i'm α new pαrent, my bαby is only 5 months old, αnd i wαs thinking one dαy αbout spαnking.. i don't wαnt to hit shαylα but then αgαin i know sometimes i will wαnt to...like every other pαrent hαs wαnted to do so αt some point or other..

**i know not everybody αgrees on it αnd it's α constαnt bαttle whether to do it or not-- but when is it okαy? --when your child steαls? when she throws α temper tαntrum αt the store?..**

i know it's the pαrent's decision αnd well to eαch thier own...


my situαtion:
-my husbαnd sαys he couldn't spαnk shαylα but "you'll be the one doing it not me"--therefore no support
-i think it's αlright sometimes
-my fαmily believes in spαnking ; i on the other hαnd only been spαnked once αnd well it pissed me off αnd mαde me αct out more-- so i don't know if spαnking is good.. but..ugh... mind boggling!!!

help! express your opinion freely αnd whαt situαtions you've fαced with your child(ren)

Personally I believe the punishment should fit the crime. Such as... it is okay to spank if your child endangers herself or someone else i.e. running out in the street. But for a temper tantrum? No. A temper tantrum in the store gets dealt with by leaving the store. End of story.

I have raised 4 kids and have only spanked 4 times. All 4 times were under the age of six. After that I used reasoning to deal with the behavior.

Hello Sarai:

It's never OK to hit anybody.

excon

When it is done in love:

A 5 month old can't be talked to , so a quick judicious spanking, sends an important message.

For example
-running out into the street
-putting fingers in dangerous places like a wall outlet or a hot stove.

There is nothing to feel guilty about in these type of situations.



Never in anger or frustration.




Grace and Peace

At 5 months old I think a spank is too much. Rather a little pop on the hand if putting fingers into sockets etc.

Lol I'm not gonnα hit my 5 month old guys-- I meαnt in the lαter future :)

I'm not a parent but I have young nieces and nephews, as well as friends with small children. A friend of mine gave her son a good swat when he was about to stick his finger in an outlet (it was at my house, no child-proofing here!) after she yelled at him to stop and he didn't. To me, that's appropriate. Someone else I know gave a kid a swat on the butt because the kid peed his pants (potty training) after she "told him not to". To me, NOT appropriate.

I think that given certain ages, such as when children are too young to reason, a smack on the butt or slap of the hand can send the message you want. But to me, (again, not a parent, so forgive me if I'm idealistic!) once the child is old enough to reason and understand what he/she has done wrong, I think talking and time outs are effective. My mom was a teacher so she had that "teacher tone" down pat - it works wonders! I have a friend who STILL (20 years later) remembers the "talking to" she got from my mom after she bit my brother. Yeah, that's another story!

I hope you and your husband can get on the same page about proper ways to discipline. So many people fight about kids, it would be a shame if something like this caused you guys trouble in the future.

I was only spanked once... when I tried to put barbie's toe in a light socket. That was when I was four. It never happened again. That being said- I agree with J-9; if the child endangers themselves then I think a tap on the rump and a time out is fine. Other then that I don't think spanking is an effective form of punishment. If the child respects the parents and the rules of the house are consistent, then things should run smooth... the majority of the time.

I was never spanked and turned out fine. (Of course, there were rules and consequences.) I have two sons, and spanked the first once when he ran out into the street. After that, during a rare tantrum (he wanted to play with the fake food at Sears), we left the store. I too established rules and there were consequences. Both boys are well-behaved adults who never got into trouble as teens.

Spanking is hitting. I don't care how someone tries to justify it, it is still hitting. Only the surprise element is why I would allow it in an emergency, like when the child runs into the street.

Better that the parents first get on the same page as each other, make rules, and consistently enforce them, then follow up with consequences appropriate to the crime. Consistency is the important word.

Spank? No.

My son is going through his terrible twos. He is doing things like getting knives out of the drawer, stuffing things down the toilet (every toilet in my house is clogged as we speak), sticking things in light sockets, putting things in the fish tank... I mean the list goes on.

I spank him for it. I am not ashamed to say so. It is the only way I can get through to him. I tell him to stop, he says no. I put him in the corner, he thinks that's a joke. I put him in his room, he is right back out in 5 seconds. What else is there left to do?

My son is going through his terrible twos. He is doing things like getting knives out of the drawer, stuffing things down the toilet (every toilet in my house is clogged as we speak), sticking things in light sockets, putting things in the fish tank...i mean the list goes on.

I spank him for it. I am not ashamed to say so. It is the only way I can get through to him. I tell him to stop, he says no. I put him in the corner, he thinks thats a joke. I put him in his room, he is right back out in 5 seconds. What else is there left to do?

This is exactly why I childproof everything in my home. No knives can be reached or gotten into, bathroom doors are closed with childproof handles on the doorknobs.

There are things you actually can do to prevent these sorts of things.

This is exactly why I childproof everything in my home. No knives can be reached or gotten into, bathroom doors are closed with childproof handles on the doorknobs.

There are things you actually can do to prevent these sorts of things.

What the heck is a childproof handle? Apparently nothing that they have at walmart or I would have seen it.. lol. And everything is childproofed. The plastic things in the light sockets (he knows how to take them out), toilet seat locks (he knows how to take them off), cabinet locks (yep, you guessed it, he knows how to get around those too). He is like super toddler or something.. lol. :)

Oh jeeze I hope shαylα doesn't turn out like thαt -teehee... hαve you tried closing the door to the bαthroom αnd putting one of thoes door things thαt go on the knob?.

oh jeeze i hope shαylα doesn't turn out like thαt -teehee... hαve you tried closing the door to the bαthroom αnd putting one of thoes door things thαt go on the knob?...

I don't understand what thing you mean. If they have something to keep him out of the bathroom, please tell me! Lol.

I hope your little girl doesn't turn out this way too, and if she does, I feel sorry for you.

I dont understand what thing you mean...

They look like this : http://www.dreamtimekids.com/cjimages/doknlo2byki.jpg http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/pict/3000664312634040_1.jpg http://www.pet-gates-direct.com/images/S410.jpg

they look like this : http://www.dreamtimekids.com/cjimages/doknlo2byki.jpg http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/pict/3000664312634040_1.jpg

Wow, thanks for the pic! I have never seen or heard of anything like that before. If I did I would probably have a couple of them.. lol. Do you by any chance know where I can get a hold of something like that?

You cαn order them online or you cαn order them from your locαl wαlmαrt (if they don't αlreαdy hαve them), they cαn be found αt your locαl hαrdwαre store αnd toys R us
Here's α perfect site you cαn buy brαnd new ones: KidSafe Storefront, Baby Gates, Child Safety, Baby Proof Supplies (http://www.kidsafeinc.com/StoreFront.bok?gclid=CNzBxPuAv40CFQILPwodPxkHLQ)

Yup that's exactly what I was talking about. Thanks Sarai!!

Thanks guys you're awesome!

But to get back on the subject, I do not see anything wrong with spanking if there is no other way of getting through to the child. When I say something to him when he's doing something wrong, he'll either look at me with a blank stare, or start laughing at me. And after that, he'll go right back to doing what he was getting in trouble for in the first place. It is so aggravating!

No problem-o :)

Thanks guys you're awesome!

But to get back on the subject, I do not see anything wrong with spanking if there is no other way of getting through to the child. When I say something to him when he's doing something wrong, he'll either look at me with a blank stare, or start laughing at me. And after that, he'll go right back to doing what he was getting in trouble for in the first place. It is so aggravating!

It's called redirection rather than spanking.

Spanking should be reserved for very serious offenses.

It's called redirection rather than spanking.

Spanking should be reserved for very serious offenses.

What do you mean? Like when he's doing something bad, give him something good to do? If so, this doesn't work. He is hell bent on being a bad boy sometimes. Earlier today he tried to smother his three month old brother with a pillow when I stepped out to use the bathroom.

Your mistake there. You shouldn't leave him alone with the 3 month old.

Trust me, I've raised 4, the oldest is 21 and the youngest is 5.

Redirection is a awesome tool to use.

Ever think its for αttention? mαybe he feels left out becαuse of the new bαby...

Well I didn't figure he would try and kill his brother in the 5 seconds it takes me to pee.

I know he loves his brother, I just think sometimes he doesn't comprehend the fact that he could hurt him. I don't know. He gives him hugs and kisses all the time and says "i want bubby", but yet he does that.

ever think its for αttention? mαybe he feels left out becαuse of the new bαby....

I have thought of that as a possibility, and I think you're right. If I give the little one just a little more attention than my 2 year old, he goes nuts!

Earlier today he tried to smother his three month old brother with a pillow when i stepped out to use the bathroom.Hello nauticalstar:

If you're trying to say that he's really, really bad so, of course, he needs a spanking or to be hit in some manner or other. I disagree. Children should NEVER be hit.

I'm amazed that adults think children should be tried as adults when they commit "adult" crimes. How dumb is that?? Actually, you could classify trying to smother your brother an "adult" crime, couldn't you?

Don't hit them.

excon

Redirection is ALWAYS better than spanking. You see, children get used to spanking if you are a spanker. Eventually there is no shock value. It should be reserved for serious situations only. Such as smothering a brother. But, that really was your mistake.

He doesn't know what he is doing, he doesn't know how dangerous this is, he doesn't understand that it is potentially deadly. Hell, he's 2!!

Spanking should be used for shock value only.

Shock value, let me give you an example.

My only daughter was 7, her and the girl down the street (she was 9) decided to run away. After looking for them for 4 hours we found them, in the house of a stranger 2 miles away.

SPANKED!!

She has been a very respectable young adult ever since.

Hello nauticalstar:

If you're trying to say that he's really, really bad so, of course, he needs a spanking or to be hit in some manner or other. I disagree. Children should NEVER be hit.

I'm amazed that adults think children should be tried as adults when they commit "adult" crimes. How dumb is that??? Actually, you could classify trying to smother your brother an "adult" crime, couldn't you?

Don't hit them.

excon

I feel that these are my children, and I will discipline them how I see fit. I was raised being spanked, and I remember very clearly that it got through to me.

Besides the fact that he gets spanked on his butt through a pull up, and doesn't even feel it half of the time, or doesn't act like it.

For future reference, please don't tell me what to do or not do with my children.

Shock value, let me give you an example.

My only daughter was 7, her and the girl down the street (she was 9) decided to run away. After looking for them for 4 hours we found them, in the house of a stranger 2 miles away.

SPANKED!!!!

She has been a very respectable young adult ever since.

Holy crap I would have been so scared! Okay yes, I see the difference. Just out of curiosity, what did the stranger who's house you found her in have to say about that?

NS, the point he is trying to make, correct me if I am wrong Excon, is that...

Would you want to be hit for making a mistake at work if you worked? Nah

Spanking should be saved for extreme cases only.

NS, the point he is trying to make, correct me if I am wrong Excon, is that....

would you want to be hit for making a mistake at work if you worked? Nah

Spanking should be saved for extreme cases only.

There would be no reason to spank me. I am old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, he is not. That is what I'm trying to instill in his brain.

I feel that telling me what to do with my children is wrong.

Holy crap I would have been so scared! Okay yes, I see the difference. Just out of curiosity, what did the stranger who's house you found her in have to say about that?

Luckily, I live in the Bible Belt and the stranger was a minister. But still, it could have been a sex offender.

Rae got spanked once and only once, she learned her lesson. Spanking, in my opinion, should be reserved for extreme circumstances only.

Luckily, I live in the Bible Belt and the stranger was a minister. But still, it could have been a sex offender.

Rae got spanked once and only once, she learned her lesson. Spanking, in my opinion, should be reserved for extreme circumstances only.

I don't full out spank him hard or anything like that unless he does something really bad, usually he will get a couple of swats to the butt just so the point gets across. I guess I should have specified better, I don't spank him hard enough to make him cry every time.

I think it depends on what works for you and your child. I have spanked my child. It is rare - but it has happened. For us, time outs and "attention getters" work the best. Our attention getter is to take her face in our hand and get to her level - eye to eye - have her focus on directly what we are telling her. Making her STOP and focus. That actually worked the best for us.

If I feel it necessary - I will spank her - but as the old saying goes - it hurts me more than it hurts her. So I try not to do it.

For future reference, please dont tell me what to do or not do with my children.Hello again, nauticalstar:

I'm sorry you don't like my advice. However, if you post on a public board, you're going to hear it.

excon

There would be no reason to spank me. I am old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, he is not. That is what i'm trying to instill in his brain.

I feel that telling me what to do with my children is wrong.

So hitting is instilling right and wrong? Isn't hitting you wrong?

How about this. Is it okay for your husband to hit you? Then why is it okay for you to hit your kid?

Hello again, nauticalstar:

I'm sorry you don't like my advice. However, if you post on a public board, you're going to hear it.

Excon


I apologize, I was a bit rude. But like the OP said at the very beginning, everyone has a different opinion about this topic. You say spanking is wrong, I say it is not. And I also must correct myself for my words, he gets more of a "swat" than a "spank". He only gets a real "spank" when he does stuff like hurt his brother, clog the toilets (because that really sucks), stuff like that. I do not always spank him hard enough to make him cry.


So hitting is instilling right and wrong? Isn't hitting you wrong?

How about this. Is it okay for your husband to hit you? Then why is it okay for you to hit your kid?

I was spanked as a child and never hit my parents, or anyone else for that matter. He has never hit anyone (although he did bite someone at daycare, I have no idea where he learned to bite).

And you people are making it sound like I full out hit him like I'm trying to kick his a$$. The OP asked for an opinion, and I gave it to her. Go ahead, attack me because I believe in spanking.

First of all, this is an age old dilemma, many people do believe in it, many people do not.

Biting... normal for a 2 year old, well some of them. I was a preschool teacher in a past life over 22 years ago.

It is my personal belief that your hand should not lay on your child unless there are extreme circumstances.

As I said before, and will say again... SHOCK VALUE.

If it is more often then the kid gets used to it, so what they think. But if you reserve it for something serious then it works.

I have an education in early childhood development, going for nursing now, and have 4 kids.

I was spanked up until the age of 6 when reasoning took over. My parents reasoned right and wrong with me. So, I tried it with my kids, younger than 6, and guess what, it worked.

I was spanked up until the age of 6 when reasoning took over. My parents reasoned right and wrong with me. So, I tried it with my kids, younger than 6, and guess what, it worked.


Well it doesn't work with my son. Do you think I started spanking? No, I started spanking when he showed no respect for me or my husband, or anything we had to say. I tried reasoning with him, he laughed at me. I tried redirection, he didn't take any interest.

So I guess the only answer is to let him run all over me and my husband. I mean why not, most kids these days are allowed to do whatever they want. Why should mine be any different.

NS, hun, you are young, kids don't come with a set of instructions. If they do please tell me and I'll see if I can download them. LOL

2 years old is too young for reasoning. Redirection is an art form.

I have got it down to a look now. I just have to look at my 5 year old and he redirects himself.

As I said, we all have different ways of parenting. I don't think spanking is wrong, but should be reserved for very serious infractions only.

See, my husband has that "look" and my son knows when he gets that look that he better knock off whatever he is doing. My husband has spanked him, but doesn't always have to.

Me on the other hand, he runs all over me. I tried the look, I tried yelling, reasoning, redirection. I don't think he sees me as any kind of authority, or something. He literally, I swear, laughs at me.

Don't spank them too hard but just let them know that what they are doing is wrong

NS it sounds like you've got quite a challenge with your little boy! I can't imagine how frustrating it is for you.

You say you spank/swat him and sometimes he doesn't even notice - if that's true then is the correction getting across to him? I mean, if he's doing something he's not supposed to, you swat his butt, and he carries on laughing or whatever, it seems to me the message got lost.

I wish I could give you an alternative suggestion, but as I said in my other post, I'm not a parent. I'm ready to pull my hair out after spending the day watching my nephew who just turned three, and he's usually pretty good! Maybe the childproof devices mentioned earlier will help curb some of the bad behavior, and for your sake, I hope so.

You could always call "Nanny 911"! :)

NS it sounds like you've got quite a challenge with your little boy! I can't imagine how frustrating it is for you.

You say you spank/swat him and sometimes he doesn't even notice - if that's true then is the correction getting across to him? I mean, if he's doing something he's not supposed to, you swat his butt, and he carries on laughing or whatever, it seems to me the message got lost.

I wish I could give you an alternative suggestion, but as I said in my other post, I'm not a parent. I'm ready to pull my hair out after spending the day watching my nephew who just turned three, and he's usually pretty good! Maybe the childproof devices mentioned earlier will help curb some of the bad behavior, and for your sake, I hope so.

You could always call "Nanny 911"! :)

Usually it is the loud noise of swatting his diaper that scares the crap out of him the most. Even if he does cry, he is over it within 5 minutes. He does get the message, but it seems to only last for that day. Its like he forgets, and the next day he is right back to causing trouble.

The one thing lately he has been doing repeatedly is putting toys, food, pens, stuff like that, in the fish tank. I tell him no, I give him a toy to play with instead (which ends up in the fish tank mind you), I send him to his room, and nothing works.

He is being real lovey dovey right now. Its amazing how he can go from angel to devil in 2 seconds.. lol.

Ok, I misunderstood what you had written. I thought you meant you would swat and he would go about his business like nothing ever happened.

I used to work in a daycare and spent some time with the 2-3's. I found that correcting them on Monday didn't mean they were going to remember on Tuesday... it was always a day in, day out thing. Hell, correcting them on Monday at noon didn't mean they would remember it Monday at 12:15! Kids are a lil' dense, lol! :) Is it possible for you to move the fish tank out of his reach, or move whatever he climbs up on to get to it? Can you get a lid for it that has a lock that he can't operate? Obviously this depends on the type of tank you have, but there has to be SOMETHING out there - there's ALWAYS something out there... Or, is it possible to turn another room in the house to the main play room? Convert an extra bedroom into the play room to get him away from the tank for a little while, maybe he will forget about it. Given that he is so young it probably won't take long, and it might make redirection easier.

J-9:

What exactly do you mean by "redirection" - can you give me some examples.
I have 8-10-11 year olds, anything to help them, I'm game.


To the OP: I'm one of 4 [ we were born in the 60s ] that my mom [primarily] disciplined with a belt to the behind when we did something wrong , up until around 10 years old. 3 of us have doctoral degrees and professional jobs. My sister has a masters, but choses to stay at home for her sons. None of us is screaming abuse.

I wonder how many of peter jennings 'the greatest generation' were spanked growing up and if they spanked as parents?




Grace and Peace

His whole bedroom is like one big Toys R Us. And it all ends up in the fish tank.. lol. I do need to put some tape or velcrow on the lid, but I wish he would just get it through his head to just not play with it. I mean he has so many toys, its ridiculous, and he still wants to play with stuff he's not supposed to.

His whole bedroom is like one big Toys R Us. And it all ends up in the fish tank..lol. I do need to put some tape or velcrow on the lid, but I wish he would just get it through his head to just not play with it. I mean he has so many toys, its ridiculous, and he still wants to play with stuff he's not supposed to.

Well DUH, MOM! The stuff you aren't supposed to touch is the stuff you HAVE to touch! Lol! :)

My niece always has to push the limit - you tell her not to touch something and you can actually SEE the desire to just... touch... a... little... bit... welling up inside of her. Her self-control gets defeated every time...

Velcro is a great idea, and you can even get him involved in helping you apply it. Tell him it's to keep the fishies safe - so they don't escape. Also, I don't know what you feed the fish, but see if you can get floating pellets or something that he can throw in himself easier. They make pellets for goldfish, you can find them in the pet department at Wal Mart.

I found last time I watched my nephew I was able to distract him with a new, interesting activity. We baked cookies, scooped dry beans from one container to the other, worked on new puzzles, that sort of thing. For him, if you snag his attention with something totally NEW, you've got him. Might be worth trying with your son, at the worst you end up with burt cookies and beans under the couch. You can even make a day of it - go to the store to buy the cookie dough, let him hand the cashier the money, let him get the cookie sheet out, etc.

Me and him do things together all the time. He actually LIKES helping me clean. Go figure on that one.

I tried letting him feed the fish, and once when I wasn't looking he dumped the WHOLE bottle of food in the tank. Amazingly enough, the fish lived.. lol.

That's the good thing about the pellets - you can have him hold out his hand, pour a small amount into his palm, and let him throw it in. I have a fish pond in my backyard and my nephew LOVES to feed the fish! I give him a few pellets, let him throw those in, then a few more, then a few more... It works out well because he finally gets sick of it after the fish stop eating.

One thing that was kind of cute, but I still got mad at him, he likes goldfish crackers, well I gave him some, and looked in the fish tank a little while later and his goldfish were in the fish tank.. lol.

Ns I have 3 children, 1 of them was just like your son. He got a lighter at the age of 3 set his brothers closet on fire. His brother had a kidney disease that caused him to need different sizes of clothes depending on how swollen he was. I was devastated and scared,
I spanked him. Yes I made him cry. Then I made sure to take the lighter hide it on top of the chest . A few days later, I guess he watched me getting it and he got it again and I caught him trying to light a candle. What I learned from that was to keep the lighter on me or so far up that he could not get to it. I never spanked my children again, from there on in. I tried different tatics, even if I had to sit with my arms around them to make them stop a bad behavior. I figured if that scare and that spanking was not effective for that type of serious behavior, that I really must be doing something wrong! He also had a little sister that 1 minute he was kissing and the next he would try to bite her and he had an older brother that was very ill and required a lot of attention. So with him I had to be very flexible, and try to spend a lot of positive time with him even when he was doing wrong things. First I would address the bad behavior,make him stop. Even if I had to hold on to him. Tell him I loved him and we were going to do something else. Also evrything he did I did not address, I just let some things go, The fish tank was a joke, eventually I just gave the fish away, because it was full of batmen and whatever else he decided to put in there. I had to learn what was important and what could be let go. So, spanking for me was not the answer. Btw I was whipped with a switch or a belt when I was growing up. Now, my son will be 16 in October and he is a very fine young man and has not been spanked since then. Boy did we have some rough years, I could write a book on his adventures. Thank God he had a wonderful pediatrician that stood by me. So ns I know what it is like to have a wild one and a small baby and also a sick child and it is hard. But you will get through it. I let my gut tell me when I was wrong with my kids, if I did or said something to them that was unfair, I felt it in the pit of my stomach and in my heart I knew it was wrong. I Did not repeat it. No one can tell you how to raise your kids. That is up to you. Good luck

Not a father but I personally think there is a lack of it. I was spanked as a kid and it taught me to be a very respectful young man if I must say so. Particularly to elders. At school the kids who showed no respect for teachers or anyone else for that matter were the bad kids who were never disciplined. If only the teachers could have given them a whack I think lots of problems would have been avoided.

Call me cruel, call me old fashioned, call me what you like, but kids need discipline to learn right from wrong and in most instances I have seen (I have lots of young nieces and nephews) words, deal making, time outs and naughty corners just don't cut it.

Of course I'm not talking beating or anything of the like but just a little smack to reinforce who actually is the boss.

But it is such a personal choice and no one is right or wrong in their decision whether to spank or not. Some need it, others don't.

I do think though that the argument of "it isnt ok to hit another adult, so why hit a child is weak"

Especially in the US considering they still have Capital Punishment.

bushg agrees: sounds like my son he always loved to clean, I think it's the busyness and organizing that satifys them. To this day he is organized and always on time and ready for an adventure!

His favorite thing to do is help unload the dishwasher (dont ask me why, dishes are my LEAST favorite chore.. lol). The pots & pans go in the cabinets beneath the counters, so I let him put those away. He also cleans up his own toys, helps feed his brother, and tries to help change his brother's diaper.

There are times when he is the biggest cuddlebug angel, and then there are other times when I see horns sprout from that kid. Lol.

Not a father but i personally think there is a lack of it. I was spanked as a kid and it taught me to be a very respectful young man if i must say so. Particularly to elders. At school the kids who showed no respect for teachers or anyone else for that matter were the bad kids who were never disciplined. If only the teachers could have given them a whack i think lots of problems would have been avoided.

Call me cruel, call me old fashioned, call me what you like, but kids need discipline to learn right from wrong and in most instances i have seen (i have lots of young nieces and nephews) words, deal making, time outs and naughty corners just don't cut it.

Of course i'm not talking beating or anything of the like but just a little smack to reinforce who actually is the boss.

But it is such a personal choice and no one is right or wrong in their decision whether to spank or not. Some need it, others don't.

I do think though that the argument of "it isnt ok to hit another adult, so why hit a child is weak"

Especially in the US considering they still have Capital Punishment.

I think the problem is a "spanking" can turn into a "beating" (not that I think anyone here is doing that!), and that causes a whole bunch of other problems. Also, when you apply the logic, "I'm spanking him/her because he/she just doesn't get it/won't obey" to a husband and wife scenario, there's no doubt it would be called domestic abuse. After all, it's just a smack to show who's boss... Also, I think some people spank their kids out of anger; the kid keeps doing something over and over and the parent gets mad and hauls off and smacks them. Logically we know we should not hit out of anger. Logically we also know children don't have the same reasoning and planning skills adults do, but it's hard to remember that after you've corrected him/her for the 300th time. Then there's also the debate that smacking your kid teaches them to hit others; my nephew has his hand smacked and sometimes his butt, and guess what? He's a hitter. Is there a correlation? I don't know, but they learn it somewhere.

I don't mean for the above to make it sound like I'm judging anyone, because I'm not. I don't have kids, so it's easy for me to say anything I want because I don't have to deal with a 2-year old or 3-year old all day every day. There's no doubt being a parent is a tough job, and you are bound to lose your patience.

I think it's important to note, to all those who say they were spanked as a kid and they turned out OK that not everyone does. Some people are affected differently psychologically by spanking, and there's no way to know how your kid will handle it in the future.

Sarai,

As you can see, this was a very good question and we all have different parenting skills.

I am not an advocate of spanking, for the most part, but I do believe it has it's place if needed.

I am not an advocate of time out, at all.

I am, however, an advocate of redirection. I was asked to give an example wasn't I?

Okay just so happens I needed it yesterday at WalMart. Johnny so desperately wants Remy the Chef (the toy from the movie Ratatouille), well we were there to get school supplies. He was really getting on my nerves with the please, please mommy, in the whiney little voice that kids get when they beg. Well, I wanted to swat his tush, believe me. Instead, however, I reminded him that he needs a new lunch box and backpack for kindergarten. When he picked out the ones he wanted we could go home and play school and have a picnic with the new lunch box.

So, I successfully redirected his whining and begging for this Remy toy to something more constructive. I did follow through with playing school and having a picnic.

That is how redirection works. Redirect the bad behavior into something CONstructive rather than DEstructive.

Sarai,

As you can see, this was a very good question and we all have different parenting skills.

I am not an advocate of spanking, for the most part, but I do believe it has it's place if needed.

I am not an advocate of time out, at all.

I am, however, an advocate of redirection. I was asked to give an example wasn't I?

Okay just so happens I needed it yesterday at WalMart. Johnny so desperately wants Remy the Chef (the toy from the movie Ratatouille), well we were there to get school supplies. He was really getting on my nerves with the please, please mommy, in the whiney little voice that kids get when they beg. Well, I wanted to swat his tush, believe me. Instead, however, I reminded him that he needs a new lunch box and backpack for kindergarten. When he picked out the ones he wanted we could go home and play school and have a picnic with the new lunch box.

So, I successfully redirected his whining and begging for this Remy toy to something more constructive. I did follow through with playing school and having a picnic.

That is how redirection works. Redirect the bad behavior into something CONstructive rather than DEstructive.

Earlier today, Aidan unlocked the poison cabinet (I need to figure out how he's doing that.. lol) and brought me the Clorox. How should I have redirected him from that?

You sit down in front of him and tell him that this is DANGEROUS. Use your best MOMMY MEANS IT voice. Take him by the hand to another room, to toys, crayons and paper, etc.

Next you move all chemicals such as the Clorox to a shelf above his reach. All poisons should always be out of reach. Proper childproofing means getting on your hands and knees and crawling around looking for potential dangers.

Well I have tried that voice before, and it hasn't worked, but I can try again next time.

He does need to clean his room, and he loves to help clean, so I can use that as a redirection next time he gets into something he's not supposed to.

Yes, if he likes to clean, that can be constructive redirection. When using the mommy voice make sure you are down on his level and looking at him in the eyes.

When disciplining our children it is of the utmost importance that we get down to their eye level.

Okay I will try that.

One other thing. He just came back from his grandma's house in June (my husbands mom) and was allowed to get away with all but murder there. He was there for about two months. It is only since he's been home that he started this behavior. He used to be a little angel.

How do I get him used to being back home and having discipline?

Ahhh, the age old gramma and grampa let them do it. Well, it will take time to get him back into your routine. You just have to stay consistent in your discipline.

You know, you had said that his room is like toys r us. If this behavior continues - you take his toys away - all of them. Let him earn them back. And if you are sending him to his room for punishment - if it's like a toy store - what kind of punishment is it really going to be?

I think "the voice" and "the look" are the hardest thing to master. I am still working on those! My daughter and I can have a conversation - without saying a word and being on opposite sides of a room - using only hand signals. Well, she looks and I "talk". If I need her to stop what she is doing and listen to whomever is speaking - I have a signal for knock it off and then a hand signal for listen. It actually works. Now, she is almost 7 and we didn't start this until she was in school and could comprehend.

You just have to find what is right for you.

Now What makes a good point about the room being full of toys. If you are sending your son to his room as a time out and there are toys in the room it is not a punishment. Instead try using a dining room chair, or a mat placed on the floor where he cannot get to anything. Remember that the length of timeout depends on their age not the severity of their action. One minute for every year of age.

Another effective way of getting a behavior that you want is to offer choices (your choices). For example: Would you like to set the table or clear the table? That makes him or her feel like she has a bit of control, but ultimately you are getting what you want too. It is a pretty effective tool for older children.

I couldn't agree more don't hit him just take him to his room and say bye bye toy put them in the garage somewhere he can't get at them.
The voice thing works you just have to do it slowly and calmly not in a high pitched tone they know they have won and will carry on also come right down to his level don't bring him to yours you go to him and tell him no just keep doing it they get the message eventually.
I think the best tecnique is the naughty wall step floor what ever you choose to use just remember there's one everywhere you go.
But the biggest thing is when punishment is over its over move on and play he needs your attention more than baby right now just remember he is probably thinking well hell I had her to myself a while ago and now I'm sharing with you.
Good luck raising kids was never meant to be easy and I'm the first to admit there are times I could throttle millie but it distract her first then go put kettle on admittedly I could scream till I'm blue in the face it doesn't get me anywhere just gives me high blood pressure not great when your pregnant.
Last but not least they know how to work you they are prime masters keep calm and tackle it head on rather than reacting the way they know you will.

I have 3 children aged 5, 2 and 6 months. I used to smack but found that other punishments work just as well. Try putting children on a 'naughty step' (one minute for every year). Children hate to be excluded so this works very well. You'll do yourself no favours by sending naughty children to their room as this just makes them associate their bedroom with bad things, making the bedroom routine even harder. If your child has a tantrum in public just say in a nice voice "ok when you are ready to carry on let me know" and wait patiently. There are loads of little things you can do but the trick is to praise good behaviour no matter how small and don't concentrate on the bad stuff!! Hope this helps :)

curlybenswife disagrees: The more I re-read your posts the more I think you are over reacting and making him do all these things to wind you up as it gets your attention.

Excuse me, but what? Wind me up? Making him do what? Making him get into things, just so I can discipline him?

A quick swat on the butt at that age will get the child's attention along with a firm NO should be effective. Trust me it will hurt you more than the child.

curlybenswife disagrees: The more I re-read your posts the more I think you are over reacting and making him do all these things to wind you up as it gets your attention.

You can judge my parenting skills, but can't follow up with responses to my questions? I don't even know what the heck you are talking about. It doesn't make any sense. The only thing I can make of it is that you think I am making him do wrong things so I can discipline him. Is that correct? If so, you don't know how wrong you are. You don't know me, or my son.

I think that you should try other forms of punishment like time out, but spanking should always be the ulimate punishment. Like if the child refuses to sit in time out then they get spanked.

i think that you should try other forms of punishment like time out, but spanking should always be the ulimate punishment. Like if the child refuses to sit in time out then they get spanked.

He does refuse to sit in time out sometimes. He has gotten better since this conversation happened. He just came back from his grandma's so he was going through the "spoiled little baby" syndrome. Since this conversation he has even started cleaning his own room, and started potty training.

I think he was allowed to do what he wanted at his grandma's and that was part of the problem. But I feel that every child is different and it makes me so mad when someone acts like they know my child well enough to tell me what I am supposedly doing with them.

Children need to be punished when they have been naughty but there are several other forms of punishing them rather than spanking them such as using the 'naughty step', ignoring them, give them a row but at the same time their behaviour will improve from positive praise and treats etc when they are good.

At age 5 months ( the orgainal question) no, a swat is not correct at this age. But an older toddler and child, a well timed swat will work wonders and will solve a lot more issues.

When my son was that old he used to love to yank my hair or try and headbutt me... I used a swat on the butt and said no and he would let go..

Hello:

You poor misguided people...

excon

Certainly don't spank a 5-month-old child. I'm not totally against spanking but I will say this: pick your battles wisely. Over-disciplining a child will be counter-productive and, as you suggest, only cause her to act out all the more. Decide on those few behaviors which are totally unacceptable to you and spank only when those occur. These should be serious enough behaviors to warrant a spanking but not those which occur with any degree of frequency. For example, the last time I spanked my daughter (age 7) was when she she threw a pencil at my wife while my wife was trying to help her with her homework. Openly defiant behavior is something I refuse to tolerate in my children, which is why I spanked my daughter. That's one of my few "handpicked" battles that will result in serious discipline.

s_cianci agrees: I hope that "stranger" was taking on the role of a Good Samaritan!

I thank God every day that this WAS a good samaritan! A local preacher. I have a friend who has been "missing" for 25 years. A still unsolved disappearance. I can't imagine it being my daughter.

It is my belief, and mine only, that there are consequences to our actions, children included. However, spanking should be reserved for the most serious infractions. Running out in the middle of traffic, running away and going into a strangers home, just as a couple of examples.

Yes, I was spanked as a child, yes, I was one who came out okay. But studies have shown (I learned this in my mental health rotation) that it can be very damaging to a child.

You see, children can reason much better than we give them credit for. By reasoning the pros and cons with a child (of any age really) gives them the chance to learn reasoning skills, skills that they will carry with them through adulthood.

J_9 agrees: I completely agree with you. It is sad, isn't it? Glad some of these people are not my children's teachers!

I would never spank someone else's child. You can't say that just because some people spank, that it means they are going to spank someone else's child too.

I never said that, but did imply it didn't I? You see, I don't want a teacher for my child who hits. I want a teacher who knows alternative ways of discipline, ways that makes my child use their minds rather than be fearful and cover their butts.

I personally think that spanking is cruel and inhumane, but that is my opinion. I have found many different ways to discipline that do NOT include laying on of hands of any way shape or form, and they are VERY effective.

In my opinion, spanking is cruel and unusual punishment. I don't deserve to get hit, and neither does my child. If my husband hits me, that is domestic abuse. In the same sense if I hit my child it should be domestic abuse.

As I have said before, I have 4 children, all of them have only been spanked once. ONCE. You lose the shock value in spanking if it is continuously done as a form of discipline.

So discipline is cruel and unusual punishment? I think that if today's criminals had a little more discipline when they were younger they wouldn't be the way they are today. Just my opinion.

Besides, my son hasn't done anything bad enough lately to get spanked. What I do now is, if I catch him doing something bad, I make him sit between my legs and I cross them so he can't get out, for 2 minutes of course, because he's 2. That gets through to him, he hates it. The redirection has started to work in some cases, but not all. Crayons and coloring books work wonderfully, that is when he wants to take the redireciton bait.

No discipline is not cruel and unusual punishment, but In my opinion spanking when we are just trying to get our point across is.

Discipline takes many forms, spanking just one of them.

Speaking of criminals, LOL, I was watching Court TV today, it was about Pelican Island, they interviewed many criminals, at least half of those had been spanked as children for reasons that alternative methods of discipline could have been used.

Our children don't need to be spanked when they do something wrong, it doesn't teach them what they did wrong or why it was wrong. It just hurts their a$$es. That's all they know. What is wrong with telling them that they did something wrong, why it was wrong and telling them never to do it again. Sure we have to do this over and over, but repetition is how children learn.

You can spank your child if you want, that is your right, but that doesn't mean I think it is right.

Well I have seen things on television as well (who hasn't? TV really isn't a good source) about people that were in prison. Some of them said if they had gotten the discipline they needed and deserved, they wouldn't be where they were today. One guy even said he wished his mom had taken him to the side and beat is butt for him sometimes.

Some people are thinking that spankers are the anti christ. What you don't understand is, I don't "beat him" until his a$$ is black and blue. I swat him on the butt 2 or 3 times, usually doesn't even make his butt red. If he even does cry, it is usually because the sound of my hand hitting is diaper startles the crap out of him.

And like I also said before, I have started trying some of the methods you described to me earlier. Some of them work great, and some of them need more work. He has started being a really good boy. Not all people who are spanked grow up to be a piece of crap.

Did I say that everyone who is spanked "grow up to be a piece of crap?" I don't think I did.

If you want to spank that is your prerogative, your choice. But I have been a mother for 21 years now, 4 children, I have experience, not only with my children, but with my schooling. I am not trying to change you or your parenting techniques, I am only trying to show that there are other methods that are better than hitting an innocent child.

Did I say that everyone who is spanked "grow up to be a piece of crap?" I don't think I did.

If you want to spank that is your prerogative, your choice. But I have been a mother for 21 years now, 4 children, I have experience, not only with my children, but with my schooling. I am not trying to change you or your parenting techniques, I am only trying to show that there are other methods that are better than hitting an innocent child.

I believe I already said I have taken your advice and tried to apply it to my child. And trust me, he is not always innocent.

Its just all comes down to a matter of personal choice and opinion.

Excon thinks people who spank children are poor and misguided. Many would think he is the poor misguided person.

My grandmother who has been a mother for 65 years and my mother who has been a mother for 35 years have found that spanking if used correctly is a fine tool in parenting and they wouldn't have it any other way. Others will disagree.

Neither is right or wrong. How can anyone begin to tell an 85 year old women who has raised dozens of children and grandchildren to be outstanding citizens (and all of them are) that she was wrong in the way she brought them up? They cant.

It is clear that to this question there is no right or wrong answer.

I feel some children do benefit from spanking... I haven't swatted my son on the butt in a long time but when I did he would not do whatever I swatted him for... when I used the quiet time method it failed... now that he is older the best punishment is to be sent to bed without his after dinner cookies... of course for the original question we are talking about a 5 month old use your best judgement try different form of punishment to see which as the best effect.

J_9 agrees: But he is ONLY 2 for crying out loud!!

So because he is 2 he can do no wrong?

It is very clear Skell. Everyone has different parenting methods and different parenting skills

I was spanked, I don't spank, doesn't mean I don't believe it has it's place, but I do believe that it is overused.

So because he is 2 he can do no wrong?

I didn't say that did I?

Wow, you really read between the lines don't you?

Most 2 year olds do wrong every waking hour of the day. How do they learn NOT to do wrong is the question.

And I teach him not to do wrong in any way possible. If I have to give him a swat on the butt, so be it. You give your own personal parenting advice, which is really good advice, but I don't think you understand that not all children respond to it.

The famous psychologist, Albert Ellis, who died last week at the age of 93, said something to the effect that repeatedly telling a child (when he is spanked or otherwise punished) that he is bad shames the child. The child feels worthless, believes he is no good, will never amount to anything.

On the other hand, if a parent is careful to tell the child that he did a bad thing and this particular punishment (spanking, time-out, grounding, etc.) is the consequence, there may be created in the child a feeling of guilt, but guilt that the child knows can be paid for and dealt with.

That's the difference between shame and guilt, Ellis said. Shame = "I am bad" whereas Guilt = "I did bad".

LOL, I am 43, I have 4 children and have taught parenting classes as well as been a preschool teacher, yes, all children do respond to it if done properly.

I think we should let this question rest... everyone has a different way and opinion... every parent does what they feel is right and knows their child the best...

The famous psychologist, Albert Ellis, who died last week at the age of 93, said something to the effect that repeatedly telling a child (when he is spanked or otherwise punished) that he is bad shames the child. The child feels worthless, feels like he is no good, will never amount to anything.

On the other hand, if a parent is careful to tell the child that he did a bad thing and this particular punishment (spanking, time-out, grounding, etc.) is the consequence, there may be created in the child a feeling of guilt, but guilt that the child knows can be paid for and dealt with.

That's the difference between shame and guilt, Ellis said. Shame = "I am bad" whereas Guilt = "I did bad".

That is awesome! I never tell my son he IS a bad boy. I tell him what he did was bad. I usually have to do it a couple of times, but he gets it eventually. THAT is why I have not had to spank him in a while. I know he is not dumb, he just either doesn't always pay attention, or doesn't always respond to the method I use for discipline.

I think we should let this question rest...everyone has a different way and opinion....every parent does what they feel is right and knows their child the best.....

I agree. I'm done with this. When opinions clash, nothing ever gets resolved. Besides, I don't come here to argue and have to defend my parenting skills.

NS, I was so looking forward to bringing the gang over to your place for brunch tomorrow morning! Now what am I going to do with all these chocolate chip, blueberry, and apple-cinnamon muffins??

bekah876 agrees: I know this isn't a laughing matter, but hearing all the things your little one has done I can't help but laugh. You and him will share some good stories later in life.

Sometimes the things he does make me laugh too. He usually gets up around 7:30 in the morning. Well the other morning he must have gotten up extra early. I woke up and he was sitting on the floor beside my bed with 2 boxes of cereal, one arm in each one. It made me laugh, and it was a funny thing to wake up to.

Just for the record, I am not here to argue, or make enemies. Everything I have said is my own opinion. For that reason, I don't want to argue anymore :)

I totally agree with you NS. I was as of the same belief as you with my youngest who will soon be 21. But age, wisdom, and education has shown me different ways of discipline.

I totally agree with you NS. I was as of the same belief as you with my youngest who will soon be 21. But age, wisdom, and education has shown me different ways of discipline.

I know as he gets older he will be much easier to deal with. He is just at "that age" right now. I know my youngest will pull the same things when he is my oldests age, but hopefully he will respond better to other methods.

I know as he gets older he will be much easier to deal with. He is just at "that age" right now. I know my youngest will pull the same things when he is my oldests age, but hopefully he will respond better to other methods.

Whoa, a common misconception. Each child is different. Just like we attempt to help women and their periods and we tell them that their bodies are different. What may work for your oldest may not work for your youngest. What trouble your oldest may get into may be different than what your youngest may get into.

Thus, the reason for learning many different parenting skills so that you can use them on each child to see what works best.

By the way, I am sorry if I offended you in any way. That was not my intention whatsoever :)

I'm α new pαrent, my bαby is only 5 months old, αnd I wαs thinking one dαy αbout spαnking.. I don't wαnt to hit shαylα but then αgαin I know sometimes I will wαnt to... like every other pαrent hαs wαnted to do so αt some point or other..


Hun I do believe you were talking in the present tense.

5 Months old? I realize that you are a new mom and I totally respect your reaching out for help in this matter. We all get frustrated with our little ones. I have stayed up countless nights with my three. I know, and I think that you do as well, that it's never okay to hit a child. Not to say that I haven't popped mine a few times, never I might add, when they were infants. Brought nothing but sadness and grief to my heart to have done so. Didn't have the tools I have now, the maturity and the know how, which all come in time.

Thing is, you are young and new to all this, and you may get frustrated, but the frustration is not with the baby. The frustration lies in your inability to know what to do when she is fussing or being unagreeable. Thing is babies are sometimes intolerable because the lines of communication are closed when it comes to reasoning with them. You try and you try and again, and still they cry and scream or persist in their stubbornness. But I think that if you truly love this sweet, unknowing and sometimes completely infurating little girl, then you should know that guilt will be all you feel if you laid nothing but a loving hand upon her. She is learning, just as we all have. Patience, love and sometimes putting her down in a safe spot and walking away is the only solution. Let her cry. She will live and you will maintain your place in her life as her safe haven and the one she trusts mostly in the world.

Have you ever thought of a few parenting classes? Books? Check it out, but mostly, love her. She won't be this little forever and believe me the road just gets rockier. Take care of her, and take care of yourself. Don't forget a hot bath and a good book goes a long way. ;)

I know I'm coming in a bit late here, but it sparked my interest, as My sisters and I often have this debate.
I am of a belief that spanking is fine. Now there is a significant difference between spanking a child on the thigh and slamming them into a wall or beating them with a belt. I raise my child so that he knows to do what I say, and not to argue. At his age, he doesn't know well enough what is best for him. If he refuses to listen after adequate warning he will be popped on the thigh. I don't hit hard, just enough for a little sting, and more often than not, it is a good few months before I need to do it again.. if he doesn't want the dinner I made, he can go to bed hungry. I think though, that once a child is of an age where they understand things better (6/7/8 years old) then the form of punishment will change. At that point, the spanking becomes ineffective, they need to have items taken from them. My husband remembers a certain time in his life, where he sat in an empty room with a mattresss... he had lost everything due to punishment. He never went that far again. I came from a strict household, and my husband an even stricter one (MP parents). A child that is less than four, but older than two, doesn't quite have a grip on time out or even lengths of time for that matter. I used to threaten my son with time out and he would put himself there... whatever he was doing was worth that punsihment to him... but a spanking, is a different story... children that age are ver self centered. They weigh things... ie: will the punishment be worse than the thing deserving the punishment... and that is what makes the difference in how they choose. They just don't understand right and wrong all the way. They understand good and bad, but its not quite the same... I have never had an issue with a tantrum in public. My son understands that if he behaves he will be rewarded with a sucker from my purse or a sticker, or maybe a toy from the dollar rack. Not always, I don't bribe, but we keep track of the good decisions he makes on his "good choices" chart, and when he reaches a certain amount, he gets a prize... when he makes a bad decision, he starts over... it is kind of like a game... and that is something that he understands.

An infant, younger than a year and a half (in my opinion) really doesn't understand. The only thing that worked with my son at that age was a pop on the hand and a firm "NO!" but it really isn't getting through to them at that age...

My sister refuses to discipline her children other than a brief time out in the chair, and she is notorious for the 1... 2... 3... 3 and a half... 3 and 3 quarters... approach... she never follows through, and her children show that.

Hun I do believe you were talking in the present tense.

No if you reαd in previous posts I wαsn't sαying now-- for heαven's sαke she's α bαby! I meαnt lαter on...

I think with most parents it is a trial and error sort of deal with punishment... the best thing is to work together and follow through. That way she will learn that she can't get away with anything if one of you is not around.

RubyPitbull agrees: There you go! Creative thinking! Keep it up with the positive redirection!

Thank you! :)

NS, one thing I have noticed that no one has mentioned (Curlybenswife actually touched on it in her comment to you that you didn't quite understand) and may help you is the fact that everything your son does is attention seeking behavior. Negative attention is better than no attention to two year olds. You have noticed that he enjoys cleaning and helping you. That is because you are working with him and giving him attention. When your back is turned because you need to go to the bathroom or take care of the baby, he is doing something else to get your attention. He does know the bad stuff upsets you because of your reaction, but in his little mind, you are still paying attention to him. I would suggest that you reward him with Mommy time for a job well done and you give him the complete cold shoulder when he does something bad. Believe me, he will not like being ignored, and given enough of that treatment, he will start doing more of the helpful positive attention behavior and doing less of the negative attention behavior.

Regarding hitting, I read from her original post that Sarai knows full well that hitting a 5 months old is not even open for a discussion. I don't know why anyone misunderstood that. Sarai, regarding spanking as your child get older, I am in agreement with J_9's and excon's perspectives. I was one of those children who was spanked, slapped, and hit with a strap. I don't remember when it stopped but I believe it was when I was a young teen. I was a pretty good kid and didn't cause too much trouble. I knew the difference between right and wrong. My parents created a very stiffling and stressful environment by putting the fear of their wrath in our heads. I can tell you that I remember every punishment inflicted. I left home at 18 and never went back willingly. As an adult, I recognized that I loved my parents, I just didn't like them too much. They weren't people I would choose as my friends and I minimized the time I spent with them when they were alive. I don't regret that choice. So, for those of you who feel hard discipline is the correct way to go, you may just end up with a child who you won't see too much when they are grown and gone.

NS, one thing I have noticed that no one has mentioned (Curlybenswife actually touched on it in her comment to you that you didn't quite understand) and may help you is the fact that everything your son does is attention seeking behavior. Negative attention is better than no attention to two year olds. You have noticed that he enjoys cleaning and helping you. That is because you are working with him and giving him attention. When your back is turned because you need to go to the bathroom or take care of the baby, he is doing something else to get your attention. He does know the bad stuff upsets you because of your reaction, but in his little mind, you are still paying attention to him. I would suggest that you reward him with Mommy time for a job well done and you give him the complete cold shoulder when he does something bad. Believe me, he will not like being ignored, and given enough of that treatment, he will start doing more of the helpful positive attention behavior and doing less of the negative attention behavior.


Ohh okay I kind of see what she was saying now. I still don't understand the "making him do it" part though. I understand what you are saying about the negative attention. I actually just got done with mommy time with him.. lol. We were singing songs and playing games. Now I'm trying to get him to use his potty chair but he doesn't seem to be in the mood. He has used it before, but it has to be when he wants to, which is okay. I will try just ignoring him next time I see him doing something. I'll let you know how it works. Thanks! :)

I tried the "dont do that again"no spank with my 2 year old but you know what?she did it again so she got a spanking.I would reather spank than have her die because people think spanking is abuse.you know what is right and what is abuse so keep that in mind if you spank.and know what she should get spanked for.sometimes saying no loud works.as far as in a store goes I haven had to leave or spank her she also hasn't hit the I want that stage yet.I also only use my hand.

By the way, I don't mean completely ignore. Take the time to explain that his behavior his bad and why it is bad. He may not understand the explanations now, but he will. It also trains you to explain things to him so that when he is older it will be second nature to you. My point is not to lose your cool with him. I know it can be a challenge with a two year old and a two month old. But, if you keep it short and simple and don't give him any more attention than you have to at those times, he will get the message.

I have to sign off now. Have a good night everyone.

As Ruby so eloquently said, (I believe CBW touched on this also), children crave attention, good or bad, doesn't matter what kind, they really don't care as long as they get it.

I have been stressing positive redirection all along but was met with resistance and that spanking is okay. Yes, it is okay in the most severe cases.

Parenting is basically a lot of repetition and consistency. You don't need to touch a child in any way shape or form to get your point across. But repeat consequences to actions, be consistent in your discipline. But laying on of hands is not necessary.

And to Sarai, I apologize that this thread took on a life of its own. I am so sorry it veered off the track that you set.

My mother, years ago, and later I, when I had kids, found that moving one's body (yes, yes, it's often difficult to stop what one is doing and get involved) and picking up the child, then moving him to a safe or more interesting area, getting him involved in something constructive instead of destructive or harmful was the better way to do it instead of slapping a little hand or swatting a little thigh which too often becomes a game. Of course, my mother always had something interesting or fun for us kids to do in a child-safe part of the house if she couldn't be directly involved. Also, we were put into playpens when we were under age 2. Maybe that's an evil thing now, but it sure worked well, and the child could still be within mom's line of sight.