Me and my boyfrend, we have been going out for more than a year. And I always suspected that he smokes weed. And recently I found out some stuff in his ashtray and I told him that I know he is smoking weed and I showed him proof. But he said its not his and that its his cousine's and a frend's. So I called them up, and his cousine said its none of my business and his friend said that it was his stuff, not my boyfreind's.
I want to know if he is smoking weed. I want to find out. But how can I tell?

Purchase an at home drug testing kit. If you don't know him well enough to know if he is a druggie, what else do you not know about him? Dump him, just think, you could end up with a disease of some type(if he shares needles for example), or if you become married or pregnant your child could have birth defects. Dump the jerk if he refuses the test and do not let him know before hand that you are going to have him take the test. To me the refusal to take a drug test is the same as it coming back positive.

Mowerman is right, confront him with a test, if he refuses then you know what that means

1.If I dated someone and I could not be comfortable enough to share my do's and do nots, then I would dump them. Why does he feel like he would have to hide anything from you?

2. If I told someone that I did not smoke weed, drink, watch porn, pick my nose, snore, etc and they wanted to snoop and interrogate my family and friends, I would dump them.

3. If you asked me an adult that works and pays taxes to submit to your drug test, I would show you the door and probably get a restraining order against you.

4. What he does is his business, he does not have to tell you anything that he does not want to.. If you can't handle it, then get out. You'll be snooping forever over one thing or another. What type of a relationship or life is that.

Hello:

Bushg is RIGHT ON! This relationship will NEVER, NEVER work.

excon

If he said No that should be that. Isn't trust the foundation of any relationship? I wouldn't go to him with a home drug test cause you will probably be leaving with an empty cup and no boyfriend.

I basically agree with Bushg. The thing is most addicts (to whatever) make excuses, minimize, deny and even claim it is somebody else's. Then by the time you KNOW that you KNOW what you now know (months or years later) they have usually gotten worse with their addiction to the point they can no longer hide it and you have invested your time and your heart to someone that it won't work out with.
I thought I could deal with an addict because the only guy I ever really loved was an alcoholic and heroin addict. I have had two bfs since then and they both hid their addictions and I ended up leaving them over it because it ended up bad.
If you even suspect him of it you are probably better of without him.

LOL! That's a bit extreme,
U can't get a disease from smoking pot at least as far as I know.
And I think you would be able to tell if he was using other drugs,
I don't know but I don't think weed isn't sucha big deal,
Its better for you than cigarettes
I would be more angry if he lied to you about it.

Anytime you feel like you can't trust someone, that is a red flag. You could ask him to take a drug test. He might do, probably won't. He might get angry and feel like you don't trust him.

I think it's important to listen to your intuition in relationships. Why did you suspect in the past? If you have had reason to suspect before, then found proof, then found a reason to doubt the story he told you, then it's not sounding good for him... I would say that if you feel like you can't trust what he says, then break things off. Because the trust issue will come up again and again, if not about this, than about something else. The bottom line is it just doesn't work when you can't trust the person.

That's just my 2 cents though! Not trying to sound like I'm telling you what to do or anything. :)

I don't think a drug test is necessary, whatever happened to talking plain and simple and agreeing on some terms?

You asked him if he did and he said no. If you don't trust him enough to accept his answer than you shouldn't be with him. I don't think it's an issue of whether he's doing drugs it's whether you trust him enough to accept his answer. Good luck.

I know that some people are more susceptible to addiction than others so nobody can claim marijuana is not addicting... Pepsi is even addicting yet not all Pepsi drinkers are addicted!

I know that the psychoactive chemicals in marijuana interfere with the balancing process that antidepressants work toward. Depression is a biochemical illness -- an imbalance in chemicals in the brain. Antidepressants help things become better balanced, but they can't if one is smoking marijuana. Which many people who take antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs DO smoke marijuana.

in the know zone - marijuana

The affects of marijuana the brain's Anandamide, dopamine and other receptors

Marijuana causes some people to be paranoid.
(I have known some of them) LONDON (AP) - New findings on marijuana's damaging effect on the brain show the drug triggers temporary psychotic symptoms in some people, including hallucinations and paranoid delusions, doctors say.

British doctors took brain scans of 15 healthy volunteers given small doses of two of the active ingredients of cannabis, as well as a placebo.

One compound, cannabidiol, or CBD, made people more relaxed. But even small doses of another component, tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, produced temporary psychotic symptoms in people, including hallucinations and paranoid delusions, doctors said.

Doctors: Pot Triggers Psychotic Symptoms

Anandamide

In higher doses, marijuana can cause delusions, hallucinations, and impaired memory.

While marijuana use may seem like a soother to your girlfriend, she may need to know about the negative effects:

Addictive effects
Marijuana use affects dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the brain's pleasure producing or reward mechanism, which explains its potential for dependency.

Memory impairment
Marijuana use can negatively affect short-term memory, especially memories trying to be recovered during the time when one was using this drug.

Amotivational syndrome
Since testosterone levels are temporarily lowered, users of marijuana don't feel like doing much besides eating and hanging out with the small group of friends with which they are most comfortable.

Disease
Long-term marijuana use can cause irreversible changes in both male and female reproductive organs, such as lowered sperm count in men and altered shape of the uterus in women. Lung cancer, emphysema, and lowered immune system responses, such as decreased white blood cell count, could also result from extended marijuana use.

Mental health
Marijuana appears to increase the risk of developing depression and/or schizophrenia the more that one uses it.

This last negative effect should serve as a red flag, as your girlfriend believes that she is self-medicating, when she may be contributing to her depression. Her depression could manifest itself in the future, since marijuana users typically withdraw from social situations, adding to depression.

Also consider what it is about antidepressants that are so abhorrent to your girlfriend. Why would marijuana, an illegal substance, be preferable to a controlled medication taken under medical advisement to manage her stress and depression? These are issues you, as someone who cares for her, could explore with her. At the least, she may agree to see her medical or primary care provider for a medical exam and evaluation. If she then has a diagnosis of depression and/or anxiety, or is referred to someone who specializes in working with people with these conditions, then chances are she will feel better than when she "prescribes" marijuana for herself.

Perhaps if you share this information with your girlfriend, showing your caring and concern, she may see that there are healthier, legal ways to manage her stress. If you suggest that she visit a mental health care provider, you could offer to go with her, so that she gets the help and/or medication that she needs and deserves.

Go Ask Alice!: Marijuana: Does it produce serotonin?

Marijuana's Adverse Effects -- familydoctor.org

I'm confused by NOhelp's response. Is it the girlfriend or the boyfriend who may or may not smoke pot?

Either way, I think that NOhelp's response is a bit over stated, but it is also the way our society works these days. There is a great tendency to always look at the extreme end of the negative side of issues. NOhelp mentioned that Pepsi can be addictive. I guess mashed potatoes can be addictive to some people, as well. But, if we are talking about chemical addiction, the caffeine in Pepsi is the culprit. If you check Wiki for caffeine Caffeine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia you will find a list of cautions that sound as dangerous as the list above for marijuana.

In my adult life, I have never lived around marijuana users. Not a choice, just the way it worked out. I've known several (who were willing to admit it) and they were fully functioning folks. I have lived around many alcohol users and some used it more than they needed to at times. Still, they were/are functional members of society. I don't see much difference between the two in day-to-day jobs.

The job I'm talking about requires a government security clearance. Years ago, an investigator told me that marijuana use was NOT a disqualifier for a clearance. That surprised me. He said that marijuana use was so prevalent in our society, investigators considered anyone claiming never to have used it suspicious. Unfortunately, I'm one of those guys. I plan to change this after retirement. BTW, while PAST use of a controlled substance is not a cause for loss of a clearance, current or continuing use most definitely is.

We get lots of choices in today's world. Some/most choices have down a side. In a free society, one gets to make those choices and live with the consequences. I think this is tougher to do these days because of negative information.

It appears to me that on balance, if someone can post info on a subject, the general tendency is to focus on the negative end or a range of information. This may because we are far more litigious as a society than we have been in the past. I guess that is a different subject.

Back to the original question. Good relationships are built on trust. This doesn't sound like a good relationship.

Hello rod:

Cool - then there's hope for you. Let me know when that is, and we'll fire one up.

excon

Weed affects how a person functions! That IS a fact.

Loss of Memory
Loss of Motivation
Cancer causing (4 times worse than a filtered cigarette)
Affects driving ability
Premature babies and low birth weight
Temporary loss of fertility
Increases heart rate up to 50 percent

If this were such a 'relaxing' and 'okay to use' drug, than why so many negatives? And I wonder why it is illegal? Hmmmm... GROW UP!

Hello again brunette,

Let's take 'em one at time.

Weed affects how a person functions - No argument there. It's a drug.

Loss of Memory – Yes, your short term memory is affected…. What was the question?

Loss of Motivation – Pot doesn't do that. People lose motivation. Drugs fill in the gaps.

Cancer causing (4 times worse than a filtered cigarette) – Just not true. If it was four times worse than cigarettes, cigarettes kill about a half million people a year in this country alone. If pot was 4 times worse, that would mean that 2 million people die from pot here every year. Of course, we know that ain't happening.

The TRUTH is, nobody ever died from smoking pot.

Affects driving ability – no argument there. It IS a drug.

Premature babies and low birth weight - Nahh

Temporary loss of fertility – Nahh again.

Increases heart rate up to 50 percent – Nahh even again.

If this were such a 'relaxing' and 'okay to use' drug, than why so many negatives? - Compared to drink or cigarettes, pot has few negatives. It IS a drug, however. Consequently, it isn't “ok” to use.

And I wonder why it is illegal? Hmmmm... – It's illegal because the dufus's in congress believe the same crap you do.

GROW UP! – I am growed up. Been smoking the herb for 40 years and I ain't dead yet. Look. I don't think kids should smoke pot. But, lying to 'em ain't the answer. Now, I know you believe the stuff you said. But, that's because you've been lied to too.

excon

Hi excon- Although I will not and cannot condone the use of any kind of illegal drug I will say that I don't think smoking pot once in a while is all that bad. If it becomes a daily habit than I would worry because my experience (not me) has been that once you start daily use the effects wear off and that's when a person will most likely start using harder stuff so that they can get that high, that would be my main worry.

Is pot addictive? Yes, and I'm sitting here at 8:00 in the morning drinking my 3rd cup of coffee (I'd die if I didn't get it, really!) I'm also a smoker (trying to quite because I don't want to die of something I could have prevented and both my non-smoking parents died of cancer, no russian roulette for me). There are lots of addictive substances out there that are not illegal. I think that in general pot isn't that bad for you, but like anything else the more you use it the worse it can be.

Just my opinion.

Whatever you say excon, just know when the day your a** gets busted for weed, there will be no mercy for you here.

Prove that is doesn't affect motivation, memory, driving, fertility... prove that no one has died from it and no one has gotten cancer. Maybe I will reconsider what I believe then.

... And maybe I have morals...

'Premature babies and low birth weight - Nahh

Temporary loss of fertility – Nahh again.'


It could cause it. No furthur argument.