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    natalie27's Avatar
    natalie27 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 6, 2008, 04:22 PM
    Boyfriend trouble- does he still love me?
    I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. I thought everything was perfect, and we were happy together. I was upfront with him from day one that I had health problems and he was very understanding about it.

    A few weeks ago it took a turn for the worse and I had to go to hospital for tests. My boyfriend was in university exams so I was not fussed he was not with me. My mum came instead. I noticed him drifting from me but I thought it was exam stress. The day his exam finished he said my illnesses were too much, that I always had problems whether it be work related, friendship problems or day to day stresses, that he couldn't cope with me, and that he didn't know whether to carry it on.

    I begged him to stay and promised I'd change. And I have I've stopped talking about anything which bothers me, but I am now feeling somewhat suppressed. I don't know what to do, whether this is episode will pass, or if I should give up on this.

    Any advice would be much appreciated.
    duck22's Avatar
    duck22 Posts: 115, Reputation: 31
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Feb 6, 2008, 04:32 PM
    Im not sure of the extent of your health problems but he sounds like a lousy guy to keep around if he can't cope with you. I do know that if you are begging him to stay that will only push him further away and makes you look needy. I think the best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and stop contact with him. If he loves you he will come back on his own, but in the mean time do something that makes you happy and build up yourself confidence. Check out the sticky forums if you are having trouble with the break up, they will tell you everything to expect and what you can do. Best of luck
    Becca1025's Avatar
    Becca1025 Posts: 422, Reputation: 45
    Full Member
     
    #3

    Feb 6, 2008, 04:44 PM
    What a douche bag! You don't want to be with someone who is not supportive over something like a health issue. You're much better off. You should never have to change for anyone. Find someone who will love you for you even with all the ups and downs.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Feb 8, 2008, 10:20 AM
    Natalie, he has shown that when the going gets tough he gets going. Sorry, but he is not worth your time and tears, so forget him, and have no regrets.
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
    Senior Member
     
    #5

    Feb 8, 2008, 10:40 AM
    If he is using your health problems as an excuse to break-up with you than his actions are deplorable at best and you would do well to stay away from him for good, I can't imagine what kind of person would do something like that.

    However, if he is being honest with you (although the timing is very inappropriate of him) then unfortunetly he feels things will not work out. Either way, you will move on and find someone better for you:)
    mafiaangel180's Avatar
    mafiaangel180 Posts: 629, Reputation: 103
    Senior Member
     
    #6

    Feb 8, 2008, 10:53 AM
    Consider yourself lucky. Because if he couldn't handle that, how would he be with bigger issues down the road??
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 112
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Feb 8, 2008, 10:55 AM
    Natalie,

    Reading your' situation, I believe that this isn't love at all. If he really loves you he would NEVER use your' health problems as a way to 'get out' so to speak. He might be stressed about it but he should be with you the whole step of the way. With love comes stress.

    Don't EVER try to change yourself for someone else. What are you going to try to change? Obviously not your' medical condition because you can't help that.

    Lose him.

    His puny excuse to not be with you is not even worth fretting over.

    Im sorry and good luck!
    katrina27's Avatar
    katrina27 Posts: 92, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Feb 8, 2008, 11:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by natalie27
    I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. I thought everything was perfect, and we were happy together. I was upfront with him from day one that I had health problems and he was very understanding about it.

    A few weeks ago it took a turn for the worse and I had to go to hospital for tests. My boyfriend was in university exams so I was not fussed he was not with me. My mum came instead. I noticed him drifting from me but I thought it was exam stress. The day his exam finished he said my illnesses were too much, that I always had problems whether it be work related, friendship problems or day to day stresses, that he couldnt cope with me, and that he didnt know whether to carry it on.

    I begged him to stay and promised I'd change. And I have I've stopped talking about anything which bothers me, but I am now feeling somewhat suppressed. I dont know wat to do, whether this is episode will pass, or if i should give up on this.

    Any advice would be much appreciated.
    Hi,
    Im sorry to hear about your health problems, you must feel quite lost. You must take heart in the fact your boyfriend was honest with you. He is not emotionally ready to be a relationship with you. Do not blame yourself. Ask yourself have friends or family critiscised your personality before. I bet not. It is he who is unable to deal with or relate to a girl who simply needed his support. It is his loss.
    Be positive, go out, enjoy time with friends. Let your hair down. Do not change who you are for this boy. I emphasis the word Boy.
    If he realises his mistake well and good. However I think you will meet a wonderful emotionally mature man one day. Take care of yourself. Please don't let this ex boyfriend change you.
    powergal's Avatar
    powergal Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Feb 8, 2008, 11:17 AM
    I understand what you are saying and I'm hearing different things. Sometimes I think we do need to change and that we do talk too much about... what? The past, obsessively? Myself, obsessively? And on and on and on. Sometimes it takes someone to TELL us and we can put a CHECK on ourselves and realize what we are doing and try to become a better person. From what you say, this doesn't have to do entirely with your illness but with negative things he sees in your personality and that is not BAD. Perhaps there are some very negative things that you can watch, and just know that if they are irritating to him they may be irritating or noticeable to others. If one can change the negative things, then one CAN BECOME a better person. It sounds like he did like you quite well at one time so that is what he fell in love with, the original you. It's what you've added that he doesn't like so SERIOUSLY look at what he doesn't like and see if it's legitimate - it may be, and he may just help you be the best person for yourself, too, first of all.
    dlee889's Avatar
    dlee889 Posts: 19, Reputation: 0
    New Member
     
    #10

    Feb 8, 2008, 05:38 PM
    Forget Him . You Get Yourself Well .it Allways Gets Me How People Think That After Short Periods That They Know What Love Is . 10months Is Not Long Enough To Know A Person But After 10 Months You Found Out What He Is Like .I Believe In 1 Person For 1 Person And He Not For You .you Deserve A Lot Better And It Is Out There
    katrina27's Avatar
    katrina27 Posts: 92, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Feb 10, 2008, 03:45 AM
    Your boyfriend should have carried you through yourv illness, with no thought for himself. That is how love/relationships work. You are very lucky yhe is gone, imagine the situation if you were married/had children. You could never depend on him.
    He made up excuses to get out of the relationship, and he is a total cad for beratting your personality when you were sick.
    It was his time, to take the wheel in your relationship and be the stronger partner, you have witnessed his through colours. Learn from this. You will be OK.

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