I am married woman with two children. My marriage is falling apart for many years already, but I keep it because of my children. Few months ago my co-worker said that he is in love with me for two years and he can't keep quite about it anymore. He has family too and two children younger than mine. We started to see each other, and it seems we both enjoy. But I know that he won't leave his family, neither will I. I am really confused sometimes and feel guilty, but I am happy at the same time. Can somebody give any advise, please. Thank you

You stay together because of the children? So you use defenseless children as your shield? Don't you feel even a twinge of guilt? My advice is to get a divorce. Your children will survive. You will survive and your husband can at least be free of a cheating spouse. Or are you afraid of what will happen when your husband finds out? Are you afraid of what you stand to lose? If you are that miserable and unhappy in the marriage then you need to at least have an honest conversation with your husband and try marriage counseling. Most marriages can be saved - but it does take two to save it. If you do not want to go through counseling, then do the right thing here and get out of the marriage.

You are not doing your husband or your children ANY favors by living a double type of life. I do not feel sorry for you, I have no pity for you. I can understand if you do not love your husband but what excuse is that to run into another man's arms and be the "other woman" and him be the "other man"? You are not even being honest with yourself here.

What is this man's excuses for not leaving his marriage? Is he using his children too as the reason for staying? If so, how pitiful. You know most children whose parents stay in a loveless and unhappy marriage already know the score and do not appreciate being "the reason" their parents stay together. It is like, "don't do us any favors by staying."

Actually you two most likely deserve each other. You cheat, he cheats, and what a grand basis for a relationship.

IF you are sleeping with other people other than your husband, leave him, he deserves better

You should feel guilty 'cause you are guilty... it's called adultery. If you're not happy enough in your marriage to keep your legs closed to other men then get a divorce and go find a man that 's not already taken.

That's pathetic.. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but grow the f.. ck up. You are not some teen anymore, you have kids to look after!

YOU TWO ARE BEING SELFISH, IT ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU. Have you given any thought to how this might effect your children!

I am married woman with two children. My marriage is falling apart for many years already, but I keep it because of my children. Few months ago my co-worker said that he is in love with me for two years and he can't keep quite about it anymore. He has family too and two children younger than mine. We started to see each other, and it seems we both enjoy. But I know that he won't leave his family, neither will I. I am really confused sometimes and feel guilty, but I am happy at the same time. Can somebody give any advise, please. Thank you

I seriously had to slap my forehead after reading this. Either work your marriage out, or end it. Don't drag things out. Quit lying to yourself and your family. Same goes for him.

Children learn by example... and children are far from stupid. They see your relationship with your husband and they use it later in life as an indicator as to what is 'normal'. You are teaching them that it is 'normal' and 'right' to stay in a loveless marriage, and further to that, you are teaching them that it is OK to find satisfaction in the arms of another (who is also married... don't let me start on you with that one!).

To say that you are staying for the sake of your children is probably the reason that our society experiences divorce rates as we do! You are only growing the next generation of adultrous adults - and nobody should be proud of that.

I seriously had to slap my forehead after reading this. Either work your marriage out, or end it. Don't drag things out. Quit lying to yourself and your family. Same goes for him.


Anyone that was in this situation will tell you the same thing (if they were smart enough to get out of it); it was selfish, against the vow of marriage that they made, ignorant to their children's and spouses feelings, etc.

Disagree with me all you want, but let me ask you this... if the roles were reversed and your husband was cheating on you, wouldn't you be hurt? If he said he was going one place, and wound up with another woman, sleeping with them, spending quality time with them, when you thought that they were faithful, wouldn't you be crushed?

Blah Blah blah!! Is this another MsME post? Don't you guys remember what we all wasted our time on. I will keep reading in though!

My advice would be to leave your husband, tell him to leave his wife then give up the kids and go be selfish somewhere else sweety. Poor babies.

Okay, Paunash, I'm in the same boat as you... I have 2 kids, married 12 years, to a wonderful man who's my friend... but it isn't really enough. Our sex life has dwindled for many years and so now I'm having a sexual (not emotional) affair with a married man who also has children. I thought that this would fulfill me somehow. Of course, it hasn't - trying to have a "friend with benefits" with no emotional attachment was my plan but I'm fooling myself. I been doing a lot of soul searching and reading lots of helpful blogs here and I've ended this relationship that is proving to be destructive not only to my family but myself. I'm not really interested in people's harsh judgements - I know what I've done is wrong.

My question to anyone who cares to reply is: I never plan on telling him about this affair... I don't want to cause any more pain. I think that revealing the truth to my husband would just be a release for me because I'm positive he would forgive me... but would harm him more. You might think I'm just being selfish and trying to 'get away with it' but honestly, I don't want to hurt him. Soooo... do you think this is fair to him? or do you think he deserves to know the truth?

Hmmmmm, I wouldn't want my husband to tell me... If I found out well, there would be hell to pay and he knows I would leave him! I think keeping it from him is a good idea, but I hope you can keep it, it would be devastating if he found out. Not only to his little heart but to yours when you find out that he has more of a backbone than you think! Good luck and thanks for stopping the relationship. Good for you sweet!

Hmmmmm, I wouldn't want my husband to tell me...If i found out well, there would be hell to pay and he knows i would leave him!! I think keeping it from him is a good idea, but I hope you can keep it, it would be devastating if he found out. Not only to his little heart but to yours when you find out that he has more of a backbone than you think!! Good luck and thanks for stopping the relationship. Good for you sweet!

Thanks - I do appreciate the reply. And yes, my husband does have a backbone. I didn't mean to imply he doesn't.

Do you not realise that instead of making a decision with your own marriage, you have chosen the easy way out, and the selfish way to solve your problems. Your unhappiness and inability to deal with your own situation, has made you vulnerable for the quick fix happiness, this other cheater offers you. You will never be happy or fulfilled as long as you put off your main problem( your marriage) for a band aid for your feelings( your affair). Get smart and take care of your business and either make a commitment to work on your marriage or end it. That simple and don't think this maried guy will be anything but a distraction to doing the right thing for you and your children. Make better choices. Not easy but you see the easy way is painful, miserable, and totally dishonest.

Do you not realise that instead of making a decision with your own marriage, you have chosen the easy way out, and the the selfish way to solve your problems. Your unhappiness and inability to deal with your own situation, has made you vulnerable for the quick fix happiness, this other cheater offers you. You will never be happy or fullfilled as long as you put off your main problem( your marriage) for a band aid for your feelings( your affair). Get smart and take care of your business and either make a commitment to work on your marriage or end it. That simple and don't think this maried guy will be anything but a distraction to doing the right thing for you and your children. Make better choices. Not easy but you see the easy way is painful, miserable, and totally dishonest.

Thank you for your reply. I agree and have already come to your same conclusion. My decision to have a sexual affair was stupid, selfish, immature and hurtful. I realise that my affair has only made life more complicated and that it is was my stupid way of trying to fix what is lacking in my own relationship. I have lots to consider but I am on the road to working on my marriage and figuring out what I really want... I'm just confused about what it is that I want.

But my main question really was whether my husband has the right to know about it or if I should keep my mouth shut to prevent the pain it will cause him and causing even more damage. I picture so many people rolling their eyes thinking that I just don't want to get caught - but honestly I'd like to (finally) do the right thing.

The right decision in my opinion is to be quiet, love him as much as you can. Since you have children, you made a choise the day the first one was born to STICK IT OUT! First an affair, then a divorce, no, you need to work on some issues and one of them is keeping your family together. I think that should be more of a priority in more people.

I am married woman with two children. My marriage is falling apart for many years already, but I keep it because of my children. Few months ago my co-worker said that he is in love with me for two years and he can't keep quite about it anymore. He has family too and two children younger than mine. We started to see each other, and it seems we both enjoy. But I know that he won't leave his family, neither will I. I am really confused sometimes and feel guilty, but I am happy at the same time. Can somebody give any advise, please. Thank you
It will do you a lot of good to repent and sin no more with your co worker. Concentrate on what is tearing your home apart and try as much as you can to mend fences.

Okay, Paunash, I'm in the same boat as you ... I have 2 kids, married 12 years, to a wonderful man who's my friend ... but it isn't really enough. our sex life has dwindled for many years and so now i'm having a sexual (not emotional) affair with a married man who also has children. i thought that this would fulfill me somehow. Of course, it hasn't - trying to have a "friend with benefits" with no emotional attachment was my plan but i'm fooling myself. i been doing a lot of soul searching and reading lots of helpful blogs here and i've ended this relationship that is proving to be destructive not only to my family but myself. i'm not really interested in people's harsh judgements - i know what i've done is wrong.

my question to anyone who cares to reply is: i never plan on telling him about this affair ... i don't want to cause any more pain. i think that revealing the truth to my husband would just be a release for me because i'm positive he would forgive me ... but would harm him more. you might think i'm just being selfish and trying to 'get away with it' but honestly, i don't want to hurt him. soooo .... do you think this is fair to him? or do you think he deserves to know the truth?


If he knows the truth, he is in denial.
If he doesn't, he is blissfully ignorant.
Which one is it? because if he knows the truth, you might as well come clean.
If he does not know, would you be telling him to relieve your own conscience ?

If he does not know, and you have not cheated since and never ever want to again [ good for you, everyone makes mistakes, just learn from them ], don't tell him.
Just my opinion. Been there.



Grace and Peace

If you haven't ended the affair do so and put it behind you and work on putting your own house in order. Shoulsdyour husband know what's going on. Yes he does, and I realise the consequences of him finding out. You can live with lies and guilt, or pay the cost for your infidelity. Your call.

True, living with guilt can kill. Fessing up might just be the best thing if you think he can handle it. It sure is your call. Just like Talaniman is saying... get your house in order!

Of course you're feeling guilty, what else would you be feeling? He's your husband and if your marriage is falling appart, go to marriage couniling. Don't go for a romp in the sack with a co-worker.
Try confessing to him what you have been doing. And if he asks for a divorce... give it to him, because no one deserves their spouse rolling around in the sheets with another person.

I am married woman with two children. My marriage is falling apart for many years already, but I keep it because of my children. Few months ago my co-worker said that he is in love with me for two years and he can't keep quite about it anymore. He has family too and two children younger than mine. We started to see each other, and it seems we both enjoy. But I know that he won't leave his family, neither will I. I am really confused sometimes and feel guilty, but I am happy at the same time. Can somebody give any advise, please. Thank you
Hey I am going through some problems myself but I no that cheating is not the answer to what is missing in your marriage. Its not fair to either family. You need to stop seeing the other man or leave your husband for him.

Your children will suffer in the long run; kids can sense things way better than some adults give them credit for. You should come clean to your husband and if you want to try and work it out go get therapy if not cut your loss and start a new life. Leave married people alone there are plenty of fish in the sea... not to mention you are cheating with a cheater so you whole relationship is based on mistrust. I sure hope for your husbands sake you don't pass on some nasty disease.

Paunash,

I'm sorry... I shouldn't have asked my own set of questions on your posting... I think some people may be confusing our stories.

Anyhow... I guess I do understand somewhat how you feel, although I never kidded myself about any emotional ties to my lover although on some level I think I was trying to build some. I should thank him for only wanting sex and nothing more. The underlying truth is that you need to make a decision about your own situation and marriage before engaging in any more "indiscrepencies" with your lover. You are already confused enough. Stop the relationship and then figure out whether your marriage is worth salvaging. Just keep in mind that trading in one guy for another will just be trading in one set of problems/issues for another. No one is perfect. One thing that I've learned from my ex-lover is that they will readily tell you whatever it is they think you want to hear just for quick sexual gratification. Well, we're big girls and we can make up our own minds to be used or not. You won't be able to change your lover any more than you can change your current husband. But who's more likely to work towards meaningful change? A truthful husband or a cheating lover?

Well, I wish you and your family well. Try to get your head together before you make any rash decisions. I'll try too. Ultimately, we create our own happiness and our own pain.

The worst thing people do is stay together for their children when they are not really happy. If your family is falling apart your kids will notice. My mom and dad did this and it was hard on the kids because we knew what was happening and it wasn't fair. Divorce is hard for kids but seeing unhappy parents is harder. Cheating is an issue that hits me hard because my husband has cheated on me. It is not right but if a man and woman want to fix things they can.. we did.. these kinds of issues are hard and confussin. Do some soul searching.. ask yourself do I still love my husband? Would I still do anything to make it work with him?. u should also tell your husband if he doesn't know because not knowing is hard on the spouse the longer it goes on the harder it is to get over. But if your marrige is unhappy don't stay in it for the kids because in the end you could really have a better relationship with them if they see you are happy. It makes things easier on them and yourself. And don't think a child doesn't see these things because kids see things we think they don't. I hope I could help u

The worst thing people do is stay together for their children when they are not really happy. If ur family is falling apart ur kids will notice. my mom and dad did this and it was hard on the kids because we knew what was happening and it wasnt fair. Divorce is hard for kids but seeing unhappy parents is harder. Cheating is an issue that hits me hard because my husband has cheated on me. it is not right but if a man and woman want to fix things they can.. we did.. these kinds of issues are hard and confussin. Do some soul searching.. ask ur self do i still love my husband? would i still do anything to make it work with him?.. u should also tell ur husband if he doesnt know because not knowing is hard on the spouse the longer it goes on the harder it is to get over. But if ur marrige is unhappy dont stay in it for the kids because in the end u could really have a better relationship with them if they see u are happy. it makes things easier on them and ur self. and dont think a child doesnt see these things because kids see things we think they dont. i hope i could help u
It's very true. I know this by experience. My parents stayed together just for me for a while when I was like 5 & under... it ended horribly and because they had been forced togehter for so long, there was a LOT of resentment.