We have been together for about 1 year and a half almost. Around the 10th month mark... he seemed to have lost the drive, and I have a high sex drive. I wouldn't mind it every day. But it slowly stopped. Tomorrow will be a month since we've had sex. I have tried numerous times to talk to him about this, and he told me he understands how I feel and that he'd try harder. And after that talk, it was like one great time.. a month ago.. and nothing since. Now... after the last time we had sex I did get sick for a few weeks, and so he says he didn't want to do it then because he knew I didn't feel well... thats fine, but he never seems to initiate any form of sex and it really bothers me. He does look at porn on the internet just about everyday... even that doesn't bother me ( he only looks at a few things). He said he looks at it because most of it is funny to him. (? ) I have tried to talk to him about watching it together or something, and he said OK... but didn't really care I guess either way. Even if it was just 2 times a week I would be so much happier... its better that once every 2 or 3 weeks. I will try to give hints that I would like to have some action later that night or something and he'll say something back as if agreeing--to what I'm thinking.. so when I get home I get showered, shaved, smell good, look good... and he ends up watching TV. And I get frustrated big time. I just do not know what to do... I used to mention it more and he'd say that when I keep "griping at him b/c he doesnt want to do it" it makes him not want to do it even more.
We both have gained a few or 10 or so.. lbs since together. He isn't as active as he used to be... I still find him as attractive as when I first met him and he says the same about me.. but I still start feeling angry/sad/ and insecure with me because of the situations. (we both are working out together now to lose lbs.. just started) But maybe it is because he's just gotten lazy. He is 5 years older than me.. im only 21, he was my first... and he's been with many. Is it possible his sex drive is slowing ? I can't help it... he's my first and I want it A LOT.. I feel like talking is overrated right now.. b/c its been done so many times. I really do try to just back off and not say a word to see if he will initiate something, but nothing happens. Help.

The next time your both relaxing and watching TV, why not just engaging in some petting and no talk and see where it leads. Use your imagination and be creative in arousing him without the pressure to perform.

It sounds like you've done your share of talking, with little or no results. Perhaps you should back off "completely" for a while, if you get my drift. From the tone of your post I got the impression that the two of you are living together? Are you? If so, you may consider moving out for a while. I know it sounds like a drastic step but it may just light a fire under him. If you aren't living together but just dating, then you may want to initiate a period of no contact for a while. It sounds like he needs a wake-up call at this point and the prospect of losing you may well do it. If it doesn't then it may be time for you to move on altogether. A relationship in which your needs aren't being met is really no relationship at all.

Maybe he is having doubts about his sexuality right.
I am not saying he is gay.
I am just saying maybe he just has doubts.
No more talking.
Just jump in there and get it done.
No more looking at porn on the internet.
Ever time he starts to look at it you jump in there and say hey the real thing is over here. I need you more and You don't have to pay for it.

Maybe you should consider a vibrator. That will help you when he doesn't want to have sex.

The trouble is you've made it a "thing" now and once it's a thing it's a challenge not to channel all sorts of other stuff into it and make it bigger than it is. People are more perceptive than we ever give credit for and I'd be willing to bet you've accidentally made sex seems like a chore to him. He may feel unworthy for having disappointed you as a lover. So he distances himself from it further, giving you less and raising your frustration higher and around it goes in a vicious circle. In my old hippy days, we would call this a mexican stand off. No one wins and its important for you to understand that he very likely isn't getting something he wants too. See if you can find out what it is and give it to him unconditionally. I like Tal's suggestion too, about teasing with no pressure to perform.

This same situation happened to me. Me and my ex went out for two years and around the year and a half mark he never initiated sex anymore and I had to practically beg him! He would look at porn on the internet as well and I would get sooo mad! It gets very frustrating at times! Just hang in there... he prob. Does not want to talk about it. Maybe there are some things on his mind that are bothering him like work and stress... just give him some space and let him come to you... goodluck!

I don't want to be horriblly mean but is he still attracted to you. That has happened to me when I was really not all that attracted to this girl in the first place.

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Originally Posted by Flitterbyte

We have been together for about 1 year and a half almost. around the 10th month mark...he seemed to have lost the drive, and I have a high sex drive. I wouldnt mind it every day. But it slowly stopped. Tomorrow will be a month since we've had sex. I have tried numerous times to talk to him about this, and he told me he understands how I feel and that he'd try harder. And after that talk, it was like one great time..a month ago..and nothing since. Now...after the last time we had sex I did get sick for a few weeks, and so he says he didnt want to do it then b/c he knew i didnt feel well...thats fine, but he never seems to initiate any form of sex and it really bothers me. he does look at porn on the internet just about everyday...even that doesnt bother me ( he only looks at a few things). he said he looks at it b/c most of it is funny to him. (??) I have tried to talk to him about watching it together or something, and he said ok...but didnt really care I guess either way. Even if it was just 2 times a week i would be so much happier...its better that once every 2 or 3 weeks. I will try to give hints that i would like to have some action later that night or something and he'll say something back as if agreeing--to what im thinking..so when i get home i get showered, shaved, smell good, look good...and he ends up watching tv. and i get frustrated big time. I just do not know what to do...i used to mention it more and he'd say that when i keep "griping at him b/c he doesnt want to do it" it makes him not want to do it even more.
We both have gained a few or 10 or so.. lbs since together. He isnt as active as he used to be...i still find him as attractive as when i first met him and he says the same about me..but I still start feeling angry/sad/ and insecure with me b/c of the situations. (we both are working out together now to lose lbs..just started) But maybe it is b/c he's just gotten lazy. he is 5 years older than me..im only 21, he was my first...and he's been with many. Is it possible his sex drive is slowing ? I can't help it...he's my first and i want it A LOT.. I feel like talking is overrated right now..b/c its been done so many times. I really do try to just back off and not say a word to see if he will initiate something, but nothing happens. Help.

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Hi,

I'm a man and I can tell you that those things happen often, see that as if he is going through the 'desert' and he took the decision to do that crossing alone. Try to keep your distance even if it's hard. The more you talk, the more he will be distant, he may probably answer the things you want to hear. Don't put the words in his mouth... The more you talk, the longest will be the 'crossing'. Meanwhile, take self care, this is important, don't neglect yourself, try to light the fireworks... it will come to an end, I tell you.

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Originally Posted by Flitterbyte

he does look at porn on the internet just about everyday...even that doesnt bother me ( he only looks at a few things). he said he looks at it b/c most of it is funny to him. (??)

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There's your problem. Porn is not meant to be funny. To put it bluntly, I feel he's draining himself on the porn. If it was only once in a while, then yea, Id buy the remark about it being "funny". Remove the porn and see what happens.

If he wants to laugh, tell him to put on the comedy channel, leave the porn at the door.

Oh god, its like you have my life, my boyfriend is the same, no sex loads of porn and just will not touch me, feel so frustrated, feel so insecure, I have numerous men at work offer relationships and sex, but all I have wanted is for my man to love me, the guy I chose the one who offers me so much but not the sex, you know, it could be any one of the above.

My friends tell me that I should give up too.

I know I should leave, that is what I want to do but it's a pretty scarey thought, but I can do it. I wonder honey, if you were to leave him, if he really loved you, he might come round.

I think some part of you needs to come to terms with the fact that this is not real love, love is intimacy too. Oh sorry, I guess I should be preaching to myself huh?

Good luck, my thoughts are with you

K

My x-husband was the same way. We separated and got back together. I asked him why he didn't want to have sex for so long and he said he didn't know what was wrong with him why he didn't want to in the past. After we got back together, are sex life was wonderful. He laid off on looking at porn every day too...

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Originally Posted by Flitterbyte

We have been together for about 1 year and a half almost. around the 10th month mark...he seemed to have lost the drive, and I have a high sex drive. I wouldnt mind it every day. But it slowly stopped. Tomorrow will be a month since we've had sex. I have tried numerous times to talk to him about this, and he told me he understands how I feel and that he'd try harder. And after that talk, it was like one great time..a month ago..and nothing since. Now...after the last time we had sex I did get sick for a few weeks, and so he says he didnt want to do it then b/c he knew i didnt feel well...thats fine, but he never seems to initiate any form of sex and it really bothers me. he does look at porn on the internet just about everyday...even that doesnt bother me ( he only looks at a few things). he said he looks at it b/c most of it is funny to him. (??) I have tried to talk to him about watching it together or something, and he said ok...but didnt really care I guess either way. Even if it was just 2 times a week i would be so much happier...its better that once every 2 or 3 weeks. I will try to give hints that i would like to have some action later that night or something and he'll say something back as if agreeing--to what im thinking..so when i get home i get showered, shaved, smell good, look good...and he ends up watching tv. and i get frustrated big time. I just do not know what to do...i used to mention it more and he'd say that when i keep "griping at him b/c he doesnt want to do it" it makes him not want to do it even more.
We both have gained a few or 10 or so.. lbs since together. He isnt as active as he used to be...i still find him as attractive as when i first met him and he says the same about me..but I still start feeling angry/sad/ and insecure with me b/c of the situations. (we both are working out together now to lose lbs..just started) But maybe it is b/c he's just gotten lazy. he is 5 years older than me..im only 21, he was my first...and he's been with many. Is it possible his sex drive is slowing ? I can't help it...he's my first and i want it A LOT.. I feel like talking is overrated right now..b/c its been done so many times. I really do try to just back off and not say a word to see if he will initiate something, but nothing happens. Help.

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I am with you... I am so in love with my boyfriend... but he has no sex drive and its ripping us apart... he even got tested and the dr said he has a low sex drive... I really don't know what to do either... should we just jhang in there... report back to me if you have a plan... the thing is Im so in love with him and he's a great guy I don't want this to end us!

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Originally Posted by bones3

I am with you...I am so in love with my boyfriend...but he has no sex drive and its ripping us appart...he even got tested and the dr said he has a low sex drive...I really don't know what to do either...should we just jhang in there...report back to me if you have a plan...the thing is Im so in love with him and hes a great guy I don't want this to end us!!

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If it ends its cause it ends

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flitterbyte

We have been together for about 1 year and a half almost. around the 10th month mark...he seemed to have lost the drive, and I have a high sex drive. I wouldnt mind it every day. But it slowly stopped. Tomorrow will be a month since we've had sex. I have tried numerous times to talk to him about this, and he told me he understands how I feel and that he'd try harder. And after that talk, it was like one great time..a month ago..and nothing since. Now...after the last time we had sex I did get sick for a few weeks, and so he says he didnt want to do it then b/c he knew i didnt feel well...thats fine, but he never seems to initiate any form of sex and it really bothers me. he does look at porn on the internet just about everyday...even that doesnt bother me ( he only looks at a few things). he said he looks at it b/c most of it is funny to him. (??) I have tried to talk to him about watching it together or something, and he said ok...but didnt really care I guess either way. Even if it was just 2 times a week i would be so much happier...its better that once every 2 or 3 weeks. I will try to give hints that i would like to have some action later that night or something and he'll say something back as if agreeing--to what im thinking..so when i get home i get showered, shaved, smell good, look good...and he ends up watching tv. and i get frustrated big time. I just do not know what to do...i used to mention it more and he'd say that when i keep "griping at him b/c he doesnt want to do it" it makes him not want to do it even more.
We both have gained a few or 10 or so.. lbs since together. He isnt as active as he used to be...i still find him as attractive as when i first met him and he says the same about me..but I still start feeling angry/sad/ and insecure with me b/c of the situations. (we both are working out together now to lose lbs..just started) But maybe it is b/c he's just gotten lazy. he is 5 years older than me..im only 21, he was my first...and he's been with many. Is it possible his sex drive is slowing ? I can't help it...he's my first and i want it A LOT.. I feel like talking is overrated right now..b/c its been done so many times. I really do try to just back off and not say a word to see if he will initiate something, but nothing happens. Help.

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Can someone help me find a boyfriend?

I think that's a good thing if he dose want to have sex just say no

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Originally Posted by funkeymonky

can someone help me find a boyfriend?

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The thing to do is post your own question if you have one.

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Originally Posted by funkeymonky

i think thats a good thing if he dose want to have sex just say no

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You deny him sex- he won't give it guys don't give a - me I would find it somewhere else if you did that to me. < guy

Oh my god it feels good to know that there are girls out there like me! I ask my friends for advice and they have no idea what to tell me. We're so young- I always thought that this only happens to older men.

I'm 21 as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now and we love each other so much. We both have healthy social lives but we are definitely best friends. The thing is, our sexual relationship never really dwindled- it was never really there to begin with. This has always been hard for me because I've always had a pretty high libido, which most other guys have really loved (although all of those other relationships were not meaningful). My guy has always been shy, nervous, and insecure about sex with me, but I had always just chalked it up to the fact that things in his life weren't going well for him at the time we got together, and I always told myself that things would eventually improve. Life has been much better for the both of us lately, but he STILL hasn't come around on the sex thing. I guess I intimidate him, but I've backed off so much and it's to the point where the thought of sex with him makes me want to cry so I don't even have a desire to do it anymore. His fear has made me very nervous and insecure while I had always been confident and playful. When we finally do have sex he only lasts like a minute, but I can't be upset because I take what I can get. He feels bad and always says there's something wrong with him, but then why won't he do anything about the situation? Pop a Viagra or something, man!

I have no idea what to do anymore. I'm sick of going MONTHS without sex. I can't go on like this longterm, but I'm in love with him and I know I'd be miserable without his love and friendship. I just feel like if he really loves me, he should swallow his pride and see a doctor. I don't know if it will be the answer but it will at least be a step to TRY and do something about it.

Uggh. I feel your pain.

OK swallow his pride? - OK why dn't we just take all your hormones out suck your uterus out and see how you feel. The fact is this is the biggest part of a man of what makes him a man to 99.99% of men. You take that away and he is no longer a man- perhaps its an emotional detatchment from you and him. Perhaps he gets it somewhere else- OR if he does have a problem - HE WILL NOT ADMIT IT. Trust me this is how huys think < guy

I didn't know I had so many resposes to this question n' it is nice to know that I am not alone out there. It has been awhile since I posted this and I guess that was just a down time we went through (the ups and downs). I can't quite remember what happened about it all, but things worked themselves out. I think he was under stress with his job and me with mine too, I remember just talking about it one final time and I just backed off and did my own thing and didn't focus so much on the sex part, I knew that if I really needed to get off that I have my own little friendly vibe to help me and when he comes around he comes around... and I think it worked, I don't really ever have to ask ask for sex anymore, we just do it, and its mutual, and when he doesn't feel like it, I back off and when I don't feel like it he backs off. We just have a lot going on in out lives, and we have just learned to understand each other more, and plus he just decided to give up porn because it was starting to cause a lot of probs and he said he just would rather avoid hurting my feelings or something with me thinking he wants to look at it more or something, but we are doing great now and next month will be our 2 yr ann. Thanks for all your resposes.