It's a doozy... strap in...

I met this girl at work about a year and a half ago. She was an intern so our time was limited. Without going into too much detail, we seemed to really hit it off. She really helps me find myself. I would use the word soulmate if I believed in such things. However she has a wildly promiscuous past, an alcoholic, and on the verge of being addicted to drugs.

Oh and she was engaged.

Which really sucked.

So we were just "friends." We discussed everything. Told each other things. We just understood each other. We discussed constantly how our "friendship" was wrong. Men and women just can't be friends. Sorry to disappoint you, but nothing happened. At least nothing physical. This relationship continued for about 6 months. She gave me many opportunities to take advantage of the situation, but I couldn't risk losing her to sex. As sex would clearly cause too much controversy in her life to warrant continued contact with me. Finally she went off and got married. And I waited to hear from her again...

Some months pass. And we begin to talk again. Luckily she had moved away so we were simply friends. Only talking every now and then. About a year later she drops the bombshell that she is separating from her husband... because she cheated on him...

My initial reaction was probably the most immature possible... "mostly-contained jubilation..." this feeling was quickly followed by the inevitable... "Why wasn't it me? I thought I was important to you?"

A couple weeks pass... and she needs to come to town and wants to stay at my place... Of course I oblidge... So I finally get to see her again... and its like she never left. One Friday night on the town with her... again nothing really happens in a physical sense because I feel that I need to respect her marriage until its officially over. So she leaves the next day but will be passing back through on Sunday... and we set up one more meeting...

Well... Saturday is complete and total agony for me. It was easy to avoid having a relationship with her before... but now... she infests my mind like never before. So I make a pact with myself to talk about it when she comes back through on Sunday.

One of the first things she tells me when she returns is how she slept with this douche bag last night. Unknowingly this twists the knife and I ask if we were ever going to go to that level. To which she says no because neither of us would ever make the move to take it there. So I explain that I can't make a move because she is technically still married. And she is surprised. But explains that friends can't have sex... of which I agree... and explain that's not what I am looking for... I want a relationship... She says anything is possible but she doesn't want to say that it could happen... She also adds that what we have is probably more of a relationship than anyone she has ever met...

So I say that I am not sure I can continue to be friends with her if that is the answer because I can not control my feelings for her. I go on to explain that I can't bring myself to stop talking to her however so the only thing I can do is get her to understand the agony and ecstacy that she puts me through when I am with her... She apologizes... And we talk for a few more hours... Then off she goes back home...

Will we meet again, who knows?

There are many questions that arise here...

Why do I have this uncontrollable urge to be with this woman so much more than any other?
How do I move on when over the year that we hadn't seen each other no other woman could possibly live up to her?
Why doesn't the drug addiction, promiscuous tendencies, and alcoholism scare me away?
Honestly, I just don't know where to go from here...

How can I destroy one of my best "friendships" simply because I can't stop wanting a relationship with her?
If we have such a great relationship, why doesn't she want to be with me?

Perhaps I have already solved my own problem... time will tell...

Sorry its so long... I think this was more theraputic than anything...

The drug addiction, promiscuous tendencies, and alcoholism don't scare you away because she is so good at manipulating you.

I don't know why you didn't give up when she told you she is leaving her husband because she had an affair and then the douche bag thingy, that should have been the clincher.

I hate to tell you this but if you had taken the situation to the next level then you could have had an STD. I think that one of these days you are going to be knocked over the head by something she reveals and wonder why you started the friendship in the first place.

Why do I have this uncontrollable urge to be with this woman so much more than any other?
How do I move on when over the year that we hadn't seen each other no other woman could possibly live up to her?
Why doesn't the drug addiction, promiscuous tendencies, and alcoholism scare me away?
Honestly, I just don't know where to go from here...

How can I destroy one of my best "friendships" simply because I can't stop wanting a relationship with her?
If we have such a great relationship, why doesn't she want to be with me?

1) That uncontrollable urge is love.
2) You move on because you accept reality. Just because you can't think of another woman doesn't mean there isn't. Live and fight the sorrow, or drown in false hope.
3) You're in love, that emotion will negate all else unless you're listening to your conscience.
4) You destroy the relationship by moving on as stated in, "2)" Being in love with someone when mutual love is not existent is futile for the heart.
5) You stated yourself that you had many chances to move on to the next level, but as a honorable man you understood that you know the boundaries of marriage.

I'm only 15 so this is just my point of view and advice, in the end it's your decision on what to do.

Why do I have this uncontrollable urge to be with this woman so much more than any other?

You click and are attracted to each other.


How do I move on when over the year that we hadn't seen each other no other woman could possibly live up to her?

You wanted more and didn't get it so now your stuck on her. If you had wanted to move on you would have stopped the contact.


Why doesn't the drug addiction, promiscuous tendencies, and alcoholism scare me away?

Your feelings have you blinded and can't see the bad for the good. Not to healthy or objective.

Honestly, I just don't know where to go from here...
Back off and see the bigger picture. She is out of bounds right now period. You see it but really don't believe it.


How can I destroy one of my best "friendships" simply because I can't stop wanting a relationship with her?

Limit contact so you wont be so overwhelmed by her and accept that now is not the time for her to be with you and it may never be the right time. Its you that want more so best to leave her alone.


If we have such a great relationship, why doesn't she want to be with me?

You are being manipulated into helping her do what she wants, not healthy.


Perhaps I have already solved my own problem... time will tell...

Your problems will be solved when you resolve the conflict within yourself and leave her alone and move on to a healthier, more positive life. This ain't it.


Sorry its so long... I think this was more theraputic than anything...

t does help to get your feelings out where you can examine them. Then you can make better decisions, like leaving this drama behind and moving beyond this female.

Thanks for the adivce... but do I really just abandon her? I mean, if I am one of the best relationships she has had... and she is clearly the best one I have had... to abandon her would seem almost counter intuitive for her and to a lesser extent myself... Even if I am blinded by my love for her. I mean, its not like I am going to save her... only she can do that... but if you want to change doesn't it help to have a support group?

I guess if I were to find another woman then it would be natural for me to just move on... hmmm...

I don't know, it just seems wrong for me to defriend her without probable cause, but moving on to someone else seems like a wise choice... which will ironically, ultimately force me to defriend her if I want to have a healthy relationship with the new girl...

And yet, I can't seem to set her free... I am a fool...

Heh don't worry about it, everyone goes through it. Give yourself time and enjoy your life It'll pass

And yet, I can't seem to set her free... I am a fool...
You will be a fool if you stick around, and enable her to do the unheathy things she does. You don't have a healthy relationship, so you loose nothing but her drama and BS.

I think you just want to conquer this young wild thing! :P