I'm a 29 year old gay man. I'm very out with my sexuality and comfortable with it. As open as I am with it, many people are surprised when they find out I'm gay. I've always been a 'guys guy', and fit in easily into straight circles. I'm grateful for my acceptance in the straight community, but its been a double-edged sword because ever since I was young, I found myself developing heavy crushes/infatuations with straight guy friends. Additionally, since I do have a lot of straight guy friends, my 'guys guy' demeanor has drawn a lot of gay behavior out of them. I'll admit, it's a turn on to see just how far a 'straight' guy is willing to take it with me.

About 2 years ago, I met a guy at work. I found him very attractive. We almost immediately became buddies. At the time he was engaged, and obviously quite intent on 'living it up' before he settled down. I gladly obliged. We spent plenty of wild nights at local bars and clubs. Generally, these were at straight bars, but a few nights he came along with me to some of the gay bars. He is a very open minded person. Soon, though, I started to wonder if there might be more to it. It wasn't long after that I kissed him for the first time. Soon after that I gave him oral sex. Two years later, he is married, and we are still very close. Not just physically, but emotionally. Almost not one day has gone by without seeing each other, talking, texting, or some type of communication.

We've become quite dependent on each other. We're both in stressful careers, and I think we both legitimately enjoy having each other just to talk to. But, it isn't just talking that goes on. Now that he's married, a lot of our time together is spent at his hosue. I come over regularly just to hang out/watch TV, etc. His wife routinely goes to bed at 9-10:00. Almost immediately after, he will start drinking. It's important to mention that most of the gay behavior I see from him happens after he's been drinking. This obviously isn't a coincidence, but I think a big part of it is having the 'excuse' to initiate the kissing, touching, and other things that have gone on between us. I've intentionally done my best to try not to initiate them, simply out of the guilt that it causes me.

What may look like the 'gay predator' situation I feel is actually the opposite. Because of my feelings for this guy, I often feel that I'm being taken advantage of. He knows how I feel about him, and I think he uses it to get the emotional rush that most people associate with having an affair.

My big question is WHAT ARE THIS GUY'S MOTIVATIONS?? I know that straight men pursuing sex with men is not terribly uncommon. But I also know my fair share of gay men that are married to women. It would take me hours to recount all of the flirty and suggestive texts and messages that I've received from him, and the actual encounters that almost anyone would categorize as gay, but I don't know if it would matter. Maybe he's more-or-less straight and just pursuing an emotional high from a gay man. Maybe he's more-or-less gay and just hiding behind a marriage to make life easier.