It seems like most girls are losing their virginity as early as 13 yrs old. There no longer is a need to wait until marriage. Why do they no longer care?
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It seems like most girls are losing their virginity as early as 13 yrs old. There no longer is a need to wait until marriage. Why do they no longer care?
Perhaps we should ask their mothers.
Some girls feel sex gives them a sense of love... it depends on how they grew up.
The pressure to be like everyone else often over-rides morals. I have heard from a lot of girls that they like the attention.
There are still plenty of girls that are waiting.
Not trying to be judgmental here, but the kind of outlook that girls no longer wait before having sex is like can't see the forest because of the trees directly in front of a person. Lots of girls still wait. Depends upon upbringing, education, culture, etc.
In some cultures, a girl wouldn't dare to have sex before being married because it would be so socially taboo because of tradition and societal/culture constraints. In such cultures, the girl might lose the chance to have a good partner for life if she were to have sex before being married.
Also depends on where a person is making that kind of observation based upon what they can see.
Just my thoughts on this...
Media, society, lack of parental involvement, American culture--there are too many interlinked reasons, not ONE big reason. Don't you think that if there were ONE reason that people would have figured it out and put a stop to it?
But why focus on girls only? Boys are starting that young or younger too! Is this a double standard on your part, that you only care that it's girls losing virginity that young?
Like Synnen said... but the biggest reason of them is lack of parental control. Many parents just let kids do as they please and not make them behave in a manner that is both moral and appropriate. When I was growing up if you disobeyed your parents there was hell to pay... these days kids threaten to call the authorities if the parents try to discipline their own kids... and the authorities side with the kids.
It's a miricle the problem isn't worse than it is. Public schools have become indocrination centers... not places of learning and everyone fights against parents rights to raise kids the way they see fit, to the level of morality they were raised to.
Besides everything everybody else has said sex has gotten to be something that is a common thing with no moral or value that has a higher standard.
And also
Many pre teens idealize having a baby and they want the cute boy and they have the live for the minute attitude giving no regard to the future or the consequences and the 'what if's' or the 'what abouts'.
There is severe social pressure on teenage girls to have boyfriends and a sexy reputation.
Specifically: Why don't *American* girls "wait longer to lose their virginity"?Quote:
Originally Posted by cowandchicken
As most responders posited: It has do with culture, society, and value systems.
I believe that, sadly, children in our society (USA) are *constantly* being attacked by the media, culture, and society to become sexually promiscuous from an early age.
American society is literally fascinated by youth. Anyone else notice this? Or am I off base?
Peace.
Um... plenty of other countries have kids having sex. Its not just an american thing. Probably nothing has changed about common ages of kids having sex anyway. My dad lost his at 14 my grandfather lost his at 12 and I lost mine at 17. All the other older people Ive talked to openly about sex all say similar ages. Maybe middle to upperclass white america is having sex younger... I would bet statistically nothing has changed except the openness about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Always_helping
I certainly I am not denying that underage sex occurs in other countries.Quote:
Originally Posted by DuBas07
Perhaps I was thinking of the fact that the USA has such a very high teen pregnancy rate compared to other developed countries. This fact bothers me a lot.
Another point to ponder: I wonder at what age the people who didn't talk to you openly about sex lost their virginity... just a thought
Peace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Always_helping
The US is ALSO the only first world country that preaches abstinence while showing TV shows about unmarried couples living together. Parents freak about kids learning anything about sex from teachers, yet refuse (or are too embarrassed) to talk to their kids themselves.
The media pushes sexy--for god's sake, look at the models girls have for it! Hannah Montanna, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton... they all dress and act older than they need to, and Britney and Hannah both made vows to stay virgins until they're married. Look where that got Britney!
The US sells sex on every movie screen, every TV commercial, and too many TV shows. I mean, when's the last time you saw an ugly person in unflattering clothing trying to sell something? And yet, too many people are absolute prudes about sex--teens shouldn't think about it, talk about it, wonder about it, or try it out! NO NO NO NO NO is all they hear. Well, when's the last time "Because I said so!" worked on a kid over 12?
Stop pushing abstinence, start pushing education,and for god's sake, stop handing out Welfare to every stupid kid that gets knocked up because they thought it couldn't happen to them. If they had no fallback system, I guarantee you that they would be a lot more careful about sex.
Again... I find it interesting that this focuses on GIRLS losing their virginity younger.
Does everyone feel that boys have ALWAYS been having sex at 12 and 13 too or something?
I think that you can ask your mother but if you were to ask mine she'd tell you I was a 20 year old virgin and she'd be wrong. I lost my virginity when I was 15 years old and haven't regretted it once. I think that sex is just that sex. It when your in love that the act of making love happens. Sex is a fun and pleasurable way to burn calories (lol) and show affection that feels good. Back in the day sex was held on this peadistool and was treated like a sacred object. But now its looked at as a common daily factor. Which seems to be OK by the people in society todayQuote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
If children abstained from having sex you wouldn't have insane ammounts of teens with STD's Like HPV. Or Aids, or anything else.
If children abstained then just maybe they would focus on school and then more would graduate.
If children did what they were told to do or had hell to pay like my generation did for the most part you would have better educated children and higher moral standards.
And yes I'm an old fart at 47 so yeah I saw everything turn to crap as a result of Political Correctness which blamed everyhing else for the problem rather than the person who's fault it really was.
This is a no brainer, Lack of discipline because there are no parents, teachers, and role models, around to tell these brats NO, and be there to enforce it. Adults use to work together, and now they could care less about the people next door. What do you expect when kids are raising themselves, without Good Orderly Direction?
I checked around the net quickly and came up with 5 or 6 different studies, I was trying to get two done the same year but couldn't. I DID NOT SOURCE ANY OF THESE. The only one I give a smidgen of creditbility before sourcing is the unicef one. I suspect through my own logic these numbers could be skewed, like the rape statistics for the same reasons.
1998 NationMaster - Teenage pregnancy (per capita) (most recent) by country
2001 Differences in Teenage Pregnancy Rates Among Five Developed Countries: The Roles of Sexual Activity and Contraceptive Use
2002 Differences in Teenage Pregnancy Rates Among Five Developed Countries: The Role of Sexual Activity and Contraceptive Use - The Body
Teen Pregnancy Rates Worldwide Declining
With out sourcing this I basically equate it to someone on the street that I don't know telling me this.
Sex at a young age is wrong in some countries but if you look at the legal age of countries it is as low as 12-15 in many countries.
Age of Consent Worldwide
Hello Always_Helping,
My mother and father gave me the birds and the bees talk when I was in 4th grade or 9-10years old. I remember them reading me a book. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. Go figure.
Cause they feel like they can handle the adulthood which you can't.
Excuses:
media shows too much sex/violence
parents don't watch their children enough
other people are doing it too
peer pressure from friends
Just STOP with the excuses.
Parents need to blame themselves for their irresponsibilities.
Media needs to re-consider their program materials.
Other people need to stfu about their personal life.
If friends are pressuring one to do something against their will, find new friends.
It's easy.. but they make a big deal out of it~
I have to agree with smoothy and Synnen in that the focus is on girl's virginity most of the time. How about those young men out there who have not learned how to respect the girls they meet and are attracted to? Do their dads provide a proper role model, or do their peers?
I guess that most young girls feel that's the only way they will get 'loved' and that if something happens, they will have their own 'bundle' to love.. and - well the state will provide some assistance. In Germany, they get funded throughout their pregnancy, clinician bills, etc. Then when the baby is here, more funding - and where does the money come from?? If dad is not of legal age, his parents get to share in footing the bills - isn't that wonderful? Guess those parents missed out in educating their son's and wind up paying for it one way or the other - so it's up to them to decide on the play-now-pay-later plan, or educate now and save (oh, but that would mean they have to spend time on actually talking about this issue - and gad... that is a drag because parents are too busy).
Oh, and we must not forget, it's better than being unemployed with no money.. unemployed with a baby at least gives you the status of raising a future 'taxpayer'... ha,ha... if that kid does not get PG and lives off the state first - which is a vicious circle, isn't it..
And, actually, the state of the art TV series and movies of today are clean compared to what European flicks reveal, and also the new cartoons (for lack of a better word) that kids can download now - we all know what I'm talking about. These new naked and humping cartoon characters that have cropped up even make me want to puke... but they are readily available anywhere, as long as you know where to find them. Why are we letting this happen (worldwide)? Freedom of the press, or speech, or what??
A friend of mine has a 9 yr old daughter who just started her menses. This young thing is going through identity crisis now, having to be a young woman at least once a month, while still wanting to be a growing kid with new restrictions the remainder of the month. So, now my friend and I have talks of our childhood with her daughter - giving her food for thought and we hope it helps her keep her 'guard' up long enough.
I was lucky in raising my daughter.. I never restricted what she watched on TV, but I would watch it with her and we would talk about what she was seeing. I figured it was better her hearing it straight from me instead of B.S. from her peers - it worked for us. She was a virgin until 18 - even though I offered to take her to get the pill and talked about condoms before she turned 14 and had a few pregnant school-mates in her class - she said she was not interested in boys that way yet. I probably was not the typical parent because I would bring up the subjects first so that she would not need to be shy with me. I just figured that making her aware of everything 'out there' would not catch her off guard.
The media might be made to stop.. I doubt it, so instead - if you can't lick them, join them. Teach your kids about everything out there first - don't restrict.
There could be better education, more jobs,etc made available - I doubt it, so instead, tell them that it's not a better alternative just because they are bored (or scared and frustrated because they don't see a better future) - teach them that they don't need drugs or sex or any other excessive junk just to feel alive in this messed up world today. Things are not going to get better and we cannot wish it away, so act now so that you don't need to complain later.
OK, off my soapbox now,. your turn.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif
Exactly Chery...
However as a man I can say even with a father that is a good role model as far as respecting women peer pressure can have an even greater influence if the kid chooses to hang with the wrong "friends".
Both parents are responsible for a good portion of the kids morality. But unless they also helped instill in him who to choose as friends he can still go down the wrong path in life. But at least he would have a better chance of "doing the right thing" than the kid from uncaring parents that let them do as they wish.
I am an adolescent male of 19 and have only ever slept with one woman, I was with her for over two years which at my age I'd consider to be a long term relationship and it wasn't a coincidence, I didn't pressure her and we did it when we were very much in love and ready. I don't regret it and don't think that it was wrong and I would certainly never consider pressuring my partner or doing it before we fell in love and were ready. Read into this what you will but I consider myself to be fairly if not very moral about the subject compared to what seems like all adolescents that I've encountered. If you agree then you can feel free to say it was down to my father being a good rolemodel but he left my mother when I was 4 years old and now has two other children. My views on the subject are my own, partly influenced by my mother who did tell me the details about sex but not necessarily any morals about it at a much younger age. However I would agree that I seem to be an exception to the youth of today and am myself worried about it.
This is all an opinion about myself and others of my own and I certainly don't wish to offend anyone so please don't get upset if I may have misinterpreted or conveyed my views badly. Thanks.
Loved your post Chery and it reminded me of what my mom used to do. She died when I was 11 but I will always remember her "sex talk." I was actually pretty young but for Christmas on year I got Wedding Day Midge and Alan barbie dolls. I think she had planned that because then she asked me if I knew what they did on their wedding night. I had seen enough garbage on TV to know what she was talking about but that was just it, she always talked to me about everything before I had questions and I waited until I was 18.
It's the growing trend in today's society.
Not to mention they think they're "all that"Quote:
Originally Posted by 411Help
I'm 20 (and female for the record) and am still a virgin. It is a personal choice which was also influenced by parents and religion. There are still some girls out there who have not given in to the pressure that they face every day. Not only do peers influence this decision but their significant other does too. Lots of guys are pressured to have sex by their friends. So they pressure their girlfriends. Luckily, I am with someone who doesn't care to have sex, but I know other girls are not so lucky. Something that I have found to be extremely helpful is the reactions I have gotten from some friends and acquaintances. I have had several people approach me and say they admire me because of my values. I find that this is extremely encouraging to keep these values. I think if society encouraged supporting girls' values instead of pressuring for sex, there would be less girls having sex at a younger age.
Why is it always on the girl? Why is it not OK for girls to have sex at any age unless she's married but its OK for guys to start going at it as soon as they can keep it up?Quote:
Originally Posted by cowandchicken
I got one word for you, PREGNANT. As long as a female will carry the most burden, and consequences, that's who bears the most burden. You can't disappear after a mistake as a guy can, and as long as females open their legs, there will always be a male, ready, willing, and able. So make your choices wisely ladies.Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyedbaby
Who has the babies... it does take two to get one started but it's the woman that has them. And as Talaniman said... for any woman that will spread her legs there are guys out there who will jump at the chance to have sex with them. And no a guy doesn't even have to like how she looks or her personality to have sex. And in fact many don't or you wouldn't have so many single moms out there.Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyedbaby
Science is finally letting us women turn the tables on guys, though.
It's becoming less and less okay for a guy to start early and then "disappear" if she gets pregnant. DNA testing no longer lets a guy deny that a child is his, and a child support order will keep him paying for that child, whether he's involved in that child's life, for the next 18 or so years.
I would think the fact that it's HARDER to cut and run would mean that more guys would be more cautious about the whole thing.
Again, the whole problem would change if you took away welfare. If the guy HAD to drop out of school to provide for his child, because the state wouldn't, then you can bet more guys would be more careful. If a girl HAD to drop out of school to work and raise her child, or if BOTH parents had to choose between watching a child go hungry or choosing adoption--well, where do you think the trend would turn?
The issue isn't really whether more kids are having sex--I personally don't think THAT many more are--it's whether the consequences make them actually pause and THINK before hopping into bed.
I'm 22 and never had sex, simply because I don't want to 'try it just to see what it's like'. I will do it when the right person comes along, and no, up until this day, I have never met that person. I'm not saying it's the person I'll marry-it's just someone I will be in love with and actually be in a relationship with him.
I can tell you though, that I have felt so much like a weirdo many times before. There were times were I said I'd ask a friend to sleep with me just to get that burden out of my shoulders. I don't feel like that anymore, but the pressure from the society is HUGE. I've actually lied to people about it(and I hate lying) because I know that they wouldn't understand my choice.
Because "sexy" is popular & kids are so ruled by the media its seems they no longer think for themselves.
I'm so tired of people blaming soceity and the persons parents and the media and all others that people find to blame for their actions. Its not the violence on the TV and in movies that make people kill other people its whatever is going on in their heads. Its not someone's mom or dad's fault that make guys or girls have sex before marriage it's a personal choice. I'll admit that I have had sex and in certain cases I have regretted it, but I also have had safe sex and know what could result of me having sex. There is no one to blame for what choices you make. People use the media and soceity as an excuse so they don't have to take resposiblty for their actions. A girl always has a right to say no and so does a guy. But here's the thing a guy always says that that she "opened" her legs and was welcoming but its OK when he walks away if that one night makes a baby? Yes the woman has the baby but there would be no baby if the guy wasn't there. I'm sick and tired of people using abortion as a birth control and expecting that if pregnancy does come from having sex that you can fix it by a quick trip to the doctors. I don't believe that its OK for anybody male or female to have sex before they are in love but I also don't feel like it's the girls responsblity to make sure it doesn't happen. Guys pressure as well and even though I don't feel like that's an excuse for a girl to put out, I feel like the blame needs to be shared by both guilty parties and not n=on the media or "bad" parenting. If your going to make a grown up decision to have sex no matter what gender you are then be a grown up and make the grown up decisions that need to be made when the time comes and stop finding other people to blame your mistakes on
Whether they are in love or not, it is both the responsibilities, of man and woman, but that doesn't change the fact that some men leave, and a female must protect herself as a man should also.
Yes men pressure, but so do females, and mistakes are made. I don't really believe in blame, but reality is hard to ignore and there are consequences of your actions whether you give in to the guy, or not ladies.
So as I tell all females, be responsible for your own health, happiness, and well being, and not depend on a guy for that.
Blame it on the government and media, the prime confusers, propaganda pros and corruptors
And poor parenting. Too many parents won't do their jobs these days.Quote:
Originally Posted by johnoh
Because we too, just like males, get horny, have sexual feelings and become curious and interested. It doesn't mean we make the right decisions, but there are many reasons BOTH males and females have sex before marriage. The world is a sexual place.Whats the deal with waiting anyway. Why does it make it any better of a decision?
Because at 13, most people can not understand the CONSEQUENCES of having sex. There's too much of the "it can't happen to ME" attitude.
Also, they can't DEAL with the consequences of sex. They don't have their own insurance--it's still their parents'. They don't have a job to support a child--they leave that to the taxpayers. They don't realize they're jeopardizing future relationships with STDs.
When 13 year olds start paying for their own pregnancies, STD treatments, and babies, then I'll be okay with them not waiting. In the meantime, as a taxpayer, *I* am paying for them to have sex, and I don't want to. I can think of a LOT better things to spend taxes on than 13 year old kids with kids.
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