Hey everyone,

I have this situation. I just broke up with my girfriend of almost 3 years (this september) and she thinks that I am playing mind games that every time I am around her I get text messages or a phone call in the middle of the night as we still hang out with each other. She thinks that I am doing this to cause "suspicion" which is totally crazy because when we were together these things happened although not as much.

So now Monday was the last day I spoke with her as I am trying to start no contact. So she finally called this morning and said I was playing games by not contacting her because she felt that I thought it was to get her to call me. I actually was trying to get past her.

We had been living together and after my father died I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems. She would show put her bills on the fridge sometime for me to see, and always would say I was selfish. What really put the icing on the cake was this one phone number kept calling in the middle of the night and she wouild lie and say it's the wrong number. Howvever after I checked the phone while she was in the shower, it was a boy's number saved under a girls name, as that person had sent him a text SAYING her name.

So finally after 4 weeks of pressing this issue, she wouldn't tell me who it was, where she met this person, how they met, she would just say "I dont have to tell you that. You dont know all my friends" but I think that was bull. What caused the suspicion is that she had a line on my phone and I could see all the numbers dialed on the phone bill. This ONE number was brand new and the calls were lik 50mins long during the day. Had no consideration for the phone bill and now its at $1,500. Her excuse for not helping with the bill was that I never showed her the bill. I paid all the rent. As she said she was struggling which was $965 a month. So after all they questioning about this number she decides to hop up, AND GET HER OWN PLACE without telling me until AFTER she signed the lease on the same day. She said I was being emotionally abusive by not trusting her which is a QUACK. Its funny now she can afford $650 a month on her own, but coulnt afford $300 a month which was all I was having her pay. She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because I won't help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc until last week when my phone started ringing a lot and I was texting to my friends which caused her to think I was playing mind games. THIS is why I stopped talking to her as of Monday, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007. It really didn't seem like it. I am REALLY trying to get over this. I keep tosing and turning thinking about if she is having sex with someone at the moment or what she is doing and it is KILLING ME. I want to contact her and I get a STRONG URGE even today but I want her to realize the mistake she made.

If you guys could help with advice, please assist... thanks guys and girls

It sounds like there were two things going on here - You probably wanted to "buy her love" while you had the money, and she let let you by using your money to prop up her lifestyle.

She's playing games with you, probably because of her guilt over using you for your money.

You ARE playing games - A game of "who has the power" in this relationship. Even though you feel you should have power - given the enormous amount of money you spent, your behaviour has given the power... You won't get it back by playing games, so be clear with her and cut all contact.

How do you run dry with $170,000.00... What love does to you!

I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship
Ain't that much love in the world, to make a guy blow his money, and she moves out, and YOU still see the chick?? This isn't love, and tell her ADIOS.

Well I didn't tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I don't get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, that's why I let her contact me. What do you think

You could have bought a house free and clear with that kind of inheritance.

I would stop all contact. She is using you for money and you are using money for her.

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you don't call her, but let her call you. Now if I don't call her, I'm starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

I think you've learned some hard lessons here. You should have done no contact from the get-go. Do it now and don't let her manipulate you. Change your number if you have to. Don't respond to any of her e-mails, texts or IMs. Use your software filters to block her screen names. The longer you wait to do this, the harder it's going to be.

She should make the money on her own! It's a shame she is so depend on you! Money can't buy love, she needs to grow up and be a reasonable woman! I am sorry for that, but I think you need to tell her that she needs to better herself, she really needs to do it NOW!

She's spoilt. You may have spoilt her, or she may have been spoilt already, but you certainly didn't help. Tell her not to contact you, tell her you won't contact her. Get her out of your life and move on.

It's over now.

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you dont call her, but let her call you. Now if i dont call her, im starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

Yes - It's a power game. You're trying to assert your "control" by making her come to you.

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think
Why would you want her back after all the games, she won't be back until you SHOW THE MONEY!! Please move on a find one who you can afford.

Thank you all for your input. I did something stupid yesteday. As I mentioned I don't call unless she calls me, so yesterday I didn't call all day, and she finally calls at like 10pm and said "What is this. Do I have to call you for you to call me? were you going to call." (keep in mind she broke up with ME).

So then she asked if I could come over to chill. I felt bad when I went over because she has no food, was VERY hungry, refridge was empty. And then she was real down saying she needs some help as the rent is killing her. I know she doesn't have the moiney for it. I feel bad, and I don't know WHY this is. Other people would have said OH WELL... But I think I had been playing the role of "rescuer" which I just looked up and didn't know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didn't realize I was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO

Wipe that sign off your forehead, before you go broke. (shaking head back and forth slowly)

If I had more money than you would she be with me?

LOL I see what you are saying. Maybe I just am so use to being around that person. I didn't have a life outsude this relationship which is why most of my friends were upset and left me. We were always around each other 24/7. Now I have to remember how fun my life was before I met her. That's the hard part, trying to get your life back and remember who you were before

You can do it, we all have been through it. Next time make your mate a part of your life - not your whole life. I bet your friends will happy to see you again. :)

So now my exgirlfriend is mad stating that I never call her no more and she always has to call me to invite me over. She wants me to sleep there every night now. Just at night. I think she is going to use that and I say I don't support her by helping her out with the apartment as she is broke. She even said last weekend. AFTER SHE BROKE MY PHONE IN HALF WHEN ANOTHER GIRL CALLED MY PHONE, THAT I CAN GO OOUT AND BY ANOTHER PHONE THAT QUICK (UM U BROKE IT A#@!), BUT I can't HELP HER WHEN SHE'S STRUGGLING

Its her problem not yours so why are you still even talking to her? Stop taking her calls and eventually she has to leave you alone.

1st Of all you blew your dads inheritance on your girlfriend, that's kind of deep man. She puts her bills on the fridge for you, but you can't ask any questions WOW, if it's a game you need to try a new strategy because your down playa. You live and learn though I bet another woman would never be able to pull that stunt. Damn

My ex was Hi maintence and now that my head is clear I'm remebering a lot of things she said. One was when we get married she's getting my whole check and I get a allowance. And I should be buying her and her son everything. I look back and say what was I thinking. Don't talk to her anymore she is using you like my ex was using me.

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think

No contact means NO CONTACT. It doesn't mean you don't call her BUT answer her calls. It means no contact. If she calls you don't answer.

This person used you as a bank and you happily obliged. You learned a hefty lesson here that anyone that is willing to have their love bought isn't worth your time.

You will not move on if you do not cut off all contact with her. You don't owe her any explanation.

I am actually very surprised by how you guys(MEN) would put up with those ladies!
I mean, I am a female, I think what your girlfriend or ex girlfriend are exact controlling jerks.
Ppl always use jerks on men, but at this point, I am using it to your gfs, sorry.
But I can't really stand on those ladies, can't they just work hard to make their own money?
U guys don't owe them anything do you?
Leave those women as fast as you can, I am glad SAB123 u have done that, and you DougE it's your turn!

..But I think i had been playing the role of "rescuer" which i just looked up and didnt know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didnt realize i was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO


NO you are playing the role of DOORMAT. Come on wise up. You opened your wallet wide the whole relationship. You bankrolled her all that time and now she's expecting you to continue to financially support her while she's dating other (probably poorer) guys.

Thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough... now I think about what she's doing, who she's doing it with, etc... Its like I can't sleep and I try to work out at the gym, and afterwards I'm back to square one. WHY can't I let this go... I DID have a few drinks Friday and went totally off on her. She didn't talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as I said some things I shouldn't have

thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough....now i think about what shes doing, who shes doing it with, etc....Its like i can't sleep and i try to work out at the gym, and afterwards im back to square one. WHY can't i let this go....I DID have a few drinks friday and went totally off on her. She didnt talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as i said some things i shouldnt have

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HER?? THAT IS WHY YOU CANNOT MOVE ON

Seriously, do you really want to move on or do you just want to be her doormat? Come on! Get her out of her life THEN you will be able to get better.

Geez! Is it just me?

Yeah true... its just so hard to cut contact when she calls I answer the phone even though I know what's going on. Love is VERY blind in my case. Anyone got any ideas on how you can avoid worrying about what they are doing or who they are having sex with... I tried the gym and everything, and yet still, I can't sleep I continue to worry which is Why I keep answering the calls

So essentially you don't think she did anything bad by sucking all the money out of you?

Oh of course I do... but that doesn't solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. She is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE...

Here is my view on women: pretty women are all around, it's the ones that have the personality that meshes with mine that I consider attractive.
Here's an example: sometimes I'll be in a pub and a friend will introduce a pretty girl friend od his to me, she seems attractive until she opens her mouth and swears like a trucker or treats the waitress like crap.

Get over her pretty exterior, she's toxic inside.

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

That's apparently her only good quality. She is only keeping in contact with you because you are her bank.

Yes she is probably having sex with everyone and no she won't ever have sex with again unless there is a check at the end of it.

What else does this girl have to do to get you to see she is a horrible person. Man, I'm starting to think this is a joke. No one can be this stupid can they?

As far as my ex with someone else, as hard as it is you just can't think about it. I do and sometimes I get upset. Once you go NC and let go I can say it does get better. A lot better.
Butt that's up to you to do that.

One question, Think about this, I bet you once the money is gone she's gone. Or if you can't support her?

Hey Doug, here's an idea, why don't you come over to my house, and lay down so I can walk all over you?

Yeah, it's harsh, but DUDE!!

Really!!

You have to stop playing the role of the rescuer. She can do well for herself, but you aren't letting her, she doesn't HAVE to because she knows you'll fix it all. She must have some really big issues.

NO CONTACT, as you have been told. This means as far as you are concerned she fell off the face of the earth, doesn't exist anymore in any way, shape, form or fashion.

Stop letting her drag you down!!

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

You are one shallow guy, I start to think about if I should be mad at your ex girlfriend or YOU instead, and I am with J_9!! ( Point above)

Thanks a lot for the posts. I am going to go strictly NO CONTACT... as she is textming me as I type I'm just not going to respond

Stay strong dude, stop being her sugardaddy.

If you really want to throw money away, I am a starving nursing student. LOL, just kidding.

It's not going to be easy, I won't kid you, but you have to delete her numbers from your phone, delete her from whatever IM program you use. The whole 9 yards. Get her out of your life. She's sucking you dry and she's loving it.

You see, she is like a callgirl. She calls you when she wants something, whether it be sex or money, and usually ends up with both.

Stop wasting your time and money with this person.

we still hang out with each other.


Dumb mistake number one. You know you need to not be friends to get away from this noise.



Hey everyone,
We had been living together and after my father died i blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems.


Problems coping with an inheritance after a parents death isn't uncommon. But don't blame her for the cash you blew. Like it or not, even if you were not perfectly stable mentally, you were just as much a part of the problem. You were not disciplined financially. You did not make clear your expectations financially... meaning if she pulled the kind of crap you said she did, that you should have thought twice about whether it was worth it. It wasn't, was it?

Again... hard to cope after your dads death. I get it. Even blowing some of the money, I get it. But you really can't blame her too much. You were as much to blame, so you need to let that go.





She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because i wont help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc

....ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007.

....I want her to realize the mistake she made.



Uh. Hmmm. no you have not been broken up since June 5th. You've been shacking, screwing, fighting, and otherwise hanging out.

Uh... you want her to realize her mistake? Nope. Sorry buddy. That's not part of the plan.

When you break it off it isn't with the condition that the other person ever, in any way, feels sorry for what they have done to you.

If they were sorry in the first place, you probably wouldn't be broken up.

So you need to suck it up here. I've been there. We all like to think our ex's are suffering a little, missing us, sorry for all the bad things. Well... doesn't work like that.

Your wanting that is normal, but as long as you hold onto "is she sorry", well, you still aren't broken up completely.

So who cares if she's sorry or not. Unless you are interested in furthering a failed relationship with a person whom you can't trust emotionally or financially...

I know... three years is a long time to spend just to realize you were with the wrong person. At least it took you less time than me. I was with a girl (not married) almost 7 years. The minute I finally walked away, after all the noise and crap, I was in a better place. Yeah, it sucked for a year or so... but man, don't go back there again.

She's bad for you and unless you expect better for yourself and OF yourself, you are going to get it.

WOW kp2171, that last text was deep. Thanks for that. You really nailed it LOL

She just texted me asking me if I wanted to come get the $50 she gave me. Never once did she mention her apartment coming to get it. She just said "I can bring it to whever you are, or you can come get it from my job"... so my final text to HER was "I am not going to be available when I get off work today, can you just put it in my bank account. I would really appreciate that. Thanks, ttyl.

OMG, she has your account number too?

Dude, that was not NO CONTACT, you still contacted her, whether she did it first or not, that is not the point NO CONTACT means she has fallen off the face of the earth.

And, close that account and get a new one.

My Account? LOL She has my SS#

Hey everyone,
I have this situation. I just broke up with my girfriend of almost 3 years (this september) and she thinks that I am playing mind games that everytime I am around her
I got half way through your post and stopped reading it.:confused:

Advice: If you break up with someone, you can't stay friends. It never or rarely ever works. Too many past feelings and emotions that will always get in the way.:eek:

If you run into them at the grocery store or other public place, say hello. That is it!:rolleyes:

My Account?? LOL She has my SS#

That is a HUGE mistake. I would put an alert on file with th credit bureau in case she decides to get some credit using your info.

Well everyone... I'm happy to say She changed her number last night. So I believe this is it

That is a HUGE mistake. I would put an alert on file with th credit bureau in case she decides to get some credit using your info.

I have to totally agree with this advice. Sure nothing may ever come of this, but better safe than sorry. You already lost $170,000 to this woman, why risk losing everything.

Okay, how to put this in a nice way. I am a female. I do not understand why you are investing that type of money in any relationship where you aren't married. No nothing to show for it. She is still in your life not because she wants to be but because of what you can do for her. Listen, from a females point of view, please move on. Get yourself together. The sooner you do the sooner you will meet someone who really wants what you want in life and will do everything 50/50. When you have someone that is willing to meet you half-way that's when you know that you have someone that is really serious about you and the relationship. Let her go and let her fight her own battles and pay her own bills. You should have invested that money.

That is a HUGE mistake. I would put an alert on file with th credit bureau in case she decides to get some credit using your info.


Doug will you promise to do this?? I do not want you back on here in two months from now asking how you an get her for identity theft. Please TODAY write up a letter and send it to all three credit bureaus that someone has a social security number and ask for an alert to be placed on you so that way if anyone applies credit you will be alerted immediately.

Ok I don't think any of you heard me. She sent a fax this morning to me stating that she can't do this anymore she needs happiness in her life (as I was a jerk all this past week) and that she changed her number. So I called the old cell and yes she changed her number, so I believe this is truly it. She is gone. Now I have no way of contacting her. So she did my favor for me I guess. I will admit I was being a jerk.

But considering how she is a money hungry lady you should protect yourself. She may be done with you BUT she has access to all of your information. I would move my bank account and write a letter to the credit bureau. If you do not do this you are setting yourself up to get taken once again.

She may be done with you but maybe not your money.

I am just curious Doug, what does she do? Does she work?

Do u think it means the person is done when they change their number?

Yes nicespring she works I have her work number but out of respect I'm not going to call. She said she was too weak not to send me text messages and calling me, so her changing her number was the best thing to do

Well, it's not free to change your cell no. right? She is willing to spend her money on changing her no. ( I was surprised), that must be something really serious FOR HER! :D

Well now I KNOW we won't get back to talking, anytime someone changes their number

Okay, seriously, I know a friend of mine changed her no. b'c she was trying to forget about her ex boyfriend, she knew he'd call her... yes, it's over.
It is the only case I know of, hope it gives you some information.

K good. Well now I don't have to worry about that. She called from her job phone this morning before sending the Fax

I just don't know if this is certain. We always have a cycle of getting back together

I just dont know if this is certain., We always have a cycle of getting back together

Dude, seriously??

Is wrong with you? You are BEYOND help on this board. You need to get into some very serious psychotherapy. You clearly have ZERO self esteem or self respect. This girl is toxic and only comes back around when she wants money. Are you really this stupid?

All I'm sayiong is she changed her number, so this shouls be relief right?

Still be cautious as to your accounts, and be wary of ID theft. Nothing like a woman scorned, so cover you butt, as its to easy for her to catch you up, and you can't even call and ask her. Don't be dumb, and think she isn't pissed that she can't get what she wants, and will walk away quietly.

Yea that's true. Im going to do that. But she did ME the favor by changing her number, which was kindve dumb when I still have her job number, but I won't call

Yeah I need to get through this... Now when u realize they changed their number, THEN it REALLY hits you!

I really can't believe I am still reading this.

Okay Doug, here's the deal, the real deal.

She changed her number, she's done. Leave her alone, especially at work.

She has access to your bank account number. Change accounts.

She has your SSN, alert the credit bureaus.

You, on the other hand, have some serious issues that only a professional can help you with.

We have seen it here before.

That's why I said I won't call her. I explained earlier that I NEVER CALL HER ANYMORE. She calls me. But she changed her number so she won't be TEMPTED to call me because she said she is WEAK


And why would U say I have serious issues?? Please Explain?

Good, so don't call her.

She said she is WEAK huh? Could she be weak for your money?

Dude, just protect yourself. I'd hate to see you back in a few months cause she ruined you and your credit.

Did you read any of the last two pages?

With this person the last thing I'm worried about is the credit. I know this all to well. She is VERY religious, although I will still put an alert on file. It just now hit HARD when she changed her number

This is my 2nd Day of no contact and althouh she did my wrong, I had trouble sleeping last night, was dreaming about her, and cried in my sleep. No contact is hard EVEN if you were wronged. Hoping this is normal

Absolutely normal, just be strong and keep it up.

Thanks capuchin I will. Trying to keep my mind occupied and busy but night time during sleep sucks, and early in the morning. Would you suggest anything?

Get a routine at night and get up promptly in the morning, and have a routine that you have to focus on. Regular exercise will also help you fall asleep more readily, and you won't think of her as much, as it takes time to reprogram yourself.

Doug its been 6 months since she dumped me, Although I still think of her when I go to bed those dreams do fade away. Instead of 5-6 dreams every night its down to about 3-4 a week now. But your in the first stage and once you let go it gets easier. It took me about 4 months to start feeling good and about 5 months in I wasn't thinking of her 24/7. Now 6 months in I think of her when I decide. It's a lot eaiser to think of other things now then her.

Ok thank you for that post. Yeah my dreams have been wild like happy dreams of us getting along... couldve been the alcohol before sleeping to. I use that t put me to sleep

Will I get over her if I start a new relationship with this girl I was kindve talking to while with her? And also will sex flings help?

will i get over her if i start a new relationship with this girl i was kindve talkin to while with her? and also will sex flings help?

Maybe. But you will more then likely just end up hurting a bunch of people along the way and that's never okay.

Will I don't thing flings will hurt. I mean I haven't heard from my ex since Tuesday. So thank goodness. That's good.


A firend of mine said "ok she got made because another girl called u, and broke your phone...THATS PASSION", and then a week later she changes her number... and you don't thnk she will call you again? Haha are you serious"



What do you think about that? And I know you may say who cares, but just asking for an opinion

I think you need to stop thinking about her. You need to tell your friends there is a moratorium on the ex. You do not need to hear her comings and goings nor does she need to hear yours.

Are you counseling? This relationship was/is EXTREMELY unhealthy.

I feel likei messed it up because I was being verbally abusive at times when she pissed me off.

But did you suck $170,000 out of her? No you didn't. Stop buying your women. Find out why you need the need to spend money to please a woman. Are you trying to get a girl that's... how to put this gently... slightly beyond your level? Is low self-esteem an issue here?

This is why I'm saying you need some professional counseling. This is something you need to do immediately. You clearly have no self esteem. A healthy person would not allow this kind of treatment from someone else. A healthy person would not turn it on themselves when its pretty obvious to us that HER behavior is what the problem is. The fact that your doormat doesn't help matters. Which is why I'm recommending counseling. You need to figure out what is going on with you that makes you feel that you have to buy someone and why you such bad feelings towards yourself.

I would tell your friends not to bring her up. Again 6 months in my dad said he saw my ex and something triggered me off. That was a week ago. I'm slowly getting back to where I was before he mentioned her. Your in denial about things that is why you feel like you messed up. In the beginning I blamed myself for her breaking up with me. When you start to heal you won't be blaming yourself. You will see her for what she is. As I see mine for what she was. And trust me you don't want to know anything about your ex. Sometimes it's better not too know what an ex is up to.

Wow how she could just could just tell me changed her number and sounded so happy about it and jolly. But I'm done with her. I almost guarantee she WILL call soon... But I won't answer. I mean come on, she JUST broke my phone in HALF last week because she got mad that an old friend who is a girl text messeged me. She read it when she was trying to make a call, so she broke it and half and apologized the next day. Now she says she can't take cycles of being happy and unhappy so she changed her number... hmm we'll see how long THAT lasts. Not that I care, but just an observation as for the last 3 years that's been the dynamics of our relationship. Its been like a boomerang effect

When you start to heal you will see her for what she is. I do with mine and you will start to get happy before you met her. I am starting too.

Ok

And she will see me for what I am

Yes, she will see how good she had it and one day regret breaking up with you. But the best revenge is get happy without her

Doug its been 6 months since she dumped me, Although I still think of her when I go to bed those dreams do fade away. Instead of 5-6 dreams every night its down to about 3-4 a week now. But your in the first stage and once you let go it gets easier. It took me about 4 months to start feeling good and and about 5 months in I wasn't thinking of her 24/7. Now 6 months in I think of her when I decide. It's alot eaiser to think of other things now then her.



1) Now would you say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?


2) and the second question is I went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot... then I used music to put me to sleep... But THEN when I got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, That's when I start to wonder what she's doing etc.


3) Am I right to say that no matter how much you keep busy, you will STILL have times where you wonder

1) Now would u say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?
Yes, She probably prepared herself before she dumped you, But she will go through some grieving. Not as bad as you will since you where the one who got dumped.


2) and the second question is i went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot....then i used music to put me to sleep....But THEN when i got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, THATS when i start to wonder what she's doing etc.
This is normal, 4 months ago I woke up from a terrible dream I had of her. This is when I contacted her and we started taliking again. I was living on false hope of us getting back, but when I woke up at 3:30 in the morning I drove past her house to see if their was a new guy their. I am soooo much better now but I still wonder what she's doing and if she still thinks of me.


3) Am i right to say that no matter how much u keep busy, you will STILL have times where u wonder
Yes I still do, but when you accept that it is over you will start to heal faster then you think. If you have any more questions I am here to answer them. Iv'e been through h*ll the past 6 months.

I know when I dumped somoeone 4 years ago, I felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me

I know when i dumped somoeone 4 years ago, i felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me
I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.

I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.


The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

Moving on from a relationship that you have invested so much time (and money) in is very hard. Sometimes it is really hard to realize how messed up a situation is because your standing right in the thick of it. Go back and read your post as if you are not associated with the situation at all and see if it sounds as messed up as it truly is. You need to move past this girl.

Yeah I know. And I was being verbally and emotionally abusive. Well we were both doing that to EACH OTHER quite frequently

So 3 years, I figure I'll be over it in a month. What's going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

Verbal and emotional abuse never grows into anything good. Its unhealthy for both of you and will turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Well plan something awesome for that weekend with your buddies. Make it like a really fun guy's night so that way you aren't at home wallowing in self pity ;)

It will take time. Just let yourself work through the process. Definitely listen to SAB he has been through it. His ex was similar to yours. You can lean on us here.

But please do not beat yourself up. I find it helpful after a break up to not take any blame until I'm over the relationship. When my ex broke up with me I focused on HIS problems and how HE ruined the relationship. Now all this time later I can say yeah, we both made mistakes. Doing that made it easier for me to move on. Maybe give that a try?

The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

1st one lasted a little over 3 months, I never contacted her once. She always contacted me.

2nd one may 2-3 months, again I never contacted, she always contacted me and wanted me back.

3rd one 1-2 months and again I never contacted her she contacted me.

The 2-3 other breakups where small ones anywhere from days two about a week.

And this final breakup its been a little over 6 months. Since we were engaged I wanted us to be together. So I contacted her 2 months after that and a couple samll emails since then. She has not come back this time. I believe she want to come back but this time I ignored her after she turned me down for wanting for us to be married in first couple of months of being broken up.. (Long story) But usaually when she contacted me she had a lame excuse to talk to me On the 4 major break ups I usually told her to leave me alone or don't call no more.

so 3 years,. i figure i'll be over it in a month. Whats going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.


See that's whay I'm thinking about dating someone else. Because although it may7 be a rebound, by the time that ends... if it does... she will be WAY out my memory. Ort even casual fling sex. Because really in all honestly is was really the great sex that kept us together

When I am out and about and talk to women or make out with them etc. I did help to not think of her but it's was and still sometimes is when I'm alone. This is why I believe my ex is doing a rebound relationship to get over me.

But lets be really careful here in recommending rebound relationships. We are not out to intentionally hurt anyone and if you go into a relationship with the premise that its just a "rebound" and your sort of using that person to get over the other you need to be honest with the person your involving.

But lets be really careful here in recommending rebound relationships. We are not out to intentionally hurt anyone and if you go into a relationship with the premise that its just a "rebound" and your sort of using that person to get over the other you need to be honest with the person your involving.

I agree with you. I would think it might be better to casual date a few girls who know that you are just casually dating them and not looking for a relationship. That might keep things easier. However, I think that Doug is sort of incapable of being a jerk to a girl considering all the things that happened with his ex.

I agree with you Glinda. DougE you seem to be one of those "nice guys" and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, it just seems as though the men with the big hearts always end up getting used, which says a lot for us women. You be true to who you are and just be honest to anyone you decide to casually date.

Thank you both for the compliment I will... WOW I'm shocked I haven't heard from her. VERY interesting . You just have to know the dynamics of this relationship. Well I mean, its only been 2 days, lol... But I couldn't care less... Its when I'm alone that I see these visions of her having sex, and it just makes me sad and jealous at the same time

I think we have all been there at some point or another. Just find something that takes your mind off it when your alone. Or better yet just try to focus on the fun times you had with her and smile about then rather then let them get you sad. I wish you lots of luck.

Well like we all said get out with your buddies and have some fun.

One of my girlfriends and I have a "rescue me" clause with each other. That no matter what is going on I will drop everything to be with her, stay on the phone with her, go out with her whatever it takes to help her not wallow in an ex. We found it really helpful last summer when we both went through really bad breakups at the same time. Its really helpful and it really works. It helped us to stop focusing on them so much and we would just have so much fun. I don't know if guys do that but its an idea.

Yeah guys do... But no matter, how much fun you have, no matter how much time u occupy, you are STILL going to go through process, and it STILL will be hard

It's true the process doesn't go away but who says you can't have a few beers, laughs and nachos along the way, right?

Lol true... we'll see how this weekend goes... She works with my cousin, just them 2 at one store... should be interesting. I'm just going to tell her not to bring my ex up

lol true......we'll see how this weekend goes.....She works with my cousin, just them 2 at one store.....should be interesting. im just going to tell her not to bring my ex up
Doud, definitely tell your cousin not to bring her up and tell her if you ask about her not to tell you. You say you don't care anymore but trust me you will ask about her. I did, I'm friends with my ex's son's step brother. He came over (which I believe she sent him over) and I asked about her, he said she has new boy friend. Talk about a slap in the face, I was very hurt, jealous and cried all night. I couldn't believe she moved on that fast.Although a few days later I jumped back where I was in my healing process but sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. And make sure your cousin doesn't tell her any thing about what your up too.

Doud, definetly tell your cousin not to bring her up and tell her if you ask about her not to tell you. You say you don't care anymore but trust me you will ask about her. I did, I'm friends with my ex's son's step brother. He came over (which I believe she sent him over) and I asked about her, he said she has new boy friend. Talk about a slap in the face, I was very hurt, jealous and cried all night. I couldn't believe she moved on that fast.Although a few days later I jumped back where I was in my healing process but sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. And make sure your cousin doesn't tell her any thing about what your up too.


You know, remember when I told you all I knew eventually she would call. Well I kept getting call "restricted" all night at like 2am Saturday night. So finally I answered as it couldve been anybody, and I do get restricted calls sometimes. And it was her sounding all down, and then asking if I had $20 because she spent $200 to get her car fixex, blah blah blah, but you have the NERVE to call me restricted (*Shakes head back and forth).. . So I hung up... how you gon change your number because of me, and then call me... for cash...

GOOD FOR YOU!!

You know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number...

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

you know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number....


That's what my mom said. She changes her number, tells all her friends, family etc, it was because of me. You go hrough all 80 of your contacts in your phone to tell them, and THEN you call me 3 days after you change your number. Do you know how UNSTABLE that IS? That is such a turn-off

I agree with your mom. What she did was nuts and if she is going to keep calling you and trying to weasel back in it may be best for you. Only give the number out to people who you know will not pass it on to her. As time winds on you will no longer have to be concerned.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
you know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number....

Its not convenient, but it would be a reasonable step to take. I'm not completely convinced you are ready to write her off (meaning doing something more drastic like this), though I hope you are, but when you get there, changing the number is one way to show you mean business. My wife had to do this when a prior relationship bottomed out and she just had to get his noise out of her life.

I doubt I'm the only one here who expected her to call about money... I even went back through the thread cause I thought id warned about it, but apparently I didn't. Anyway, not a big revelation.

At this point id expect vengeful behavior next. Once she sees she can't manipulate you through guilt or fear of losing her (changing number) and that she can't use you for money, well that's when she should start lashing out at you directly and indirectly.

The bad news is that it sucks. The good news is that it drives the stake all the way in, meaning you find it a lot easier to step back when the person is clearly acting intentionally to hurt you.

I'm hoping this doesn't happen... but she sure seems like she's headed this way. So just be on guard a little. She might talk lies and noise to friends or people who both know. She might try to make you jealous concerning a diff guy. She might do anything that she can to throw your balance off.

She might also have a genuine change of heart and be nice about it all. Wouldn't wage my money on that bet. But she still has a choice in how to proceed, even if her past choices have been questionable.

its not convenient, but it would be a reasonable step to take. im not completely convinced you are ready to write her off (meaning doing something more drastic like this), though i hope you are, but when you get there, changing the number is one way to show you mean business. my wife had to do this when a prior relationship bottomed out and she just had to get his noise out of her life.

i doubt im the only one here who expected her to call about money... i even went back through the thread cause i thought id warned about it, but apparently i didnt. anyway, not a big revelation.

at this point id expect vengeful behavior next. once she sees she can't manipulate you through guilt or fear of losing her (changing number) and that she can't use you for money, well thats when she should start lashing out at you directly and indirectly.

the bad news is that it sucks. the good news is that it drives the stake all the way in, meaning you find it a lot easier to step back when the person is clearly acting intentionally to hurt you.

im hoping this doesnt happen... but she sure seems like shes headed this way. so just be on guard a little. she might talk lies and noise to friends or people who both know. she might try to make you jealous concerning a diff guy. she might do anything that she can to throw your balance off.

she might also have a genuine change of heart and be nice about it all. wouldnt wage my money on that bet. but she still has a choice in how to proceed, even if her past choices have been questionable.



Thanks for that advice. That is interesting, she wouldn't seem the type to go THAT far, but then again, nowadays you never know

Desperate (for attention), irrational people do stupid, stupid things.

I'm sure she never seemed like the kind of person whod hide a guys name in her phone, treat you like she has financially, or accuse you of plotting to screw with her mind.

Hopefully I'm wrong.

desperate (for attention), irrational people do stupid, stupid things.

im sure she never seemed like the kind of person whod hide a guys name in her phone, treat you like she has financially, or accuse you of plotting to screw with her mind.

hopefully im wrong.


True

I know she's irrational. What kind of attention can you expect someone to give you by changing your number?

Ok, she just left a message on my voicemail saying "Please dont think I was trying to use you this weekend...Its just been really hard us not being together, and I felt you were treating me disrespectfuly"... (in which I did when I cussed her out so bad last friday)

Not your problem. She is grasping at straws trying to get you to call her. DELETE. End of story.

Well you say ahes acting irrational and then try to use rational thought to understand her actions?

What good did moving out do? Knocked you off balance a bit? Gave her an edge she didn't have before? You still were "dating" no matter when you think you broke up, cause you were hanging out, having sex, holding hands.

So she did something really lousy to you, still had the benefit of your attention, and maybe felt in control a bit.

Same with the phone. None of the scenarios are pleasing in terms of this relationship lasting.

1) she could genuinely be done with you and trying to cut ties, though her calling you suggests if this is the case, she's in that need-to-know-what-hes-doing phase. Or the I-need-to-pay-a-bill phase. So looking for an out, moves out, phone changed... possible. All the noise is what comes when a relationship crashed down.

2) she could not want it all to end but she was in a weakened position when the guys number thing came up. (btw, I'm still not convinced you know all there is to know about that) she sought to get some power back so moves out, forcing you into some financial issues and potentially "needing" her help and/or forcing emotional stress on you. The phone number change could be an attempt to see how hard you are willing to work. If you'll chase her. A little mind-screw by her, gift wrapped for you. If moving out didn't do it, rachet it up a notch.

I know that you don't think some of the behavior I mentioned might be reasonable for her... well, your blowing that amount of cash wasn't "reasonable" behavior by some measures. I blew about 1000 cash, my own, after a person close to me died. It was dumb. I knew better. I was mentally, well, a little mental.

So why is she irrational at all? Well even when you are choosing to be done with a relationship, that doesn't mean she doesn't miss the security of being in one, and she sounds like she's just lashing out a bit. And turning all this on you, after the whole guys number thing happened, is classic turn-around. Deflect the blame or guilt. Suddenly its your fault.

I know you don't want things to be like this, but they are.

There's a point when you are going to have to stop trying to understand every nuance of what she does. Does it matter what she does that much? What are you looking for? Hope? Closure?

Well... I'm not saying your questioning what's going on is wrong. Its normal. But try not to drive yourself mad trying to take irrational actions and forcing them into rational thought.

Not your problem. She is grasping at straws trying to get you to call her. DELETE. End of story.


Well I can't call lol she changed her number. She called restricted

Ok, she just left a message on my voicemail saying "Please dont think I was trying to use you this weekend...Its just been really hard us not being together, and I felt you were treating me disrespectfuly"......(in which i did when i cussed her out so bad last friday)

she is mind-f*&^ing you!

see how its YOUR behaviour that causes all of this!

you need to do whatever you need to do to get her out of your life. I know you don't want to do that, but its getting to the place where you are going to deserve what you get.

she's screwing with you. She misses the attention and she's upset that you are not backing down.

My ex played a lot of head games with me, try to move on and don't read into what she does or the games she plays. It only delays the healing process down.

Yeah I'm not calling her back at all. Even IF she calls to give the new number on my voicemail. Thanks for the advice. And she did say on the voicemail "sorry for calling this weekend, dont think i was trying to use you, and just wanted to say that. This is my last time calling. I hoipe u do well in future endeavors"


Hmmmm

My ex said this to when we first broke "I didn't use you either" bull, she used me and she also said wish you the best in life. But she continued to drive past my house and play with my head. It gave me false hope of her coming back again. Now she has boy friend and I haven't seen her drive by. But really gets me is she would drive by and keep me thinking of her just in case she could find anyone. So I guess when she starts driving by again I'll no she got dumped.

Thank you ALL for your Wonderful comments, and I will make sure I apply and learn from All of them

Hi, First let me start off by saying that when you end a relationship, it ends because of a reason and 99% of the time there is no need on trying to work things out because that is going to make the person who has to change feel uncomfortable. So when the relationship ended it should have just ended so you wouldnt be putting your feeling on the line to get stomped on. now you are having to wonder if she is sleeping with someone else and what in the world she is doing. I wouldnt even recomend yall being friends right now either, cut her off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or only thing you will be dong is hurting yourself! Maybe in the future after you find someone else and she moves on maybe yall can be friends but right now, you need to concentrate on you first! Good luck! :)
MaMe

well you say ahes acting irrational and then try to use rational thought to understand her actions?

what good did moving out do? knocked you off balance a bit? gave her an edge she didnt have before? you still were "dating" no matter when you think you broke up, cause you were hanging out, having sex, holding hands.

so she did something really lousy to you, still had the benefit of your attention, and maybe felt in control a bit.

same with the phone. none of the scenarios are pleasing in terms of this relationship lasting.

1) she could genuinely be done with you and trying to cut ties, though her calling you suggests if this is the case, shes in that need-to-know-what-hes-doing phase. or the i-need-to-pay-a-bill phase. so looking for an out, moves out, phone changed... possible. all the noise is what comes when a relationship crashed down.

2) she could not want it all to end but she was in a weakened position when the guys number thing came up. (btw, im still not convinced you know all there is to know about that) she sought to get some power back so moves out, forcing you into some financial issues and potentially "needing" her help and/or forcing emotional stress on you. the phone number change could be an attempt to see how hard you are willing to work. if youll chase her. a little mind-screw by her, gift wrapped for you. if moving out didnt do it, rachet it up a notch.

i know that you dont think some of the behavior i mentioned might be reasonable for her... well, your blowing that amount of cash wasnt "reasonable" behavior by some measures. i blew about 1000 cash, my own, after a person close to me died. it was dumb. i knew better. i was mentally, well, a little mental.

so why is she irrational at all? well even when you are choosing to be done with a relationship, that doesnt mean she doesnt miss the security of being in one, and she sounds like shes just lashing out a bit. and turning all this on you, after the whole guys number thing happened, is classic turn-around. deflect the blame or guilt. suddenly its your fault.

i know you dont want things to be like this, but they are.

theres a point when you are going to have to stop trying to understand every nuance of what she does. does it matter what she does that much? what are you looking for? hope? closure?

well... im not saying your questioning whats going on is wrong. its normal. but try not to drive yourself mad trying to take irrational actions and forcing them into rational thought.



You know kp. Its starting to make sense, and I am changing my number today. I have been drinking all week and she said part of the problem was I began drinking too much recently. Well she calls from this different number WHICH IS WHY I PICKED UP. It was from her Church and she said I should go to service tomorrow night at 7 as she is singing in the choir, and she said " I still care about you and your well being as we are all bodies in Christ"



Thoughts please?

You know kp. Its starting to make since, and I am changing my number today. I have been drinking all week and she said part of the problem was i began drinking to much recently. Well she calls from this different number WHICH IS WHY I PICKED UP. It was from her Church and she said I should go to service tommorrow night at 7 as she is singing in the choir, and she said " I still care about you and your well being as we are all bodies in Christ"



thoughts please?


Change your number.

Also I don't know what kind of religious woman would use someone to pay their bills and have sex with whomever would do so. Keep going Doug you are getting there!

Doug, Do not go tonight. If you go you are only going to delay the healing process. She is just stringing you along.

Change your number.

Also I don't know what kind of religious woman would use someone to pay their bills and have sex with whomever would do so. Keep going Doug you are getting there!


Well this religiion she just started over the last month

Doug, Do not go tonight. If you go you are only going to delay the healing process. She is just stringing you along.


Yeah I was thinking that too... Now its gaps in between days that she calls

Doesn't make any type of sense, and I know its not suppose to. You change your number because of me, but want me to go to a church service tonight. Maybe she is second guessing her changing the phone number, either that or she is just unstable. Anyway, who cares

She probably changed her number to get a response out of you. I know this hard but analyizing thing just makes the situation worse and delays the healing process. I did this for 3-4 months. It didn't get me any where, it just made me hurt and miss her more. You have to stop this and move on without her.

Sheis a nut, stay away from her.

just understand changing your number is not the end of it all. My wife ended up doing this twice with an ex who acted a lot like yours... hed send a present or flowers... and then drive by randomly to see if she was home or not... and then call all hours of the night... well, he managed to find her new number after she changed it by going through a friends stuff when she wasn't looking...

so... she sure sounds like she was ready to cut ties on her side but she wanted your ties to remain. Its normal and to want your ex to be pining for you and wanting you and suffering a little for you, that is unless you're the ex.

so I think she's just continuing her trend... making you the cause and getting you off balance. Now you are a bad Christian if you don't do what she says. One more thing for her to tell her friends or to hold over you.

if you need strength from faith, seek it. But you are not restricted to where she is.

as for the drinking, just watch yourself. Been there a bit myself... times when I drank more and others when I drank not at all. In the end, when you drink cause you're uspet, you are left with the next day and the problems still there. We both know it doesn't solve anything. At the same time, after a long day a glass can take an edge off.

so anyway, just try to stay focused on yourself. The next thing shell do is likely try to get your number from someone else or try to make contact. She's still needing you to need her, even if she's cut her ties. Again, just more of the same...

just understand changing your number is not the end of it all. my wife ended up doing this twice with an ex who acted a lot like yours... hed send a present or flowers... and then drive by randomly to see if she was home or not... and then call all hours of the night... well, he managed to find her new number after she changed it by going through a friends stuff when she wasnt looking...

so... she sure sounds like she was ready to cut ties on her side but she wanted your ties to remain. its normal and to want your ex to be pining for you and wanting you and suffering a little for you, that is unless youre the ex.

so i think shes just continuing her trend... making you the cause and getting you off balance. now you are a bad Christian if you dont do what she says. one more thing for her to tell her friends or to hold over you.

if you need strength from faith, seek it. but you are not restricted to where she is.

as for the drinking, just watch yourself. been there a bit myself... times when i drank more and others when i drank not at all. in the end, when you drink cause youre uspet, you are left with the next day and the problems still there. we both know it doesnt solve anything. at the same time, after a long day a glass can take an edge off.

so anyway, just try to stay focused on yourself. the next thing shell do is likely try to get your number from someone else or try to make contact. shes still needing you to need her, even if shes cut her ties. again, just more of the same...




Thanks for the post, and yes I will, ii don't know why she just doesn't get out my life.

Because she doesn't want to let you go yet. My ex did the same that's why she always came back.

Because she doesn't want to let you go yet. My ex did the same thats why she always came back.


If I didn't want to let someone go, I wouldn't change my number lol. Now if I change MY number, she will be REALLY screwed

... and yes I'm going to change it

I think once my ex get dumped from this new guy or she gets bored she'll be coming around again. And once my house is sold I am also changing my cell phone #.

Understand not letting you go easily doesn't mean she wants you back.

Its normal when a relationship ends, even if you wanted it, to have some pains in missing the norm, the security. As I've said, your ex wants you to want her, wants to think you are thinking about her, wants to know you are sorry she's gone.

It isn't about you, its about her. She might not be letting go easily, but I don't think its cause she's interested in a stable relationship with you. She just sounds like she needs to feel propped up... and when you stop being there for her, she's got to figure it out all on her own.

So yeah... it sounds like a contradiction when you hear she doesn't want to let it go and yet she changes her number. Its not. Its all part of the same mess. It just shows you cannot really trust what she says or does.

Sucks that its like this, but better to know the reality. Now you can begin moving on. And there is better out there. You don't have to put up with this kind of noise.

You should also figure things out for yourself. Jumping into another relationship might mask some issues, but you need to find yourself on firm ground before you take another shot at a relationship. Sometimes that means you feel like crap for a time until you are sick of it and decide to do something about it.

I almost lost my mind. Last night she calls (I know you guys are tired of this thread by now)

Last night she calls, and kept calling until I picked up. So I pick up and she says how wonderful church service was. It's a convention all week that's goes all day long. So she asked if I made it to it, and I said I was busy. And she told me what it was about and hopefully that I wouild be there tonight or tomorrow night. The she said "well I'm going to bed, I have to get up at 8am for tommorrows convention. I will talk to you later. That's literally how short the conversation was...

Good thing my number change goes into effect at midnight

You need to tell her to leave you alone, and for some reason I feel you have not let her go yet.

I have to get up at 8am for tommorrows convention
U said she has a job. How could someone would leave work for convention, doesn't matter how important to her it is,tomorrow as today is Thursday,doesn't she have to work? I don't think what she said makes any sense.
This lady is driving me nuts.

No she does have a job she is a manager, she is on vacation this week. That I know for a fact, I use to come to her job to take her to lunch a lot

She is a nut, cuckoo,cuckoo!!

She is a nut, cuckoo,cuckoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


LOL @ talaniman

I think she is Confused. Part of her wants out, part of her wants in is what it seems. Its like she has to know almost everyuday what's going on with me... She is VERY VERY sensitive, I'm not sure if this would have anything to do with it

Do you know what her focus on life is?

To minister to people and help people

DougE... I think she is trying to give herself a boost by letting you know she is keeping busy and making it seem like she is unaffected by the whole thing. Good thing you changed your number. She wanted out, so now you show her what that means. You live a good and happy life. You deserve it. You get everything that this life has to offer you without looking back. Be glad it happened if even possible but certainly keep your head up and look to the future! God bless you!

DougE...I think she is trying to give herself a boost by letting you know she is keeping busy and making it seem like she is unaffected by the whole thing. Good thing you changed your number. She wanted out, so now you show her what that means. You live a good and happy life. You deserve it. You get everything that this life has to offer you without looking back. Be glad it happened if even possible but certainly keep your head up and look to the future! God bless you!


Thank you I really appreciated that

Now one last question guys do you think if I FINALLY not answer the phone tonight when she calls, she will panic, or get angry given the details I mentioned earlier in this thread?

Who gives a damn what she thinks.

You are still caring about it. Meaning you are still not moving on very much.

It does not matter what she thinks.

I know I don't care what she thinks or how she feels, I was just wanting to knoe for myself... makes no sense I know

Nope Doug, makes no sense. If you don't care, then why do you want to know.

Have contacted a counselor yet? It would really benefit you to get the professional help you need.

Anyway how is she going to call you if you changed your number? Did you really change your number or did you just tell us you did?

She has my house number J-9

Then change it. Simple as that, change all numbers. Get some professional help as she has really played a number with your mind.

I know all the things she did to me, as yes my number is changed, and I know all the things I did to her. But sh must care, why else on earth would you invitie someone to church, church on top of all other things. She even said you probably won't see me "i'll be in the choir stand, so i wouldnt know if u came"

Because she wants to know she still hs you under her thumb. She wants to know if she still says jump you will respond back how high?

Dude, she never really cared about you. No one who treated you the way she did cared about anyone other then herself. What now that she's been going to church for a few weeks she's redeemed? My grandmother always said the biggest sinners are the loudest about church.

Because she wants to know she still hs you under her thumb. She wants to know if she still says jump you will respond back how high?

Dude, she never really cared about you. No one who treated you the way she did cared about anyone other then herself. What now that shes been going to church for a few weeks she's redeemed? My grandmother always said the biggest sinners are the loudest about church.



Biggest sinners are the loudest about church LOL

Ahh feels so good to have my phone number changed... feels so free. I hope she is just panicking, not that I care, but the things she did to me, I wonder when she realizes she's been CUT OFF like she cut me off how she will feel... Uh yeah I'm going to have access to him, but he won't to me... what a dumb $#@!

Hope she is now depressed her "bank" is GONE and now she will just have to flap her wings to someone else

now shell do the drive bys... random stop ins... all that crap. I have that paper clip you gave me thought you'd need it back... hopefully not.

Still got the same bank account number? Have you contacted the credit agencies since she does have your social # ?

Still got the same bank account number? have you contacted the credit agencies since she does have your social # ?

I'm with J-9. This is even more important then the phone number change. You never know what someone is capable of doing until they do it.

dumb mistake number one. you know you need to not be friends to get away from this noise.




problems coping with an inheritance after a parents death isnt uncommon. but dont blame her for the cash you blew. like it or not, even if you were not perfectly stable mentally, you were just as much a part of the problem. you were not disciplined financially. you did not make clear your expectations financially... meaning if she pulled the kind of crap you said she did, that you should have thought twice about whether it was worth it. it wasnt, was it?

again... hard to cope after your dads death. i get it. even blowing some of the money, i get it. but you really can't blame her too much. you were as much to blame, so you need to let that go.





uh. hmmm. no you have not been broken up since june 5th. youve been shacking, screwing, fighting, and otherwise hanging out.

uh... you want her to realize her mistake? nope. sorry buddy. thats not part of the plan.

when you break it off it isnt with the condition that the other person ever, in any way, feels sorry for what they have done to you.

if they were sorry in the first place, ya probably wouldnt be broken up.

so you need to suck it up here. ive been there. we all like to think our ex's are suffering a little, missing us, sorry for all the bad things. well... doesnt work like that.

your wanting that is normal, but as long as you hold onto "is she sorry", well, you still arent broken up completely.

so who cares if shes sorry or not. unless you are interested in furthering a failed relationship with a person whom you can't trust emotionally or financially...

i know... three years is a long time to spend just to realize you were with the wrong person. at least it took you less time than me. i was with a girl (not married) almost 7 years. the minute i finally walked away, after all the noise and crap, i was in a better place. yeah, it sucked for a year or so... but man, dont go back there again.

shes bad for you and unless you expect better for yourself and OF yourself, you are going to get it.

WOW - exactly! Also...The money he spent, he could have used to make another woman who cared for him "more attractive" if just "looks" meant so much to him..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_19_1.gif Oh well, live and learn.. I hope.

Ahh feels so good to have my phone number changed.........feels so free. I hope she is just panicking, not that I care, but the things she did to me, i wonder when she realizes she's been CUT OFF like she cut me off how she will feel.....Uh yeah im going to have access to him, but he wont to me....what a dumb $#@!

hope she is now depressed her "bank" is GONE and now she will just have to flap her wings to someone else

get over it already, and get help before you make someone else the center of your universe. The only one 'giving a damn' should be you, but you have to take yourself serious and realize you really need to work on your obsessions. Stop thinking about how she will feel about anything you do, because she doesn't care...


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_165_7.gif

get over it already, and get help before you make someone else the center of your universe. The only one 'giving a damn' should be you, but you have to take yourself serious and realize you really need to work on your obsessions. Stop thinking about how she will feel about anything you do, because she doesn't care....


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_165_7.gif

Well Cherry... IF SHE wastnt OBSESSED, she Wouldn't GET CALLING MY PHONE, ESPECIALLY AFTER GETTING HER NUMBER CHANGED.. . you don't think she is OBSESSED? Why else would you do it other than just flat out CRAZY?

Doug,

Chill out on Chery already. This thread is 17 pages long, which means 170 posts, including this one. It is very obvious that you need some help that we cannot give you.

Your Ex may be obsessed, but you seem to have some problems of your own that only professionals can help you with.

Doug,

Chill out on Chery already. This thread is 17 pages long, which means 170 posts, including this one. It is very obvious that you need some help that we cannot give you.

Your Ex may be obsessed, but you seem to have some problems of your own that only professionals can help you with.


Yeah J-9 I'm starting to think you are right. I wish I did not put someone the center of my universe. Ive been in counseling since November 2006 and to no avail. I'm drinking like crazy and its just bad

Then you need to find another counselor. You have been in counseling for over a year now, there is something not right if you are not beginning to get better.

Drinking only makes things worse.

Then you need to find another counselor. You have been in counseling for over a year now, there is something not right if you are not beginning to get better.

Drinking only makes things worse.


Yeah very true, I'll end up drunk dialing and it hasn't been successful. I guess when ureally loved someone and cared for them, ALTHOUGH it wasn't reciprocated back, it hurts and bites like a poisness snake

Yep, I have been there, Captian Morgan and me got to be good friends getting over one before. But in the end I was just a depressed drunk instead of just being depressed. The no contact is really and honestly the only way to ever get over someone you have been really crazy over.
It is hard, for me, I actually sold my home and moved, just so I would not have contact, it worked but took time.

Yep, I have been there, Captian Morgan and me got to be good friends getting over one before. But in the end I was just a depressed drunk instead of just being depressed. The no contact is really and honestly the only way to ever get over someone you have been really crazy over.
It is hard, for me, I actually sold my home and moved, just so I would not have contact, it worked but took time.

Wow, thanks for that Chuck. I was beginning to be that depressed drunk, even my close friends were scared of being around me. They said I've changed that now I'm just drinking I'm becoming more obnoxious when drunk. Last night I had to be carried home and put in the bed... I think what I FORGOT to leave out in this ENTIRE post was that...

My father that I was VERY close to died of cancer in June 2005 right in front of me. Not so pleasant seeing a parent take their last breath in front of you. My father begged and pleaded with me to spend time with him during his final days... and what did I DO? I spent time with this dumb #@#!@. My father would always say I wish you would spend time with me, laugh, watch a movie, and be around me, because I don't have much longer left. So basically, I would go to work, go hang out with her until 11PM, come home, tell my dad goodnight, and go to bed... The next day... same exact routine... Weekends?? Oh yes I was with her. While my father is dying and on an oxygen take. The ROCK of my LIFE. The father that was a Mother AND Father to me. The father who gave me anything I wanted so long as I mainted a high gpa in college... Now I c why... I didn't have time to grieve his death because I was AROUND HER 24-7... You know my mother kept TELLING me what the deal was with this girl when she first met her... and like an ignorant son, I didn't listen... But oh well, The earth still revolves, you can ONLY move forward and NOT look BACK... One lesson I learned from this:


"If you keep putting your hands in mess, you'll always get shi$@ results!"

By the way, this was the father that left the inheritance... funny, my brother still has all of his... and he tried to get me to give it to him to invest and watch it. He is 33. I am 27

My father passed about 18 months ago, and I was with him as he passed.
But for me I knew he was leaving a world of pain and suffering to a much better place, that is where my faith has helped me see the better in life. I think that Dad would have wanted me to be the one to say the final good bye to. Now back in my depressed days, I don't think I would have seen it that way.

Anyone going through a break up, I SUGGEST you download erykah badu "Green Eyes"... The song, if you are capable of digging deep, you see there are three parts:
Denial , Acknowledgement, Re-Lapse


Go to limewire download: Erykah Badu - Green Eyes


Here are the lyrics:

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

I don't care, I swear
I'm too through with you I am
You don't mean nothing to me
So be with your friend

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

I'm insecure
But I can't help it
My mind says move on
My heart let right
But I don't love you any more
I'm so insecure
Never knew that love did this
Ooh, ooh

I can't remember the last time I felt this way
About somebody
You've done something to my mind
And I can't control it
But I don't love you any more
Yes I do, I do
Loving you is wrong baby
Ooh, ooh

La-di-da
Dum-dee-da-da
Dum-didi-da-da-da
Dum-didi-da-dum-di

I'm so confused
You tried to trick me yeah
Ooh, ooh, oh
Never knew that love could hurt like this
Never thought I would but I got dissed
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside
Feel embarrassed so I want to hide
Silly me I thought your love was true
Change my name to Silly E. Badu
Before I heal, it's going to be a while
I know it's going to be a while, chile
[ Lyrics accessible from Rare Lyrics: Over 176 000+ Free Song Lyrics! (http://www.rare-lyrics.com) ]

[ad-libs]

I hope it's not too late
Too late, too late, too late
Feeling insecure
Your love has got me sore
I don't want no more

Oh, oh
It's too late, oh, oh ooh, ooh
I'm sorry I love you
At first when you was cool
You told me you loved me too, ooh
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
You wanted me to go away
But I can't go
See I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late

Just make love to me
Just one more time and then you'll see
I can't believe I made a desperate plea
Believe me yeah, ye-ah, no, oh
You see I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Don't you know, I can't leave, it's too late
Can't go no where, no
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late yeah
Come on babe

Don't you want be strong with me
You told me we could have a family
Want to run to me when you're down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you want to run again
Open your arms and you'll come back in
Want to run cause you say your afraid, afraid

Never knew what a friendship
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
And I don't know why I f#@! With you

I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains

Day 6 of no contact... Man do those waves of emotion kill you, lol... sometimes you don't care about the person, then you miss them, then you don't care... its like a wave that occuirs, but I assume that's natural lol

Stay NC and in about 2 months you will start to feel a lot better.

Stay NC and in about 2 months you will start to feel alot better.


It seems like the longer u don't contact the harder it is to resist the urge, although it SHOULD be the longer u don't contact, the easier it gets. Maybe its just the first few weeks its like that

The first 30 days SUCK. Flat out suck. They are horrible. Once you get past 30 days it gets better. Not easy but better.

the first 30 days SUCK. Flat out suck. They are horrible. once you get past 30 days it gets better. Not easy but better.


And glinda would u say this as far as the dumper as well? Ivfe been on both sides

I believe if the dumper is not prepared and dumps that person out of the blue he or she will have just as long of a time to heal. But usually the dumper has already prepared themselves before they dump you.

I believe if the dumper is not prepared and dumps that person out of the blue he or she will have just as long of a time to heal. But usually the dumper has already prepared themselves before they dump you.

So SAB, I think u said it before, but whens the last time u heard from your ex?>

So SAB, i think u said it before, but whens the last time u heard from your ex?>
I think it's been 4.5 months since we had our last conversation by e-mail, but it's been about a month since she has stopped driving by and riding bike past house or turning around when she see's me driving. But I still don't know if she is I heard she bought new car. So if she does drive by or see's me I don't really know. Which is better for me out of site out of mind. But it seems her son's step brothers and sister are coming over more often then in the beginning of breakup.

So remember whern I told you guys I changed my number, and that I haven't heard from her since Wednesday. Sometimes you just know folks like the back of your hand... she called my house phone from her house phone like 6 times last night, I didn't answer, It was VERY hard emotionally to do this. But it had to be DONE. I just think she is still trying to know what is going on in my life.

...I think what i FORGOT to leave out in this ENTIRE post was that.....

my father that I was VERY close to died of cancer in June 2005 right in front of me. Not so pleasant seeing a parent take their last breath in front of you. My father begged and pleaded with me to spend time with him during his final days.....and what did I DO? I spent time with this dumb #@#!@. My father would always say i wish you would spend time with me, laugh, watch a movie, and be around me, because I dont have much longer left. So basically, I would go to work, go hang out with her until 11PM, come home, tell my dad goodnight, and go to bed.....The next day.....same exact routine......Weekends???? Oh yes i was with her. while my father is dying and on an oxygen take. The ROCK of my LIFE. The father that was a Mother AND Father to me. The father who gave me anything i wanted so long as i mainted a high gpa in college....Now i c why.....I didnt have time to grieve his death because i was AROUND HER 24-7....You know my mother kept TELLING me what the deal was with this girl when she first met her....and like an ignorant son, I didnt listen....But oh well, The earth still revolves, you can ONLY move forward and NOT look BACK.....One lesson I learned from this:


No comment.

Man I want to call her back to see what she wanted those 5 missed calls... Gotta stay strong

Probably the same thing she always calls for. Money and to see what you are up too.

CHANGE THE HOME PHONE NUMBER!!

I thought you were going to do that.

Did you change bank accounts yet? Have you put a flag out on your SSN?

Okie, with that said. I am unsubscribing to this post. This is #190, 19 PAGES and you still haven't a clue.

She's going to bring you down further than she has already. We have all tried, yet you don't seem to want to take much of the advice. It's obvious that we are wasting our time here.

I believe deep down he doesn't want to let go. 4.5 months into mine I didn't even with the advice here but their comes a point where you have to let go even if it hurts. She not for you dude she's a user and in time you will see this. Start following the advice here it helps.

Thanks SAB123 and J-9 and all others for your help during this difficult time

OK gUYS, I PROMISE THIS IS MY LAST POST.


I checked the voicemail on my house phone, and I left a lot of cds over her apt, so she wanted to know if I wanted to come get them, or have her mail them to me. Then she called back like 10 minutes ago leaving another message saying because I ignored her yesterday, she just put them in the mail and hope all is well. Take care



Now maybe that's what it was all about, nothing more, nothing less... ya think?

Yous guys silence answers the question LOL

Yeah, I'm unsubscribing from the thread.

We all need a shoulder sometimes... and this site is a little addictive, but at this point its all the same stuff over and over. You either believe it or not.

Time to maybe stand on your own a little. It sucks. It hurts. Its just the way it is until it isn't.

Good luck, I'm out.

Doug, when I came here 5 1/2 months ago I was like you kept talking about what she did why she did this. After a while no one would answer my questions on certain issues of my ex fiancé. You know why, because they new it was a dead issue.

yous guys silence answers the question LOLShe's really not the problem - you need to fix yourself.

Speculating on someone else's thoughts, and motivations is waste of time. Its better to examine your own thoughts and motivations, as you can at least learn about yourself.

Yeah very true, thanks guys for everything... last night was interesting... had sex with an ex I was with before this one... WOW WAS IT GREAT! LOL