OK I have an odd question. I know that every one picks the people they are with for their own reasons and all that but I am just wondering why Cougars are so aluring?

Do you think it's the experience? Maturity? What? What is it that makes younger men want older women so much?

I mean, I got myself a girl that is 12 years older than me, I love her to death, and I love making love to her a whole heck of a lot. I'm proud that I landed such a rockin beautiful WOMAN and I actually love showing her off. (not like a trophy, her personality is rockin too!) All my dad's side loves her to death! She is so nice and caring (99% of the time.) When I am holding her the world is in the right place and I know that is where I belong. Her voice alone can make me suffer. She has every one of my emotions tied to her fingers and she chooses not to pull the strings most of the time. She has the most awesome pouty faces and the best dang kissing lips, even better than angelina jolee's (spelling on that one?) And the experience she has shown is just knock your socks off out of this world stuff. On top of all that she is the most caring mother and protective mother you will ever meet. She mothers me when I am sick which of course being a guy I absolutely eat up. And she is always the first to volunteer for things too. She serves me dinner and WILL NOT let me help in any way unless I am the one making dinner but of course she has to help on that one lol. God she is so a keeper... :D

My question pertains more however to why young men love to be loved by older women. I know my reasons, I am just wondering if anyone has different reasons. Even if they are selfish reason, please share them. Anyone's answers are very welcome. Even if they are just guesses.

Did you have a good relationship with your mother ? You are obviously taken with this woman and from the look of it don't hold back on your admiration of her which leaves me wondering that you have nothing left to find in her. She is certainly not holding back on her charms. But you are aren't asking for an opinion on your relationshiip, its just me offering it.

From my experience, relationships between young men and older women don't last for very long just for that reason.

I have dated some younger men and find myself looking back and saying, gee, is this robbing the cradle or what, although the age difference wasn't really that different.

Ms tick

Wow tickle you're a bundle of joy and good news aren't you lol. My relationship with my mother was and is not great. I really kind of hate my mother at some level. She is a horrible person and that's all there is to it. Of course then again I do get along with her and she does help me out. I guess I could say I have 20% hatred for her and 80% love. She is my mother after all, I have to love her.

But With my girlfriend things are just magical right now and my endorfins are off the chart so that's where all that admiration came from. We have our fights, its not all gum drops and lolly pops. It wasn't easy to get eveyone to accept our relationship (even herself for a while) but now we stand next to each other and not a single thought of age crosses our minds. The simple fact is she is my fiancé and I am hers. We are in love and it does not matter what other people think about our age gap because we are happy. We make each other happy, that's all there is to it.

She is proud to be seen with me because I am a good looking guy (not to boast, that's one of her reasons actually) and I love to be seen with her because there is just something about her that screams out 'I'm freakin hot!"

The only thing I disagree with her relationship wise is about her being less PDA friendly than I. When I say that I mean she doesn't even really like hugging in public. That's a little extreme for me but its fine because I love her and I know that she loves me.

But no that is not what this post was about. Its OK that you have a negative view on age difference relationships. Thanks for your input. :)

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Originally Posted by Larken85

but no that is not what this post was about. its ok that you have a negative view on age difference relationships. Thanks for your input. :)

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Actually, Larken, I am all for what makes a person happy, long term or short term; it shows that they can still function on a normal level and I find some young people can't nowadays because they are too involved with self, wrapped up in themselves. Shallowness I guess is what I mean. I won't apologize for being a deep thinker about relationships; we have a few good experts for that. I work hard and play hard and at times that doesn't include another party. I am a loner by choice

I don't have a negative view on age difference relationships. Is that the way it came across ? Apologize if that's what you got out of it.

Just be happy and make your partner happy too.

Ms tickle

That is the way I took it, sounded that way. Sorry I took it wrong though. We are trying to keep one another happy as possible right now. Hopefully it'll last for the long run. ;)

Having been a cougar chaser in my youth... and we are talking 30 years ago.

It was a combination of maturity (as opposed to inmaturity) as in older women were sure of themselves...

Experience had a bit to do with it as well.

We are talking no more than 10 years my senior... If that still counts as cougar... so no incest fantasies. And no sleeping with grandma things... :eek:

I was turned on by women that know what they liked, knew what they wanted... didn't play the kid games so many young women played, weren't insecure like so many younger women tend to be.


I eventually married a woman a couple years my junior right before I turned 30. But she shared that trait... she knew who she was, was comfortible with herself... and while being a moody person... she never pretended to be anything or anyone she wasn't.

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

Cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

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I think it also goes both ways, the younger man enjoys the lack of game playing that the young women seem so fond of.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

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And they come without much of the drama that younger women seem to bring. It is that point where, I would like to believe both sexes, just sort of get tired of the bull.

Most of them at least. I could tell you stories of my Ex's family.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

The word everyone is looking for is "confidence".

cougars don't play games, they know what they want and can ask for it, and have the experience to NOT put up with the crap that a younger woman would.

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True... I hadn't thought of that part, because I never was a player... or chased a woman pretending to like her just to find out what she was like in bed. Or played any of those other games.

I actually related to women older than me better when I was yourger.

And they taught me soooo many things, because I listened and paid attention.

Speaking for myself - I know who I am, where I'm going. I am self supporting, don't need a man to tell me how/what to do or when to do it. My partner does not identify me in any aspect of my life.

I also think women come into full sexuality in their 30's and possibly 40's. No more shrinking violets or women who need to be "persuaded" at that age!

I am married because I WANT to be, not because I need to be.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I am self supporting, don't need a man to tell me how/what to do or when to do it. My partner does not identify me in any aspect of my life.

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That's how I'm raising our daughter. :)

I think it has something to do with the fact that older women are not our "peers". They seem to be above us not only in years, but in experience and knowledge. And the mixing is "taboo", almost naughty. I enjoyed the "older" ladies when I was younger. God bless them.

Larken, you say that age isn't a big deal to you. I have read several of your posts that mention this relationship, it's "reasoning", and it's success, etc. This is huge to you, it's age difference being paramount.

Are you treating her as a trophy? Is she you? Is this a novelty of sorts?

If you've truly found love then that's great. But don't put a lot of hope into something so new and different.

And you should never say that you hate your own mother. Not even 1%.

Good luck to you.

You don't know my mother or what she has done to me. For example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. Forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

The age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. The negitives of the age difference do not effect us. Not in the way most people may think it would at least. Most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but that's just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiancé is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. See the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, that's what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I decide what is best for me and I decide what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

Can I turn this around - I mean no insult and I trust you take no insult. This is something I have asked myself in relationships, something everyone has to look at at one point or another.

You have written all about how awesome she is, what she does for you, how "rocking" she is.

What does she see in you?

Again - I mean no offense and hope you take none but it's a question I (as the older woman) have had to ask myself more than once.

She has told me several different reasons she loves me and what she sees in me. One of the last times she text me she said she was totally head over heels in love with me. I could ask her to list reasons if you'd like or think that would help

I've been head over heels in love with people, too. That's a side issue.

What do you offer her? It could be anything from great sex to being seen with a trophy boyfriend. Good job, good education? Again - no offense but have you looked at what she sees in you?

When I was younger I dated MUCH older men; when I got older I began to date younger men because I found men my age were either divorced and raising children and spent all their time talking about how their ex-wife "took them" or were so dull and boring I thought I would scream.

The whole "of course, men eat this up" (referring to caring for you) and other stereotypes sort of go against my grain but, again, I'm a very independent woman. If you reread your post I think you will see how much mothering she does.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

you don't know my mother or what she has done to me. for example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

the age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. the negitives of the age difference do not effect us. not in the way most people may think it would at least. most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but thats just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiance is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. see the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, thats what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I deside what is best for me and I deside what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

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I am sorry this turned into a question of relationship issues, and I know that is not what you intended. You don't have any relationship issues, you have pointed that out. But you know, Larken, all of this benefits other people too, so all of these responses are actually good in a way. :)

Tick

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Originally Posted by Larken85

you don't know my mother or what she has done to me. for example she blammed me for writing false checks in my name and almost sent me to jail. If the cop didn't believe me I would have gone and she was trying to convince him that it was me when she had really stolen the checks from me and signed my name to them. :) so yeah, she has done many many things to screw me over, but then again she has made up for them by helping me too. So I have mixed feelings about her and hatred is one of them. forgive me for not liking her even 1%.

the age difference is something I am very attracted to yes. the negitives of the age difference do not effect us. not in the way most people may think it would at least. most of the time I think she is a little immature for her age actually, but thats just when I think she is being a little selfish.

However my relationship with either my mother or my fiance is not on trial here and this was not in any way the purpose of this post.

It is fine to get input on my relationship, I understand that some people do not approve of it or believe in it, I don't really care at the moment though. see the thing is you have problems and then you work through them, thats what you do in a relationship. Even if I ask for help, and get advice that leads to me leaving her, doesn't mean I am going to follow that advice. I take all advice and convert it into my own use. I deside what is best for me and I deside what is best for my relationship and what I am willing to go through or do for her. Its my devotion that keeps me here, not my weakness.

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I don't mean to question either relationship. I'm really not at all. You threw this out there, and you get what you get, you should know that by now.

It sure sounds like your mother has issues, and has made some bad decisions, but I just quoted you with "hate". That's such a horrible word to use on one's parents. When you have kids one day you'll see what I mean. That just hurts my heart.

And as far as the lady friend. I'm happy for you. I just noticed how you seem to brag about her age, and how you are so much younger. Almost like she is an accomplishment.

Larken, I am dating an older man, and in my opinion, I love it! I can tell you this, I and I mean I and no one else, would EVER date a man younger than me! I love older men, always have, always will... It's all in what YOU want, and what you're happy with. I'm really glad you ask these kinds of questions. I have read a lot of your posts, and I notice you ask questions. This is a good thing. You seem to keep it real! That's good! Again though, it's what makes you happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy, then great! Are you truly happy?

The relationship is working. I'm happy for you both. Never did know there was a term for older women, cougars. I like it.

You're right about it being for the reader. Guess I got selfish on that one.

About my mom I know it hurts to say that, it hurts me, but truth can hurt. And her actions have given me a bad bad stigma.

So in the eye of the beholder you know. She loves me for several reasons but one of her big attractions was simply that I do not have kids. She see me as free to her at any time. She even told me that it was a huge plus for me when we met. Sad though.. I want kids... oh well, can't happen. Get over it larken.

She is a little scared that I am going to leave her because of my maturity, and in most guys cases I wouldn't blame her. But I have a lot of past that backs up my character a lot and I had to mature a bit early in life. Another thing I find sad. I wish I could have been a kid for much longer, but facing the facts, I'm not a kid anymore and I can't return to being a kid. I am getting older and older every day and I need to continue to man up or I'll get left behind at this point.

She used to say I made her feel young again but she stopped saying that. She doesn't put importance on that fact anymore which is great because that would ware off real fast here.

She loves that I have a dependable job (though it doesn't pay much I almost can't lose it and I can pull countless hours of overtime if we are hurting.) The fact that I work a lot means I won't be in her hair 24/7 wareing on her patients. She has a weak threshold for tollerance than most people. Her Bi-polar dictates a lot of those little peeves of hers. I accept that and since I kind of like working, its not that big a deal to me. And its not that she doesn't like spending time with me. Its more that people can just spend too much time together and believe me I understand that. I know that if I was with her all the time we would fight a whole heck of a lot and it certainly wouldn't be one sided.

The relationship just works for both of us you know. I love her, she loves me, and we are happy with what we have and are achieving every day.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Larken, I am dating an older man, and in my opinion, I love it! I can tell you this, I and I mean I and no one else, would EVER date a man younger than me! I love older men, always have, always will... It's all in what YOU want, and what you're happy with. I'm really glad you ask these kinds of questions. I have read a lot of your posts, and I notice you ask questions. This is a good thing. You seem to keep it real! That's good! Again though, it's what makes you happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy, then great! Are you truely happy?

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I am confused by what this means: "I love it! I can tell you this, I and I mean I and no one else, would EVER date a man younger than me! I love older men, always have, always will..."

I don't think you can speak in terms of always and never nor can you speak for anyone else.

Why are you attracted to older men and how much older?

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

The relationship is working. I'm happy for you both. Never did know there was a term for older women, cougars. I like it.

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Cougar is more of a term for an older (mature?) woman who is on the hunt or prowl for young meat. It can be flattering, but more often then not it isn't so much. It is most colloquial used to describe that woman, hevily modified or just toned, that frequents clubs with the expressed purpose of picking up the young men.

It used to be a running gag among my friends that if you were approached in a bar by a Cougar that you raise your hands, act tall and slowly walk away. The suggest defence against a real cougar.

It really isn't a term I would use to describe anyone I would also call friend. The best series of definitions for Cougar can be found at the Urban Dictionary.

Hello Judy, after I read my post again, it didn't sound right. I can see how it was misconstrued. Allow me to elaborate please, in my opinion I really enjoy older men. I wasn't speaking for anyone else, only myself. I can see though in my previous post that it looks as if I speak for others. Why am I attracted to older men? Well, I have dated younger men and was married to a younger man and found that we have nothing in common. Our conversations consisted of music and Adam Sandler movies. Nothing else. I found that the younger men in my life were immature. No goals set out for themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of smart, funny, intelegent, goal orented young men who are successful. There are also immature and lazy older men. I just find that I have more in common with older men. How much older? 35+. What seems to work for you and other?

You're right crave. Cougar is a bad term for her. She is my more mature lover. My woman. (if I called her my ol' lady she'd beat me lol). You're right though, totally.

When you post on a public board you have to be prepared for the responses - mature or not mature I find calling any woman your Ol' Lady and/or Your Woman to be offensive.

Again - what does this educated, employed, attractive, sexy woman get out of your relationship?

The only term I have heard used here in England is MILF. (Mother I'd like to... ) Must say cougar sounds better even if rather predatory lol.

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Originally Posted by QLP

The only term I have heard used here in England is MILF. (Mother I'd like to ...) Must say cougar sounds better even if rather predatory lol.

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MILF is much more frequently used here as well, and for the most part, means exactly the same thing. A hot older woman that gets the attention of a younger man.

I don't think either term is meant with any malice to women. Not how I've seen it used anyway.

Sort of a , "damn she is fine....." sort of way. Where-as Cougar... "damn she is fine....and she's availible and looking"

I find a BIG difference between referring to a woman as a cougar and referring to a woman as a "Mother I'd Like To F*."

You don't find this insulting? You would be complimented if someone referred to your wife in this manner?

I actually get a giggle out of it when someone calls me a Cougar.

A MILF is usually younger--in her 20s, with toddlers, not older with kids the same age as the men hitting on her.

I have absolutely no problem being called a cougar---because it's hilarious to me. And in many ways, it's the SAME sort of giggle as the term Sugar Daddy gives me.

I find neither offensive. I find staring at my boobs to be offensive, not juvenile terms that are better laughed at.

My best friend calls me "wench"--consistantly. He NEVER calls me by my name. My husband is more likely to call me "woman" or "lady" than he is to call me anything else.

If a man stares at my cleavage in a rude manner (and it isn't always an insult) I've been known to stare pointedly at his crotch. I figure if I wear cleavage I should sort of expect what I get - up to a point.

I worked as a cocktail waitress in a bikini to pay for college - I didn't care if people looked. That's why we were dressed in bikinis. I DID care if they touched.

I think it depends on the manner in which it's done, both what a woman is called and how men look at her.

Considering the fact that Sneezy calls me his cougar and I call him my boy toy, I guess I don't have a problem with age difference or the term cougar. Of course I've never met the kid so really the term cougar doesn't apply, but it is fun to be referred to that way, makes me feel kind of hot. ;)

For me I like men of all ages but truth told, I'm not usually attracted to younger guys unless they have the smarts and maturity to keep up with me. I guess that's why I like my little boy toy, he's a 45 year old in a 24 year old body.

If I was single I doubt I'd date a guy much younger then me, no stability, they're still finding themselves, besides, I've already trained a few, don't want to do it anymore. ;)

Thankfully I'm not looking, happily married and very happy that I don't have to do the dating thing any more. It's hard work from the looks of all the relationship threads on AMHD.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Considering the fact that Sneezy calls me his cougar and I call him my boy toy, I guess I don't have a problem with age difference or the term cougar. Of course I've never met the kid so really the term cougar doesn't apply, but it is fun to be referred to that way, makes me feel kinda hot. ;)

For me I like men of all ages but truth told, I'm not usually attracted to younger guys unless they have the smarts and maturity to keep up with me. I guess that's why I like my little boy toy, he's a 45 year old in a 24 year old body.

If I was single I doubt I'd date a guy much younger then me, no stability, they're still finding themselves, besides, I've already trained a few, don't want to do it anymore. ;)

Thankfully I'm not looking, happily married and very happy that I don't have to do the dating thing any more. It's hard work from the looks of all the relationship threads on AMHD.

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I agree with not wanting to have to date anymore.

And I've seen your picture, you ARE hot.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

MILF is much more frequently used here as well, and for the most part, means exactly the same thing. A hot older woman that gets the attention of a younger man.

I don't think either term is meant with any malice to women. Not how I've seen it used anyway.

Sort of a , "damn she is fine....." sort of way. Where-as Cougar..."damn she is fine....and she's availible and looking"

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I have actually had a couple of young chaps say to me directly something like, 'You're sexy, you can be my MILF' Naturally I deterred them, simply saying. 'sorry I'm married.' I honestly don't think these young chaps were being deliberately offensive, I think they thought they were being complimentary. Don't find it an appealing term though personally.

I agree with QLP! I too get called a MILF, and men tell me that I am sexy! I don't take offence to it. However, two years ago I was working weekends as cocktail waitress, and the men would make nasty remarks, and THAT was very offensive! For me, I guess it all depends on who's saying calling me a MILF... On another note, JMJoseph mentioned Alty was hot, haha Come on Alty, cough up some pictures, want to see what you look like! ;p

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

I agree with QLP! I too get called a MILF, and men tell me that I am sexy! I don't take offence to it. However, two years ago I was working weekends as cocktail waitress, and the men would make nasty remarks, and THAT was very offensive! For me, I guess it all depends on who's saying calling me a MILF... On another note, JMJoseph mentioned Alty was hot, haha Come on Alty, cough up some pictures, wanna see what you look like! ;p

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Here you go:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...ers-43867.html

Look around at some of these!

Edit: you are pretty smoking yourself!

Thank you JMJoseph! I was looking at some of them. We have a lot of nice looking people here. Still looking for Alty's, and I am not finding you! Lol

I don't remember which post my picture is on. I would post one here but I don't want to hijack Larkens thread. I'll take a look, see if I can find one. I've posted a few, old and new. :)

Also, JM is right Enigma, if your avy is your picture, you are hot! No, I'm not gay. ;)

Whenever a younger guy approaches me I just tell him "Sweetie, I'd break you, move on".

Thank you Alty! You just made my day... I posted a while back a picture of me and now my ex husband on the pictures of the members on page 47, that one is better.