Introduction to situation... Mother had baby, left marriage the day the baby was brought home from the hospital and moved in with parents. Mother has now asked for a divorce, and tells father he'll only be able to see his newborn every other weekend, and never for an overnight time until she's at least 1. Has anyone ever heard of fathers being granted joint custody of infants, with more regular (and overnight) visitation? Father is very fit, wants to be involved, and wanted to continue in the marriage.

Ok, first you need to understand the difference between custody and visitation. Joint custody means that both parents have an equal say in how the child is raised, it doesn't mean the child lives with both parents equally. Visitation refers to how frequently the non-custodial parent gets to see the child.

The mother doesn't dictate visitation unless there is no court ordered policy. So if you are divorcing you need to get an attorney to work out the visitation arrangements (among other things). Courts have become more liberal in father's rights, but an infant (especially if breast feeding) needs more time with the mother.

One thing I would do is have a paternity test done. For a woman to move out immediately after a baby is born raises suspicions.

Ok, first who cares what the mother says you will get or not get, surprise, surprise, it is not up to her. What you do is hire an attorney and file deal with the divorce, and sue for the level of custody you want. And yes joint custody is given all the time. Also of course you will get visits and you will get over night visits, Happens all the time. Unless you are a danger or threat to the child or live a unacceptable life style.

But you file for what visits you want and you fight it over in court.

Paternity test has been completed... he thought the same thing, but it is his.

Mother says she will get full custody as well as power to limit visitation to every other weekend (not overnight). She says she thinks she can prevent overnight visits at least until she's 1.

As Chuck said, its not up to her. The court will decide. They will both make their cases and the court will either hand down a decision or send them back to negotiate a settlement.

As I said, if she is breast feeding, then she may very well be able to limit visitation while that's happening.

Thanks for helping--We are just trying our best as a family to support him, as he wants to be involved in his child's life, and is really struggling with his lack of rights as a father. Right now, he's only seeing his child once a week, and for about 6 hours--mom won't let him see the child any more than that, and avoids phone calls, etc. We are just praying that the court will see how much he is willing and able to take care of his child, and award him appropriately. Thanks for the responses.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, hopefuly things will get better. Was this all of a sudden. Were there any signs of problems beforehand? If not could he have done anything to offend her that she has gotten this angry?

You keep talking about what mom says and what mom will allow. You make no mention of whether he has an attorney and what that person is doing for him. That's what's key here. Until the court issues some orders mom does have the upper hand. So his lawyer needs to get something through the courts.

He does have a lawyer, and they have tried a court-appointed mediator, but she will not agree to anything except for what she wants. Therefore, the mediator is going to make an initial recommendation, and then the court will proceed from there. We just want to know if we have our expectation too high, or if we can really help him fight this one.

I agree with the others, he does have rights, but if the mother is breastfeeding he will probably not be awarded overnight visits with the child until it is not being breastfed anymore. Unless of course she allows him to stay in the home while she is there with the child. When couples split there is a lot of bitterness and resentment, but often it does wear off a little after the shock is over. My advice is to get a solicitor and see what they say, with custody issues every case is different.

I got a divorce when my daughter was 6 months old. In my case both of us were asking for full custody and the judge awarded me full custody. I'm in GA and the court may act different depending on our location. I'm sure if he had asked for shared custody, the judge may have ruled differently, especially if the father is concerned and wants to be involved in the child's life. Honestly, I would try (and try and try) to work things out with her and go to an attorney and have them prepare the needed documents for the divorce hearing. If she can agree to allow you more liberal visitation or even shared custody, go for it. If not, make sure he can prove his financial, social, and home stability. It sounds vicious, but if he can look like a better parent than her in the eyes of the court, he has a good chance as the courts are realising the need for fathers to play a role in the child's early years and not just have every other weekend visitation. I know it may be hard, but until the hearing is done, if you want shared or liberal visitation with your child, be very nice to the mom. Don't argue, etc. Best of Luck. Please remember to do what is in the best interest for the child.

Honestly, this man has the patience of a saint--he's been very amicable, wants to keep things out of court as much as possible, and has been doing everything he can. He has been more than friendly, to the point at which we are all wondering if it's time for him to take the gloves off. Further background--mom had an affair, which ended at about the time she got pregnant (again, we know the baby is his). They went through counseling, but now she says she hasn't been happy for years. It's ironic, because everyone that finds out now that they're getting divorced is shocked--no one would have ever thought that they were anything than a very happy couple, including her husband. She is breast feeding, but she pumps enough for dad to take the child for a day at a time--she's going to breast feed until she goes back to work, which will be at the end of the summer. The whole thing is so bizarre, and none of us have any experience with divorce, custody battles, etc. so we're just hungry for information, because we have no idea what to expect. Thanks for all of your thoughts, everyone.

Unfortunately we can't give you much on what to expect. Every court and every case is different. There is no way we can predict what a judge will rule. I can say that usually family court judges do not like obstinance. So if you have one side that is being demanding and unreasonable and the other trying to do the "right" thing, most of the time they will go against the unreasonable party.

The husband should be looking for joint custody with reasonable visitation. If mom is going back to work at the end of the summer, then let him give in to limited visitation until then but expand it afterwards. But he needs to let his lawyer work for him.