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brooklyn18018 · Jul 14, 2005, 11:43 AM

Can someone help with proof reading a letter for checking grammar and areas.

John Do
25 5th Ave
Bethlehem, PA 18018
[email protected]
600-814-0017
July 14, 2005

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am writing you in regard to the growth and expansion of your clean room as mentioned in the business section of the morning call on July 14, 2005.

My previews employer has move their product line over seas eliminating my position. I am now seeking new employment with a establish firm to continue my career.

I have over eight years of experience working in the semiconductor field as an install and support technician and IT support technician. I’m also a full time student at Northampton Community College majoring in Networking.

Please feel free to contact me with the number or e-mail address listed above. I have included my resume for your review. I am eager to meet with you and to discuss any entry-level opportunity for employment with Air Products.

Sincerely

John Do
Enclosure

wzartv · Jul 14, 2005, 05:17 PM

In my opinion, everything looks okay, but don't forget to put a comma after "Sincerely". I know you probably just missed it, but I thought I would let you know. Good luck.

Desertdater · Aug 5, 2007, 04:23 AM

Employers want to know what you can do for them...

My suggestions would be to add a paragraph after your 2nd sentence telling them why they should hire you.

Do you have any personal successes?
Things that you did in a past job that you were praised or rewarded for?
Do you have some special technical skills or personal characteristics that would separate you from other applicants?

Peak their curiousity about you -- so they want to contact you.

wzartv · Aug 5, 2007, 11:08 AM

Desertdater, thanks for your input, however this article is over two years old; I doubt the writer even cares anymore. Make sure you look at the dates so long-time members like me don't get updated emails constantly about ancient topics.

Thanks and good luck!