:eek: Hi Everyone,

Does anyone else get sick and tired of reading posts on here from women asking for advice on what to do because they are heartbroken and torn that they are dating married men?

I would like to open this up for all of us who aren't dating married men - and it can become a bit of a standing forum that all of those who are dating married men to refer to when they want advice.

1. Yes - you are stupid
2. No - He does not love you
3. No - he is not going to leave his wife
4. No - he is probably not going to get a divorce
5. Yes - if he cheated on his wife, he will probably cheat on you too.


Can we add all add from here and pray that it will mean we can all stop offering advice to those silly enough to believe what these nasty men say.

Ahh...

Yes! How about three cheers for sweet revenge on all of those nasty men!!

Although I applaud the sentiment of your post I don't really agree with you completely, I think each case needs to be looked at individually... if we could just blanket each question with threads like this... well this site would just be full of vague answers!

Also, there are men (and women) who are in loveless marriages who do leave their wives (or husbands), get divorced, settle down with girlfriend (or boyfriend) they love and spend the rest of their lives together!

I don't think all adulterers should be tarred with the same brush!

Thanks for listening!

J

Well Three cheers for sweet revenge on the men that do that for the wrong reasons!

Okay, 2 things.

1) I was living with a married but separated man for five years then discovered that he was cheating on me with his wife! One day he turned around and told me they were getting back together!

2) The thing to remember is.. If a married man can treat his wife, the mother of his children with so little respect what chance do you (the other woman) have?! "

Ladies, respect yourselves. No married (or separated) man is going to make you happy. If you do find a separated man, back off until he has all his affairs in order - no pun intended.

I agree with you, adultery just makes me sick

I would just die if my husband did this to me and yes it would kill me if I did it to him. (the guilt alone would tip me over the edge) I posted something similar to this but I didn't call them stupid. I also think that not all situations are the same and sometimes looking into it, you finally realize this. That is why I am a crank sometimes and a love sometimes... Just love the one you are with, especially if you are married. You gain self respect making a marriage work. A lot of it.

As I posted last month to someone else's question


I'm dating a married man. ((how dumb does that sound!))

It sounds more pathetic, disgusting, mean, cruel terrible, heartless..... etc

My X Fiance and I were deeply in love and so happy and because of a girl like you, hell maybe it was you, tore us apart. I HATE CHEATERS! And to be honest you're giving us girls a bad name to which I don't really appreciate and neither do other people I'm sure

Comments on this post
Raynefreak agrees: isnt that the f-ing truth

And I would like to add that this is why men cheat in the first place!! If there weren't any hussies to cheat with then there would be no cheaters in the first place! And women wonder why they are looked at as "objects"... Sad, Sad and very Pathetic

startover22 agrees: That would be a hearless answer if the Hussy had no idea the man was married!!! Be a little nicer cause each story is different!

What I stated was directly towards hussies; Just as I stated.

If you didn't know any better or have ANY knowledge that he was married/taken then you are not a hussie, you are just naïve and should get out of it ASAP.

Sorry for the misconception

Hello.

I never have understood why people think they can change others. If a man / lady has cheated on their husband / wife how can you honestly think they will not cheat on you. I have been giving advice on this type of site for over 20 years now and the never ending statement of "he / she would never do that to me" OR "its wasn't his / her fault they where pushed into it" OR the best one "it just happened". The bad thing is people believe that B.S. every day. Some from more then one person. I can't count how many times I have received questions that say they have been cheated on in many of their past relationships. Maybe you should start looking at where your finding your Mr. or Mrs. Right at next time.

If a person is in a loveless relationship then get out before you start the new relationship.

Dennis777

I am not dating a married man, not dating at all. Lol. But once, when I was 22, I met a guy who never told me he was married. We dated for three months and I honestly never had clue one. We saw each other a few times a week and my weekends off. Never slept over - I worked nights so I did not put two and two togather. I had told him from the first date this was not going to be a sexual relationship until there was a wedding. So that eliminated that element. One night his best friend came over and asked me if he was there and I said no, I did not expect him. He asked if he could wait and I said no, I was about to get ready for work. Then he sat down and told me that my boyfriend was already married. He told me he had to tell me, could not stand to see his friend doing the double life thing.
What a shock! You could have knocked over with a feather. I went to work that night thinking how I could justify murder. He called me at work and asked me to meet him for breakfast, which I did. As we were sitting there, drinking coffee, I told him what I found out. He did not deny any of it. Gave me the song and dance about unhappy and not in love and all that razzle. I got up from the table, coffee cup in hand, and poured it on his lap. Walked out. Changed my phone number and that was that.
Women deserve more respect from themselves than to put up with a guy who is never going to be accessible.

This could be it...

You take a mortal man,
And put him in control
Watch him become a god,
Watch peoples heads aroll
Aroll...

/chorus/
Just like the pied piper
Led rats through the streets
We dance like marionettes,
Swaying to the symphony...
Of destruction

Acting like a robot,
Its metal brain corrodes.
You try to take its pulse,
Before the head explodes.
Explodes...

/chorus/

The earth starts to rumble
World powers fall
Awarring for the heavens,
A peaceful man stands tall
Tall...

Reminds me of married men cheating...

And all the dumb women that fall for their cunning ways ;)

Hmmmmmmm that was pretty strong and raw. Liked it though! Thanks for sharing. Let's all remember that every situation does vary.

It's megadeth, has to be strong a raw :)

it kind of does remind me of it though.. how a man gains total control, and then looses it all in the end anyway... even if every situation is different, I'm talking about the ones that happen exactly like she explained above ^_^

I hate to let everyone know but I at first thought it was Anthrax. Yes I used to love that kind of music but my son was born 13 years ago and I stopped listening to it. My favaorite was Danzig, I still melt when I hear it. Anyway that would be a whole other post so as you were saying. Men can have no control over me like that. I wish it the same for all of us women. And as for Victoria, thanks for clearing it up. I appreciate it!

AHH anthrax... I did actually like their remake of "im the man" twas funny...

But yes... that is megadeth's best song...

I know we seem to justify it by saying that 'every situation is different'

But...

If it was an acceptable behaviour - why would it be in the 10 commandments of things NOT to do... Though shall NOT commit adultry.

I agree that marriages can come to an end... but NEVER should it be because of a third party... if it's over, let it be over, but let it be over for the right reasons... another woman, or another man, influencing your decision to end a marriage is not right in my books... and it just makes me cranky that it happens

I feel that it happens because in today's society people lack respect for each other - and without respect, how can love grow?

That is not what I was saying Pook, I agree with you completely. We have a lack of respect in this day and age. I am teaching my children differently and living my life well too!

I get so tired of hearing each situation is different. Cheating is cheating unless you honestly don't know that the other is married.

I get so tired of hearing each situation is different.

Why? Every situation IS different!

What about a man who is constantly beating and abusing his wife, another man comes along and offers to take her away, to save her from this terrible life.

Are you seriously saying she should say
"Well, wait up, I'll get a divorce first THEN we can have a relationship!"

Nah, I don't think so!

I agree that a lot of people in extra-marital affairs are in the wrong, hell I've even told them so on this forum before! I just don't think we should blanket EVERYONE with the same stereotype!

Imagine if someone who has real problems, on the brink of a breakdown, logs onto this site for help, and this is the first thread he/she sees? I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for tipping them over the edge!

That's exactly what I'm saying...
If someone is in an bad marriage, be it beatings or mental abuse, get out and then have your affair. Just because you're unhappy in your marriage doesn't mean that it would be right for you to have an affair. Even if prince charming showed up on your doorstep to 'rescue' you. If he's a decent man, he'll wait. Furthermore, if this thread tipped anyone over the edge, then they need therapy and shouldn't have come in here for advice in the first place. The women who come in here heartbroken over their lover being married are only coming here for justification. Everyone who comes in here knows right from wrong. Don't you agree?

Everyone who comes in here knows right from wrong. Don't you agree?
Knowing and doing, are two different things and sometimes we just get caught up with feeling good, whether its right or wrong. There will always be those who do wrong, but have no skills or courage to do better, and you never really know where they come from, or why they do what they do.
Having said that, some of these mistresses know full well what they do, and don't care, and there are those that are hurting already, and what their doing is hurting them more. To those I can give honest advice, and sympathy and support. To those others I will give then honest, no matter how it is perceived.

So true. And pook_myster is my hero for making this thread. I can't stand when women try to ruin marriages, what are those called: Homewreckers. They don't want advice (though they usually post for advice) but they seek reason, an good reason at that, to justify what they are doing. I hate it, but I do sympathize for the delusional women who are being fooled by men who "want it all".

Well I have to say this is a very interesting thread. I do agree with what most of you are saying. It is so difficult to be patient and understanding of those with such a lack of self control or moral fiber. Unfortunately, we are all unique, as our perceptions and experiences are as well. WE cannot put all situations in one category, even if our perspective of it is the same. Once we realize that without prejudice and judgment, comes true compassion and insight. Yes, cheating is wrong. YEs it is ALWAYS wrong. Our understand of that is part of our social and intellectual maturity. Not everyone has that. Not everyone on here has such clear cut beliefs and values to look towards when making such important decisions, that have such detrimental consequences. (AT least in the US)We are in a society that believes in instant gratification. We want things and we want them now. Whether it be a technological gadget, or a new outfit. We charge, we overspend, we overeat and everything is in excess. Many People don't have their focus on doing what is right, they are focused on what feels good in the moment. Why should sex be any different. I am not justifying it, just trying to bring insight to make people more patient on this subject. Many people cheat because they crave the physical interaction, they don't feel satisfied in their current relationships. Some people cheat because they are selfish, home wreckers who simply do not care about hurting others. Then there are those who cheat because their lives are unbearable, due to physical or phsycological abuse and this is a release for them. The reasons vary from person to person. I believe our job on here is to lead people to the right choices. Open their eyes to something that may be crystal clear to us, but to them it is hazy and distorted. Maybe they never learned about having self control, not acting on impulse, or giving the life skills to have an appropriate relationship. The advice we can offer can maybe bring some clarity into their lives. Some people will want to feel justified in their affair, some may actually want to understand why its wrong, some may change their mind and stop. We have no control over that. However, being open to hearing it, makes us that much more equipped to giving the answers they need to hear . We can be objective, and still disagree with their lifestyle. I would never ruin my marriage or anyone else's for sex, but that doesn't mean I can't try to understand and learn why someone else would. Our reality only lies in our perception of it.

IT CAN HAPPEN TO MEN TOO...

I have not read EVERY comment in this dicussion so if someone has said this already I apologize...

I was talking to buddy of mine the other day when he mentioned that he had fallen in love with and started dating a married women unknowingly and it broke his heart to find out about it after sever months. So I would like to say for the record that this can and will happen to men as well, and I feel no less sorry for them as I do towards us girls...

I just think it's disgusting when 'homewreckers' want sympathy. This is the main topic of this thread. Not about those that need love so badly, or a quick fix to their relationship problems. But those that knowingly seek out to destroy someone's marriage and then when things don't go their way, and the person doesn't leave their spouse for them, they go looking for support and justification. Boo hoo.

And... I agree... "stop offering advice to those silly enough to believe what these nasty men say."

Yes - I am very sick and tired of reading such posts. And I rarely respond to them, only because I know that I'd just be parroting every other reasonable and sensible person who's already responded to such a post. It always take two to cheat ; both the married person and the person who accepts the indignity of being a sideshow. Maybe they somehow naively believe that things will eventually work out. I also find it rather interesting, as this thread suggests, that it's always single women struggling with the issue of cheating with married men. You almost never hear stories of the opposite scenario, of single men cheating with married women. Either way, it's a dumb thing to do and amounts to emotional and moral suicide.

Lol, you guys are silly!

Look, anyone cheating on their wife is in the wrong, and anyone stupid enough to believe that they actually love you is also in the wrong, unless you don't know they have a wife... now, for the people going through a divorce, that's fine... you are no longer WITH your wife, but I would suggest KNOWING that you love you wife before matramony, because something like this could happen to you, and yes, girls cheat too...

Are you seriously saying she should say
"Well, wait up, I'll get a divorce first THEN we can have a relationship!"




Um... yeah - That's EXACTLY what I am saying!

Right On Pook!! Thank God!

You people amaze me with your close mindedness.

Here are a couple of situations for you:

My sister, a good woman who did everything she could to make her marriage last, counseling--the whole nine yard--is in the middle of a divorce. A VERY nasty divorce. The divorce proceedings have thus far lasted 2 years, with at LEAST another year of negotiating before things get final. The main reason it's taking so long? They have 5 kids, and both want full custody of them. My sister left when he lost his temper and beat her bloody. She waited until he left for work, packed a bag for each of the kids, grabbed her purse, and ran like hell.

2 years is a LONG time, especially when your relationship was dead long before then. My sister started spending time with groups of friends she'd had before marriage, and found that a male friend of hers was very supportive. She didn't leave her marriage for this other guy, and she's still technically married to her husband. After 2 years of renewed friendship (she's known this new guy since she was 12), they've started dating.

Technically, she's cheating on her husband. Will you condemn her because all cheating is cheating?

2nd scenario:

Before my husband and I were married, we'd been living together. At one point in time, he got wrapped up in a computer game, and I felt for several months that I was taken for granted. No sex, no thank you for dinner, no help with housework, no going out... I was just another body in the house. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get my relationship back on track. Another guy came into this situation and swept me off my feet, giving me attention, and compliments, and making me feel sexy for the first time in a very long time. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed. I regretted it the minute it was done, and told my boyfriend about it. It nearly destroyed our relationship, but we were both willing to fight for it, and he's never EVER taken me for granted again.

People are HUMAN. They make mistakes. It's as much (or MORE) the married person's fault as it is the person who is strung along by them.

Just remember---karma works. The condemnation you feel for someone whose situation you judge without attempting to understand will come back to you, when someone condemns you for a decision you make to try to be happy in your own life.

Synnen, thanks a million for sharing your experiences in this thread. Your post has just added a huge weight to what I was trying to put across.

People are far too happy sitting in their bubble, labelling people as black and white without any consideration for the grey areas real-life throws up.


People are HUMAN. They make mistakes.

Never a truer word spoken!


Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

J

Yes, we all make mistakes and yes we deserve chances to be forgiven depending on said mistake. The extent of a mistake is what makes it bad or unforgivable.

Whatever the situation is, learn from it. That is what I say, if you truly aren't sorry for it then you aren't growing like you should be. Jumans do make mistakes, I have made my share. I am not sure I know anyone that hasn't. Hugs to you all, Start

My X Fiance and I were deeply in love and so happy and because of a girl like you, hell maybe it was you, tore us apart.

Am I the only one who thinks that if somebody's happy in a relationship, they don't run off with some random hussie? And if somebody's unhappy but committed in a relationship, they try to work on the relationship and still don't run off with some random hussie.

Synenn...

The marriage was over because she'd left him and had filed for divorce. I don't consider that cheating. The only thing that was left was the paperwork to finalize it.

And as for your cheating on your boyfriend, you weren't married, so no vows were broken. Before you get married is exactly the time to find yourself and work out issues you might have so that you won't feel the need to cheat when you are married.

Synnen, et al. Seeing someone two years into a heated divorce is not cheating. No trust is broken, and the vows have long since been broken by him when he beat her, so she is no longer obligated to remain faithful. She's moving on with her life, simple as that.

You owned up to your mistake and worked to save your relationship. It's finding love and forgiveness after infidelity, which is a good thing.

What the OP is talking about are women with no sense of dignity who post to complain that the sleaze bags they are sleeping with behind wives' backs aren't leaving their wives or are cheating on with a third woman. These posters come across as vapid and selfish. It's very hard to offer the sympathy they seek given that we generally have a hard time wishing homewreckers well.

Now if a woman or man posted that s/he had made a mistake and had a one night stand, realized the mistake, and was desperate to fix the marriage, I am pretty sure the members of this board would offer sympathy and advice. i.e. get counseling, tell, don't tell, never give up hope, leave, or whatever the advice may be based on the facts.

:eek: Hi Everyone,

Does anyone else get sick and tired of reading posts on here from women asking for advice on what to do because they are heartbroken and torn that they are dating married men?

I would like to open this up for all of us who aren't dating married men - and it can become a bit of a standing forum that all of those who are dating married men to refer to when they want advice.

1. Yes - you are stupid
2. No - He does not love you
3. No - he is not going to leave his wife
4. No - he is probably not going to get a divorce
5. Yes - if he cheated on his wife, he will probably cheat on you too.


Can we add all add from here and pray that it will mean we can all stop offering advice to those silly enough to believe what these nasty men say.
I understand that somebody can get sick and tired of reading such messages and letter. So, don't read. I would also recommend to check your own closet and your husband closet for hidden skeletons. Sorry.

Every situation is different with its own circumstances... sometimes life at home is just so miserable that TWO married people find solace in each other...

Every situation is different with its own circumstances... sometimes life at home is just so miserable that TWO married people find solace in each other...
That doesn't make cheating right. Deal with why the home is so miserable, and change that, before you go swapping body fluid with a stranger. DUH!!!!!.

Well Three cheers for sweet revenge on the men that do that for the wrong reasons!
For the wrong reason? Please tell us what YOU THINK are the RIGHT reasons. :confused:

How is it possible to give a person advice who cannot reason IN THEIR OWN MINDS that what they are involved in (of their own free will) is to their detriment? What good can come out of having a sexual relationship with a liar & cheat? How it possible to trust someone you have ALLOWED into your life who has such low morals. He can only offer you what is left over after his wife gets her share. Believe me, if another woman don't want it, neither do I! If you knew her, could talk to her one on one, she would tell you all about the whys and why nots. She has a rich history of living with this man--you only see him when his wife makes it available for him to get away. If he was to tell you the truth, he most likely will say that you are only for now and that's it. Your 'relationship' will last forever ONLY if he can continue to drop by, hit the booty and bounce.

The main attraction is this: Because he has a life & family outside of the mess going on with you, he isn't able to see you on a regular basis. By the time the two of you are able to be alone there is an element of excitement caused by the hidden (secret) desire to have sex with someone who is willing to have casual sex and allow him to get up and leave afterwards without much drama.

At home is where all the drama lives. It's called: responsibility--which he has none with you. The one or few dollars he leaves on the nightstand is less than what a professional would charge. Men love cutting cost on expensive purchases. Ask any car dealership.

You are on your own, alone, lonely and desperately needy.

All the things his wife has, you also want but are not willing or intelligent enough to do what is required--hard work. It's very difficult to maintain a marriage and especially now that women are calling themselves and others bi***es and wh****s and living lifestyles that match their new trashy titles.

You people amaze me with your close mindedness.

Here are a couple of situations for you:

My sister, a good woman who did everything she could to make her marriage last, counseling--the whole nine yard--is in the middle of a divorce. A VERY nasty divorce. The divorce proceedings have thus far lasted 2 years, with at LEAST another year of negotiating before things get final. The main reason it's taking so long? they have 5 kids, and both want full custody of them. My sister left when he lost his temper and beat her bloody. she waited until he left for work, packed a bag for each of the kids, grabbed her purse, and ran like hell.

2 years is a LONG time, especially when your relationship was dead long before then. My sister started spending time with groups of friends she'd had before marriage, and found that a male friend of hers was very supportive. She didnt' leave her marriage for this other guy, and she's still technically married to her husband. After 2 years of renewed friendship (she's known this new guy since she was 12), they've started dating.

Technically, she's cheating on her husband. Will you condemn her because all cheating is cheating?

2nd scenario:

Before my husband and I were married, we'd been living together. At one point in time, he got wrapped up in a computer game, and I felt for several months that I was taken for granted. No sex, no thank you for dinner, no help with housework, no going out....I was just another body in the house. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get my relationship back on track. Another guy came into this situation and swept me off my feet, giving me attention, and compliments, and making me feel sexy for the first time in a very long time. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed. I regretted it the minute it was done, and told my boyfriend about it. It nearly destroyed our relationship, but we were both willing to fight for it, and he's never EVER taken me for granted again.

People are HUMAN. They make mistakes. It's as much (or MORE) the married person's fault as it is the person who is strung along by them.

Just remember---karma works. The condemnation you feel for someone whose situation you judge without attempting to understand will come back to you, when someone condemns you for a decision you make to try to be happy in your own life.
There is no lawful difference between being married and/or separated. The period of separation is called 'litigation'.

What is 'litigation'?
"A controversy before a court or a "lawsuit" is commonly referred to as “litigation”. If it is not settled by agreement between the parties it would eventually be heard and decided by a judge or jury in a court. Litigation is one way that people and companies resolve disputes arising out of an infinite variety of factual circumstances.

The term "litigation" is sometimes to distinguish lawsuits from “alternate dispute resolution” methods such as "arbitration" in which a private arbitrator would make the decision, or “mediation” which is a type of structured meeting with the parties and an independent third party who works to help them fashion an agreement among themselves."

The trouble here is at any time, the two parties can and sometimes do decide to return to living under the same roof to reunite in marriage. Happens all the time.

Any particular reason a 9 month old post dragged back to the surface?

From what I understand... unless they are removed, they can all circulate, right? Is it upsetting you & why?

Condemnation and judgments come in many ways and many forms. Everyone has the right to talk about any subject, as long as it is still an open thread. Maybe the subject was interesting to the reader and thus, began talking about it again. Either way, this is why they leave old posts on the site. I have seen very GOOD POSTs, including mine, disappear for NO valid reason whatsover. I have seen stupid ones that stay on here for months.

I guess if you don't want people responding to it, than close the thread. Otherwise, what difference does it make that someone responded to it? Maybe pointing out the close mindedness is part of the process of learning. Moreover, it is critical to realize the fact that no one can really determine what is right or wrong for someone else, it is a mere difference in perspective. It is all part of the awareness that comes from listening to other people's advice. Whether someone takes the advice or doesn't, shouldn't determine if you should give it. If they are interested in another perspective, that alone is reason to give advice, what they do with it, is their choice.

I for one thought this thread helped me realize things that I hadn't before. I learned a lot form the first post to the last.;) (goodness was I really that close minded?)No matter how old advice is, it is still useful!

Hold on for a moment of levity.

I'm married and I don't date married men.

I do however continue to date the Lady I married. I know that's got to be allowed!

Too everyone that feels sorry for the wife that got cheated on...
What if it was a different situation as to where the wife allowed her husband to go out and date other girls? Would that be her fault then?
I say it is.. she brought on herself! She asked for it. Why would any wife let there husband date other women? She actually thought that someone would not steal him away from her... WHAT about THAT situation so the other girl is at fault then? Or is it the dumb wife that thought it was okay!

Have you bumped your head or what? All that YOU 'know' is coming from THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND!! You have not had a conversation with this man's wife, right? How can YOU be so-o-o very, very stupid as to believe that liar is beyond me. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on--not even you! But you 'ALLOW' this man to live with his wife and use YOU. Yep, that's right! You have opened your door and your legs to a liar and a cheat and have the nerve to say that his wife is at fault. What's wrong with you is this: you are not conscience to the fact that you are being used, not aware of the 'games' me play, have no life experiences other that the mess you have created for yourself and YOU have NO MORALS (morality means a code of conduct held to be authoritative in matters of right and wrong). You are walking around with possible infections from this man who has sex with trashy women (such as yourself). Don't think you are the only or fist this man has set up (temporary) house with--that's impossible. It's plain to see that this is the way he has chosen to live and it has become just a habit for him now. After you, there will be others. Question: How many were before you? Don't worry, we'll all wait for your answer... Take your time--he is. You'll wake one morning old, fat, alone, with kids all from different men and still be stupid, wondering what happened to/with your youth. His wife will wake with death benefits after he dies from some unknown STD.

This thread is over a year old.

Since you can't be civil, it should be closed.

I agree with Pook!

Have you bumped your head or what? All that YOU 'know' is coming from THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND!!! ...

Can I just ask which post this is a response to... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

Can I just ask which post this is a response to ... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

My response was posted in the wrong area. Now... What, why and the how's of posting and responses DO NOT HAVE TO PLEASE ANY OF YOU. Civil? If you don't like it, don't read it. Treat it like cable tv--select to your own comfort. The topic is: "For all those dating married men..." Why expect anything differently. Unpleasant topic, unpleasant retort.:confused:

Can I just ask which post this is a response to ... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

No. An open rant is the signature you chose.

To all,

This is real easy to stop.

First, Married Men, pony up and be truthful. If you are about to go out on a date, ask your wife for permission. If she say yes, no problem. If you are afraid to ask, then you already know the answer.

Women, if for some silly reason you feel the need to jeopardize a marriage, call the wife, if she gives you her permission, no problem. If you are afraid to ask the question, you know the answer.

People know how they should behave. I don't understand why anyone would find it necessary to put a stranger in a position where her whole life could be wrecked because of an itch. What did the wife do to deserve this treatment?

I've been married 43 years now and I still have no desire to find another female. I'm confused enough with the lady I have. Besides, she has told me numerous times it is fine with her providing I get my autopsy prior to dating.

I think that's a NO!

My best friend from college recently called me.

She was sobbing.

Turns out that the guy she'd been seeing, the first guy she'd had the guts to date after her divorce, is actually still married. He TOLD her that he was divorced. She'd gone to his apartment several times, and it was pretty obviously a bachelor pad--single bed, one toothbrush, only beer and ketchup in the fridge, etc.

It took me over a week to convince her to walk away from this guy, because he really cared about her, and she about him (her words, not mine). It finally took the fact that if he'd really cared about her, he would have been honest with her from the beginning to get her to walk away from this guy.

So--MY point here is that stop harping on the poor women who most of the time don't even KNOW that he's married when they get involved with him because he's a lying cheat to begin with.

How about harping on the guys that don't believe they're doing anything wrong to begin with, and who CONTINUE to lie and finagle to keep their mistress (I'm not sleeping with my wife, we're divorcing, she hates me, we're only together because of the kids, etc etc etc) and who emotionally blackmail to keep her around instead of the women who were duped to begin with and then have the choice of hurting ONCE because he lied to him, or hurting DOUBLE that because he lied AND they're breaking up.

If he comes here we will!!

The main attraction is this: Because he has a life & family outside of the mess going on with you, he isn't able to see you on a regular basis. By the time the two of you are able to be alone there is an element of excitement caused by the hidden (secret) desire to have sex with someone who is willing to have casual sex and allow him to get up and leave afterwards without much drama.

At home is where all the drama lives. It's called: responsibility--which he has none with you. The one or few dollars he leaves on the nightstand is less than what a professional would charge. Men love cutting cost on expensive purchases. Ask any car dealership.

You are on your own, alone, lonely and desperately needy.

All the things his wife has, you also want but are not willing or intelligent enough to do what is required--hard work. It's very difficult to maintain a marriage and especially now that women are calling themselves and others bi***es and wh****s and living lifestyles that match their new trashy titles.



I'm getting into this late - I'd be curious about your experience. Here's mine: I'm an investigator for a number of law firms. I HATE matrimonial surveillances but I do them. Here's what I have learned about affairs (not one night stands) from interviews and conducting surveillances and I'm quoting myself here, from another board where I post):

"The reasons given to me are:

1. Attention, validation, understanding, conversation, desire to prove you're still attractive, boredom - and that goes for both men and women. The husband becomes the provider and father, wrapped up in a career, and the wife is ignored; the wife becomes the caretaker for the children and home and the husband moves to second or third place on her list. Either one finds what they feel they need from a third party.

2. For men, abuse of power and/or control - these men usually have a relationship with someone younger, someone in a position involving less education and authority. I'm sure it occurs with women in the workplace, too, but I have personally never seen it.

For women, attracted by power and/or control, oftentimes the financial benefits of a relationship with a successful, perhaps well known, man - these women pursue Physicians, politicians. There are also women attracted to sports figures and police officers.

(You refer to one or two dollars on the nightstands - those women are prostitutes. I am talking about affairs.)

3. Psychological implications - such as a need for excitement, a need to prove you can attract a much younger partner.

4. Revenge - he/she cheated and now it's the other party's turn to get even.

5. I have seen a couple of homosexual relationships involving a party in a straight marriage.

6. I have seen a couple of relationships that were deliberate and open, an attempt to push the other partner into filing for divorce or separation.

Sex is always very far down on the list."

I have NEVER understood why a woman becomes enraged at the woman having an affair with her husband and the other party becomes enraged at the wife - both of them often totally overlook the man. To the wife (or husband, either party can stray) I say: "That other woman owed you nothing. She never made a promise or vow to you. She did not destroy your family. Your family was destroyed by your husband who betrayed you. If it had not been this 'other woman,' it would have been someone else."

I work on the road all the time and I don't hear women referring to themselves as es and whores but I'm sure it happens. Maybe I just don't travel in those circles. I don't know.

I was married and I'm now a widow. My husband was a very attractive, well established man, in the public eye, and I know women approached him (once right in front of me!) - and I honestly never once thought in terms of him cheating on me. Maybe I'm not easily threatened or maybe I just knew that my husband was a man of integrity and he kept his promises. We never joked about adultery. In fact, we never TALKED about adultery. We made promises. We took vows.

There is no lawful difference between being married and/or separated. The period of separation is called 'litigation'.

What is ‘litigation’?
"A controversy before a court or a "lawsuit" is commonly referred to as “litigation”. If it is not settled by agreement between the parties it would eventually be heard and decided by a judge or jury in a court. Litigation is one way that people and companies resolve disputes arising out of an infinite variety of factual circumstances.

The term "litigation" is sometimes to distinguish lawsuits from “alternate dispute resolution” methods such as "arbitration" in which a private arbitrator would make the decision, or “mediation” which is a type of structured meeting with the parties and an independent third party who works to help them fashion an agreement among themselves."

The trouble here is at any time, the two parties can and sometimes do decide to return to living under the same roof to reunite in marriage. Happens all the time.



Sorry, but I don't agree with this. (I personally consider separated to be the same as married and I was never interested in dating a separated person. Never. But that's not what we're talking about. Just letting you know where I'm coming from.)

BUT - a lot of people separate and never divorce, many for religious reasons.

I don't quite understand what you are saying. When people legally separate they hammer out the legal details before they sign that separation agreement and in many, many States it is just turned into the divorce after a period and sworn testimony that they have lived apart, under the terms of the separation agreement.

I've personally - and I've been in the "legal business" for quite a while - never seen a couple legally separate and then get involved with arbitration or litigation, at least not in NYS. You are advised NOT to leave, NOT to live apart, NOT to abandon the marriage until an agreement is reached between the parties and recorded.

You are quoting legal definitions but I don't see where they apply to this discussion.

What State are you in?

Thanks for the insightful information!

"Every post, even the worst ones,
tell you something about the person
who posts it."

I believe this postscript is a true statement since MOST people only talk about what they KNOW. I include myself as well. Thank you JudyKayTee!

Have you bumped your head or what? All that YOU 'know' is coming from THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND!!! You have not had a conversation with this man's wife, right?! How can YOU be so-o-o very, very stupid as to believe that liar is beyond me. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on--not even you! But you 'ALLOW' this man to live with his wife and use YOU..

Just to let you know yes... I had a conversation with the wife! And yes she said it was okay! She actually encourage me saying "i hope you have fun!"so yes it is her fault


.What's wrong with you is this: you are not conscience to the fact that you are being used, not aware of the 'games' me play, have no life experiences other that the mess you have created for yourself and YOU have NO MORALS (morality means a code of conduct held to be authoritative in matters of right and wrong)..

I know what morals mean!


You are walking around with possible infections from this man who has sex with trashy women (such as yourself). Don't think you are the only or fist this man has set up (temporary) house with--that's impossible. It's plain to see that this is the way he has chosen to live and it has become just a habit for him now. After you, there will be others. Question: How many were before you? Don't worry, we'll all wait for your answer... Take your time--he is. You'll wake one morning old, fat, alone, with kids all from different men and still be stupid, wondering what happened to/with your youth. His wife will wake with death benefits after he dies from some unknown STD.

Well to let you know yes I am the first one he slept with and just for you information he is not going back to his wife.. I saw the finalized divorce paper... so since you were waiting for a response to your post here it is... AND no the wife does not get any benefits...
Like I said before in the post she encourage the whole situation and it blew up in her face...

just to let you know yes... i had a conversation with the wife! and yes she said it was okay! she actually encourage me saying "i hope you have fun!"so yes it is her fault

i know what morals mean!

well to let you know yes i am the first one he slept with and just for you information he is not going back to his wife.. i saw the finalized divorce paper... so since you were waiting for a response to your post here it is... AND no the wife does not get any benefits...
like i said before in the post she encourage the whole situation and it blew up in her face....


I notice that you posted a problem with this married man/wife/you situation and when you got some heat you changed your question to "hahaha" so I doubt everything is as wonderful as you say it is.

And it sounds to me like she no longer had interest in him so basically you took another woman's reject, a situation which seems to be all right with all of you. I wish some other woman had taken MY "ex" off my hands - would have saved a fortune on legal fees.

So it worked out for everyone.

Although I applaud the sentiment of your post I don't really agree with you completely, I think each case needs to be looked at individually ... if we could just blanket each question with threads like this ... well this site would just be full of vague answers!

Also, there are men (and women) who are in loveless marriages who do leave thier wives (or husbands), get divorced, settle down with girlfriend (or boyfriend) they love and spend the rest of their lives together!

I don't think all adulterers should be tarred with the same brush!

Thanks for listening!

J

Pook_Myster, are you suggesting that to have a genuine problem worthy of being shared... and perhaps solved, should only be aired if there are no similarities to what another(many others) may have already experienced? The fact is, there are very few if any totally unique problems in the world - someone must have been there before... :confused: