Hi all of you, I used to have a boyfriend, but we live in different countries, we were together for 4 years, and we were about to marry, though to be honest I wanted to marry sooner than what we planned, because the distance was getting too much for me, but when I told him to come his reply was: I won't leave my stability for your country, because it doesn't feel right.

So I have thought about many things and to be honest I know I will move on soon, because I need it, but I would like to know why he didn't have the courage to come and "get me"?it was supposed he was soooooo in love with me. I don't understand him. He put me in the last place always, even though he denies it, but he didn't use to phone me much, or come visiting me, sometimes he sent me flowers, even to my workplace, and paid attention to little details, but sometimes... I don't know

H... E... L... P...

Someone... Adviceeeeee!!

Which countries are we talking about here? Who was going to move where? You to his country or he to yours? Do you speak each other's mother language?

Hi, thanks for replying, the countries are Mexico and Ireland, and I speak very well english, though he doesn't speak spanish, the problem is I can't move now because I'm still studying I told him to move until I finish here, and then we would move to Ireland together. But he didn't want

Well, it may be that he was not that in love with you to begin with; it seems to me that if he didn't call often, he probably didn't care--that's the least he could have done.

Why didn't he have the courage to come out and tell you? He may have been scared of the transition... Ireland to Mexico is a huge step; the two cultures are very different, two different languages, the distance is very long--you're asking him to step out of his comfort zone and into yours, and that's not an easy thing to do.

There could be other reasons. Maybe he was trying to decide if you were really the right person for him and he was being complacent. He may have been too comfortable.

There could be many things involved; you might just call him and ask.

--huno

P.S.: bueno, que pues? No hay mexicanos que te gustan? :p

This could be a preview of your coming marriage.

What u mean Talaniman?.

And huno... no, hay pocos que me gustan, meha ido mal con el producto nacional! Jejeje

Anyone else?? :S

It is really hard to give advice without more input from you.

How old are you both? What are you studying? How much longer are you planning on going to college? When was the last time he visited you or you him? Does your boyfriend have a job in Ireland? What kind of work does he do? You say he doesn't speak Spanish, so - immigration issues aside - he probably couldn't get a job in your country. And what about both your families? Do they support you?

I met my husband in 1998 and moved to the States from Germany in 2000, so I know what it takes to maintain a long-distance relationship and also how big a step it is to move across continents. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to move across cultures and language barriers as well. It becomes even more difficult if your families don't support or, worse, resist your relationship.

what u mean Talaniman?....

And huno... no, hay pocos que me gustan, meha ido mal con el producto nacional! jejeje

Hahaha...

Oh, wait--I mean, Jajaja...

Well, I have to tell you a little story. Last year I met a girl from Zacatecas (Mexico), and I fell in love with my cousin's best friend; she was beautiful, nice, sexy, intelligent, gorgeous, funny, attractive, kind, cute, and very cool.

She's also smokin' hot; not sure if I mentioned that.

Anyway, she got her Bachelor's degree in Zacatecas and then got her dentist's license, so not only was this girl smart and a hard worker, she made all other girls worldwide look like men with breasts. So my cousin got us together and we decided to start a relationship.

We tried to do the long-distance thing and the truth was it just wasn't working. I was losing interest in her because talking on the phone is just not the same as seeing her in person and talking to her. I also thought that, if this thing was going anywhere, it wouldn't matter--she didn't want to leave Mexico and I didn't want to leave the U.S. So I started to break it off and little by little I called her less. I called her a few weeks ago but it just didn't feel right. I might go back this December to visit my family and I'll go see her, just to see what happens, but I don't think anything's going to happen.

I know some couples do manage to pull this off, but it's just way too hard. At least, that's the way it was for me. I suspect your BF felt the same way. That's probably all there is to it.

Hi Kattalover, thanks for your interest, the information is this: he has 2 jobs in Ireland, but he doesn't owe a house, so it would be the same if we rent an apartment here,I'm 23, he's 31, I'm studying journalism , I'm at the middle of the career(which I have started 3 times for different issues) and he knows it, and our families, yes they support us, he had been told to "go for the girl", his mum loves me, she gave him the ring of the family for him to give it to me, when I told him to come here, I said I would pay for the rent of the apartment.

Thanks for taking your time to reply this

Well, the only suggestions I can make at this point is to communicate honestly and openly about what you both want and what your plans are.

If neither of you is willing and/or able to move to the other's country within a mutually acceptable period, it might be better to end the relationship.

Of course, he doesn't want his life interupted, while you get it together. He would be in limbo, and far out of his comfort zone. Forget the marriage, and him for a while, and accomplish your goals first and foremost. Then you would be free to make decisions based on your freedom, and what's good for you and your needs. As it is, you can't leave, and he doesn't want to, and you cannot make him. The reality of long distance relationship, and why they are so hard to maintain.

Thanks to all of you! I will follow the advice :Forget about him. And yes huno, he has treated me bad.
I hope I have a better luck soon! Hehe

Wow... just like that a girl says forget about him... Makes me think, what do girls feel when they love... Oh this is so sad. Women love the same. It took a day for her to decide... AMAZING! I can't stand people anymore... lol

emopunk7, to say that you should know all the things he has failed, but of course I won't tell them to you, especially here, I Love that guy, but I can see NOW, he has treated me bad, and he doesn't care anymore about me, so what's the point in keep wishing for a man who doesn't show interest in you?? It will be hard, of course, because the relationship last almost 4 years, but if he could tell me afterall: I won't come to Mexico and I won't give you your ring! why should I stay and stare how he hurts me?

I hope you are not so fast in judging people .
Thanks anyway for your reply

I think you'll be much happier accomplishing your goals.

Yes I will Talaniman =)

Out of sight out of mind... that what most long distance relationships are. As for courage, not that he doesn't have it... it's just he's not bothered to tell... careless about how you feel... that's where it is... go on doing your work... if he needs he'll find out what you guys need to do... don't rackle your brain too much... hv fun minus that bum

I understand. You do what you have to. I found it strange how quickly you decided though. It's OK! Good Luck!

Thanks for your reply emopunk. I really appreciate it.

If that picture of you is really you then go find someone closer where you can watch movies together and have great moments. Life goes on. You will be so much happier with someone else. Believe it!

I understand. You do what you have to. I found it strange how quickly you decided though. It's ok! Good Luck!
I suspect pulpfiction has had these feelings for a long time now. :D

Hehehe, for a long time I have fought with my feelings and the facts of my relationship, and yes the girl in my picture is ME.Thanks for your comments on it, and on my question.

Hi everyone I have news for you all... today I chat to him (we've been chatting for 3 or 4 days, and he always says it's not the right time for us to be together, that we should be friends for 2 years until I finish university) and lastnite he was hearing me crying, because of so much pain, he was telling me he felt flattered for the love I show yet.. so I decided it was enough, but leave my msn on, so before he was going to go to bed, he asked me if I was going out(it was Saturday nite) with a friend, so I told him, that it wasn't his business anymore. (the same day on Saturday he told me, he was very jealous and he went to the jewerly where "my" ring is supposed to be gotten and he told me he tried to cancel it, but couldn't so it's still there). So after that I decided to actually go out, because I tried very hard, and with all my strength, but couldn't get what I wanted to hear, before saying night night, he told me it was me who he wanted, a future and a marriage. So he asked if I was goint to go out with my friend (who he has been always jealous off, because both are the same age, and he thinks my friend is secretly in love with me-but that's not truth). And because I was angry and frustrated, I told him that yes I will go out, he then asked : so I will watch you being with others? and I replied yes-cos to me is just company-not to sleep with another person) so he said OK and left.

Today he tried to contact me, but I didn't reply, I tried to be busy, but he tried again and again, so I replied: what for you want to know about my life, everything has been told between you and I, and u're the one who put me out of your life, so leave me alone and live your life as you chose it.
He then push, he wanted to know if I actually went out, so the chat became more and more intense, until he told me he dated today at 11:30 am with a girl named Dayna. That really hurt me even deeper than his words the past days. He said it was because of the things I told him, about being with another.
Of course I tried to be calm and cool about it,but couldn't so I said: Oh so you see how true is your love for me? That you phone to this girl, you picked her up, and actually drove her home and got her the coffee?. I know I killed with this: For your information I didn't go out lastnite, I wasn't with anybody I stayed home, but thanks for your honesty!

After that I know he felt guilty for his action, and got mad with himself, because he blamed me, he said: so I'm a bastard now, for your lies lastnite? And he said bye and left.

I was about to send him a really hurtful e-mail after that, but omehow I react and deleted the e-mail, I won't give him any reply. Maybe I'm an idiot for this, but I love him a lot, but at the same time I know he screwed up the things with me, and for that date I could never EVER come back with him.Cos he didn't think about my feelings,he picked that girl up,and that makes me think, he liked her since a long time, and why he had her phone? So he asked her for her phone along time ago!! So what should I do now? Show him indiference?

Thanks for your time to read this and give me advice!

Someone, please help!!

Pulp, you have to wait more than 9 minutes for someone to help you... :p

So, your question is what to do now? Well, what do you want? You say you can't ever go back to him... but is that for real? Somehow I don't think so.

Be cool for a moment. Make him wonder why you're not chasing after him.

Hahaha huno, it seems u're the only one who is interested in this hahahaha, the thing is I'm very jealous , ONLY WITH HIM, I have this crazy thought around my head: HE SIT HER IN MY SEAT!! :@ I already told him once: if you go out with someone and then you want to come back together with me, it won't happen, iwon't kiss you, or be in the same seat you put another!! -cos to me that's like... putting another in MY place. I know it sounds crazy,but he knows how I am.

So for real is this: I'm REALLY hurt and offended by his damn date! the fact is I think how much fun he had with this girl I know nothing about, if she made him smile and laugh like I used to, the way he looked at her... and it makes me cry so much he did that to me, and told me so to hurt me, when he knows I have no chance to go out or flirt because when I'm not working, I'm home doing my homework for university! I HATE him, I know he's a bas... and I feel even more angry at my feelings because I still love him and want to know everything about him, I feel so stupid for this!

He didn't think about your feelings because he went on a date? You didn't think about his feelings either when you said you were going out with a guy that he is very jealous of... So go figure... You two are playing games with each other... Just end it now! Good luck hun!

Bet he was lying, trying to play tit-for-tat with you, so you can be as jealous as he is, and it worked pretty well, didn't it. Games, games and more games, is all this will be about, as the distance is making it hard to communicate, and you both show no signs of compromising on your positions. This isn't love, its manipulation and control by selfish people who ain't budging. Waste of time and energy.

Well, I'm very sorry you all think that way about us, but after all this... I decided to leave the relationship, to retire and leave him alone, I tried and tried, but he kept saying he was confused, that he wasn't so in love with me anymore,even I told him to marry on October.

So I will close this topic as well, as there is no point in torturing myself with questions about why he does or feels or thinks the way he does.
I will be in peace and not search for any advice about all this stuff but thank you all the same.

Take care