Hi I have not been on here in a while I am still freaked out and egverythng is going wrong again I am the one with a husband that can not keep a job and lost his last 6 job because he does drugs and yes I am still stayed with him I felt bad for him and I know that's not a good reason to stay with him... anyway last week he lost another job for failing a drug test x2 and yes I was upset but I told him I would help him keep looking and I kept telling him to quit smoking so he can get a job we have 2 small kids and I work full time and pay almost allthe bills my mom helps me with whatever I need I am the one with the car and everything so he does not help me much well anyway we got into a fight the other day because him doing drugs again and anyway I told him I was done and to leave for good he kept begging and saying he is sorry and he will change and thenhe finally got everything of his out it in the car and he grabbed my baby kitten well I went outside to the car to get the cat and I reached my arm in the back seat of the driver side door and he woul dnot let me have the cat well while my arm was inthere it got stuck with all his stuff in the back seat well he started to drive and I could not get my arm free he kept driving while my bare feet draged and I was screaming as loud as I could to stop and he wouldn't and I could not hold myslef up very good so I was bleeding and brused pretty bad and finally after like 2 blocks I got my arm loose and fell to the ground and he kept driving and I filed a police report and he has a warrant out for his arrest but I feel bad for him why please help me get over him and move on with my kids??

Someone needs to file a report allright. You continuing to endanger the lives of your small children, by staying with a known drug abuser. I am serious. I am surprised no one has called Child Protective Services and reported this.

He has a warrant out for his arrest now. Where is he? Did he come home? If he did not come home, then take this time to pack what you can and leave with the children. I am very serious about that. Call a women's shelter, the police, an abuse shelter, whoever you have to call to offer you a safe haven. Your priority is keeping you and your children safe. You do not have a priority in regards to your husband. You cannot change him. You cannot make him stop taking drugs. You cannot stop his drinking and his violent behavior. He is the ONLY one who can make any changes in his life. Unless the courts get him and order him into treatment.

With you still there, all you are doing is giving him the luxuries without any reason to get better. You have enabled him to be sick and you need to break away from that pattern of behavior. If nothing else impresses you about why you need to do this ---- think of your children. They see and hear everything. This is how they learn and this is where they develop their patterns of behavior. Do you want them to turn out like their Father or for them to become doormats and enablers like their Mother? I think not.

You have to start by NOT feeling bad for your husband anymore. He created his own problems. He can straighten himself up. It is NOT your job to fix him. Even if you tried the rest of your life, you could not fix what is broken here.

What you can do, should do, have to do, is to separate yourself from your husband and protect your children. You can set down expectations to your husband and then make it stick. Don't give in, don't feel sorry for him, don't fall for empty promises.

Start with counseling for yourself. You need to figure out why you keep on with him when it hurts you and your children. If you never find out why, you will most likely repeat your behavior and enter into another bad relationship. You do not have to subject yourself and your children to any type of abuse from your husband. Remember, abuse is not just physical. Abuse is verbal, emotional, and psychological.

Your husband is counting on you being there to support him. Do not allow yourself to continue that. You deserve to be happy, healthy, secure, and well. Your children deserve to live in a peaceful and loving home. You already know your husband can not provide that. So take the steps now to get back your life.

Good luck in all you do. Be safe.

He has not came back home I am currently staying with my sister and I am moving out and moving back with my parents for a while and he is staying with his brother just a few blocks from my house I hope they get him so I do not have to worry about him coming around thank you for the advice shygrneyzs

I truly hope you can stay safe from him and keep your children protected. This is so dangerous. Please get some help for yourself. You can't help your husband. Take very good care of yourself and your children. They need you. Wishing you the very best.

You need to file a restraining order on this ba$tard before he kills you. I believe you were warned about that before, now you see just how close the reality is.

STAY AWAY, don't go back, don't accept his apology, he is not sorry. What he IS sorry for is that he is losing his enabler, you.

Stay away, do not even let the kids near him. You are very lucky you still have your kids. If CPS found out, they would be gone in a heart beat.

Now, if your children are important to you, you will steer clear of this idiot.

Mega Dittoes to what J_9 just said!

I truly am going to try to be respectful here, but what the hell is the matter with you?? If you know where he is, then call the police department the next time you see is a@# over there and they will go and pick him up. If you truly wanted this man out of your life, you would be doing anything and everything to make sure he is out!! Like turning him in if you know where he is. DUH!! This makes me angry when women talk about repeated abuse and repeated problems but they don't do anything about it. If you want to continue to stay with this pile of crap and never get anywhere in life, then give your kids to a family member who will take care of them properly and keep them from harm and you and loser boy have a nice life. If not, stop the ridiculous pitty party, call the police and tell them where he is and do something to better your life and your kids lives!!

The guy isn't good for you or your children. You are enabling the whole situation by continuing to stay with him. The guy should be in jail. I hope that they do find him and arrest him. The kids don't need someone like him raising them. Kids emulate their parents. I know because I have kids and they follow my actions. By staying with this guy you are pretty much telling your kids that it's all right for women to be treated like that. I know that isn't what you want them to learn, but the environment that they in tells them otherwise. You need to be strong and stand up for yourself, for the sake of your well being as well as your children.

In addition, you deserve better than someone like him. You are all better without him.

Yes your answers are very helpful I am just going crazy I still feel a soft spot for him and I really really do not want to..?

Get angry!! Get Furious!! Stop and think for one second how mad and angry you would be feeling right now if he did this to one of your children!! Feed off that anger and get rid of this man! It is only a matter of time before he starts forwarding his abusiveness to your children if you stay with him. If you even for one minute think that is OK and would continue to care for this "little boy" (cause that's what he is! ) then you don't deserve to have your children in your custody. You have already put them in harms way by allowing him to bring drugs in your home. Just what if he left some of those drugs and one of your children got a hold of them and ate it and died from an overdose!! How much would you love him then!

Sweetie, you don't love him. You are addicted to him.

He has brainwashed you hun, this is not love.

yes your answers are very helpfull I am just going crazy i still feel a soft spot for him and I really really do not want to ......???

Let me ask you this; would you still have a soft spot for him if he beat one of your kids and sent them to the hospital, or killed them, or made it so that you and your kids had to live on the street because he can't get his act together?

I cannot stress enough how bad this situation is, and how quickly you need to cut all ties and get your life back in order. All he is doing is dragging you and your family down with him.

My wife's ex husband was exactly like the guy that you describing; he cheated on her with the next door neighbor, got the next door neighbor pregnant, was involved heavily into drugs and gambled their life savings away, then walked out on my wife when she was 4 months pregnant with her daughter, and his 3 year old son. You know what she did? Filed for divorce, got rid of his @$$, and got the hell out.

This is all the advice I can give. If you continue to be in this situation after the advice everyone has given you, I won't feel sorry for you, only your children.

Hi I have not been on here in a while I am still freaked out and egverythng is going wrong again I am the one with a husband that can not keep a job and lost his last 6 job because he does drugs and yes i am still stayed with him I felt bad for him and I know thats not a good reason to stay with him....... anyway last week he lost another job for failing a drug test x2 and yes i was upset but I told him i would help him keep looking and I kept telling him to quit smoking so he can get a job we have 2 small kids and I work full time and pay almost allthe bills my mom helps me with whatever i need I am the one with the car and everything so he does not help me much well anyway we got inot a fight the other day because him doing drugs again and anyway I told him i was done and to leave for good he kept begging and saying he is sorry and he will change and thenhe finally got everything of his out it in the car and he grabbed my baby kitten well i went outside to the car to get the cat and I reached my arm in the back seat of the driver side door and he woul dnot let me have the cat well while my arm was inthere it got stuck with all his stuff in the back seat well he started to drive and i could not get my arm free he kept driving while my bare feet draged and I was screaming as loud as I could to stop and he wouldnt and i could not hold myslef up very good so i was bleeding and brused pretty bad and finally after like 2 blocks I got my arm loose and fell to the ground and he kept driving and i filed a police report and he has a warrant out for his arrest but i feel bad for him why please help me get over him and move on with my kids ????
Sooooooooooooooooooo stupid and you let your children around him. You need a phsychiatrist, not him!

Sooooooooooooooooooo stupid and you let your children around him. You need a phsychiatrist, not him!

I am trying to do what is best I am really trying

What is best is calling the police and letting him know that he is staying down the street from you.

That is what is best right now.

Yes I actually just did that and the cop went over there and talked to him and said she can not do anything yet she has to talk to the witnesses and that makes me really really upset because he does not deserve to be free right now

If he has a warrant out for his arrest then he should have been arrested. So call the cops back and tell them that he has a warrant and you want him arrested.

You know what, you either straighten your act up and take our advice or continue doing what ever it is your doing, but give your kids to someone responsible, cause your obviously not. I feel like I am watching a bad movie here where all the girl needed to do was run, but she stood there like an idiot. If I were in your shoes (which would never happen because I have a brain and I use it! ) and I called the police and they went over and had a friendly chat and left, you better believe I would have been calling the police sergeant and asking why a man with a known warrant was just questioned by police and let go. You either didn't tell the cops that he had a warrant or your lying. Cause this just doesn't make sense anymore. I can not believe how angry I am with you right now!!

Yes I hear you and I am going to take everyone advice I am just scared that's all I am depressed and totally just confused because I still believe he loves me I know that's something I need to forget about now and I am trying thank you its just when your in love it is so hard... love is a crazy feeling

But all I keep hearing from you is one excuse after the other as to why your still with this man. Your broken heart if you want to call it that will mend. The emotional damage that this is causing your children can prove to be irreversible! That is what we are all trying to get you to understand right now. None of this right now at this moment is about you and what your feeling, and how upset your going to be when this loser is out of your life, its about getting your kids to a safe place. Protecting your children from someone like this. Its OK to be scared, but fear is not what I am sensing from you. Selfishness is the vibe your sending. If I was with a man that was that bad, it wouldn't matter how much I cared about him, he wouldn't be good for my kids and that is that. No one else in this world is going to protect those baby's from bad people but you!! They are a gift to you from god and you so far are not treating them that way! That's why I am so angry with you. Stop making excuses and do what is right for those kids. Stop talking and start acting! Go apply for any aide to help with finances, get a job, find sitters, get your but moving.

I am not slefish at all I have a full time job and have my kids in daycare and I am getting my bills undercontrol if I am anything it is caring too much about him when I shouldn't he know excatly what to say to make me feel bad and feel sorry for him I just need to know what to do to get rid of that feeling because I know it is dumb in my head.. my heart still achs for him...

That's what I don't get. How you could care about someone who treats you like that and dragged you with his car?

I don't know that's my problem I am crazy I guess I just feel like I do not want to be alone because I have been with him so long he is my 1st love the father of my kids and we have been through sooooooooooo much together and he can be sweet and nice and loving and we do have fun together so HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT?? PLEASE TELL ME THAT I am being strong and I am standing strong I just hope I can stay like that

No one said you have to forget about all the good times. Let that be your strength here. You will survive, you will find someone else. But you can not continue to carry on with this man who really when it boils down to it, does not have your best interest nor your children's best interest in mind. Chalk it up as a lessoned learned. I am not just giving advice flying by the seat of my pants. I was in a bad relationship. No he did not physically abuse me, or do drugs or anything like that. He was just very non caring and didn't treat me and my kids the way that we deserve to be treated. I was with him for almost five years. Our kids were very young when we got together, so there was a lot of bonding and a lot of time involved. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But I saw how unhappy my kids were and I couldn't let it continue. I loved him with all my heart and prayed to god every night that he would be the way I needed him to be. It wasn't going to happen, so I had no choice but to remove me and my kids from the situation. It was heart wrenching. But here I am a year later, happier than ever. And you know what? My kids are so happy its like they are totally different kids!!

THANK YOU I really appriciate everything that you have told me and I totally agree with you and I do feel like this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done and I will do my best for my kids and myslef and hopefully I will come out of this situation stronger It is good to have someone to talk to that understand what I am going through and truly hears me and actually gives a s$%^ so thank you woman

Your very welcome! Im sorry I hollered at you before, but I was so angry. One thing that you need to do right now, is when you talk, don't use the word "try" anymore. Say " I am going to". You would be amazed how much it really effects how you do things. I think your going to be OK, and I am glad that I could help. You email me anytime if you want me to chew your butt again!! LOL

Man I am having a really really hard time HE called me again last night and stupid me talked to him and I felt bad for him I still said no even though he apoligized and cried and all that but if I talk to him I always feel like I love him too much to be without him God I need some serious help Or is this true LOVE?? I know what everyone will say ITS NOT and I need to move on for my kids I just need to bite my lip and just do it saty busy and do not think about the past and just think about the future... Does anyone think talking to a thearpist will help I used to talk to one when I was little and I hated it?? But will it really really help??

I think it would definetely help in this situation. You need someone to help you be strong here. No I really don't think its true love honey. When its true love, neither one of you disrespect the other, period!

Freakedout Do you love him enough to let him kill you? From the sounds of it he is going to kill you. Either accidentally or on purpose dead is dead! Dead is when your heart no longer beats, your brain has no activity, your organs no longer function! You will either become ashes from being cremated. You may be in the ground where your body will eventually rot. Or you may be given to science to be experimented on. You kids will be in foster care or with family members, and he will be in prison for some years and then he will probably get out and hook up with some other babe and kick her A$$ for a while, while you lay in the ground and keep on rotting, fertilizing plants or have your data placed in books by some research group. Every time he gives you "I love you" think of how you felt the day he dragged you down the street and didn't love you enough to even stop the damn car! If he took your kitten and ran what makes you think he will not take your kids and do the same thing. It is just a matter of time! What if your kids had beeen in that car watching their daddy dragging their mommy down the street, How do you think they would have reacted ? Think about this before you fall for his Bull$hit lines again. If you go back to him you need to sign your kids over to CPS or a family member because they do not deserve to live in this hell. There is nothing you can do for him, he has to help his self. But you have the power to help you and your kids.

Hey you I knew you would respond How did you get over your relationship with your guy you really really loved him like I mean feel sick to your stomach, not able to eat, just feel like really depressed?

I think the problem may be that you feel that you need to be with someone.. anyone. Are you comfortable with living on your own for a while?

No that's the problem I think but I am living back home with my parents now so I am not alone I just am the type of person that's needs a lot of attention and there is this guy at work that has been my friend for a while and I really like him and he wants to start dating me and in a way I really really want to but I do not want to start dating to quickly but he makes me feel good he is nice and a gentlmen

I just really focused on my kids and doing stuff with them. Taking them to the park. I really dove into my work. The key here is to fill the moments of nothing to do, with something. Do crafts with the kids, go for walks with them. The more you keep busy the less you will think about him. And just keep telling yourself that you are so much better than that and that you are going to be just fine. It will take time, but each day it gets a little easier.

I can get the not getting over him part honest I do put think look at it this way and I don't mean to upset you. He could have killed the mother of his children then what would have happened they would have been rasied by a drug addict with no chance of a normal life or taken into protective custody. I am not in any way disrespecting protective custody by the way but it obviously can not compare to a mother. Also children learn by example do u really want your children to think it is acceptable to treat/ be treated this way? We all have the ability to fall for a bad guy and stay floored no matter how badly they treat us so don't feel badly about that. All I can do is say try your best by your kids make sure any restraining orders are enforced and get the scumbag locked up do not contact him in prison or fall for the I've changed line. Take your time and be on yourown for a bit build up a nice life for yourself and your kids then when the time is right you will find a man who deserves to be with you and your children. I hope you get it sorted and remember help is only a click away

no thats the problem i think but i am living back home with my parents now so I am not alone I just am the type of person thats needs a lot of attention and there is this guy at work that has been my friend for a while and I really like him and he wants to start dating me and in a way i really really want to but i do not want to start dating to quickly but he makes me feel good he is nice and a gentlmen

I'd personally just take the time to get your emotional state back in order instead of even thinking about going out with the guy that you work with. You need time to be alone, grow as a person, love yourself, and heal yourself after the relationship that just (hopefully) ended.

Hey Freaked out, how are things going? Can you give us an update? I have been thinking about you.

Hi thanks for asking I am OK just still having a hard time I am so lonely and I was having a scare of being pregnant I was feeling sick and I missed my pill for a while and I had sex with the a-hole so I was freaking out a little but I do not think I am pregnant for now and at first I was thinking I wanted to be pregnant so I will feel like I am doing something and I am not alone... but I know that is not the answer I am feeling really sad and lonely without HIM but I know I will get over it and be better off he is just being so mean still writing me e-mails putting me down telling me I am a bad mother and it really really hurts I do not know how to get over that yet but I am just doing it day by day and having faith in myself so I do not make a bad mistake and go back again... How are you doing

Freaked hun, you are very smart knowing that pregnancy will not solve any issues he has. It will most likely only make things worse. I am sure you know that.

As for the e-mails, why read them in the first place hun? It just means that he still has control of you. Delete him from your contacts, delete his emails. DON'T let him control you anymore. That means no contact with him whatsoever.

Hi thanks for asking I am ok just still having a hard time I am so lonely and I was having a scare of being pregnant I was feeling sick and I missed my pill for a while and i had sex with the a-hole so I was freaking out a little but I do not think I am pregnant for now and at first i was thinking I wanted to be pregnant so i will feel like I am doing something and I am not alone ... but I know that is not the answer i am feeling really sad and lonely without HIM but i know I will get over it and be better off he is just being so mean still writing me e-mails putting me down telling me I am a bad mother and it really really hurts i do not know how to get over that yet but i am just doing it day by day and having faith in myself so I do not make a bad mistake and go back again..... How are you doing

Oh my god!! Stop having sex with him. Recognize your moments of weakness and work past them! You may have been in the clear this time but not so lucky in the future. Good for you to realize pregnancy won't help, but protect yourself from even giving that scenario a possibility!! Cut yourself off from him completely.

I am certainly trying my hardest I just feel so lonely and sad and depressed... I know having sex with him was just a moment of weakness I feel like crap for it

Don't feel like crap for the past, you can't change the past. BUT you CAN change the future.

Get rid of his email address, don't take his calls, and by ALL MEANS don't sleep with him. You see how he is continuing to control you?

That is good that you feel like crap about it. Don't allow yourself to feel that way again. Right now is the time that you should be focusing on what makes you feel good and what makes you feel proud. Work on yourself from the inside out, spend more time with your kids. Do little projects with them. Start an exercise program, start walking. Take up a hobby, cooking with the kids etc. You can do this sweety!!

Thank you I really admire you and believe it or not I am listening and I will do better and I will find a guy that will treat me good I think I just need to not be looking because that is my problem I feel like I always have to have someone to feel good and that's not true so thank you so much for eveythng I will keep you updated

What you don't understand Freaked, is that you don't need to find a guy that will treat you good. Right now you don't need a man in your life at all. You need to work on you and your children.

Considering what you and they have been through, it would be to the advantage to all of you to focus on you and them, NO MEN in your lives whatsoever for quite a while.

Get yourself into counseling, get them into counseling. Get healthy and the right man will find you.

I know I just do not know how to get my mind in that state I am having such a hard time but I understand what your saying and I totally agree and I WILL do it...
Thanks

See I am already having problems he just called me and left me a message about how is having a hard time and he wants to kill himself and he wants to die without me and that makes me feel so sad and it makes me feel sorry for him I know I shouldn't but what do I do??

You ignore it. This is a ploy used by the abuser to make you feel sorry and to remain in control. This is part of the circle of abuse. They are sorry... they'll kill themselves... they'll never do it again.

This is all part of the illness and you have to separate yourself from that and realize that if it hasn't changed in the past, why would it now? It won't. Plain and simple, it won't change.

This is one way in which the abuser (him) keeps tight control on the abusee (you). It is called the sympathy card or the sympathy factor. They tug at your heart strings, they threaten.

You may be best to change your phone number to an unlisted number.

OK what if he really kills himself?? Then what do I do and how am I supposed to feel ?

Most likely he won't. This is part of the manipulation that abusers use so that they get you to come back to them.

Quickly, please act quickly.

You want to get over him? Please leave him ASAP for the sake of you and your children. Getting over him will happen over time but only if you distance yourself so you can see the situation more clearly.
Trust me. I'm a person who grew up watching my dad behave exactly as your husband is. Even pulling my mom by her arm behind a moving car, and other things. This "man" could have killed and you he doesn't care. His problems are bigger than you can fix, so you MUST leave and protect your children and yourself. THAT is your JOB to do as a mother. I say this from the bottom of my heart: You DO NOT want your children to grow up like this. I'm ashamed to admit this, but as an adult, I do not only blame my father for being abusive. I put some blame on my mother for sticking around and putting us all through it. She wanted to help him, but she never stopped to help herself or her children, so WE paid the price. Don't let him do something to you or your kids that you'll regret~ THAT will be yours to live with if something happens to the kids or if they are left without a mother. I was actually kidnapped and kept by my father... I don't want you and your kids to endure that.

Contact the police and a women's shelter. They will remove you to a safe location, and please don't go to your mother's or any other place he will know how to find you.

God Bless.

You can not ever control any one else's actions. If he has made up his mind that he wants to commit suicide the only thing you can do is notify the authorities. They will go over there and probably take him to a facility to be watched for 24 hours. Please keep this in mind, statistics have proven that most people who intend to commit suicide and succeed usually do not tell someone about it. He is simply looking for attention from you because he feels you pulling away. He will get through this as will you. If you continue to stay strong he will soon follow suit.

How do I get over this pain I feel without him it hurts so much I can not stop thinking about him and crying and thinking about the good times we had and hom much Ilove him?? I am so sad I feel like I can not breath

Have you looked into counseling? You really should. I know very few abused women who get over something of this magnitude alone. You really need a professional to help you overcome the damage that this monster has caused you.

Many agencies provide sliding scale fees based on your income. You can also try a local university where many of the therapies are free or very low cost. Check with a woman's shelter in your area, they have an abundant amount of information and help available for women like you.

see I am already having problems he just called me and left me a message about how is having a hard time and he wants to kill himself and he wants to die without me and that makes me feel so sad and it makes me feel sorry for him i know I shouldnt but what do i do????????
This is exactly what he is counting on. He will do or say anything to get you back. Please do not fall for it. You can not save him, you must take care of yourself and your children. He is a grown man and has to make his own choices.

I think YOU need help!
And start listening your family and friends now, everyone who is normal will tell you leave him. ANYONE!

I am sure you have heard this right: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Really think about it. Love is not a feeling. Love is actions. When someone loves you they are doing all of the above. When someone loves themselves they treat themselves the same way. Is running you over with a car anywhere in the above? No, he is not loving you. Is doing drugs loving? No, he is not loving himself.

He can not possibly love you, much less your children, he doesn't even love himself. First you need to seek counseling, second you need to take the appropriate court actions to get him out of your life and your children's life and third you need to stop any contact with him until you have done the above.

Somewhere down deep inside maybe he is a great guy. But that is not who he is being. Have pity on the man, fine, but have no pity for his actions. And he is choosing those actions. You are not responsible for his well being, nor can you help or save him. He has to do that for himself. You can not.

Stay strong, start loving yourself and your kids. And expect nothing less for yourself and your kids. Blessings.

Hi there Freaked Out!! Sorry I have not been around in a while. Had lots of stuff going on. Please tell me that you are doing wonderful and things are great?? You have not spoke to him right? He is out of your life right?

FYI - freaked out hasn't posted here in over a year.

Well that isn't a very good sign is it?