ages. I am 19 years older than he is. Now before you all freak out about that I'm telling you that was'nt a problem. He was totally attracted to me, even until the day he left. In fact he was the agresser in our relationship. He was the one that usually got things going sexually. Then bam 2 weeks ago today he left me. His reasons were he didn't love me anymore and that the passion was gone. But I don't buy that response. I know him better then anyone and He still loves me. Just the day before he left on Sunday we had a wonderful day we went fishing and spent the day having fun then that night he made us dinner after we ate we went to bed and made love. It was great. The next day we were kind of arguing because we were both trying to quit smoking and were using those nicotine patches so we were a little on edge. I asked him during our argument if he still loved me and he paused. He said he didn't think so. I was crushed and said if he didn't want to be here anymore he should just go. ( SO HE DID ) The crazy thing is he was sweet and loving and affectionate right up until that day. The next day I begged him to come back and he said NO. I called a couple days later and asked him to come over and explain to me what happened so I could have some closure. He refused... he said it would be to hard to come see me. Since that day I haven't contacted him at all and its been 2 weeks since he left. My son sees him everyday at work ( they work together ) and says that he seems quiet and sad and that he asks my son how I'm doing but he has'nt tried to contact me or anything so I'm confused about how a guy can love you so deeply for 7 yrs and then just quit and move out. IS HE REALLY OVER ME??

The only one who's really going to be able to give you any answers is him. Hopefully he'll eventually decide that he's ready to talk with you and communicate what happened and where he was coming from. Until then I'm afraid that you're going to be left without any answers.

Wow, I am really sorry you are struggling with such an overwhelming heartbreak. It sounds like you have been through a lot of good times with him and you are confused as to why it ended so quickly. Maybe he is afraid, or feeling smothered in some way. Maybe he needs his space to feel more comfortable. I think you are right to not contact him. Let him think things over before he responds to you. I am sure he still has love in his heart for you, but he isn't sure what to do with his future, and with you. I know you said you are much older and maybe in some way that bothers him. Not that it can't work out , but later on down the road it may become difficult for him. Both of my parents got involved with people much younger than themselves after divorcing each other. IT worked for a very short time with my dad and for about ten years for my mom. Then all of a sudden, she was told that it was over. She was in shock and it took a long time for her to get over. By that time she realized she needed to be on her own and that it didn't work out for a reason.
I don't know what will become of your relationship but in the mean time, focus on yourself. Try to become stronger and more resilient. If it is meant to be, he will try to contact you and work it out. I hope you lean on friends for support, it is so hard to lose someone's love and attention like that, especially when it is so out of the blue.
Remember you will get through this and you are not alone.

I don't believe he is over, you but I think someone or something scared him off. May I ask your ages.

Our ages are I'm 43 and he's 25

I think the age may have a reason. One of my friends broke up with his ex because if this. She was 10 years older then him, he was 37 and she was 47, and yes he is kicking himself in the butt now. He was worried about her looks going wrinkles etc. He asked me if I felt the same way about my ex, and I said yes sometimes that crossed my mind. My ex was 6 years older then I was when she broke up with me I was 34 and she was 41. So that may be a reason why he broke up but it's hard to say. Did you ever see him check out any younger girls. Or did he take you out with his friends to places.

You said that you had a perfect relationship and then you said that you had an argument? That is not a "perfect" relationship.
You asked him during the argument if he loved you? Honestly, that is not a good time to ask a question like that.

What did you say to him during that argument? Words can hurt! I need more info...

No relationship is perfect and having arguments doesn't constitute having a bad relationship. Conflict arises when there is a need for change. Arguing is sometimes the way to get out what the conflict is. Whatever happened during that argument isn't going to be the reason he wants to end the relationship, it may have just been the icing on the cake. However, I do agree it may not be the appropriate time to be asking someone when they are mad if they love you. Sometimes you say things you don't mean when you are angry, that doesn't make or break a whole seven year relationship.

We had an argument do to the fact we were quitting smoking and that can be very stressful, if any of you are smokers you would know what I mean... and yes we did have a perfect relationship... we loved doing everything together, we weren't jealous and petty toward each other and we always considered each others feelings, we loved we laughed and were each others bestfriends how could a relationship be any more perfect

we had an argument do to the fact we were quitting smoking and that can be very stressful, if any of you are smokers you would know what i mean... and yes we did have a perfect relationship....we loved doing everything together, we werent jealous and petty toward each other and we alway considered each others feelings, we loved we laughed and were each others bestfriends how could a relationship be any more perfect
I am trying to help you. I asked you, "what did you say to him during that argument?"

I told him he had changed since we quit smoking and that he wasn't the same sweetheart he used to be

No relationship is perfect and having arguments doesn't constitute having a bad relationship. Conflict arises when there is a need for change. Arguing is sometimes the way to get out what the conflict is. Whatever happened during that argument isn't going to be the reason he wants to end the relationship, it may have just been the icing on the cake. However, I do agree it may not be the appropriate time to be asking someone when they are mad if they love you. Sometimes you say things you don't mean when you are angry, that doesn't make or break a whole seven year relationship.
I never said that an argument constitutes having a bad relationship. I just found if interesting for her to state how perfect the relationship was and then state how they had an argument and during that argument -- he left her. Prior to that, everything was great. So I feel it is imperative to know what she said to him so that I can get a feel for what happened.

Come on now. Just because he say's its over, doesn't mean its over. I have seen couples fight, the cops come, they end up in court and a month later they are back together again. :D

Sooooo, I don't think its over yet.;)

I feel that the secret to this mystery break up (most likely temporary) is what did she say to him during their argument? :cool:

i told him he had changed since we quit smoking and that he wasnt the same sweetheart he used to be
And?? Come on, there is more... Drum roll please... :D

He said I was right he had changed and I said I didn't like the new him. He said he was sorry but that was the way it is. By the way I asked him if he still loved me before our argument.. that's what started the fight to begin with. I said some pretty mean things in the heat of the fight but I also told him he was the love of my life and how could his feeling for me just die even after he was so loving the day before

i said some pretty mean things in the heat of the fight but i also told him he was the love of my life
You can't throw stones at someone and then throw them a candy bar and everything is OK. I don't know what hurtful things you said, but some people have a limit as to what they will accept and then bounce back to you.

Apologize to him for the hurtful things you said. Saying you are the love of my life isn't an apology.

Send him a card and apologize. There is still hope.;)

Like I said in my earlier post, I talked to him twice or so right after he left and told him I didn't mean the things I had said that I was just being defensive because he said he didn't love me anymore. Then I begged him to come home or to at least come talk to me and give me some closure. He refused and said it would be to hard for him to see me. Now its been 10 days since we've had any contact what so ever no calls nothing..

I have to say that when people say to me that there's more than one fish in the sea I cringe. I don't mean any disrespect for the people that say that. I actually believe that saying in some respects. BUT I don't want another fish I want my fish... My guy or should I say my ex guy made me blissfully happy for 7 years. He was very very good to me and never did me wrong. At least not until 2 weeks ago when he left me totally out of the blue. We had everything in common and we loved spending time together... I know that I'll never find another fish that I'm more compatible with.. I miss him terribly and want him back. So finding another fish just is'nt an option...

Well you're in for a very difficult time... you have no control over him, you cannot make him come back to you if he has decided that spending time together is not as great to him as it is to you. However, you do have options... you can accept this and allow yourself to consider other "fish" or you can live in denial and I have a feeling you will eventually be forced to get over it... I would honestly try the first option, due to the second being twice as painful not to mention a waste of time. If you decide to try the first option there are many people here who can help you with techniques for getting over a relationship. Good Luck.

Trust me I know that the odds of us getting back together are slim to none.. But my point was is that what we had comes along once in a lifetime so looking elsewhere seems pointless. I will always compare someone new to him because I know he was my ONE GREAT LOVE!!

How do you know if you haven't caught all the fish? You're clinging onto your trout when there might be a sturgeon waiting for you if you'd just cast your line.

Of course you don't want to let go of your trout, it was the biggest fish you'd ever caught. There are plenty of bigger fish out there, but you need to stop holding your trout and re-cast your line in order to find them.

Make sense?

Been there, felt that... and no matter what I say I will have absolutely no idea what you're feeling right? Wrong... let time be the judge of this situation... when people say there are a lot of fish it bothers you because you don't like considering other people... this is your one main problem you are attatched to this person, this attachment will be inevitably be broken over time and you will learn to consider other people if you want a future with another human being, in fact I am almost positive you will most likely find someone you are happier with who will not leave you after 7 years. Whatever you thought you knew about this person waas obviously not completely true, so learn from this.

Check out this converation... the girl left him out of the blue as well... it sucks, but he has to deal with it... check out someof the advice that was given... especially the most recent post.
Good luck!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/relationship-pulled-out-under-me-116355.html

I've been reading lots of peoples post and a lot of them sound like my situation where their ex's just left suddenly... My question is does someone that tells you they love you everyday and shows you in everyway... Just Stop Loving You??

It is not instant. Most people lose those feelings over time and usually try to uphold normalcy while they figure out what they want. By doing so it seems as if its over night to the person who is being broken up with. I don't think your boyfriend decided overnight it was probably months of thought on his part trying to figure what he was feeling, what he was needing. You are only seeing the results of his decision. Being in both situations I can tell you that its difficult to figure everything out while trying to keep up appearances.

You are going to drive yourself nuts with this. The relationship seemed perfect up until the breakup because he made a point of keeping up appearances until he made his absolute decision. From what you said before he is 25 and you are 40-something. He may just not be ready for the level of commitment that you want from him. You have been dating him since he was 18 that's a lot for someone that young.

U don't have to stick with the fish, u could try to fish for the Lobster!

I was wondering. What if your ex wants to get back together and because you are doing N/C they think you are over them and don't pursue it because they don't want to hinder your progress

It all depends on why you broke up and if you have a clear understanding of what ended the relationship.

It also depends on whether you have the perspective to really, truly know if you want to be with this person again. Which most people don't right after a break up. I know after my last serious boyfriend broke up with me I would've ran back to him had he asked until after about 90 days of no contact. After those 90 days I went riiiiight that why this relationship didn't work WHEW saved myself.

I always took a break as being unwilling to work together and after that you must heal and move on. Doesn't matter what the other expartner thinks, or wants. You must know what you want. Waiting for some one to make up their mind, is not very healthy, or in your best interest.

I believe if someone breaks up with you and they want to get back, they are going to come back regardless of your progress. I believe my ex kept coming back because she thought I was moving on.

If your ex wants to get back together with you they will pursue it. Then you hold the power and have to be careful not to surrender it.

My Boyfriend left just over 2 weeks ago. He only gave me brief answers as to why he left, like I don't know if I love you anymore and that the passion wasn't the same. Answers I didn't believe. Are relationship was very good and we had a very strong bond. Now looking back I think it had more to do with a hard life. Financial pressures being one of them. We are what people refer to as ( Working Poor ) Living paycheck to paycheck sometimes not making it to the next one. In our 7 years together we've had our electric shut off, been without heat, had a car reposessed and so on. Lately he would say things like we can't ever afford to take vacations together or buy our own home with a back yard and he seemed so sad about it. Also thiers family pressures. My 21yr old son still lives with me because he can't afford to live on his own. So not much privacy... My oldest son lives right across the hall from us at our apartment complex and has a very loud wife and they were always fighting around us which was very uncomfortable. He said he was sick of being a laborer making 12 dollars an hour and wanted to go back to school. But he knew we could never afford it. Now he lives with his parents. Like I said our relationship was good so I'm not convinced that I am the real reason he left. CAN LIFES PRESSURES MAKE SOMEONE SNAP AND JUST LEAVE? And if that's the reason will love prevail and bring him back to me hard times or not?

Yes life pressures can make someone leave. It's a selfish act though, but I've seen it happen. Sounds like you both need have enough to deal with on your own. First, take care of yourself, and concetrate on improving your life and becoming more financially stable.

get over it
In the future please don't be quite so brusque in your responses. It's true that she does need to lean to cope with disappointments ; we all do. However, the more concrete and encouraging advice you can give someone, the more helpful it is for the person that has the problem which prompted them to initiate the thread in the first place.

get over it

Nice answer. You must be a very lovely person

Considering that financial problems are one of the top reasons for divorce I would imagine they could have also caused your breakup.

If your relationship was as wonderful as you say then maybe he wants to better himself so he could come back and really "be the man". Do you know what I mean? Maybe he felt badly that he was unable to give you material things like nice home and vacations. I wouldn't count him out but please don't grip onto it for the time being. Let it be as it is and maybe you could find a way to help lift yourself up in your situation.

I certainly hope things work out the way you wish. You seem like a lovely person :)

Considering that financial problems are one of the top reasons for divorce I would imagine they could have also caused your breakup.

If your relationship was as wonderful as you say then maybe he wants to better himself so he could come back and really "be the man". Do you know what I mean? Maybe he felt badly that he was unable to give you material things like nice home and vacations. I wouldn't count him out but please don't grip onto it for the time being. Let it be as it is and maybe you could find a way to help lift yourself up in your situation.

I certainly hope things work out the way you wish. You seem like a lovely person


Thanks Glinda, He did say on several occations lately that he felt as thou it was his fault that my life was so hard and that being with me was keeping me from finding a older man that's well off with his own home... remember he's 19 yrs younger than I am But I told him that a love like ours was all I needed and not some guys money

Missing, I would have to say definitely yes. Last year my ex fiancé broke up for me. I was so stressed out with her. She wanted a $600,000.00 + dollar house, $60,000.00 convertiable, vacation house, expensive jewelry and buying her and her son anything she wanted to buy. Plus with selling my house then her house the wedding etc. After a little over a week of thinking of what I wanted I did call her and said I was making a mistake. But my point is Now that I'm healing maybe I didn't want to marry her after all I didn't want to live pay check to pay check plus with her spending problem with credit cards. So now that I write this I would have brought all of this up before we got to involved with wedding plans and tell her I'm not going to live on the edge. I know she would have yelled at me but Yes, I would have broke up with her if she still wanted to live like that. So I believe stress can make someone break up with you. I did.

You may have been happy but he sure wasn't and its no ones fault really, so accept this and move on.

As most of you know my boyfriend of 7 years left me with little explanation. I've been devastated for over 2 weeks. Today he told my son ( they work together ) that he is talking to a girl at their work and he wanted to tell him first before he heard it from someone else. My boyfriend and I always had a solid relationship we had love and laughs and long conversations about everything from capital punisment to religion and politics. Well anyway back to this girl he's talking to. Several people I know also know this girl and they said she is a total skank. She has four different kids by four different men two of which the fathers have custody of. The two she does have living with her have different fathers also. And the youngest she doesn't know if the father is her live in boyfriend or his brother. She has been in and out of jail and is currently on probation. My sister knows her also and was at a mutual friend of thiers a few weeks back and she said that this girl, their friend and the friends boyfriend went into the bedroom to have a threesome and wanted my sister to join but she said NO THANKS and left. And the funnist part of this whole f'd up situatiion is that this girl is dumber than a box of rocks... My son said she wore a t-shirt to work the other day that said Pentagon on it. So my son jokingly said where'd you get that shirt, at the Pentagon.. And her response was Huh, what's the Pentagon and he said Oh My God you remember 911, plane crash... ring a bell and she said oh that Pentagon, no I didn't get my t-shirt there. Geeez what an idiot. Now tell me how can he go from a stable, mature, faithfull, devoted, fun loving intelligent woman he claims was the love of his live and best friend to a nasty ho that's so stupid she couldn't have a meaningful converstation to save her life and doesn't even know who fathered her children. And somehow this news made me feel a little bit better. Why is that??

Im in the middle ending a 12 year relationship. She left. She works at Wal-Mart and has some friends there and is staying with one of her co-workers. No offense to anyone that has worked at wal-mart I have as well but a good 80% of them are idiots.

It makes me feel good about myself that I can sit here in agony and go through this pain without having to surround myself with morons and gossip and gripe about nothing so I don't have to deal with my feelings and PROBLEMS.

This makes me feel bad for her that she is out there on her own with no one of any value to talk to. But that's the easy way out and at the end this I will be the better/happier person. She unfortunately will still be in limbo.

Anyhoo I'm rambling, but sticking to your guns and doing the right thing no matter how much it hurts does make you feel better doenst it?

Don't know all the details about the breakup...

Rebound relationships rarely are tied to reason... and sometimes you jump into relationships, rebound or not, for completely irrational reasons... OK, maybe carnal reasons... self-esteem propping... even just flat-out attention for the sake of filling a void...

So... why her and not you. Stop losing sleep over it.

See, wasn't that easy. I said stop and *poof* you do.

I know its not that easy, but you can't compare yourself to an ex's next victim.

It's the rules.

Wow, dear - what a bad dream!

I hope it will not take you too long to get over this. Investing 7 years really hurts and I wish there was a way to zap it away, but it will take you time.

The last time I went through something similar to this I fed myself with comedy shows to all hours on TV and it did help. I learned that I was not the only one and that I was able to make a joke out of many instances that I remembered.

No matter what you choose as a lever, just try not to dwell on the past too much and look forward to the future - there is one, I promise.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_15.gif

Sorry to here that missing I know the pain your going through. BUt I would tell all your friends and son not to mention anything about him, EVER. I asked about my ex about a month and half ago. Worst mistake I made I heard she has someone new. The biggest punch in my face during the breakup was that day. Sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. I learned the hard way.

He is half your age and half your maturity and you may not believe it but a dumb skank is just his speed right now. Don't dwell on what he is doing, or why. Worry about you and your future.

He is half your age and half your maturity and you may not beleive it but a dumb skank is just his speed right now. Don't dwell on what he is doing, or why. Worry about you and your future.

Normally talaniman I would agree with you but he is very different. He is acually one of the most mature people I know and this girl represents all the things he hates. She's sleeps around with anyone and everyone and she is really stupid and can't carry on a good conversation among other things. Those are the qualilies or lack there of that he always said totally discusted him.

You talk a lot about how stupid she is and she certainly does sound that way but how stupid is he for hooking up with a girl that has children the courts took from her. I mean you seriously have to be one F-ed up woman for the courts to take custody from you... they just don't do that no matter how great the father is compared to the mother. That is a hugggggggggge red flag to me when I meet a woman that doesn't have custody of her own children.

After 7 years I can't just say quit caring about him but I think why it makes you feel better is because this decision on his part is really, really, truly incredible stupid. There's probably a part that wants to see some revenge and the reality is your getting it and he is helping give you that revenge by doing this to himself and you don't have to do anything.

After 7 years I can't just say quit caring about him but I think why it makes you feel better is because this decision on his part is really, really, truly incredible stupid. There's probably a part that wants to see some revenge and the reality is your getting it and he is helping give you that revenge by doing this to himself and you don't have to do anything.[/QUOTE]

Your right about that Chuff. I kind of do want revenge because he hurt me. But I also think this is the fastest way for him to see just exactly what he gave up... its human nature to compare new with the old and she can make him see there is no comparison. And who is better for him.

I'm totally guessing here, giving what I would feel if I were in your shoes.

You could be getting a little satisfaction from knowing that you are way better than this other woman he is getting himself involved with.
Could be that you can foresee the events that will take place leading him to no where.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side;)
And he will soon find that out...
If it were me, I'd be chuckling under my breath too.

Shame on me:D

Right on akaetrue. I think you hit that one dead on... Thanks

Hi, sorrry to hear about yr situation... im going through some things also, read my posts.. exspecialy my last one, found out the ex (we ended 6 weeks ago) total of 12 yrs, is seeing a bisexual, 3 yr recovering drug addict, and is moving in with her after 5-6 weeks!
Also know she slept around quite a bit with a lot of drug users... scary!! lol.but the last 3 yrs I guess has been OK.

I know how you feel, I asked kind of the same question yesterday. They are so opposite, that is why we are so shocked. Its so confusing and hurts a lot too, I know.

In my opinion it seems he is going on the road to self-destruction.
You say that 'she' is everything he hates. He left a good 7 year relationship.
Could he be doing drugs, have a disease or tumor, received some really bad news that he cannot handle... Maybe his plate is stuffed with so much crap that he is dwelling in trash on purpose.
People don't give up the good and go for the bad without a reason - you are not that reason or he would have told you. And, whatever it is, he is not willing or able at present to share it with anyone - hence - spending time with a 'brainless' warm body.
Unless and until he gets his life back to 'normal' don't let him drag you down to his level.

Yeah, life sucks, but it should not stop you from setting new goals and achieving them.

Good luck dear.

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Thanks hair I feel your pain... I was told by a few people that he chose this girl so nothing about her would remind him of me. That must mean he's having to try pretty hard not to think about me... TRUE?

In my opinion it seems he is going on the road to self-destruction.
You say that 'she' is everything he hates. He left a good 7 year relationship.
Could he be doing drugs, have a disease or tumor, received some really bad news that he cannot handle.... Maybe his plate is stuffed with so much crap that he is dwelling in trash on purpose.
People don't give up the good and go for the bad without a reason - you are not that reason or he would have told you. And, whatever it is, he is not willing or able at present to share it with anyone - hence - spending time with a 'brainless' warm body.
Unless and until he gets his life back to 'normal' don't let him drag you down to his level.

yeah, life sucks, but it should not stop you from setting new goals and achieving them.

Good luck dear.

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Wow Chery that's exactly what I told my family... I said he seems like he has a brain tumor because this is so out of character for him and it was so sudden

thanks hair I feel your pain...I was told by a few people that he chose this girl so nothing about her would remind him of me. That must mean he's having to try pretty hard not to think about me...TRUE?

Hi, not quite sure of the answer to that... I want to believe that for you and me, but then I say why the hell did they want someone else to begin with... my situation of course a little different, I was married then divorced to him, but always stayed together on and off because of him, so I say if we had all those chances and he messed up AND ended up with someone like her it blows my mind.. again, I don't want to blow my own horn, but I have never been down the road she has, not to say she isn't a nice person now, but I personaly would never be with someone with or had so many hangups.

In yr case too she is or sounds like a real loser, she has children and she is a mother so she is no good to live the way she does. And for him to be with that is crazy, you know that won't last and he will be back knocking on yr door, just be careful, with all the sh!t out there you can catch in general with someone is enough, but when you put yr self with a person who lived or lives like that you up yr chances big time!!

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.


I agree talaniman. Its just all so fresh and the pain is still so raw, but I'm taken it day by day and I don't contact him so that helps also. Thanks

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.
Thanks tal ( ;

My boyfriend and I have been brokeup for 3 weeks now and I feel like I'm totally losing touch with realily. I just can't get my mind right. I am constantly playing all of these senerios over in my head. I think he's going to call and beg me to let him come home. The next minute I'm thinking he's going to show up a my work and say he wants me back. I play these over and over and over and over. My God am I completely insane. He said he wasn't coming back and he's made no attempt to contact me so why the hell can't I get a grip on reality?

Start here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

Then answer these:

1) how old are you?
2) how long did you go out?
3) is this your first break?
4) what did you fight/disagree about...

You WILL get your sanity back...

It's not EZ - but getting a reality check will help you get started.

Start here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

Then answer these:

1) how old are you?
2) how long did you go out?
3) is this your first break?
4) what did you fight/disagree about...

you WILL get your sanity back...

it's not EZ - but getting a reality check will help you get started.

1. I'm 43 he's 25
2. we lived together for 7 yrs
3. this is our first break
4. I can't really remember why we were arguing it wasn't even a big fight.. we had a wonderful relationship and rarely ever even disagreed

43 and 25.

That's a risky one...

Still, First breaks always need further closure.
That said, it sounds like you were one of his first girlfriends and he just may need a
Little time to see if this is it. Sorry.

43 and 25.

That's a risky one....

Still, First breaks always need further closure.
That said, it sounds like you were one of his first girlfriends and he just may need a
little time to see if this is it. Sorry.

I know our ages sound risky but we had everything in common and loved doing things together. Trust me I know it was'nt our ages. You would have to see us together and you would know that was'nt an obsticle. Before me he had one serious girlfriend of 2 yrs and before that he had about 6 sexual experiences with different girls . What did you mean by first breaks need further closure?

Most people don't go to 100% silence on a first break.

So, I think you will talk more.

Not sure when.

I honestly think that he needs to be sure of his place in the world. He was only 18 when you met and he is developing emotionally still - but good news is 25 is considered entry-way to the age of adult thinking/behavior... (see also insurance rates ) :-)

Thanks Ash you always seem to make me feel better. Most people just say ITS OVER get over it. I'm not trying to be a total braindead idiot but I think when love is that deep and you haven't spent years ripping each other apart like so people do there has to be some chance at the breaker realizing that you are the one..

Missing, What you are doing is natural. I did the same thing playing out senerios and analyzing what went wrong. You are in the first stage of healing process. You will probably be in this stage for at least 3 months. That is about how long it was before I started feeling a little better. But once you let go of him it becomes a lot easier. I know how hard it is but you have to ask yourself one question why would you want him back after hooking up with that skank girl.

I don't know the name of the song but the lyrics go something like.

" I have to know what I have done wrong, did I always start the fight, did I never treat you right. You can tell me in a letter or the phone, but either way I have to know because I am going out of my mind"

We have all been there !

Everyone does that especially within the first month. I know how badly you are hurting but I really do believe that he is going to come around. From everything you said it really sounds as if he is trying to find out who is as a man separate from you. It also sounds as if he is trying to become the man he believes you need and the man that he wants to be. Give it time. Don't beat yourself up. It will come together the way it is supposed to.

Everyone does that especially within the first month. I know how badly you are hurting but I really do believe that he is going to come around. From everything you said it really sounds as if he is trying to find out who is as a man separate from you. It also sounds as if he is trying to become the man he believes you need and the man that he wants to be. Give it time. Don't beat yourself up. It will come together the way it is supposed to.

Thanks Glinda, Its nice to know that I might actually get my sanity back. As for your answer about him trying to find out who he is as a man, that sound very logical. Thanks again you are an inspiration to people in pain.

Thanks Glinda, Its nice to know that I might actually get my sanity back. As for your answer about him trying to find out who he is as a man, that sound very logical. Thanks again you are an inspiration to people in pain.

We have all been there. I'm glad I can make you feel a little better. :)

As you all know I lived with my boyfriend for 7 years and we were great together. He left me 3 weeks ago today. He didn't give me a real reason he was leaving. I talked to him once the day after he left and asked him to come over and talk to me and tell me why he really left. He said he couldn't come see me because it would be to hard for him to see me. I ask him what happen to the strong bond we had. He said its still there, ( YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND ) He said. He told me that he would help me out with bills and rent because he knows I can't make it on my own. Now I hear he's seeing a girl at work that's a real mess. She has a bunch of kids with several different fathers and doesn't know who one of thems father is.. anyway not his type at all. Total opposite of me. Ok now all the sudden he won't help me out with the bills and I'm in real financial trouble. He's starting to form almost a hatred for me. He's now trying to buy his way out of our apartment lease so he doesn't have to help me pay rent. Now to top things off I was at Wal-Mart about an hour ago and I ran right into him at the jewlery counter. Buying something for his new girl I would imagine. We just looked at each other but nither of us spoke a word. I just walked away. How can you be deeply in love for 7 yrs and for him to just leave? Then tells me I'm his best friend and our bond is strong. To this hatred kind of behavior he's displaying all in just 3 weeks time. How can he say those things but now seems to hate me?

Hi missing, sorry for yr troubles you are having... I don't think he hates you, he is just guilty right now for his actions towards you. If you don't mind me asking does he or is he using drugs? Please don't take it the wrong way, its just his behavior. Having such a great bond, then to leave and be with someone so out of character for him... just wondering

hi missing, sorry for yr troubles u r having...i dont think he hates you, he is just guilty right now for his actions towards you. if u dont mind me asking does he or is he using drugs? please dont take it the wrong way, its just his behavior. having such a great bond, then to leave and be with somone so out of charecter for him... just wondering

No hair he's not using drugs but I sometimes think he has a brain tumor. This just isn't him, I can't explain his behavior. I know him better than anyone on this earth and now he's like a total stranger. It's breaking my heart to see him this way. I'm very worried about him.

Hi missing , I have read some of your post's and to be honest I really think it is time you stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU. I have a broken heart at the moment too but I am getting better due to the good advise I have been getting from people on here. Really I think you need to let go of this guy even if it is just for now. You will not start healing until you make that decision to yourself. The longer you hold on to the thought of getting back the longer it will take for you to START your healing process. Look after number 1 and that is YOU. Having a broken heart is bad enough without all your financial problems and the fact that he is now not even willing to help you out with this now just shows how much he cares about you at the moment. Don't let this person dictate the way you are feeling , forget about him , and I know it's hard but like I say the sooner you do and the sooner you start worryying about YOU the sooner you will start to feel better in my opinion. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

I agree with friend4u1978,

I, along with many others on this forum who have read all your posts, have started worrying about you.

U need to take a break and just relax, you have a life of your own. Take care of yourself, stay busy and move on.

Thanks friend4u and nicespringgirl,

I totally agree with you about me moving on. And that's just what I plan to do a.s.a.p. I think my biggest problem is that I'm so mystified. I spent 7 yrs with this man 24/7 365 days a year. We were never apart in all that time and I thought I knew him inside and out. Now I'm wondering who he even is. This can't be the man I love. The man that said he loved me with his whole heart just 3 short weeks ago. I feel like he just lied to me for 7 years and this is the real him. How could he fool me for so long?

I hate that you had to see him. My GF of 12 years has left 3 weeks ago. We knew each other inside and out. It was me and her against the world, we were going to fix what are families had messed up. Now I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if she has someone else but it is a possibility I have to look at. But one thing is for sure she is running from HER problems.

It seems like you are having a tough time, mabye a little to hard. Have you though about therapy or medication. I was already in therapy and started medication today. I refuse to let this take me all the way down so I can't get back up. I have to keep in mind that someone else might need me one day. I owe it to them and myself.

So take care of yourself and don't let this drag on for ever, it can happen.

Yup, advice is always easy to give, but as I'm typing I wish I could take my own advice and move on. My girlfriend left a month ago without telling me why(not joking she just left). And yes I believe the sooner we accept the fact that they aren t coming back the sooner we will start healing. Pray and read your bible it helps

I hate that you had to see him. My GF of 12 years has left 3 weeks ago. We knew each other inside and out. It was me and her against the world, we were going to fix what are families had messed up. Now i dont know what is going to happen. I dont know if she has someone else but it is a possibility i have to look at. But one thing is for sure she is running from HER problems.

It seems like you are having a tough time, mabye a little to hard. Have you though about therapy or medication. I was already in therapy and started medication today. I refuse to let this take me all the way down so i can't get back up. I have to keep in mind that someone else might need me one day. I owe it to them and myself.

So take care of yourself and dont let this drag on for ever, it can happen.

Thanks stilllearning, I definitely think he is running from his problems also. But we always solved our problems together. Now he's went from this sweet, loving, affectionate, wonderful person to someone I don't even recognize in less than a month. Where did that other guy go??

Yup, advice is always easy to give, but as i m typing i wish i could take my own advice and move on. my girlfriend left a month ago without telling me why(not joking she just left). and yes i believe the sooner we accept the fact that they aren t coming back the sooner we will start healing. pray and read your bible it helps

How long were you together? And how was your relationship? Were you close or was it a rocky relationship? If you don't mind me asking

Missing
You really need to stop thinking of this guy , remember you will not start your healing process until you accept he's not coming back. And if he ever was he is no longer a sweet , wonderful person because a sweet wonderful person wouldn't do what he has done to you. Please star yor healing process now , this is for YOU , nobody else. And remember we are all here for you :)

How tempting can another woman be? Say your in a loving, content and seemingly happy realationship all be it finacially stressed. Can another woman tempt you away from your girlfriend?

If I loved a girl and she was my girlfriend, there would be no need for another girl.

If I truly loved the girl I was with I wouldn't even consider it for fear of losing what I loved.

if i loved a girl and she was my girlfriend, there would be no need for another girl.

I would normally agree but here's what I've heard was going on. My son, my ex and this girl he's now seeing all work at the same place. Well tonight another co-worker called my son and said he needed to tell him some things. He said that approxamatly 5-6 weeks ago he overheard this girl talking about me to my boyfriend. He said that she asked him how he could stand not sleeping with me 5 nights a week ( I work nights so I wasn't home 5 nights a week) She was heard saying that our sex life must suck and if he was with her she would have sex with him every night. She also asked if he wanted children. My boyfriend said yes and she said then why don't you have any with your girlfriend. He said because we just have'nt ever gotten pregnant. So her response was how can you be with a woman that can't even give you children.. Then she was overheard asking him why he was always stressed out. He said because my girlfriend and I have a lot of money problems. And she said well if you were with me we wouldn't have money problems because she would even get a second job just to keep him happy.. And she was said to always be talking about how great she was in bed and that she would make him forget all his problems. So I wonder can the power of flirting and putting me in a negative light made him leave me when before this we were very happy?

Not if he truly loves you "missing" sorry!

It may, I mean if someone offered you everything you thought you were missing, would you take it? He is most likely in love with the idea of being more wealthy and such. Let him know how you feel about this and that you are trying as hard as you can. If he leaves you then you don't need him. Then when he realizes the other girl is probably a fake he will realize how good he was with you.

Thanks sgt hardcore,

She is a fake, my sister knows her and told me that this girl is BAD NEWS.. And I can't wait for the day he realizes just how much he gave up to be with a slimey gutter rat

Nice one "Missing"! Now you're talking! Pick yourself up and show him that you're doing fine without him. Look your best, act confident and smile. Then watch as he wonders what he's missing and why you're suddenly doing so well. He won't be able to help himself. He'll be as jealous as hell. You'll have the power and you can set the agenda!
Good luck and best wishes.

**edit**

Don't fret, he's not worth worrying about, blatantly!

But that doesn't matter, what I want to know is why you haven't dropped-kicked her in the back of the head yet? He he!

My heart still goes out to you with your pain. Its awful, I told you my boyfriend left me four weeks ago, talked to him two weeks ago, which I went to talk to him at his house, and he didn't want the relationship anymore after a little over two yrs. The day we broke up the week before, we made plans to spend the day together in the morning. By evening, he said you could have came over and in the same sentence HE WAS DONE... He has never came back and I am crushed. People say no contact, which I am doing. Which I am the one that always cave, so this is different for me, but nothing is sparking.. To see your boyfriend in Wal-Mart must of broke your heart. Did he have this girl on the side, and you not know it? My heart goes out to you. You think you really know someone, but guess what we really don't. I think they have another side to them. Thank God your not married to him, if he is doing this to you now.. HE knows he is hurting you too.. Stay strong, it's hard... I just keep on praying, its tough... and heartbreaking.

My heart still goes out to you with your pain. Its awful, I told you my boyfriend left me four weeks ago, talked to him two weeks ago, which I went to talk to him at his house, and he didn't want the relationship anymore after a little over two yrs. The day we broke up the week before, we made plans to spend the day together in the morning. By evening, he said you could of came over and in the same sentence HE WAS DONE...He has never came back and I am crushed. People say no contact, which I am doing. which I am the one that always cave, so this is different for me, but nothing is sparking.. To see your boyfriend in Wal-Mart must of broke your heart. Did he have this girl on the side, and you not know it? My heart goes out to you. You think you really know someone, but guess what we really don't. I think they have another side to them. Thank God your not married to him, if he is doing this to you now..HE knows he is hurting you too.. Stay strong, it's hard....I just keep on praying, its tough... and heartbreaking.

Thanks sully my heart goes out to you also. As for him having her on the side, no not in a physical sense anyway. My son works with both of them so he would've been unable to do anything there and when he wasn't at work he was always with me. Like I've said we had a very close relationship and did everything together. My son and I did find out tonight from another co-worker that this girl was making a play for my boyfriend constantly for the past 6 weeks or so. So maybe she was offering something I didn't have

**edit**

Don't fret, he's not worth worrying about, blatantly!

But that doesn't matter, what I want to know is why you haven't dropped-kicked her in the back of the head yet?! He he!

Oh man I want to so bad you have no idea. Buttttt I want to be the bigger person. In the end when and if he does realize what a stupid mistake he's made he'll know that I allowed him to find that out on his own.

Don't beat yourself up on this one. YOU DID NOTHING! He has the problem.. and he has to live with what he did to you, and I am sure, it does bother him. YOU just don't spend 7 yrs with someone and then forget about them.. You sound so mature, compared to him. He is running for what reason I don't know. But it hurts, you said he is 25, am I mistaken? How old is this girl? YOU don't deserve this, as I don't either. I wake up every morning empty.. then you wonder what their doing? We have too concentrate on us, but it hards, they are going on living their lives.. keep praying, God will answer...

I believe she is 22 and with all the drama that goes along with being 22

HI MISSINGHIM2MUCH,

I've just read your post.

This is the way men behave after breaking up.. they distract themselves to fill an emotional void. Its nothing about you its just the way a man get over a breakup.

Please start to focus on yourself as soon as possible.

A lot of us here have been left like you wondering what happened etc, when really there is no answer. He probably just was not ready.

Missing, My ex fiancé broke up with me 5-6 times in 5 years. On this brake up it's been a little over 6 months since she broke my heart. And I do know what you are going through. Still 6 months later I sometimes have very bad days and very good days. The reason I am starting to have very good days is I let go of her (well 99% I did) When I let go of her I was almost 4.5 months into break. I spent 4.5 months crying, hurting and being miserable. It's when I let go I started getting better. That 1% that I haven't let go of is now starting too bring me down a lttle now. Sometimes I feel like I'm moving backwards. I am at a point were I have healed enough that I will never take her back again or speak to her for what she did and how she used me. When you let go and start to heal you may not even want him back for how he treated you when he broke up with you. Just give it time and work on yourself and trust me when I say this Time Does Heal.

If you truly loved someone, like I loved my ex fiancé I would never let another woman come between my and her. And with the her saying him not having kids, If my ex couldn't get pregnet which she did have trouble I would never leave her because of that. That's true love.

We had a great 3.5 year relationship between us she was going to school full time while I was working.we were about to get engage. My parents liked her but her parents dislike me A LOT. They have tried to separate us for the past two years(believe me they tried about every possible way). When she was in school I would help her from studying, money, food, clothing, etc. while her dad worked out of town and her mom would be gambling 24/7. we were basically married except we weren t sleeping under the same roof.she was a type of girl that if my mom would say she loved me she would get jealous, she would tell me she loved me in a daily basis. The day before she left she was telling me how important and helpful I had been in her life and then she was gone. I miss her a lot but what I believed is that my ex wife and her mom has something to do with this. NOTE: while my divorce my ex wife would call the cops in daily basis(about 65 police reports) accusing me of numerous accusation going from beating her up to the worst imaginable thing(without proofs). While my divorce district attorney asked me to sign a guilty plea and I would get a 1 year probation, or fight and my lawyer wanted 5,000 dollars just to start my case. So by me signing that paper made me guilty of all the accusation meaning my ex wife probably used that and confused my ex girlfriends mind. Now my ex wife calls me in a daily basis(I won t answer)[email protected]:confused: but my advice to you is pray and read your bible

Missing, My ex fiance broke up with me 5-6 times in 5 years. On this brake up it's been a little over 6 months since she broke my heart. And I do know what you are going thru. Still 6 months later I sometimes have very bad days and very good days. The reason I am starting to have very good days is I let go of her (well 99% I did) When I let go of her I was almost 4.5 months into break. I spent 4.5 months crying, hurting and being miserable. It's when I let go I started getting better. That 1% that I havent let go of is now starting too bring me down a lttle now. Sometimes I feel like I'm moving backwards. I am at a point were I have healed enough that I will never take her back again or speak to her for what she did and how she used me. When you let go and start to heal you may not even want him back for how he treated you when he broke up with you. Just give it time and work on yourself and trust me when I say this Time Does Heal.

It seems a lot of people on this site have broken up and got back together one or more times. And after they hurt you several times you get on with your lifes. This is the first time he's ever hurt me in 7 yrs so its easy for me to think that he's just making some crazy choicees right now and will be sorry soon. Does it usually take more than one breakup to convince you its over?

No, 4.5 months into my breakup I would have taken her back again. Even thou I still think and miss her and her son I would never dream of taking her back. It because I gave myself a chance to heal this time. And I see what type of selfish user she is. When you hurt you don't see the bad in a person just the good things. Although I'm not completely healed, I'm healed just enough to say NO this time. Hopefully in about 5-6 months I should be completely healed.

I don't think he lied, I think he was being true to his young nature, despite the level of maturity that you gave him. I think your love turned to dependence, and you where much more emotionally invested in this than he was, so as hard as it is, do what I and others have been telling you, let it go and move on with your life, and tell your son to stop giving you a play by play report on his business. Get your own life in order.

I've gotten a lot of good advice on this forum. I thought long and hard about everything that everyone has said. I have taken it very seriously. I know in my head that he's not ever coming back. I know in my head that I need to move on. I also know in my head that its my only means of surviving this. My only obsticle is that in my heart I don't believe it. Any of it. In my heart I believe he still loves me. In my heart I believe he's come back home to me. So how do you convince your heart what your head already knows?

Moving away from hearts. You heart just pumps blood. In time you will move on. Just stay busy and trying out new things and improving yourself.

There is no quick fix.
Like Jiser said try new things. Do something that you have never done before. That way there are no past memories attached to it. And over time, things will just work out in your head/heart. Be strong you'll get though it!

If you believe it's over. Your heart will heal from that day forward.

As long as you acknowledge the worst, you'll heal for the best.

That's the secret to recovery.

I swear all of you need some kind of award... If I hadn't found this website I wouldn't have survived. Not every day is this positive. But I'm thankful to have this positive day. Who knows maybe I'll have another one tomorrow.

You really seem like such a lovely person and you and your ex were together for a long time of course you are going to have a broken heart. You have gotten over your first hurdle of accepting what is going on that's the first step towards healing.

Focus on your life and surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. Throw yourself back into your life and just try to have some fun. Some days will be better then others but as the days tick by you will find more and more strength and will be mending your heart more and more. Of course on the bad days you pop on here and say HELP. We are always here.

Hi guys,

I haven't been here in a while. I've been trying to get on with my life and hang with family and friends. Its been 5 weeks now since my boyfriend walked out on me and I can't seem to make much progress. I still live in the house we shared and everything reminds me of him. I spend a lot of time at my sons house so I'm not alone in our home. The pain is just to bad for me at home. I've had lots of people on this site tell me and other threads I've read that he didn't just decide to leave suddenly that he was thinking about it for some time. I don't think he was though. He was happy, he told me that all the time. He wanted to buy a house together and adopt a child with me because we were having trouble getting pregnant. He came home from work daily and hugged me and told me he misses me so much when he's at work that he can't waif to get home. Does any of this sound like an unhappy person? I read on another thread that the blissfully happy one usually misses the signs that the other is unhappy but he seemed more blissfully happy than I did. Don't get me wrong I was very happy and I told him so all the time. He just showed his feelings more than I did. The only thing I can figure is he was tempted by someone else to the point that he had to see if he was missing anything. I know he was young when we got together so I know he missed out on the things he should've been doing during those years. He spent his adolesence with me when he should've been running wild. Now I think the temptation of someone different influenced his decision. I just don't know how to make my love and my pain go away. I've been doing all the keeping busy stuff that's supposed to help but nothings working. How do I get him out of my heart?

I wish I could help, I'm going through the same thing though. 12 years and we have been split up for a month. Some days I feel OK but today was very bad, I did some cleaning and found some things that really got me going.

I think in my case my GF didn't trust me, so she left before I had the chance to. It does hurt bad. I was getting ready for marriage, kids, getting close to buying a house. And now I've got nothing. This is the hardest thing I've gone through so believe me I know how you feel.

But I wouldn't say that he is running wild because he didn't get a chance to while with you. I never got into running around, it wasn't my style. It could be something else.

Its going to take time. 5 weeks seems like a long time but in your healing time its not much.

Maybe shake up your house. Move the furniture around, change everything around, get rid of whatever reminds you of him the most. If necessary move (kidding!). Just change your surroundings to reflect the new single you. You need to celebrate you life now instead of still feeling blue. It will give you something else to take your mind off things and can help change the energy in your house.

I have been asking myself this question for the last 2 weeks! I was, in what I thought was the perfect relationship with a woman that I loved dearly. We were together 3 years and from one day to the next she finished it. Up until that last day everything was perfect, love, sex, attention everything that you expect! There was no obivious sign that something was wrong. I have asked myself again and again if there was something I should have noticed. There is nothing I can think of. After meeting another man on a night out, she made arrangements to see him again! After the date she came home and finished it.
In the discussions that followed, she came up every time with a different reason why she cheated on me and wanted me out! First it was the business trips (too many) then the fact that I had to have contact to my ex-girlfriend who is the mother of my 2 year daughter! The discussions ended yesterday with her statement that she never really loved me! That has to be rubbish!
Is she trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing by making such statements, when she knows deep down it was a mistake or is she trying to make sure I don't have any hopes of getting back with her? She has been stone cold since she finished it and is treating me like the man who had cheated her. She has become a different person overnight!
So although it seems the love has gone overnight, I don't really think it can happen so fast! Maybe these people are in love but still waiting for something better to arrive!
:confused:

I have been asking myself this question for the last 2 weeks! I was, in what I thought was the perfect relationship with a woman that I loved dearly. We were together 3 years and from one day to the next she finished it. Up until that last day everything was perfect, love, sex, attention everything that you expect! There was no obivious sign that something was wrong. I have asked myself again and again if there was something I should have noticed. There is nothing I can think of. After meeting another man on a night out, she made arrangements to see him again! After the date she came home and finished it.
In the discussions that followed, she came up every time with a different reason why she cheated on me and wanted me out! First it was the business trips (too many) then the fact that I had to have contact to my ex-girlfriend who is the mother of my 2 year daughter! The discussions ended yesterday with her statement that she never really loved me! That has to be rubbish!
Is she trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing by making such statements, when she knows deep down it was a mistake or is she trying to make sure I don't have any hopes of getting back with her? She has been stone cold since she finished it and is treating me like the man who had cheated her. She has become a different person overnight!
So althought it seems the love has gone overnight, I don't really think it can happen so fast! Maybe these people are in love but still waiting for something better to arrive!
:confused:

Right Tony some people are in Love but are just also waiting for something better to come along... Most people are like that!! Funny that is. BUT SO TRUE

I wouldn't worry about it. It just happens, let the past lie.

:( omg
I totally feel the same.. your boyfriend well should I say x... sounds a lot like mine :(
yh I do believe that they stop luvin u... I know my x luved me

People who get dumped, rarely see it coming, and so they are in shock. Dumpee's have been thinking on it for sometime, an finally, are very well prepared and ready to change the status of the relationship

5 Weeks is not along time at all. Jees I am 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and I still think about it a lot. Everyone is different though. Just keep on NC and enjoying life. IMPROVE IMPROVE and take every oppurtinity. In time life will be great :)

I think love really can just dissaper. After all, love is something we glorify as something specail from the heart, when really its just chemicals in the brain. At the end of a day, Love is just an over-used word to describe a greater amount of feelings for someone then normal. And the word 'love' is mostly used to gain something.

5 Weeks is not along time at all. jees I am 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and I still think about it alot. Everyone is different though. Just keep on NC and enjoying life. IMPROVE IMPROVE and take every oppurtinity. In time life will be great :)

Wow Jiser if you're 8 months out of a 6 month relationship and are still thinking about it then it must take forever to get over a 7 yr relationship. I am improving though I've lost some weight and already have the guy down stairs hitting on me. Problem is he lives with someone and has a baby so I don't intend on going down that road.

Yeh good plan lol! Everyone is an individual, It just happens that it was my first real relationship so it hit me big time even though everyone I know, work, family, friends told me to finish it long before she did. The problem with me not getting over it was the constant contact with her including going to a festival and clubbing + msn contact, her doing some nasty things in front of me.

I would say a lot of the time I am a very sensitive and emotional person (take things personally) and I think about things too much, espescially nasty words or critisicm. : (: ( Probably these things haven't helped me move on.

How about change your focus on your life, set a goal- usually a career goal, stay busy, keep your obiligation... that way, you feel less pain.:)

I know its not easy going no contact, and going through complete hell. We all have been there, so we sympathize with your pain, anguish, and misery, because 7 years is a helluva long time to be in love, and now its gone. Make some new friends, and do things you enjoy, and if you don't have a to do list, make one, and get busy with it. It will get better, my word.

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/charley-ben.html)charley-ben (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/charley-ben.html) disagrees: wat is that crap ??? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/charley-ben.html)
Willing to bet you were in that didn't see it coming category, which explains the bitterness of your posts. Think on it.

I believe that love can die... I'm not going to lie to you love... if h's anything like my x... then yh loves died... becoz if HE REALLY loved you that MUCH do you really think he would have done this?
did e leave u 4 sum 1 else like mine?
w.b x

Hi you

Ok does anyone have any good dating advice? I honestly don't know how to date. The last time I dated I was 16 and I married that guy. Was married for 17 yrs then divorced. Almost immediately after that I hooked up with my ex that you've all heard me crying over for the past few weeks. I didn't meet him in a dating kind of way either. He basically walked into my living room and suggested we go out. Soon after that he moved in and that was 7 years ago. Now I'm dumped while he's dating the bimbo he left me for and I'm left without any social skills. I'm not so sure bars are the best place to meet guys. Alcohol and clear headed thinking don't seem to mix. The hang out options aren't to plentyful where I live so basically I'm looking for suggestions. I'm kind of a homebody. My ex and I were cuddle on the couch watching TV kind of people. So any advice would be great. I'm not sure I'm far enough into my recovery to date just yet but hey what's good for the dumper is good for the dumpee. Am I right?

search in google

Wow I Google just about everything. I had no idea you could Google a date.

Give yourself time... u shouldn't even be thinking about it too much... honestly, what you need is a fresh breath of air... take time off to yourself and zoom off to a holiday all by yourself...

Hello

Try joining a group or club of some kind. That way you get to meet new people and have something in common with them already.

BUT before you can think about finding another Mr. Right you need to find yourself so take some time to get to know who you are and what you want from life. You are in control and can mold your life in any way you want it to go so relax and enjoy the ride.

Dennis777

Doing positive things for yourself should be your focus. Right now, dating is not the focus as much as "finding" yourself. You can do that in many ways. Get involved with your community by volunteering, taking a class, working out, start going to church, see if there is a group in your area called, "Beginning Experiences" (a group for divorced people), develop a hobby, talk to a counselor about what you are going through, etc.

For some ideas on what to do after a break-up, see the following thread on just that:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

The idea is not to concentrate on dating but concentrate on your own emotional and physical well being. Good luck.

Thanks everyone,

I know I'm not ready to date yet. I just figured it worked for him. He seems to have forgotten the past 7 years by hooking up so soon so I thought it would make me forget about him just as fast. But hey that only works for those that have no HEART. Am I right?

MissingHim2Much - I've been trying to casually date (you know the whole situation with my ex).. while it did help keep me busy, the one thing that always would happen, especially if it was a bad date, is that I would get home and think about how much more I missed my ex. So really, its probably a better idea to wait until you're really ready. Everyone I went out with I compared to my ex and it generally just made me miss him more. Now, I've tried to just focus more on hanging out with my girlfriends than looking for a replacement boyfriend.

The final stab to my heart. My ex just called my son to say he wants to get the utilitlies out of his name because he's getting a place and moving out of his parents house. I know he's moving in with her. He didn't say so but I know he is. It couldn't be anymore final than that. Anyway even if he isn't moving in with her it's clear he isn't coming back, EVER! And yes I already know that I shouldn't want him back but that shread of hope that he would see the era of his ways kind of kept me sane somehow. Wow less then 6 weeks and I've been replaced like I meant nothing. What is that? Who does that? My brain is scrambled and I can't comprehend what some people can do to the ones they claimed to love more than anything in the world just days before he walks away. Is he even HUMAN?

He's an as*. Don't worry about the other girl. There's NO WAY that's going to work out. You can't jump from a 7 year relationship into another serious relationship that quickly. And besides, in a couple of months I guarantee you he's going to be miserable! My friend's husbad did the same thing. Left her for his mistress and within 2 months, he realized how good he had had it, and came crawling back to my friend because he was miserable with the new girl. My friend of course told him to get lost! Its been 2 years, and he's still with this other girl and STILL calls my friend telling her how miserable he is and what a huge mistake he made...

He's an as*. Don't worry about the other girl. There's NO WAY that's going to work out. You can't jump from a 7 year relationship into another serious relationship that quickly. And besides, in a couple of months I guarantee you he's going to be miserable!! My friend's husbad did the same exact thing. Left her for his mistress and within 2 months, he realized how good he had had it, and came crawling back to my friend because he was miserable with the new girl. My friend ofcourse told him to get lost! Its been 2 years, and he's still with this other girl and STILL calls my friend telling her how miserable he is and what a huge mistake he made....

Thank Suelle,

God this hurts so f'n bad I can't hardly see to type because I'm tearing up. Better to have loved and lost my @$$. I would take never to have loved and never felt this pain. It's unbareable sometimes.

You will be a lousy date right now, so don't go there. Better would be to find social outlets, such as joining a church, taking a class at a community college or park district, joining a bowling league, getting into a reading discussion group at your library, doing volunteer work at an animal shelter (lots of unconditional love there) or nursing home or library or school. Get yourself healed first. You find yourself when you lose yourself in service to others. Don't date until you are a fun person again who is looking to the future instead of moaning over the past.

Sounds horrible.. but honey in the long run it is best. Sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't respect you. Its going to be hard but keep your chin up. Everyday gets a little easier. Trust me!

Good luck,
Mel

The final stab to my heart. My ex just called my son to say he wants to get the utilitlies out of his name because he's getting a place and moving out of his parents house. I know he's moving in with her. He didn't say so but I know he is. It couldn't be anymore final than that. Anyway even if he isn't moving in with her it's clear he isn't coming back, EVER! And yes i already know that I shouldn't want him back but that shread of hope that he would see the era of his ways kinda kept me sane somehow. Wow less then 6 weeks and I've been replaced like I meant nothing. What is that? Who does that? My brain is scrambled and I can't comprehend what some people can do to the ones they claimed to love more than anything in the world just days before he walks away. Is he even HUMAN?
Almost everyone that has ever been in a serious relationship has gone through something like this. Most survive to go on with their lives and become a better person by learning more about themselves, yes there is something to learn from it.

I sympathize, because after 18 years of marriage and two lovely children my wife announced that she "thought" that she loved someone else and was leaving.

This announcement left me devastated; my father had left when I was five and I didn't want my children to have to go through some of the things I did while growing up, and yes I loved her very much at the time.

Sometimes someone comes along at the very moment you need them the most. This person knew what I was going through (no there wasn't a relationship OR anything between her and me).

But she said something to me that helped me see that life goes on and made the pain a little better. What she told me made more sense as time went by;

"People have to be true to themselves and make decisions on how they feel and what they think is best. Believe me or not, someday you will even forgive her."

She also said; "When a person makes a decision to do something like this they have taken the time to prepare themselves for it, you were not prepared. You will have to go through the pain now but it will last only for so long, you didn't make the decision to leave; she did and she will have to live with it.

She is strong in her decision now BUT years will pass and believe me she will be asking herself over and over again; did I make the right decision. The responsibility for the decision was hers and she will ask herself if it was the right one."

I dated for the next eighteen years and until my lovely new wife (remarried five years ago) came along I really believed that I wouldn't again fall in love deeply enough to want to give my heart and trust to another woman completely. There were many "dates" during
This period but when I asked myself; is this the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I convinced myself she wasn't. I found everything I ever needed or wanted in life when I was introduced to my present wife and things are better than I ever expected or deserve.

Sorry I carried on so much but I wanted you to know that there IS love and happiness that can be found if you look for it and you are ready. It took me a little longer than most but I am very happy now.

About a year after the divorce my ex-wife and I were talking on the phone (by the way my children stayed with me) and out of the blue she said; "I want you to know that you were a good father and a good husband." At that point I was able to completely let go of all the negative emotions I had bottled up inside me. I didn't say it to her and she wouldn't need it anyway but I was able to forgive her.

It's funny how my ex-wife's simple acknowledgment meant so much to me.

Just got another stab to my heart to.Daughter just told me my ex going to be moving in with is "New family" as he likes to call them! He replaced me 4 months after coming out of a relationship of 24years an he's been with her for 20months now.16 of those 20months he would still come round and try and seduce me ,and like a fool I would give in.final straw that made me realise that I needed to get some self respect is when he slept with me the day before he took his girlfriend on a weeks holiday! by doing what I did I no I've hindered my recovery and that's why istill feel pain 2 years on.missinghim2much I feel that unbearable pain to,just want to move on and be happy.hopefully time will help us do that, xx

I think everyone knows my story by now but I had a question about my ex's behavior. We had a long stable relationship and were very close. The break was sudden and of course I called a couple of times that first few days after he left. He was civil to me and even said we had a strong bond and I was his best friend. Its been 6 weeks since I went no contact and since then he seems to hate me. He had offered in the beginning to help me finacially but after a week refused to give me any help. When he has something to say to me he doesn't call me directly he calls my son. He did leave me for someone else so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that he is so cold to me now. How or why do you think he went from saying I was his best friend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?

He may not be as mature as you gave him credit for and is trying to cut ties with you and move on with his own life. Don't worry about why he does what he does as only he can know for sure. Leave this alone.

As I've expressed in other posts, you need to stop obsessing with everything he does, as he is obviously cutting ties with you.

I agree with the above, he is prob getting grief from the other women and is trying now to cut ties. Try to Move on and do something new for yourself.

You are still hurt, and bitter over your break-up, and would be lousy company until you can heal, and resolve your feelings.

Tell you son not to take the messages and for "the boyfriend" to call you directly. Its not right for "the ex" to involve your son in any of this. Plus, money and friendship is a "no no". It creates more of a problem than resolves one.

Good Luck,
Mel

I think that this guy feels pretty ashamed and guilty for what he did to you and that's why he's acting like he hates you and won't even call to talk to you directly. Possibly in time he will miss you and want to make up for what he's done and come back around. I highly doubt he will make a go of it with the new girl.

"How or why do you think he went from saying I was his bestfriend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?"

Think back and you should find the answer. From Best... to hateful requires some indications unless he's on drugs. What's missing here? Do you know the "other woman?" What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? Does he get along with your son? Do you and your son have issues? This will all become very clear, very soon. Best to all.

Hi Missing :)
I tend to agree with DJ1963 , the guilt thing is the main reason your Ex will not be contacting you , and I think we all construe this to mean they HATE us now. Don't get yourself down with this feeling. But try and remember when you join here, and your sitting, staring at the screen, crying and at the lowest point you think you could ever go. Please know that you will be sitting doing the same thing in a couple of months the only difference will be, you will not be at your lowest point, you will be rising.
Things change, we evolve and life goes on.
There is not one single person in this world worth the exchange of your life and dignity for. Love is a bond, it comes in all shapes and sizes and in the most strange of places. There is not just one person for each of us. There is however just one life we live, no deposit, no return and its very short. Live it and embrace who you are, not what you think someone has made you :-)

Very sad story sweety, I wish I could say something to help but only time will tell and I do not think his new relationship will last from what I've read in your previous posts he is just keeping himself busy with this girl. She doesn't seem worth a crap so he'll see that soon

"How or why do you think he went from saying I was his bestfriend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?"

Think back and you should find the answer. From Best... to hateful requires some indications unless he's on drugs. What's missing here? Do you know the "other woman?" What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? Does he get along with your son? Do you and your son have issues? This will all become very clear, very soon. Best to all.


Do you know the "other woman?" I don't know her personally but my son works with both of them and he knows her and also my sister know her.


What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? I was being his lover, his best friend, his support system and every thing I had always been.


Does he get along with your son? Well not anymore. But they were good friends for years my ex was my sons bestman in his wedding.


Do you and your son have issues? No we are very close and that's why he isn't friends with my ex now.


This will all become very clear, very soon. How??

This very young guy broke your heart, and we get that. Realise that you were in different places in your life, and start to let go, and move on. You have a lot to offer, and until you get to the point of accepting what has happened, how can you move on?? He was not ready for the gift you gave him, bottom line, and now he is on his own, AS ARE YOU!!

This very young guy broke your heart, and we get that. Realise that you were in different places in your life, and start to let go, and move on. You have a lot to offer, and until you get to the point of accepting what has happened, how can you move on??? He was not ready for the gift you gave him, bottom line, and now he is on his own, AS ARE YOU!!!

Talan believe it or not I do realize more of this to be true than I let on. But the pain of it all just isn't that easily explained away. Only time will make that happen. I think that explaining to others how it feels and being open and honest about the pain and how it effects us is a possitive road to recovery. I do find your advice to be very logical and I do take it to heart I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?

I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?
Your questions cannot be answered, and will lead to confusion, which will slow down the healing process. You keep the feelings of anger, and betrayal still fresh enough, to affect your emotions and thinking processes. Not a healthy way to deal with those feelings, in my opinion, and we see that a lot here on the forum. Only through acceptance, and some very positive actions on your part, can you help the healing process. Keeping him alive and well in your mind ,is so not going to help. Not to be harsh at all, but just wanting you to see that you are your solution to the problem, not anything he can say, or do.

First of all your being honest with yourself and you've put some questions on the table in front of us all. Takes a special person and others will learn that about you and will have found a treasure. All good things will come to MH2M.

My story just keeps getting better. As you all know by now my boyfriend of 7 yrs left me 6 weeks ago for a total HO that he works with. Wait the plot thickens. Now she claims she's pregnant and its his. Ok they've been together not quite 6 weeks and she is miraculously pregnant by him. We were together for 7 yrs and never used birth control. Anyway her best friend so to speak also works with all of them ( my ex, his new girlfriend, and my son ) her friend had told my son about 8-10 weeks ago that she thought that Shannon ( that's the ho's name) was pregnant but wasn't telling anyone. This friend has also had threesomes with her boyfriend and Shannon. I wrote about that on a earlier post. And Shannon lives with her ex boyfriend and says they aren't together they just live together. This is the boyfriend that doesn't know if he's Shannons baby's daddy or if its his brothers baby. That baby is 2 I think and she has 3 more children by different fathers, 2 of which live with the fathers because she lost custody of them. This is a true story I swear, you can't make this stuff up. This is what he thought was good enough to leave his relationship, his home, his family and all of his possessions for. He took nothing except for about half of his clothes. Can someone tell me, does this guy have a huge brain tumor effecting his decisions? Do guys just walk away from a stable longterm relationship into a soap opera of baby daddy drama??

Brain tumor? Probably not. He's not the brightest star in the sky or could be acting out. Is this man mature? Has he lost a close friend or parent? If you have the desire and strength to avoid all contact with him and also his friends he may return if that's what you want. Good luck.

Brain tumor? Probably not. He's not the brightest star in the sky or could be acting out. Is this man mature? Has he lost a close friend or parent? If you have the desire and strength to avoid all contact with him and also his friends he may return if that's what you want. Good luck.

Is he mature? I'm questioning that right now but yes he was mature and very responsible our whole time together. He never did anything crazy or out of the ordinary. We had a close relationship and were very respectful of each other. I didn't see this one coming. It was so far out in left field. He never let on he was unhappy or that he wanted out of our relationship so I am clearly baffled. He did have one loss this year but it wasn't a person it was our dog. She was my dog for 16 yrs and his dog for the 7 he lived with me. She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this. I have maintained no contact pretty much since he left calling him 2 times in the first week to ask him why he left and if he was coming back. But I've had n/c in about 6 weeks.

I know what you are going through my boyfriend left me a few weeks back and is now dating a slutty ho. Is there something in the water? So many men these days just up and leaving good woman for these woman that would do anyone with a pulse. I thinks its porn, I think porn has warped their minds

Ouchhhhh Missing, that has to hurt. I once asked my brother how woman are able to steal men away from good relationships and his answer to me was... Lots of flirting and feeding their egos. ( you're so funny, you're so smart, you're so cute etc. etc etc) He said that men in a longterm relationship sometimes feel like their gf's don't think they are special any more and when someone else makes it a point to make them feel like they are something great the other woman is able to steal him right out from under you. Once she shows her true colors he will see his mistake and probably come crawling back to you. If that's what you want.

God that must suck!

Well, I would not worry about why he did it, but rather HOW you are going to move on.
YOU know WAYYYY too much. WAYY too much... And so do your kids. Get Away.
We all make mistakes. You made a 7-year one. Now take a year to recover.

This is the real him. SORRY! He loved you, (in his own way -once)
But he also did you a favor...

You'll thank him for your freedom and his indescretion one day.

Sad situation but surely if you go back and read this doesn't it make you slightly happy that you aren't involved with a man anymore that involves himself with these type of people. They all sound like they deserve one another and you are better off without them all in your life.

Missing, I've read some of your earlier posts and it sounds like you and your ex had a good relationship all the time you were together. If that's true then what has happened in his life that would make him do something this destructive?

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.

I totally agree with GlindaofOz I think it's deeper then he just wanted out of your relationship. It's almost like something is severely wrong in his head.

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.

I know Glinda that's my question " what the heck is with this guy?" It does really bug me because I just don't get it. I know I need to move on and I am but sometimes when the breakup is as bizarre as this one the questions seem to haunt you night and day. A lot of people on here don't think that our relationship was as stable and content as I think it was but I think after 7 years with someone you kind of get a feel for how that person is feeling and acting. He was always very attentive to my needs and my happiness and then he was just gone to live this crazy destructive life and I can't make sense of it. I do know that I probably never will but I just don't know how to get it out of my mind.

I really don't think this is anything new but my grandfather left my grandmother
With a family to raise, and moved to a different state and remarried... His
Name was never spoken and my grandmother really hated him... Only finding this
Out when one of my cousins named her son JOHN -- oops not a good name!!

I worked with a man who seemed perfectly happy with his life, we were real close
Friends... We had an arrangement where I paid him for a ride to work, and talked
On the way to and from work about 15 miles round trip...

He was friendly with a gal at work but nothing was ever said until her and her
Husband split up... Things were pretty hostile for a while but seemed to settle down...
I was really shocked to find out he had moved out and living with this gal...
Not knowing what happened I called to talk to him, only to have his wife drop the
Bomb on me... I was shocked!!

Just thought he could have given me a clue??

I know Glinda thats my question " what the heck is with this guy?" It does really bug me because I just don't get it. I know I need to move on and I am but sometimes when the breakup is as bizarre as this one the questions seem to haunt you night and day. Alot of people on here don't think that our relationship was as stable and content as I think it was but I think after 7 years with someone you kinda get a feel for how that person is feeling and acting. He was always very attentive to my needs and my happiness and then he was just gone to live this crazy distructive life and I can't make sense of it. I do know that I probably never will but I just don't know how to get it out of my mind.


I really have to wonder if something is going on with him psychologically. This behavior is just so bizarre. If I was in your shoes I know I would just be thunking myself on the head all day long going "WHAT IS THIS BIZARRO WORLD???".

It was your relationship if you say it was happy and stable then I think we all have to go on that. You lived it we didn't. None of us was there. Though clearly he is not as happy as stable as you thought he was. Are you friendly with anyone close to him, what do those people think about what's going on with him? Is anyone else as concerned as you?

I really have to wonder if something is going on with him psychologically. This behavior is just so bizarre. If I was in your shoes I know I would just be thunking myself on the head all day long going "WHAT IS THIS BIZARRO WORLD???".

It was your relationship if you say it was happy and stable then I think we all have to go on that. You lived it we didn't. none of us was there. Though clearly he is not as happy as stable as you thought he was. Are you friendly with anyone close to him, what do those people think about whats going on with him? Is anyone else as concerned as you?

Glinda finally someone on here that thinks like I do about all this. I have to agree that it seems as if something is psychologially wrong with him. As far as being friendly with anyone close to him, well they all think the same thing as I do. They think he's lost his mind and can't comprehend why he just up and left like he did. None of them are even speaking to him now. All his previous friends don't have anything to do with him now. As far as his family is concerned I haven't talked to any of them. I figured N/C included them as well. But I can bet money that they have no clue about this girls life and all the trouble she's been in both past and present. He would never tell his good Christian parents about her.

Well thank goodness others see what a total flip he has done that must give you some peace to know its not "all in your head" or anything.

Who the heck knows what's going on with him. He clearly thinks behaving this way and carrying on with this girl is worth more then maintaining all of the his other relationships.

I think that we could all sit here all day long trying to figure out what his problem is and that will get you nowhere. I think you just have to accept that he is not healthy and its for the best that he is no longer in your life

Well thank goodness others see what a total flip he has done that must give you some peace to know its not "all in your head" or anything.

Who the heck knows whats going on with him. He clearly thinks behaving this way and carrying on with this girl is worth more then maintaining all of the his other relationships.

I think that we could all sit here all day long trying to figure out what his problem is and that will get you nowhere. I think you just have to accept that he is not healthy and its for the best that he is no longer in your life

Thanks Glinda,

He has definitely burned all his bridges. I can't wait to hear his reasons if and when he ever realizes what he's done. Not only to me but to everyone that cared about him. Oh well what can you do. My goal is to move on and accept all of this and I know I've made some progress. At least I'm not ready to take him back if he wanted to. A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!!

Missing, I am so sorry for your pain. My story is similar to yours but not quite as dramatic. Your poor heart seems to take another blow everyday. I just can't see how someone can go from a happy life to a crazy one and then expect to be happy. I think he will soon realise he isn't happy with her. She is his rebound and that never works out.

"She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this."

Loss we understand but our reactions to it can be very profound. The loss of a long time friend (canine friend) can be more devastating than the loss of a parent, sib. Or other human but is shorter lived.

Loss renewed (mother) more devatation and maybe this person finds comfort in retreating from the one he loves most (you.) You are part of his world which was turned upside down and to be at peace he has removed himself from any memories or familiarities with loss by hiding from you. In time he should be able to deal with the memories and no longer need to hide from you.

Any guilt associated with his present behavior will have to delt with by both of you and I hope he's not going to play hide-and-go-seek again. Best wishes to you and remember you will grow and survive.

"She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this."

Loss we understand but our reactions to it can be very profound. The loss of a long time friend (canine friend) can be more devastating than the loss of a parent, sib. or other human but is shorter lived.

Loss renewed (mother) more devatation and maybe this person finds comfort in retreating from the one he loves most (you.) You are part of his world which was turned upside down and to be at peace he has removed himself from any memories or familiarities with loss by hiding from you. In time he should be able to deal with the memories and no longer need to hide from you.

Any guilt associated with his present behavior will have to delt with by both of you and I hope he's not going to play hide-and-go-seek again. Best wishes to you and remember you will grow and survive.

Thank you statictable, This could very well be the answers I've been looking for. I have thought this entire time that his behavior was completely out of character but couldn't comprehend why he would or could change so drasticly. You are very wise!!

<A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!! >

Hi missing,
What an awful situation,
However in some ways this is great... now you will be able to accept it is over, and move on.

<A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!!!>

Hi missing,
what an awful situation,
however in some ways this is great...now you will be able to accept it is over, and move on.

Hi rol, I accept its over for about an hour everyday, then its back to thinking he will realize how much he loves me and be back. I know one thing I've accepted, I will never fully get over this for the rest of my life.

My story just keeps gettin better. As you all know by now my bf of 7 yrs left me 6 weeks ago for a total HO that he works with. Wait the plot thickens. Now she claims she's pregnant and its his. Ok they've been together not quite 6 weeks and she is miraculously pregnant by him. We were together for 7 yrs and never used birth control. Anyway her best friend so to speak also works with all of them ( my ex, his new gf, and my son ) her friend had told my son about 8-10 weeks ago that she thought that Shannon ( thats the ho's name) was pregnant but wasn't telling anyone. This friend has also had threesomes with her bf and Shannon. I wrote about that on a earlier post. And Shannon lives with her ex bf and says they aren't together they just live together. This is the bf that doesn't know if he's Shannons babys daddy or if its his brothers baby. That baby is 2 I think and she has 3 more children by different fathers, 2 of which live with the fathers because she lost custody of them. This is a true story I swear, you can't make this stuff up. This is what he thought was good enough to leave his relationship, his home, his family and all of his possessions for. He took nothing except for about half of his clothes. Can someone tell me, does this guy have a huge brain tumor effecting his decisions? Do guys just walk away from a stable longterm relationship into a soap opera of baby daddy drama?????
Given the fact that most guys thinnk with the two minor organs of the human anatomy I would dare say YES he is an idiot but lets face it do you really want to be with a guy that is that stupid you don't sound like white tralier trash from middle america babe tidy yourself up get some nice shoes and go out and find yourself a man that will love you for what you are a classy sensible woman

<I accept its over for about an hour everyday, then its back to thinking he will realize how much he loves me and be back. I know one thing I've accepted, I will never fully get over this for the rest of my life.>

Hi Missing,
I thought that last year also after my ex left 3 months before our wedding, I really thought I would never ever get over it. I thought at that time he had done some damage to his brain as he completely changed!
It took about a year and I am now over it.

No contact, focusing on myself , meeting lots of new people and doing new things and travelling really really helped.
I have not dated anyone and have just found a happy place alone.

You will be fine Missing but it takes time.

Ok, brace yourself.

I don't think this was his first affair. I think this is the first woman he up and ran off with though.

Just because you were happy for 7 years doesn't mean he was. He has issues. I see no signs of communication or maturity in his actions.
I know this is a terrible thought, but you might need to consider this as you spend months wondering why he left.
Trust me. He did you a FAVOR... reading all of the details of your life and the life he chose - it sounds not good. PAIN is all you can feel for now. In a few months you will feel a little better and then a little better in a few more months. It's going to take a while. BUT if you go back, it's going to take even longer. WHY did he do it?? It's who he is. You are making him into something he's not right now because of your pain and memories...

Ok, brace yourself.

I don't think this was his first affair. I think this is the first woman he up and ran off with though.

Just because you were happy for 7 years doesn't mean he was. He has issues. I see no signs of communication or maturity in his actions.
I know this is a terrible thought, but you might need to consider this as you spend months wondering why he left.
Trust me. He did you a FAVOR....reading all of the details of your life and the life he chose - it sounds not good. PAIN is all you can feel for now. In a few months you will feel a little better and then a little better in a few more months. It's gonna take a while. BUT if you go back, it's gonna take even longer. WHY did he do it??? It's who he is. You are making him into something he's not right now because of your pain and memories....

OUCH!! Ash,

That hurts... I know how you would think that considering who this person sounds like right now but I don't think you know all the aspects of our lives. My sons were his bestfriends and he works with and rode to work with my oldest son. He had lost his drivers license just before we got together for some driving violations so didn't drive to work. He had to come straight home of course because he didn't drive so having an affair after or before work was impossible. He rarely went to bars or clubs but when he did he was with one or both of my sons. My youngest son was his fishing buddy and they went fishing almost every weekend I usually went too. As I've said before we did everything together, grocery shopping, going to the laundry mat etc. etc. We were big time football fans so we watched all the games together and that kind of stuff. He doesn't have a cell phone so sneaking around and texting or talking to someone wasn't happening. We don't have a computer so he couldn't have met someone online ( I use the one at my work to talk to you all ) My youngest son and my ex were very close and would like I said go fishing or stay home and play video games. I say he was happy because he acted happy he was always laughing and joking and never moped around like he was anything but happy. I think it is what it is. A cute girl at work stoked his ego by saying he was wonderful, cute, funny, sexy etc. etc. Most men ( not all men ) but most are ego maniacs and if you are a female that knows how to play the game, Well. ( it worked ) She had also cryed to him about being in an abusive relationship. So with the ego stroking and playing the pity card combination she was able to get his attention and get what she wanted. As my son says. My ex is being her CAPTAIN SAVE A HO! I really don't think it was anymore complicated then that. It hurts like hell that he could be taken in like that but I do think it was just that simple.

I agree Missing, It wouldve been pretty hard to cheat when all his time was spent with you and/or your sons. And I think that this girl sought him out and played him like a fiddle. Women are good at that if they see something they want and don't have any morals.

Umm, so this woman is taking all the blame?

And men will just have a "tumor" and go for "drama" ??

Umm, yes, it happens. But it is not just "men" it is your significant other who didn't propose for 7 years.
I'd say he's kind of run out his welcome... no?

That just isn't the facts. He may be a fun guy to fish with and laugh with but he needs to be held accountable.
IF (and I hope she is) the first. He has made his bed and he must lie in it. If he is "the one" why aren't you married?
Something is wrong here and he did you a favor as far as I can tell.

I DO know that when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people that they may or may not have. It takes WORK to see them with clear eyes. From where I am sitting this just looks like a mess that your child should be shielded from. I just don't see good judgement - and to pin it ALL on the other woman is just not right. It takes two to tango. He was not hypnotized. And if he was, what kind of role model is that weak?

He sure as heck better show some serious character to even be considered for another try. You OWE that to your offspring.
I would cut contact with him for at least two years - and then you can see how he chooses to live his life and see if that is a role model. This is serious stuff and it is getting treated like "Oh, that HO..." He has free will. And so do you.

I am rooting for you to get what you should have: A man who can commit to more than... half his clothes and a new girlfriend.
Take the high road and you may be surprised who comes your way.

PS - As for "never getting over it for the rest of your life..." I believe that life works in mysterious ways - and if we have good karma - it may soon get even BETTER for you. Don't be surprised if you DO get over this - and sooner than you think... not tomorrow. Not next month... But one day...

Umm, so this woman is taking all the blame?

And men will just have a "tumor" and go for "drama" ??

Umm, yes, it happens. But it is not just "men" it is your signiciant other who didn't propose for 7 years.
I'd say he's kinda run out his welcome...no?

That just isn't the facts. He may be a fun guy to fish with and laugh with but he needs to be held accountable.
IF (and I hope she is) the first. He has made his bed and he must lie in it. If he is "the one" why aren't you married?
Something is wrong here and he did you a favor as far as I can tell.

I DO know that when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people that they may or may not have. it takes WORK to see them with clear eyes. From where I am sitting this just looks like a mess that your child should be shielded from. I just don't see good judgement - and to pin it ALL on the other woman is just not right. It takes two to tango. He was not hypnotized. And if he was, what kind of role model is that weak?

He sure as heck better show some serious character to even be considered for another try. You OWE that to your offspring.
I would cut contact with him for at least two years - and then you can see how he chooses to live his life and see if that is a role model. This is serious stuff and it is getting treated like "Oh, that HO..." He has free will. And so do you.

I am rooting for you to get what you should have: A man who can commit to more than...half his clothes and a new girlfriend.
Take the high road and you may be surprised who comes your way.

PS - As for "never getting over it for the rest of your life..." I believe that life works in mysterious ways - and if we have good karma - it may soon get even BETTER for you. Don't be surprised if you DO get over this - and sooner than you think....not tomorrow. not next month...But one day....

Hi Ash,

Please don't get me wrong I blame him in every sense of the word. He has absolutely no exuse for the things he has done. And that's why I said in my earlier posts that at first I wouldve taken him back no questions asked BUT NOT ANYMORE!! And I don't think he's even the same person anymore, I was just describing who he was when we were together and how I didn't think he was cheating on me then. I wasn't trying to put all the blame on her alone I just have heard that she was pursuing him for a few weeks before he left and those are some of the things she was heard to of said. And as far as marriage he has purposed to me and I was the one that said no. I was married for 17 years prior to us getting together and I didn't think I ever wanted to get married again. It's probably a good thing I didn't say yes to marriage. As far as commitment while we were together he was nothing but committed. But like I said that was a different person from who he is now. And I said it seemed like he had a brain tumor because he did something so out of character. Even his best friends were shocked and surprised at how he just up and left and left everything he owns behind. My sons are both grown adults and I'm not worried about him being an influence on them. He was a friend to them but definitely not a role model. He does have free will and made his own choices. I have asked friends and family if he seemed to be as good a guy as I thought he was or was I just stupid. They all agreed that they all thought he was a great guy to me, and to them BUT now he isn't someone they would ever want to be around again. I am slowly starting to agree with them. I love him but in time I hope to forget that love and make better choices in the future. I am finally getting to a place where I can say I NEVER WANT HIM BACK! Period.

You said NO.

There was a reason.

Thank the lord.

You sound like a sane woman with good sense... I GUARANTEE as time goes on, and your pain recedes... you will shake your head and think you are better off...

It is going to take a while, and the sooner you can accept -truly accept the end... you can begin.

I cannot think of a worse thing to go through than you are - you have my support....And I just want you to get to a good place sooner. He may not be the devil, just not husband material for you - Sane One... :-)

Hello again missing, your story is so sad it breaks my heart. But listen, the future is a mystery. My story is very similar to yours and my ex just popped the question. I have not responded to him but I'm just saying you can't predict the future. It might all seem hopeless and you may never want him back but you might. I was with my ex for 5 years and he never hurt me before this. From what I've read in your story that this was the first time your ex ever hurt you as well. True? Well I sure have'nt made up my mind about my ex but I have to consider we had 5 wonderful years and that has to count for something.

Thanks DJ I think that way too sometimes. My ex hasn't called but If he did he would have to do backflips to prove he loves me. If and when he did I would have to consider the past 7 years and how great they were.

Just for the record... I think it is unhealthy to think this guy has potential.

It hurts like hell, but until there is an actual end, there cannot be a new beginning.

I cannot imagine the hurt and the pain, but you seem to be taking it with a sane approach somehow! Keep going....

Well mam its something crazy with me. I fell in love with one of my school seniors an year back.when I madly loved him I found that he was married and had a kid.but he said he loved me because I made him secure,I alwaz talked emotional things with him,made him feel like no one ever did.trust me till the end of the season he was madly in love with me.and I never had to even hold his hand.
Its emotional intimacy!! traet them like kid and they would love you.I left this man when I got to know abouut him although he wanted to leave family for me.cause sometimes in life its all about the right decision.
I would like to say that its good for you that you're not with him.coz you deserve better.
Wish you lucks...

Hey guys,

I think all of you know my story by now. Anyway I thought I'd gone through all of the stages of grief at this point. I just hit the 2 month mark since my boyfriend left me for another woman, who he now lives with. I've been through shock, denial, anger, disbelief OK still at disbelief but I thought I was getting better. I try to keep busy, I hang out with family mostly, I watch funny movies and actually laugh at them. I'm past crying 24/7 now and I've gotten back into a somewhat normal patteren of eating and sleeping. Well at least better then I did at first. I didn't eat or sleep for the first week. The one thing I haven't been able to control are the constant memories that play in my head over and over. It's like a battle I can't seem to win. But now, after all the weeks of pain and heartache and slowly thinking I'm finally going to get through this. And like I said laughing and keeping busy, I'm starting to feel this onset of doom and gloom sinking in. It's like this overwhelming feeling of depression is taking over and I can't fight it. I was actually feeling better and coming to terms with all that has happened. I guess what I want to know from anyone that's been through this is, why after I felt better am I now having this sinking feeling that life is over for me now and it's just not worth anything anymore? Did any of you go through this deep depression even after you made progress? Is this normal or should I be worried?

The thing you have to realize is, YOUR NOT CRAZY! Losing a bf/gf is like losing a loved one, and grieving takes time. Nobody can put a time limit on how long this is going to hurt, and the truth is it might be a while before you feel 100%. What you really need to do is try and find something to keep your mind off this. I'm sure people have told you to work out, or find a new hobby... and you really do need to. The more time you have doing nothing, the more time you will pine over this. When me and my ex broke up it took me about 6 months to get over her, but about a year and a half to sort through the damage I ended up doing to myself. I think the best thing I could tell you is take your time, deal with this IN FULL before you move on. If you need to, keep a journal and just get your feelings out or they will eat you up. This place was that journal for me. I had more than a few melt downs on here, but in some crazy way it all made me stronger. You will make it through this, people go through break-ups all the time and even though you think NOBODY could ever feel as bad as you do... alot of us have. I think in some crazy way it's good for people that let themselves get too attached to a person (like me) go through a situation that makes them re-think the way they treat relationships. Don't shrug this off, learn from it. I know this sounds crazy, but in a year or so from now you will be much stronger. Also, don't think that not thinking about him means your over him because that's not true. Up until about 3 months ago I thought about my ex everyday... not always bad either. 2 moths is still not a very long time, take each step one at a time and GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL... please don't jump into another relationship until you have... if you do, you learn nothing fromt his and go right back into your old patterns. Don't worry about the depression unless it gets to a point you might do something stupid. It's natural to be depressed, you were hurt. You seem like a very intelligent woman, and I'm sure a very caring person, so there is no way you are "worthless". You are getting better, I promise. The crazy part is, you will just wake up one day, and not think about it... then when you do, it won't hurt near as bad... it's really strange but that's when you will know you are going to be fine. Just don't rush this, take your time and deal with it, learn from it, and let this make you a stronger person. If I can make it, so can you. Chin up!

Great advice jeffatl.

Hi missinghim,

As Jeff says its like a death, except its worse as you see the corpse around, and you hear about the corpse and in many cases the corpse contacts from time to time,

What you are feeling is so normal...

I've been through it last year , ups and downs all year... I found all the major days(anniversary, christmas, birthdays ) reminded me of the breakup.

One day I woke uip and he was no longer on my mind... the thoughts drift further and further away... kind of like a ship going out to sea.

Im fine now and have a happy life again. It takes time though.

You will be fine.

I agree 100% with the journal thing, Ive filled 50+ pages with rambling thoughts. A lot of times I will write to 'her' and tell her exactly what's on my mind, it's a harmless way of getting the thoughts out of your head without talking to the person. I have been in the same stage as you for the last week, and it's a HORRIBLE feeling I know.

Ive been reading this book I picked up in the self help section its called happiness now. Its kind of corny but it actually makes me feel partially better after reading some of it (if only for an hour or two). The book basically describes how to find happiness inside you. Im not one to read or recommend books like that, but surprisingly its made me feel a bit better a bunch of times.

Good luck, we will all get through this together some day!

And remember one thing, YOU ARE AMONG MILLIONS WHO ARE, AND HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS. Just look at this board. We all survived and we all went through all the motions you are going through.

I have only been through one awful break-up in my life. That was last year. Every other time, I was fine after 2-3 weeks, if that. But last year, it took me 5 months to fully get the POISON of my ex out of my system.

Getting through a tough break-up is probably analgous to kicking a bad drug problem. You're going through a remission. Some days you jones for the drug again, i.e. HIM/HER. You're doing fine. You've already kicked the habit, NOW YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG.

And remember, every day that passes is one day closer to being FULLY OVER IT. You're on your way! YOU KNOW IT TOO!

--Cali

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better! I think that you have lived with this long enough that you are finally digesting it. I think for a long time this whole situation was just sitting on your chest completely paralyzing you. Now its starting to lift.

FYI the stages of grief:

Denial - The initial stage (ie "This can't be happening!")
Anger - i.e. WHY ME? Its not fair! Etc
Bargaining - i.e. "Just let them come back thats all I need"
Depression
Acceptance - "Its going to be okay"


CONGRATS! You look like you're at Acceptance! Pop the champagne girl!

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better! I think that you have lived with this long enough that you are finally digesting it. I think for a long time this whole situation was just sitting on your chest completely paralyzing you. Now its starting to lift.

FYI the stages of grief:

Denial - The initial stage (ie "This can't be happening!")
Anger - ie WHY ME? Its not fair! etc
Bargaining - ie "Just let them come back thats all I need"
Depression
Acceptance - "Its going to be okay"


CONGRATS! You look like you're at Acceptance! Pop the champagne girl!

Thanks Glinda and Thank you everyone, This web site is a God send. Some answers have been compassionate and some a bit harsh but all in all everyone here does really care and that's so important to people in the midst of heartbreak. I have been through all of the stages listed above. But the one stage that seems to have the strongest hold on me is DENIAL!! I have waverd back and forth between every stage mentioned but I'm still in denial. I try to convince myself that he's the villain here, he's the one that hurt me, he's the one that threw away a 7 yr relationship for another woman. But then I tell myself no way, not him he loved me too much to do any of this. It's like he got taken over by an invasion of the body snatchers. Why do I still think he's the same loving, caring person he was?

Because that's how you knew him so of course that's how you still see him. Its like how your parents always still see you as a 5 year old. Its hard to switch off what you believed to be true.

Sometimes I think about all I put into my 7 year relationship and everything I passed along to him that he is now sharing with his new girlfriend. When we first got together I spent lots of time making all of these fabulous meals for him ( cause mama always said the fastest way to a mans heart is through his stomach). Over the years he wanted to learn how to make all the same meals I had made for him. It wasn't just teaching him how to cook either, it was many things. To many to mention actually. Hell I even showed him how to find a woman's happy happy fun place, all of which he is now doing for her. I'm sure she thinks he's this great lover and that he's freakin Chef Boy R Dee and I'm sure she just thinks he's mr wonderful. Well who the hell does she think made him so wonderful. He certainly didn't come that way. Well not to me anyway. It just drives me crazy sometimes to think that she's reaping all the rewards for all my hard work. Don't get me wrong I do still love him and I miss him very much and the pain is still hard to deal with but I was just wondering if I'm the only one that thinks this way. Does it bother any of you that all you gave of yourself is now being shared with someone else?

I know exactly what you mean.. I have the same feeling about my ex but I just let it all go the other day so I really don't care. Just always remember where he learned how to cook.

I know exactly what you mean.. I have the same feeling about my ex but I just let it all go the other day so i really dont care. Just always remember where he learned how to cook.

I JUST LET GO!! I can't wait to be able to say that outloud and really mean it.

You are not alone, it bothers all of us. Well, I won't speak for everyone, but it's natural to be bothered that your loved one is now sharing everything you two once shared. There are things that you must have picked up from him that you will carry on and share with someone else. It doesn't have to be physical, it can be how to see things, or how to do something. A relationship isn't always one sided.

It hurts me that she's going to be with someone else, but what can you do? Try to pick up the pieces and move on. We will be stronger once we get through it. It can be a hard road, but know that you are not alone in feeling the way that you do. Stay strong. For every dark night, there's a brighter day.

Missing Him, I have followed your posts for a while now. I hope you find some peace in your life soon. Heartache is a real pain as well as an emotional one, and it causes real damage to your body. Please, do something nice for yourself every day. A quiet moment with something you enjoy... warm bath, glass of wine, cup of tea, whatever. Know that many people are rooting for your "recovery" your situation is a sad one, but you can come out of it with your head held high. Best of luck to you.

Im in the same boat as you, and have very similar thoughts quite frequently. It will be so great when this pain is over won't it?

OMG I'm sorry but this is just funny because it is so true! I have nearly passed the point of caring anymore that she has what I made. I guess that's why I can laugh about it now. Someday you will be able to laugh about it too.

Im in the same boat as you, and have very similiar thoughts quite frequently. It will be so great when this pain is over wont it?

It will be great when the pain is finally over but sometimes I think it's going to last forever. Just about the time I start to feel better, WHAMMM it hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm back where I started.

Missing Him, I have followed your posts for a while now. I hope you find some peace in your life soon. Heartache is a real pain as well as an emotional one, and it causes real damage to your body. Please, do something nice for yourself every day. A quiet moment with something you enjoy... warm bath, glass of wine, cup of tea, whatever. Know that many people are rooting for your "recovery" your situation is a sad one, but you can come out of it with your head held high. best of luck to you.

Thanks so much cerisa for your caring response, Tuesday's his Birthday so I just might have to take a warm bath, have a cup of tea and several glasses of wine to get through this one. His B-Day will be the first major day we won't share since he left and I'm worried it's going to be a rough one.

Cerisa had some excellent suggestions! I know EXACTLY what it's like to be so hurt and confused that you can't think of anything except him.

On big dates like tonight, maybe in the future you could round up some close girlfriends and go to dinner or catch a comedy. Kansas City has some good comedy clubs! Laughter IS the best medicine! :)

Anyway, it's not healthy to stew over the same thing. You'll make yourself sick! I know because I've been down that path, and it's miserable. I'll keep you in my prayers, and hopefully your heart ache will soon start to fade. :)

Cerisa had some excellent suggestions! I know EXACTLY what it's like to be so hurt and confused that you can't think of anything except him.

On big dates like tonite, maybe in the future you could round up some close girlfriends and go to dinner or catch a comedy. Kansas City has some good comedy clubs! Laughter IS the best medicine! :)

Anywho, it's not healthy to stew over the same thing. You'll make yourself sick! I know because I've been down that path, and it's miserable. I'll keep you in my prayers, and hopefully your heart ache will soon start to fade. :)

Thank you kujhawk for keeping me in your prayers. I know I have healed considerably since he left and I owe it all to the people here on this forum. I know I have a long road ahead of me but at least I know I can get anything off my chest here and I always get helpful and caring responses. It really means a lot and it makes me feel like I'm not so alone in all of this.

Hi Missing
I think your doing real well.
Michael :-)

Hi Missing
I think your doing real well.
Michael :-)

Thanks hon, I am doing much better. Am I completely healed.. NO but I can tell I'm moving in the right direction.

I helped mine get his first bank account! I helped him get his first car (and we were 24). I introduced him to the music he likes now. I helped him write his resume and called everyone I knew to get him a job. He moved up because I consistently encouraged him; how smart he was, how special and talented. Anything he needed, I did for him.
Now he's sharing that with someone else. And he probably looks like the most put together person, but I did that for him. And you know what? It was an incredible waste of my emotional and psychic energy. And now? After two years I can honestly say I don't care.

It will hurt in the beginning. You will wonder if he's doing all the things he did with you with someone else. Mine actually came back, but by that time, I didn't want him.

I promise these thoughts will fade over time. It's not easy in the beginning, but keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel...

Good luck!

I helped mine get his first bank account! I helped him get his first car (and we were 24). I introduced him to the music he likes now. I helped him write his resume and called everyone I knew to get him a job. He moved up because I consistently encouraged him; how smart he was, how special and talented. Anything he needed, I did for him.
Now he's sharing that with someone else. And he probably looks like the most put together person, but I did that for him. And you know what? It was an incredible waste of my emotional and psychic energy. And now? After two years I can honestly say I don't care.

It will hurt in the beginning. You will wonder if he's doing all the things he did with you with someone else. Mine actually came back, but by that time, I didn't want him.

I promise these thoughts will fade over time. It's not easy in the beginning, but keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel....

good luck!!

I've heard that they actually try and come back. I haven't seen any indication that he even wants to. I don't think I want him back now but I just want him to try. I know that sounds crazy. 3 days after he left me for this HO I talk to him on the phone, his last words to me were " our bond is still very strong and you are my best friend" that was 3 months ago and I haven't heard from him since.

Well today was my ex's b-day. Man was it hard. This was the first time in 7 yrs I wasn't with him on his birthday. A girl I work with had a b-day over the weekend so today she brought me some of her b-day cake. I thought how ironic that she doesn't even know my ex but she brought me b-day cake on his birthday (WEIRD). Anyway those that know my story know that my son works with my ex. Well today they all passed around a card for everyone to sign. When the card got to my son he didn't sign it. Later my ex asks my son why didn't you sign my card? My son just looks at him and said " Like I give a Fawk if its your birthday. My son said my ex looked all sad and walked away. I mean God what did he think was gonna happen? Did he think my son was gonna say " Hey buddy thanks for screw'n over my mom and have a wonderful birthday" Ok well I didn't actually have a question I just needed to vent a little bit.

Hi everybody,

It seems like I've been posting a lot lately. I thought I was well on the road to recovery until this past week. First his birthday was Tuesday and that kicked my butt now today I find out his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. I knew she has been claiming to be pregnant with his baby since a few weeks after he left me but the part I don't get is how I found out. Let me explain. My son works with my ex and his girlfriend as you know, well today my sons wife went to their work to pick my son up and my ex comes out of work as soon as he saw her there. He of course told her about the twins and in response my daughter in law asks him if he's sure the babies are his, he says " I'm pretty sure they are" So anyway that's not what's hurting me so much, OK it is... but what's bothering me the most is. Why did my ex go out of his way to tell a member of my family this news? I mean he knows that they want nothing to do with him since all of this happened. Ok what I'm getting at is I realize that my ex doesn't love me anymore obviously but if anything we were bestfriends and he was never a mean spirited person. So WHYYYY would he tell my sons wife knowing full well it would get directly back to me? It's like he's trying to twist the knife as deep into my heart as he possibly can. Can someone please tell me why he's deliberately trying to hurt me when all I've done is let him go quietly and not so much as contacted him so he could have his new life?? If anyone has an answer I would be grateful. Thanks