My boyfriend and I broke up in February, the decision was his and came as a surprise to me. We had just gotten back from a ski trip and on 12/31 had bought bedroom furniture together (on credit, and of course in my name). Capping it off, we had been discussing having a baby (we had started seriously discussing it 10/06) and I had stopped taking the pill in January.

Six weeks after the break up he emailed me and wanted to get back together. I was skittish, hurt, afraid of the same thing happening, and frankly, not sure if I could trust him. I took a month to think about it and decided to try, I felt compelled to try. However, I told him that I'd only do that as long as we saw a counselor together.

OK, it did not work out.

I can see all the reasons it was doubtful it would work out -- conflict resolution was a definte weakness, no surprise again (our counselor had recommended the Prepare/Enrich -- he was low on assetiveness and high on avoidance; I was low on assertiveness and low on avoidance).

This has been very painful, to go from family planning one month to a complete break down and breakup, another try and a dismal ending.

I loved him very much, was planning to parent with him. I enjoyed activities with him, enjoyed him. Yes, many things frustrated me too, that issues never were resolved -- discussions would lose focus, there was defensiveness and escalation. Sometimes I saw it and sometimes I would not and would succumb, not realizing until much later as I had given up in frustration. And he just "stuffed" his stuff, so that was never dealt with. We never dealt, I wanted us to be better, for us to learn skills, I wanted us to team, to be in this together... but obviously that was a desire and not in my control.

I feel hurt, on so many levels. Work has been very stressful of late, it goes in waves. My boyfriend was very happy when I got my job, but never really supportive. But he was here at home when I got home, I shared with him, slept with him, had sex with him, held hands with him, played games and socialized with him. We had a life together. No, it was not perfect when we were together and I (still) have trouble figuring out how he went from buying me jewelry and clothes while we were on vacation to walking out and then the aftermath. It seems that as the job has taken a toll on me recently (my job is very important to me) I have emotionally just spiraled downward, I feel like I have less to offer to my friends, my co-workers and life in general. I have less energy and everything is a huge effort.

Breaking up is hard to do. I know I have a broken heart and that pain and some depression is normal. How do I get beyond this pain, of feeling like there are thousands of spider webs holding me down? How do I get to the point where I have my normal energy level back again, when my brain is back in my head and I have focus and can function normally in my life? How can I get the gray clouds to part, to feel like I want to live? I am usually an energetic person, optimistic and right now I feel completely apathetic. I want to get beyond this, and I am doing things. I am talking with friends, working out regularly, attending social events and doing things I enjoy, plus volunteering.

How do I move through this and reach the other side?

I know it's not easy... if it were easy the postings would not be full of people with broken hearts (including me) who are so hurt and just want the pain to go away and see the ex as the way to cure the hurt, and are looking for answers that will justify that move.

My heart is broken too, I want the pain to end, I know it's normal to feel hurt, but please, please tell me your own experiences of healing and moving on. How long did it take? What helped and what did not? What can I expect to experience in the near future? Any recommendations on what to do (other than take deep breaths)?

Thanks for sharing your own experiences from recovering from heartbreak.

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. It hurts, I know. The only advice I can give you is that it will take time. I can tell you had invested a lot in the relationship and when that happens, it's so much harder to say goodbye and move on. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor about it, and maybe go on an anti-depressant to help you temporarily. This is something I would consider if I were you. The anti-depressant will help you to think outside the box and not be stuck inside your head and your heart. It's a great motivator and gets you thinking happier thoughts. It's not permanent, just something to help you out right now. I hope I helped.