benball
Jul 14, 2007, 08:53 PM
I used to think I new what I wanted in life but now Im not so sure. Im 31 and I feel lost. I can't stop thinking that my problems are a result of my parents bad decisions and divorce.
When I lived with my mom she tried hard to be there for us but it wasn't enough. I tried living with my dad but ended up dissapointed at who he was. It got to the point that I lost respect for him and we've barely talked to each other going on 10 years now. I thought I could become a better person than my parents were and Ive tried but I feel a failure. I thought marriage would fix everything but after 2 1/2 years with my wife I don't know if I can stay married myself. Aside from marriage I just don't like who Ive become. Im not a bad person, every one that knows me thinks highly of me, I like to make friends and be supportive of other people. Ill do anything to lend a hand to someone that needs it. I even try hard to live right, i.e.. Not doing things I should not do. So why do I feel such a failure? When I get in social situations I don't have anything to say, no stories to tell, no happy moments to share. This seems to bug me the most because when Im around family memebers I duck out every time because I don't have anything to say anyway. I really want to say anything and joint in on conversations but its almost like I cant. I can't do it. What's happened to me? I feel all alone. I need a parent to turn to but I can't turn to my wife's, and mine are even worse. I need a dad to give me advise and help but where do I find it now?
When I lived with my mom she tried hard to be there for us but it wasn't enough. I tried living with my dad but ended up dissapointed at who he was. It got to the point that I lost respect for him and we've barely talked to each other going on 10 years now. I thought I could become a better person than my parents were and Ive tried but I feel a failure. I thought marriage would fix everything but after 2 1/2 years with my wife I don't know if I can stay married myself. Aside from marriage I just don't like who Ive become. Im not a bad person, every one that knows me thinks highly of me, I like to make friends and be supportive of other people. Ill do anything to lend a hand to someone that needs it. I even try hard to live right, i.e.. Not doing things I should not do. So why do I feel such a failure? When I get in social situations I don't have anything to say, no stories to tell, no happy moments to share. This seems to bug me the most because when Im around family memebers I duck out every time because I don't have anything to say anyway. I really want to say anything and joint in on conversations but its almost like I cant. I can't do it. What's happened to me? I feel all alone. I need a parent to turn to but I can't turn to my wife's, and mine are even worse. I need a dad to give me advise and help but where do I find it now?