We were together for 8 years. We had a quarrel - he no longer wanted to see me - now 1 month later he sends the following - he is an aquarius I am a scorpion. Where do I go from here - I have always pictured myself growing old with him



Most of the anger has subsided but the hurt and frustration remains.

I too feel emotions for you but I also came to the conclusion that we would make far better friends than lovers. We each know each other probably better then we know ourselves. I knew the only way to get through to you was to take this drastic step. I know I don't want to play like that anymore. I want things to be easy and less stressful.

I truly would like to maintain a "best" friend relationship with you with the understanding that it is just best friends. I really do hate to use the words just and best friends in the same sentence but I believe it is waranted this time. Knowing the way you know me, this next sentence is probably going to rock your world, but I do not want to pursue an intimate relationship any longer. I want to be just your friend. We can meet for lunch, share stories about the kids, work, family and life. That is all I am prepared to offer. I want to see and go out with friends and colleagues. I want to date other people. I want you to see and go out with other friends and colleagues. I want you to date other people. I want to find happiness and internal peace and tranquility. I want my relationship(s) to be easy. I want you to find happiness and internal peace and tranquility. I want your relationship(s) to be easy. I want to restart liking myself and my surroundings. I want you to restart liking yourself and your surroundings.

We have eight plus years of history that encapsulated a lifetime worth of experiences. Minimally speaking I would welcome the opportunity to be friends but nothing more. I know in my heart of hearts that our life path intersected but the do not run parallel. Let me know if you're interested in maintaining the friendship that I speak of. Each knowing that potentially the other will end up with someone else. Be safe and healthy...

You didn't mention what the quarrel was about.

It sounds like he doesn't want to be your boyfriend again.

It hurts, but sometimes relationships don't work out.

If you want to try and get it to work, perhaps you 2 should go to counselling. But from the letter, it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you romantically anymore.

HI,
Relationships start, get better, some end, some keep going.
There is really no way to tell which way life will go.
He might have started the "quarreling" on purpose, to break up and end the relationship.
If you are truly in love with him, it's going to be very hard just to be a friend. That, most of the time, just doesn't work out. You will continue not liking just being a friend, and hoping for more.
Talking with other men, meeting new ones, is the best way to move on with your life. You will eventually meet someone who wants to be with you all the time. It does take time, and as you said, there is no guarantee.

Well, depends what you want.

I personally, after 8 years, would NOT except a 'friendship' IF you want more. No way.

I would cut off all contact for a couple months. I'd tell him you do not want to pursue the 'friendship' thing. You wanted more - have a happy life. Make him miss you - get your head on straight.

You may not like this, but I bet there is another women. He wants his cake and eat it too I suspect.

Friendship is a nice "idea" but can you really truly be JUST his friend? He is telling you he doesn't intend at any time to ever be with you in a romantic way again. Can you handle seeing him with other women? Hearing about them? Meeting them for dinner? Ultimately only you can decide if you can set your feelings for him aside enough to just be his friend. If you think that all you will do is maintain a contact in hopes of him coming back to you then do yourself a favor (I have done this before so I speak from experience) let him know you care for him and always will. If at some time in the future you can handle being just his friend then you will let him know but at the very least you need some time apart to get over the dissappointment of never being his girlfriend again.

Based on his letter to you, the way he feels, and the way you feel, "best friends" won't work. "Just friends" might work, but later. He has to remember, HE is the one who broke it off. Not you. Eight years is a heck of a long time! So the pain isn't as deep for him (since he's the one who broke it off) as it is for you. Just take one day at a time, take his suggestion and go out with other guys (he may even be testing you to see if you really will). If he IS testing you, man his HE in for a surprise. Then you'll see if he's genuine. Hope this makes sense. In a nutshell, I really hate to say it because I know you're hurting, but -- it's probably time to move on with your life.

Best of luck to you.
Robin

Life, even happiest one, is painful experience. Maybe after life everything else will seem like a paradise. I say painful because after all even if you were happy and your family did, we leave them and they leave us. There is beginning and there is end. Life is treasure given us for the extremely short period of human life compared to unlimitedness of eternity. It is like a falling star or a flash in the night. More I think about it, more pain I feel and sadder I become, but I treasure every moment

Hi dear. I agree with Robin and scaredgal. When you feel pain and sorrow, it's because you are a feeling human being and that you invested a whole lot of time and love in this relationship. But, no matter how much we invest - it takes two to keep it going, and your ex-b/f has the feeling of growing out of this one.

Take his example, and no matter how much it hurts, move on and live your life to the fullest. At least he was respectful enough to tell you that there is, on his part right now, no chance of that physical closeness, but is offering to share his best wishes for your happiness too.

If you can handle it - (from my experience - my first b/f and I still email each other - and it's been over 35 years) it is possible to stay friends and keep the fond memories without permanently hurting.

This is just a part of life that some of us have to go through and it's harder on some of us, easier on others.

If it still hurts a lot, and you find no open ears to tell, keep a journal of what you are going through - it will give you partial release, and will also help in letting you reflect upon your life in the future.

This too will pass, as so many other disappointing things in your life, and you will become stronger through it. Without experience, positive or negative, none of us would have the chance to develop and grow to the people we eventually mature to become. Sorry that it took eight years of your life for his conclusion - he could have been less selfish and cut it shorter - but this too will serve as a 'lesson learned' and put in the category of 'what not to do' to someone in the future.

Good luck and please keep us posted. We are here 24/7 whenever you need us.
Start a new 'chapter' in your life, with or without him, that's your choice.

I want to thank each of you for your responses. Wish you all lived closer and I could speak with you and have a cup of coffee. The silence following this separation is indeed painful. I know I am a strong, independent woman. I am intelligent and I am just truly disappointed. I agree with each of you and it is just hard to accept the energy, fun and compainionship is over. I know I must move on, smarter and a little more guarded than I was before.

I do not email, I do not call, I try very hard to keep my head in the here and now and the tomorrow. I still have my life to lead. Disappointment is not one of the things I handle well and I must let it go. I know millions of people have walked this path - I myself walked this path. Just never wanted to get reacquainted with these surroundings! It is not easier just because Im older and its not harder just because Im older - it just is. The sadness is sometimes more than I can bear.

I know that my time is over and I will never be the same

We never stay the same, whether together with someone or not. That's also part of our 'evolution'. I sincerely hope that your surroundings will change to more pleasant ones soon, even if your not looking. Again, Good luck.

The only time our emotions turn off is when we no longer exist.