Just a quick note with the OCD. There are tonnes of resources with managing it. I have seen and used a few. Most of it stems from realizing the obsessive moments. What you do then... depends on the type and severity of the OCD.

It breaks my heart hearing this of you and your husband. I hope things get better. :-)

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Hey Alty, I can't offer much advice, because, well I ain't gettin none either (my attempt to make you smile). I understand the frustration of having to do it all on your own. I understand how tiring it is being the good guy AND the bad guy and finding that fine line in between. Not fun. I can only imagine how much more frustrating it would be having someone in the same house and still not pulling his weight.

SO I may have missed this, but what is R doing to fix his depression? Is he on meds? Is he going to talk to someone? You know yourself, depression just doesn't go away. You know that he needs to be able to help himself before he can make things right between the two of yous.

I would push for the counseling. You said if you push harder he would go for it. I think sometimes in a marriage (And how the heck would I know anyways...) you need outside people to hear both sides, and instead of them picking sides, they find a common ground and help with a solution.

I wish I could offer some better advice, but you know my number, I'm just a phone call away for some of the best ears in town.

((Hugs))

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Hugs right back at you Bella! :)

Rod has agreed to go to counseling. His work plan will pay for it, so we don't even have to dish out any money to do it, we just have to find a good counselor, and go!

As for the depression, he's agreed to give medication a second chance, this time for longer than the last time he tried it.

Things have been a lot better since we talked. He's pulling his weight. I think he really got it this time. But this time I'm not taking things at face value. I'm making changes to make sure that we get back on track, and so is he.

Thanks so much Bella. :)

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Originally Posted by Alty

Rod has agreed to go to counseling. His work plan will pay for it, so we don't even have to dish out any money to do it, we just have to find a good counselor, and go!

As for the depression, he's agreed to give medication a second chance, this time for longer than the last time he tried it.

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So I don't have to call him now or drive up there?

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Just a quick note with the OCD. There are tonnes of resources with managing it. I have seen and used a few. Most of it stems from realizing the obsessive moments. What you do then... depends on the type and severity of the OCD.

It breaks my heart hearing this of you and your husband. I hope things get better. :-)

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Thanks Craven. It breaks my heart too. This is the best man I know. I truly love this man, and I know he loves me. I think we just fell into a rut. I even know exactly when it started. Not either of our faults, but this all began, slowly, when I miscarried a few years ago. Since then it's been a gradual decline. I don't think we even noticed how bad we were getting until it got to this point.

We're talking. We're coming up with a plan. We're working on it. One thing I know for sure, we don't give up, ever. The love is still there. It will prevail. I know that for sure.

Rod has often said, and he's a jokester, so take this in the tone it's intended, "I vowed to love you until death do us part, and if I have to kill you in order to keep that vow, so be it". ;)

As if he could. I'm much sneaker than he is. :)

My OCD isn't bad enough for medication, and I have become a lot more relaxed about it since we had kids, but it's still something I need to work on. I am.

We'll make it through this. We've made it through worse, the death of my parents, who we both loved immensely, the death of his mother, the conflict with his sister, and the death of our 3rd child (the miscarriage). We can survive this. I know we can. We just needed to talk to each other, get back to what we know works, and that's the two of us working together.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So I don't have to call him now or drive up there?

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I think we're good WG. Besides, he's not a phone guy. Not at all. He hates talking on the phone. You'd probably think he's the rudest person ever, which he isn't, he's just not comfortable talking on the phone.

But we're talking to each other. That's the important thing. :)

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Originally Posted by Alty

I think we're good WG. Besides, he's not a phone guy.

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He'd love talking with me. I don't know how many people have told me that they are too shy and then we end up on the phone chatting for hours. I even chat with telemarketers.

Watch the meds -- monitor that he's taking it at the right time, right dose, and if a problem, adjustments or even a new med may be the next step. Problems with meds are the biggest reason clients end up in the fail zone.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

He'd love talking with me. I don't know how many people have told me that they are too shy and then we end up on the phone chatting for hours. I even chat with telemarketers.

Watch the meds -- monitor that he's taking it at the right time, right dose, and if a problem, adjustments or even a new med may be the next step. Problems with meds are the biggest reason clients end up in the fail zone.

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WG, he won't talk with me on the phone. When he calls he usually calls to tell me what's on his mind, what issues he needs addressed, and then he's gone. I'm a major chatter. Just in case you didn't notice. ;)

Even when we were dating, our phone convos usually consisted of him saying "So I'll come pick you up, should be there in 10 minutes. Bye!".

We were never the couple that spent hours on the phone. Of course we also only lived a ten minute drive away from each other, and saw each other every day, but still. :)

Now you've got me going. I want to try it. Too bad I don't have your phone number any longer. :D

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Now you've got me going. I wanna try it. Too bad I don't have your phone number any longer. :D

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LOL! Well you'd have to call at around 1am my time. He's on nights this week.

I'm still up then. PM me your phone number. I'll pretend at first to be his aunt.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm still up then. PM me your phone number. I'll pretend at first to be his aunt.

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If you call at 1am and wake me and the kids up (and the phone will wake me up), I won't be a happy camper. Just saying. ;)

It's better to wait until he's on days.

Also, unless you can pull off a very good German accent, and a bit of dementia, you won't pass for his Aunt. ;)

I'll roleplay with my son for the accent. The dementia is a given.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'll roleplay with my son for the accent. The dementia is a given.

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LMAO! Okay then, at least I should help you. You're Tante Myane (The e isn't silent). Nor is that her given name, it's just what Rod calls her because he couldn't pronounce her name when he was little, and his pronunciation stuck.

Very thick German accent, and you complain about your health, a lot! But you always remember the kids, and ask how they're doing. If you wait until July 3 you can call to wish Rod a happy birthday. She may forget many things, but Rod's birthday is not one of them. In fact, she's the only one that always calls, for his birthday, my birthday, and the kids. I guess we're too important to forget. :)

I'll have to call on the 2nd in order to beat her out. She'll call on the 3rd, so I can't.

I just thought of a different way to engage him. Hmmmmm.

I just ran across this, because that's what you do with broken hand, you read questions and answers on AMHD.
I have no great words of wisdom, but it sounds like you are on the right track.
That is a god thing.
And the combination OCD/kid situation, well just let me say this. In time it will likely subside, it did for me. Hell, I was working myself into such a frenzy, undoing and redoing that it was driving me mad.
Glad your working it out.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

I just ran across this, because that's what you do with broken hand, you read questions and answers on AMHD.
I have no great words of wisdom, but it sounds like you are on the right track.
That is a god thing.
And the combination OCD/kid situation, well just let me say this. In time it will likely subside, it did for me. Hell, I was working my self into such a frenzy, undoing and redoing that it was driving me mad.
Glad your working it out.

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Thanks LS (that's short for LadySam). :)

I'm learning, and so is Rod, and the kids. We're figuring it out. We are on the right track. We have nowhere to go but up, so that's our goal. :)

Just want you to know I'm reading here, Alty. Everyone has beat me to the punch in responding, and you've gotten good advice.

Love you, and hope things are back on track soon!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Just want you to know I'm reading here, Alty. Everyone has beat me to the punch in responding, and you've gotten good advice.

Love you, and hope things are back on track soon!

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Thanks Synn. I have gotten good advice, and I'm taking it. :)

Had to spread the love, but thanks for the support. :)

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Originally Posted by Alty

Hugs right back at you Bella! :)

Rod has agreed to go to counseling. His work plan will pay for it, so we don't even have to dish out any money to do it, we just have to find a good counselor, and go!

As for the depression, he's agreed to give medication a second chance, this time for longer than the last time he tried it.

Things have been a lot better since we talked. He's pulling his weight. I think he really got it this time. But this time I'm not taking things at face value. I'm making changes to make sure that we get back on track, and so is he.

Thanks so much Bella. :)

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You so welcome. You know even though we haven't been as chatty as normal I still think about you and the fam jam all the time. Love you guys! Xo