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-   -   What could it be. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=334434)

  • Mar 26, 2009, 10:16 PM
    spiralbound
    What could it be.
    I am 20, male, in college, and I consider myself OK looking. I have never had sex, never kissed a woman, never really even talked to one. Why, most women walk away when I talk to them, conversations are always short. I am not interested in sex that much, I really could care less if I ever had sex, I would like too but I don't find it to be important. However, I do know that I could not have a sensual relationship with a woman even if I tried. I don't know what it is about me, I am clean shaven, I wear good clothes, I wear good cologne. I am confident and kind when speaking to women. I just don't know maybe I don't look good enough, maybe I come across as scary or creepy, I am not sure. I have never had a relationship with a woman in anyway, I have never even been friends. I also think that this lack of interaction with the opposite sex is doing a number on me mentally and emotionally, even though I would like to think it's not. What can I do women won't get near me. Even though I am posting in adult sexuality, the main thing I want to figure out is why won't women talk to me and second why can't I have sex. There has to be something I am missing, something I am not doing right.
  • Mar 26, 2009, 10:35 PM
    justcallmekat
    well as a member of the opposite sex of around the same age maybe I can give you some insight. Could be your too nervous when speaking to these girls trust me we KNOW when your nervous and that makes us feel awkward. Try talking about something the girl would like maybe a new movie that came out or a kind of music you think that girl would like. Try at first just listening to the girl make sure not to talk too much or interrupt too much or she'll most likely lose interest in the conversation, but also you don't want to have that long awkward pause when neither of you have anything to say either, just be yourself eventually you'll find something to strike their fancy. You could possibly also be talking to the wrong kind of girls. Try to find one you think would have the same interests as you. If you like books go to a bookstore, like games go to a game store etc. you have to start slow and work your way up. Eventually you'll be comfortable enough to talk with whatever girl you want and have some nice conversations. And once that girl becomes comfortable enough with you most likely you'll be getting a little more then that ;). Lol hope this helps ^_^
  • Mar 26, 2009, 10:42 PM
    spiralbound

    I don't get nervous but the other tips might help so maybe I should start a conversation that begins with something other than "how are you".
  • Mar 27, 2009, 04:15 AM
    simoneaugie

    There are women who are just like you. They can be few and far between though. When you go out and see people sitting around the student union building for instance, look carefully, you can spot quiet girls, talk to them. You don't seem like a party guy who enjoys a senseless banter. When you say something, it's serious. Ask questions. Those with the gift of gab may shun you but the right match for your personality can be found. She isn't in your room though, not yet, you have to go find her.
  • Mar 27, 2009, 05:14 AM
    smoothy

    You are what they call a late bloomer. You will likely come into your stride in a few years, in one way that gives you an advantage in school as you don't have that very real and very strong distraction from your studies.

    They can sense nervousness and uneasiness in a guy... young women in particular tend to gravitate to overconfident self obsorbed louts who generally treat them like a booty call at best and a floormat at worst. Because they can.

    Thing is don't be in a rush... waiting for the right woman (Miss Right) is far more satisfying than settling for miss Right now.
  • Mar 27, 2009, 05:32 AM
    slapshot_oi
    Since you're in college this applies.

    I was going to school in Philly for a semester and I'm from New England, meeting new people was kind of tough since I was so far from home. Anyway, the easiest way I could strike up a conversation with a girl was to go to a party--sometimes wander in alone--sign up for beirut and ask a pretty girl to be my partner.

    Some guys will start dancing with a random girl on the dance floor, but usually girls find that creepy; don't do that.
  • Mar 27, 2009, 10:12 AM
    Choux

    Don't be too quick to draw the wrong conclusion about your sexuality.

    What you need, since you lack the aggressive mind frame of a guy on the make, is to have a woman seduce you. That would be the ideal scenario. An older woman with kind feelings toward you. :)

    Your sexual feelings from that encounter would tell you a world about yourself and your inclinations.

    Here's hoping you run into a great lady this weekend. :)

    Best wishes, :)
  • Mar 27, 2009, 06:12 PM
    Flesh

    Look this is just some random advice, um you personally may not be able to use this but maybe you can pull something from this.

    You need to have charm when you talk to women... when a woman is approached she 100% thinks you are hitting on her end of story (and you are lol no one says that though ;) )... so that's why you never approach in an obvious manner... look this takes some time to learn but its called the eyes of interest OK... me and my guy friends use it and it works 100% of the time.. you walk by a chic you like, you stand by her, do something around her, and just get a little eye contact, and you can tell if she likes you, do NOT STARE, chics also can use this agaist you, they can see the eyes as well, you have to have a poker face Always smile always have a good time, and never ever seem to interested... chics like a chase.

    NOTE: If no eyes you still have a chance but you are going to have to reel some sick game to pull her, because physicall attraction is the first and most important one when pulling random or on the first encounter women and just to let you know this is advice for approaching random women, the game is completely diff if you know the girl have known or she is a friend, or someone you see on a reg occasion its much diff in those situations.

    Anyway
    If you see she is interested in you physically than you are in at about 50-85% given the woman's sex drive.. if she is real sexual than sometimes all it takes is physical attraction.. ok so lets say you saw the eyes, and I am talking miliseconds here of eye contact, what do you do next.. well that's just called game, you can be real if you like, but you will fail almost 90% of the time, they have their guard up and you need to have yours up as well... or as we say have your game up.

    Now it helps if you are actually these things, but for one be confident, DO NOT ACT SUPER INTERESTED... never compliment.. EVER, its playing a game with her, if she knows you like her before you get a kiss or something its over unless its love at first sight and you feel a deep connection right away, which does happen, but back to the system at hand, so you see the eyes, you approach causually and this is the hard part, you have to be able to talk about something sublime and make it interesting and fun.. make the goddamn conversation FUN, make jokes at things she says.. and always pay attention, and let her do 90% of the talking, you at this point are more on the reaction side of the situation.. listen to what she says react... most the time without a story, do not make it about you, its about her, keep eye contact but do not give her THE EYES act like you are talking to your fav friend and are really interested in what they are saying. REACT after a little time look for an opening and than do something silly that is physical... EX: grab her arm and twist it behind her back laugh and let go, what this does is two things, you are showing dominance in a sublime way, showing her you are strong or tough, and you are also letting her know I touched you, and it is also is a smooth transition into saying we talked... now we touched... and also being aggressive and physical turns 80% of women on gets. If things are going well and it just takes game to know this, the next step would be to like kiss her on her cheek and look away or something like that,when she is not looking (HAVE FUN) you see how you have went from being the reactor to the actor, and you go back again you wait for her reaction and act based on that.. its really simple just never stay the actor to long and never let her know you like her... even after you make-out.. now this really is a good system and works for me, I have been pulling chics all the time this way, do not expect to get laid the first night.. do you really want that kind of chic anyway... though you can definitely take it their if you like. If I am feeling a chic and I know she is feeling me sometimes I will skip just about every step.

    I once saw the eyes immediately set down beside this girl asked her for a hit of her cig, she gave it, I took a drink of my beer, looked at her told her that their was something about her that was just intriging (sp) the hell out of me, ran my hands through her hair, grabbed her legs put them over mine and pulled her close and well that's that's, sometimes it works sometimes it fails, but my trump card is that really I do not care... I do not care at all what happens.. if we do if we do not doesn't matter me, that's my energy man that's how I work it. Confidence, charisma, sexy smoothness.

    Now I will say that this is just one part of me, do I have a deeper wellpool of emotions, of course, I am much deeper than my game would state, but that is for later, for someone I love, and that can take time, what I have stated is first meeting stuff, and if you are looking for a long term relationship it starts with a first meeting, you do not want to be a downer... would you want to hang around piglet or poohbear? POOH that crazy dude doesn't give a he's grabbing honey going on adventures, he's fun, of course we all have fears and things, but you do not want to express those early on and when you do you have to do it in a positive manner to get a positive reaction.

    Also you say you do not have a sex drive... you are lying and I am calling you out, the truth is you have failed or think you will fail and are afraid so you created this persona that does not care about sex or like that, do not do that to yourself be honest and positive, you want a chic you are just having trouble because you are trapped in your fear, let that go the sooner the better, and remember ITS NOT A BIG DEAL EITHER WAY... do not be so sensitive or over thoughtful it will ruin relationships that you do have, HAVE FUN be positive and watch the waters around you change.

    I can tell you're a thinker... so am I, but you have to know how to deal with him... because thinkers can come off as downers, their is a positive and fun way to express your deeper thoughts fears and insecurities.

    My dudes we play beer pong, hit on chics, have fun, but we can also sit down and wonder where we came from, why the hell we are afraid and have insecurities and how funny it is because, and this is the secret... your not a big deal and not everyone is thinking about everything you are doing as much as you may believe, I know your like how does this guy know me so well I did not even say anything about this side, but maybe just maybe I used to be like you:), or maybe I just have sick game and can see past someone's front... who knows?
  • Mar 28, 2009, 12:20 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Choux View Post
    Don't be too quick to draw the wrong conclusion about your sexuality.

    What you need, since you lack the aggressive mind frame of a guy on the make, is to have a woman seduce you. That would be the ideal scenario. An older woman with kind feelings toward you. :)

    Your sexual feelings from that encounter would tell you a world about yourself and your inclinations.

    Here's hoping you run into a great lady this weekend. :)

    Best wishes, :)



    He's insecure about his sexuality and the advice is to find an older woman with "kind feelings" to seduce him?

    What century are we in?
  • Mar 29, 2009, 03:33 AM
    simoneaugie

    Flesh, a few of your strategies might work. Listen, pay attention and let her talk are good. Advising the OP not to respond with a story of his own, nah. Definitely don't try to solve her problems but do let her talk about them. When it's conversationally timed right, a story of your own lets her know about you, how you think and feel.

    However, not every chic thinks that some guy approaching her, or giving her the eye is hitting on her. Some of us react as if we are liked. Girls are into that at the age of 20, most more than sex. But if she believes you like her, sex is a more likely outcome.

    Looking a certain way to garner sexual attraction, because that will cause her to be interested in you... Thinkin' with the little head? Sure, some women are that shallow and stupid, not the ones you'd want to marry. And if a chic is not interested in hearing your experiences and feelings, life will be pretty effing boring when you're both ninety.

    Now, if he wants to learn to play the game and have sex with as many women as possible, most of the advise is good.
  • Mar 29, 2009, 06:08 AM
    artlady

    Confidence is vital.It shows in your body language and says to others that you are feel good about yourself.You are worthy and worthy of getting to know.

    The expression *fake it till you make it*,is very accurate.
    By doing that you will eventually gain true confidence.

    Give yourself affirmations to boost your feelings of self worth.
    You need to change your inner dialogue from negative to positive.

    Make small talk with people you meet casually,even if it is about the weather.Get used to speaking to strangers. Be friendly and smile.

    Don't let the fear of rejection hold you back.Not every girl you approach will respond,don't give up,one will eventually!

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