Lol N1

Oh, wow. That's low. She's being pretty selfish. Do you have any kids? Maybe you should tell her to get a cat.. she probably needs something to pet... Or maybe you should ask her the same question and find a woman.

See, this is why I have a fear of committed relationships... the woman throwing a burdon like this on you... (not all women, just the ones nice guys date... ), and vice virsa for women dating arse holes etc...

At the end of the day, maybe it was just an off thought, and she didn't think it through... we can all have days where we are feeling extra "playful" and sometimes say things we maybe in fact shouldn't...

If she did mean it, then I think you need to think of the future and not about now, if you stay with her, can you trust her?

I hope it works out for you!

Musician don't let this this woman scare you, where not all that bad

Kudos to everyone's posts above, well done! My fear is she might have already have slept with another man and now is looking to alleviate her guilt with asking your permission after the fact. I hope I am wrong!
She should NEVER have put this burden on you over there and causing you grief, I pray you come home safely and soon and like everyone else I can't thank you enough for your heroism in defending our country.
Bill

Hmm I never thought of that but you could be right though, I hope she has not:confused: taken the leap to cheat.

I resent this. I'm a nice woman and I'm married to a nice guy.

Don't lump all women together, that's not at all fair or accurate.

In addition to what others have said, I think it's absolutely disrepectful for her to have asked you that. Not only because you're married but also because you're off fighting for our country (I can't imagine the stress that would put a person through) and now you have to worry about whether she's being faithful. That is just downright insensitive on her part.

I think this is a self centered and confused wife. Get her into see a therapist right away.
You can not handle her issues and deal with wondering will you make it through the day alive. If you have a close family have them spend more time with her she is lonely for more than sex if her desire is a man. Sexual needs can be taken care of without a partner.
If you have a church get her involved. She misses human contact and the attention we all need from others. Any group for support and friendship available access for her to fill the void left by her losing her best friend, you. The sexual desire will take care of itself in the correct way once she has companionship,support,and people to pay attention to her.
She must love you very much to ask for help she is lacking insight to know what she really needs isn't sex it is friendship she is doing the best she can expressing herself even though it came out in an insensitive way. Get her companionship and therapy or a group for wives of men deployed.
Focus on yourself do not worry about what you can not control from so far away. Live in the here and now and take care of you. Hand this over to people at home it is all you can do.

Does she not think you have enough on your mind rather than wondering if she is sleeping around behind your back! I would put my foot down on that one you should say it straight out if you do sleep with anyone while I'm away you better be gone by the time I come home! How dare she even contemplate doing or saying such a nasty and hurtful thing does she think that a marriage is just sex no strings attached? And if your not there to give it to her she has the right to look elsewhere? She needs to bloody grow up if you ask me don't even waste your time trying to answer such a ridiculous and selfish question!. good luck and stay safe

I can't agree with that. Perhaps had she asked, something like "I'm feeling lonely, how can I fix that?" it would be very different but she only seems to care about getting some action. When you are talking about the sanctity of marriage it is not okay to not know that she doesn't need just sex and it is not okay to ask to have an affair. Any marriage based on sex and sex alone is doomed for failure, especially if one of the partners is unscrupulous about it!

Personally if I were married to a military man I would be in bed at night sleepless and terrified that he won't come home, not wondering who else I can put in the bed with me!

Kevin where are you?? We are all assuming this is a long relationship. They could be newly wed's! Lots of people get married in the military just to get more money. They could not even be in love! He didn't even mention that he loved her...

Kevin we need more info. How is your marriage and how long have you two been together and is there any reason why you think she would think it's "ok" to have sex with another man (group sex or 3somes)?

Better yet! Buy her a blow up doll and send it in the mail. She can use that as her other man. Or give her your sign in to this site and let her read these responses. No one is siding with her sellfishness.

No woman that loves a man would ever... and I mean EVER ask that question.

If he's deployed... he likely gave her a durable power of attorny to act on his behalf while he's gone... he should look at having that severely restricted or revoked before she sells everything he own, cleans out the bank account and takes off leaving him nothing but bills.

Sorry if it's a fatilist viewpoint... but I've seen this happen to other service members in the past. The very fact she's wanting to do it puts her under suspicion... and the leap from wanting to do it and actually doing it is tissue paper thin.

Yes this is true he should be careful

Speaking of being careful, if you do decide to stay with this woman when you return you need to be careful about having sex with her. If she found some replacement guys for you when you were gone, whether she admits to it, she may have contracted an STD. That not exactly the coming home present I imagine you would fancy.

Being retired military, my best anwer to you is to divorce her when you come home. Only because if you say no to her then she will stilll do it either with him ( who might be your friend) or someone else. You know how it works in the military. Do you want to spend your life wondering if she did it? And live a lie?
Not me. Keep cool about tis situation.

And get rid of her as soon as you r depoyment is over. The last thing you need is additional stress right now.

Sadly this isn't uncommon in military relationships. Back when I was in the service it was pretty common for there to be a "He / She ain't here so I'm not married." policy amongst service members and their spouses. My brother - career Navy man- lost two wives when they became "Deployment Dollies".

All very good and truthful points; I assumed the couple was young since usually young men are fighting for our freedom. The truth is sad that many men marry before they get sent out and women cheat, sell their stuff and do terrible things.

But is seemed so uncaring and naïve to ask your husband to give you permission to cheat that I thought this woman is confused, lonely, missing her husband and may have someone tempting her making her more confused.

If she truly loves him which is at least 50% of the time (50 % of marriages work) then she is asking for help to solve an issue that is overwhelming her but can be solved. If I was going to cheat on a man, I would not call and ask permission. Never! I'd just do it.

If I missed him and didn't know what I was feeling, other than missing his sugar, I'd ask for help from him and perhaps mess it up like she did by not really having a grip on what it is she needs and her asking him permission is saying” I love you, I do not want to hurt you, I am lonely, I have never felt this way before so I am equating it with sex." I see the wife as reaching out to her husband, which one does when they are in love. If she was an uncaring, back stabbing, evil person, she would just have many affairs, run around and not tell him unless she fell for another guy then she'd take everything and divorce him.

Why ask for help? Honey I am losing it!! What can I do?? That is why he needs to get family, church members, other wives in the same situation, etc... Around her for support, to lean on and keep her from being lonely. Because she is confused about her emotions you get her butt into therapy. Then she is in good hands and he can trust on the support of the friends and family he has assigned to assist while he is gone and take care of what is really the most important thing. Staying alive.

He is going to read this drama and warnings, although often true and feel hopeless. She is showing love by opening up and asking for help of her husband. He can count on the fact that she loves him. If she didn't she'd be having sex, answer his phone call while having sex, and lie to him about it. That is how someone not in love acts.

My dad was in the army and retired years ago. My mom made out when he gone for long periods at a time. That's why whenever he did come home she was ran to get rid of us so they could get it on.

I would like to know your wife reaction when you voiced how you felt about this issue.

Do anyone every watch the show "Army Wives"? Some of them did nothing but played around while their husband was gone.