Please anyone with advice please help...

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he won't marry me. I have talked to him about it for years and he sais that we will soon and then changes the subject.. After a few years of saying that he finally started saying that he is not ready because he feels like a child and that he is not ready to get married and plus the financial situation but that is just an excuse.

I feel very used and hurt but yet I continue to stay with him, I have become disgusted at him lately to the point where I don't even want to look at him. He sais that if I don't like it to leave and today I got very angry and I told him to leave and that I can't stand him and his attitude. I feel like I lost and waisted 7 years with him lying to me and using me the whole time but in the back of my mind I know that I should have left him a long time ago. When I told him to leave, he just took it like a joke and started watching TV..

This made my really angry that he just acts like he can use me and not take me serious when I asked him to leave. He said that when his program on TV went off then he would leave, he doesn't sound like he cared at all in the least or like I am not serious.

We do not have any kids in the seven years we have been together and I feel so used by him, I have watched my friends my age get married and have many kids and I want that too but I do feel that if I stay with him that I will never be happy. I am not happy and everyday I tell him my feelings and he just shrugs it off and doesn't care that I am hurting. He basically tells me to wait and he will marry me and to have patience but I keep thinking that will never come. I have left him once but he begged for me to come back and said that h would marry me soon but that was a few years ago, so I have been feeling this way for a while.

It is also embarressing when my family and friends ask me when am I going to get married and I just shrug my shoulders because I am speechless and my boyfriend will say soon.. But he has been saying soon to everyone who asks for the past 6 years.

I do feel like he is immature because he is 38 years old, he has no kids and has never been married and he can't save money very well. I want him to change in many ways but I am realizing that he won't and it would take a lot for him to change.

Please help...

Put a fork in it, cause it's done. Be done with him. He apparently is more concerned about himself than you. Be strong, definitive about being done with him, and make sure he knows where the door is. You are accepting far less than you deserve.

XenoSapien

Well... if you strongly dislike him, then there's no reason to be with him. More importantly, if he isn't ready to commit and you are, then there are different levels of maturity, and it especially shows when you said that he said soon but later said he wasn't ready. Kick him to the curb and don't take him back unless you're willing to risk the same thing happening again or if he has truly changed and is kneeling in front of you with an engagement ring in his hands and a date set for your wedding. Best wishes and hope everything works out for you.

That is the mistake, you expected him to change, what you date is what you live with and what you may or may not end up marrying.

And why should he marry you, he lives with you, has sex with you and does not have to worry about divorce court or settlements.

Thanks for all of your advice...

Our relationship used to be really good and now I feel that I am changing some too and it is going down hill because I do realize that I am being used. I do not even sleep in the same bed as him, this has to do with my back mostly but it honestly does not bother me at all that we do not sleep in the same bed. Our sexual relationship has changed a lot too, I am just too disgusted with him and hardly in the mood but maybe once a month if that. I sort of feel like we are "friends" just living and rooming together and nothing more most of the time!

As far as a relationship we do not spend near as much time together as we used to and I do feel that I have lost a lot of feelings for him, probably because of him not wanting to marry me that has made me lost interest but for some reason I want the releationship to work and I don't want to lose him. I guess I feel like I have a lot of effort in the relationship and this is really my first big relationship that I have ever had and maybe some has to do with not wanting to be alone.

I do have a lot of love for him still but now when I see him I am disgusted at a few things, first his spending habits because we could have a lot if it wasn't for that and secondly his not wanting to commit nor have kids. I am basically so disgusted that everyday I don't want to look at him because I know our lives are going no where. He knows how I feel and when he sees that I am in pain and thinking about it when I am ignoring him, he does not mention it or anything but just pretends like everything is okay and is laughing and joking, etc. He will not ask me what is the matter because he knows exactly what it is and by him not responding that really hurts me. Eventually I will give in and I will say hey I am mad at you and disgusted and the situation and he will be like I told you before so drop the subject. He won't say he told me what or anything but he will say those words, I told you before and that is it because he automatically knows what is wrong with me.

Before I mentioned marriage and family to him probably once every 3 months for the first several years of our releationship and we would argue about it and I would drop the subject for a while but for the past 6 months I have been on him every single day and it has been bothering me more than it used to bug me.

Hello.

Something is wrong with this story... You say he is a jerk because he will not marry you and then you say you have been unhappy for years, yet your still there after 7 years.

Why do you want him to marry you if he treats you so bad. You're a special Lady and should be treated that way.

What is honestly going on. Are you mad because he puts off getting married. If that's the only reason your Mad, after 7 years deal with it and enjoy what you have. That paper that says your married isn't going to change your life or at least shouldn't. If there are other problems and you both can't work them out leave. Why stay in an unhappy home.

If he really is a jerk and doesn't care, show him by packing up your things and finding your own place to live. You don't have kids so you can live almost anyplace.

Dennis777

He won't sign a piece of paper, oh my god! Dump him!

He's been with u for seven years and you wona throw that away because he won't marry you?!

Remember guys don't like being naged at because of leaving the toilet seat up, so after 6yr's of you saying to get married and he's still there... he must love you but his patience and love is most likely very thin now.

Either way you two would still be the same people so why bother??

Remember, 'marriage is the best way to wreck a perfect relationship'

He has commitment issue and he will never marry anyone without those issues being addressed, and resolved. Time to go, and find your own happiness and don't settle for less than you deserve. Good Luck.

I agree with Fr_Chuck and Tal, he will not marry you because he does not have to. You sleep with him, do his dirty laundry, are there for him 24/7, cook and clean.. Hes not going to marry you because he does not have to. That's why living together before marriage is not the best idea. If he has not married you in 7 years then he's not going to do it anytime soon. You said that you knew a long time ago that you should have left him. That's your gut instinct talking. You feel used and sad and I am really sorry for your pain. However, do not let this jerk use you anymore. You can find a better man. At the end of the day when its all said and done, can you imagine being married to him and having his kids?

What I don't understand is why would you want to marry him if you are not happy with the relationship in the 1st place? Do you honestly think that getting married to him is going to solve all of the problems in this relationship?

If you are losing interest level in him then why would you want to marry him? Why would you get upset about the fact that he has not married you when you are losing your feelings for him anyway?

I don't see his procrastination to marry you as the problem here. I see other problems on his end with this relationship that have lowered your interest level in him. If he's got all these problems then getting married won't solve it.

I doubt his tendency to put off marriage would get you this upset if he were doing 97% of the things right. That is if he met 97% of the qualities you were looking for in a man. You would not dump him for this one issue alone. Sounds like what you are saying is that if he married you now then you'd be happy regardless of how lousy of a husband he will be.

Then I would examine why you want to get married? Is it because all your friends are doing it? If all your friends jumped off the golden gate bridge does that mean you have to follow in their footsteps? Or do you just want to get married for the sake of getting married? Sounds like you are under a lot of pressure from society, friends, & family.

GEEZ What a mess!! You say your not happy! 1 There is your answr if you are not happy get out of the relationsp you havealready wasted enough of your life dontwaste another day pack your stuf and begone!!

Also the best way towake up a jerk like this is toshow I'm what he is going to mis when your gone!

Your worried about missing him if ou leave and saying you love him... Ill tell you ow he acts like he won't miss you Well when your gone I GUARANTEE is atitude willchangein a week he will be wanting you back and he will be the one takling about marriage!!

Leave right now stop wasting yourlife this hjerk is walking all over you and he knows it and doesn't care you tell him to get out well follow throughwith that . You cat tell someone something and backdown they will never respect you. Ditch him you will be much happier when you find someone in a new relationship. Sleeep ing with him once a month this was over long long long ago!!

Im ganna be honest from a guys point of veiw... he doesn't love you... I've been with mygrifriend not even 6 months, and I already feel like I'm ready to marry her... but don't give up completely, once again from a guys point of veiw he could just be scared... if you feel it's what you want you need to ask him to marry you, for real... I know guys usually do it but, and if he comes up with a lame exuse then he doesn't love you, if he loved you he would coem straight out and tell you the truth...

Obviously you and he have different perspectives on life in general. You want marriage, kids, the whole nine yards and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. He, on the other hand, is obviously more of a coaster, a laid-back loner who doesn't necessarily want those things and prefers to live in his own world. There's nothing wrong with that either. However, it doesn't sound as if you and he are compatible. You want different things and have two different views as to what life's all about. That said, I'd seriously consider calling this off and moving on with your life. All hope is not lost just because you spent 7 years with this guy ; you just didn't want the same things and therefore don't belong together.

He told you the truth, you just have to accept it. He dose not want to marry you and never will. Get some balls and move on.

Obviously you and he have different perspectives on life in general. You want marriage, kids, the whole nine yards and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. He, on the other hand, is obviously more of a coaster, a laid-back loner who doesn't necessarily want those things and prefers to live in his own world. There's nothing wrong with that either. However, it doesn't sound as if you and he are compatible. You want different things and have two different views as to what life's all about. That said, I'd seriously consider calling this off and moving on with your life. All hope is not lost just because you spent 7 years with this guy ; you just didn't want the same things and therefore don't belong together.

Overachieving women and undersachieving men's marriages usually lead to divorce! Even if you guys get married I still think, as s_cianci has mentioned, that you two have too much difference perspectives on life, it might lead to divorce. So it's time for you to make a decision-leave him or not.
It's a shame that he is 38, and still immature... maybe he will wake up one day!

I agree, if marriage is the only thing which has disagrement, forget and enjoy what you have.. if there are other problems too, pause think and take a call now

Hello.

Something is wrong with this story... You say he is a jerk because he will not marry you and then you say you have been unhappy for years, yet your still there after 7 years.

Why do you want him to marry you if he treats you so bad. Your a special Lady and should be treated that way.

What is honestly going on. Are you mad because he puts off getting married. If thats the only reason your Mad, after 7 years deal with it and enjoy what you have. That paper that says your married isn't going to change your life or at least shouldn't. If there are other problems and you both can't work them out leave. Why stay in an unhappy home.

If he really is a jerk and doesn't care, show him by packing up your things and finding your own place to live. You don't have kids so you can live almost anyplace.

Dennis777

I lived with my current husband 5 years before he convinced me to marry him... no question I loved him with my every fiber, but I had been burned before by the smooth talker type... the Ex... I just didn't see what a piece of paper was going to change , we lived in a house with our kids , we worked , really the only thing that would change would be I could be on his insurance... ummmm oh and I would have to change my name again and become someone's wife again... OK so I had some issues... but when he finally said I love you, you are my soul mate, I want to be with you forever, and I know you are not marrying me so you feel like you can up and leave when ever and not have to deal with anything you don't want to... but I am hurt by that, it hurts that you don't trust me... I am not him marry me... ( OK that is not exactly word for word but its as close as I can remember! ) I was finally able to step back and say So what's the big deal I want to spend the rest of my life with him I love him , I will not loose my identity because I am Mrs. Blank. And that's when I said yes I will marry you! I wasn't not marrying him because I didn't love him, but I had to realise I was hurting him by not saying lets do this ! So if your boy friend hasn't figured out that by not marrying you its hurting you... then he really doesn't love you as much as he should! Hey maybe it's a good thing you didn't marry him , maybe Mr right will come along soon and you will say THANK GOODNESS I didn't marry him, because I would have been so unhappy, and broke... and I would have never met Mr. Right! Don't regret the years you have lost on him... think about all you have learned... you now know you will not wait 7 years to get married you know you want someone who wants a family , and someone who doesn't squander money ! You might even think twice about moving in with someone before marriage...
If you really want to marry him , and deep down he wants to marry you... then move out let him come crawling back but do not move back in with him until thoes vows have been exchanged. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all works out for you !

Cheer up, it could be worse. He could have married you six years ago and now you'd have a messy divorce to go through to get rid of his sorry a$$. Move on, and don't look back.

Some men simply can not be married. They feel trapped and will end up blaming you and leaving you. You can NEVER change a man. Ever. I am 52 years old, have known several men like yours. One was a relationship I was in and the others were just people I know. I can't tell you in strong enough terms to GET OUT NOW. He will continue to use you, make you feel like you are worthless and will never, ever truly commit. Sorry to say this in such harsh terms, but you've been led on long enough.
Good luck to you from now on. There are plenty of good men out there. Just believe in yourself, your goodness and know you have something to offer. He has not earned your loyalty or your respect. Move on, girl.

It sounds like you already made your decision, that you have to move on and it's the right thing to do, you are just looking for support.

Well I support you. My GF REALLY supports you. "GET OUT GIRL", she is yelling over my shoulder. So do it! Need some help to move his stuff? PM us we'll be right over to help you throw it out the door for you. :)

Wow. I was in your Same situation two years ago. 6 years. No ring. Embarressed, ashamed, jealous of all my friends. It was horrible. One day I woke up, literally out of the blue, called Mr. Wasted Six Years of My Life and said, "Hey, I'm not coming over today. In fact, I'm very unhappy, and it's over." I was estatic for a couple of days, then... well... then I cried for about six months. But I DID get over it. You have to realize sweetheart that he either doesn't want to get married, or doesn't want to marry you. If you meant anything significant to him he would marry you because that's what you want. I know many guys who weren't too interested in getting married but did anyway because they simply wanted to be with their girlfriend for the rest of their life. And if marriage is what she wanted, so be it.

I am with someone else now, it's been a year and a half, and I'm hitting 29 in six months. And I rather die than go for more than two or three years without an engagement ring. I learned the hard way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. In fact, there are many men who want to get married too. Dump your "boyfriend" and find someone who wants the same things in life as you do. It will suck, and hurt like hell, but in the end, it's probably the best thing you ever did for yourself.

Free yourself from marathon relationship prison!

The part that I understand in this situation is the pressure to get married from family. I come from a very large immediate family (talking double digits in siblings) and was in a relationship where I was asked about marriage all the time. I would put on a smile tell a joke about not needing to because I wasn't "knocked up yet", and eventually started lying to them and saying we were looking at rings just to get them off my back. I'd go home and take it out on by guy and nag about when it was going to happen... just to get it over with. Truth was I wasn't ready (wanted to be more financially sound, finish grad school, and do some traveling). I just wish I had the backbone to communicate that to my family. It took a toll on my well-being and that of my relationship. Make sure your unhappiness is about the relationship and no outside forces are making up your mind for you. I wish I had looked at and enjoyed hat I had in stead of being obsessed with what I didn't.

Dear Brandy,

I understand you a lot first real love that its hard to go over it but be wise how long will you continue to hate the person you love. You don't want to leave him because you are afraid to finish alone , you can be happy with some other guy don't be stupid if you are waisting your time stop. Start dating with someone else and see if there is no gealosy. But if you want to see in which sep you will want to go over an over again start to Take action sit down with him if necessary tigh him up with a rope on chair and switch of the t.v. or brake the controler ,ask him if he is not going to commit and than if he says yes give him a time limit of 6 months if he says no then for sake leave him show him the door and take your key and no matter how many times he will beg you to come back don't give other chance .He is using you to have a place where to stay to , he is afraid to live a lone ( in mature where are his parents travelling ) and the thought that there is someone (a serv) sorry to say so he will never leave. If a person really but really loves you no matter how you look fat , slim , ugly , beautiful , dirty or clean he would marry you one way or another.


He is 38 for god sake will you wait till he is 76 years old and if he is not mature now you think that a star will fall open his eyes and tell him( dear child you have been acting not very well thess past years start acting mature) NOOOOOOOO!! He will stay Un mature . Another thing if you sleep with him once in a while it means that he don't seem to care much to have sex with you . Don't you think that maybe while you are there crying in the corner washing the plates he might be with some other girl . Wake up sweetheart don't let him use you . There is a differnce between Love and acting in love. You know what I think that you are much younger than he is and he just thinks that he can use you as much as he wants . What if one day you get preagant with mistake will he take reponsability or he will just lay on the sofa watching your TELE.

You want to see if he really is in love with you have sex with him make him go crazy and than take distance .Don't talk to him fake that you are vomiting after a month you slept with him . And than buy a pregnancy test Ask someone a friend of your s how might be preagnant to do the test instead of you . Go home make the test 9btw keep the box) leave the test on the sink throw away the box in th bin of the toilet leave it where it can be seen . And than after you make sure that he sees it see what his action will be .

But in my opinion he will just lay down watching the tele and say what the hack I told her I don't want kids she wants them she keeps them... don't act stupid girl. Go back home the family is always the family and they love you with or without him maybe more without him. It might be the reason why your family keeps asking you when will you get married so that they make YOU realize that he is not the one for you..

Love take care and don't distroy your love and life for someone who don't really are