My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. We are each others first most serious significant others. Everyone thinks that we are the perfect couple. We are deeply in love with each other. We do fight, but we always have a good time together out with our friends and are very romantic together on our own.
We consider one another the love of one another's lives, but I consistently have had a problem with our sex life. When we do have sex, it is usually really good and I orgasm. The first two months of "getting to know each other", I would reject him because I wasn't ready. Than when I was ready we were constantly having sex for 6 months, than out of no where it died down. I was really confused.
At first I would talk about it all the time, but then I stopped. We'll have sex maybe three days in a row or for one day, once a day, and than we will have a dry spell for a week or two. I will ovbiously try to initiate sex, and I will get rejected. We only have sex when he wants to. I don't think this is fair! He says that he is often tired and fatigued from work. He says that he is not that healthy, but takes no steps to living a healthier lifestyle. He used to say that it was because I needed to lose weight and he wanted me to have a flat stomach. He stopped saying that after I lost some weight. Believe me, I am no where near fat, and I have huge boobs, which makes it almost impossible for me to have a naturally flat stomach, but he says it would be hot.
I want to do anything to make this work because we are truly in love, and for the most part, the rest of our relationship is great. Should I make myself less available to him? Should I start rejecting him sexually and stop spending every night with him? I'm not sure what to do..

MMm tough one.

Firstly-you sound delightful-most men would adore you, I feel that he may be feeling too pressured to perform-us men sometimes can't come up with the goods unless we start the action-if you get what I mean. It is a really selfish thing, however that is how some of us are. In this case, perhaps you may need to curb some of your desire for him and concentrate on yourself-you think you have a great body, while he doesn't I'd be careful of that-chances are you are fine and he is intimidated by your improved appearance versus his lack of the same...

Anyway, look after your own sexual needs without him for a while-he may come around to a more constant sexual appetite (same as yours that is)

Cheers

Wow that sounds exactly like my boyfriend! Creepy lol... I still ahvent figured out how to make him want it more... but I have found something to take my mind off it for a while... I call him BOB "battery operated boyfriend" lmao... But seriously though.. if you love him then try to understand... I would make sure he's not seeing anyone on the side.. because that's what I thought and it turned out he was banging one of my best friends... fun times.. . but if you trust him completely then try to understand where he is coming from... he works hard all day and sex is pretty tireing... so maybe try giving him oral during the work week and stimulating yourself ( less exausting for him)... but in all honesty I still haven't figured out how to make my boyfriend more intimate yet

You need to have a really good talk with each other.

You use the word 'reject' a lot in your post, and I suspect that this has set up a push-pull pattern in your sexual relationship. Sexual drives often differ in relationships and it is quite common for one person to want sex more than the other, but unless you communicate really well about it, one person will feel rejected and unwanted.

However, having said that your BF is making excuses for his lack of libido and to use your body as an excuse is what is unfair. I mean really, so what if your stomach is not completely flat!

Playing games to get more sex will just drive a wedge between you. Continuing to make an issue of the fact that you don't get enough sex will also drive a wedge between you.

I suggest that you may need to back off for a while and let him initiate sex when he wants it. For some men, a woman that is sexually demanding can be a turn off, because they want unconsciously to take the masculine role. So let him be masculine. Try to back off on the personal criticism and find something about him that you like which you can compliment. Go away for a weekend and spend some time together - don't focus too much on the sex, just let it happen.

When you have sex make it good for him as well as you!

Thread closed. This is from 2007.