I've been married almost 31 years. Children raised and on their own. Grandchildren now. Over the years, I've had many affairs. Actually thought that part of my life was over and it was time to accept I was getting older and accept where my life had led me.

Then I met a co-worker face to face. We had worked together telephonically and e-mail many times. When our eyes met it was like lightning or electricity. On the last night of that first visit together we stayed up all night talking. Nothing except a quick peck happened, but later we exchanged our personal e-mail accounts.

Over the next month the e-mails got progressively hotter. Finally, we arranged another meeting. Fireworks, explosions, everything and like nothing ever experienced before. Unfortunately, after several months I was discovered by my wife.

She wants to work it out and I've been trying (at least that's what I say). I haven't stopped the other relationship, just gotten much more careful.

So here's the question. Should I stay or go.

If I stay, the passion and love of one will be lost. I will miss that terribly. However, I will retain all the material things I've accumulated all my life. I love my wife, but not the same way, more of a familial way. In fact, marital relations sometimes repulse me.

If I go, I will most assuredly lose a lot financially. And I fear the love of my life is driven by the fact that it's "dangerous." We've talked about so many things and I have never hidden anything from her (I can't seem to not tell her everything). With her I understand everything my wife describes about her feelings for me.

I really, really would like to find a solution that has the least hurt for most people, but cannot seem to find the way.

Suggestions? Advice?

Stay with your wife. You will lose too much financially.

What do you want me to say? That it is okay to cheat on your wife?

Odds are when you leave your wife, this relationship won't work out with this mistress, so don't bother leaving for that reason. If you rather be out on your own from your wife, then leave, or if its just another fling, be careful and stay with your wife as this will cost you less in the long run in terms of your financial assets.

Keep you Peter in you pants and stay with you wife, if you can divorce her.

I'm sorry to say it, but you’re done. Your actions will cause you to loose everything.

Your relationship with your wife is over. You’ve had numerous affairs, she repulses you, but you want to stay with her because of financial and material things? If your wife has any self-esteem, your marriage is over and divorce is imminent. If she’s known and tolerated your affairs, maybe she’ll try to work it out. The result of that is you’ll be in a relationship that keeps each of you miserable, with both of you too afraid of losing what you have to do anything about it.

Your relationship with your co-worker is also imminently about to end. You may have some time with her, maybe you’ll even marry her, but as your former mistress, she will always be have thoughts about when you will start cheating on her. Or maybe you’ll catch her cheating before you get to play that card.

I guess there is always the possibility that you can divorce your wife and live happily ever after with your mistress… but I wouldn’t count on it.

Seems you are vey concerned with how much you would lose financially but not very concerend what you would lose in regards to the respect from you family,(kids and grandkids). And if this other person is married she is taking the same chance. I think the main thing you should consider is should I give up my present life for a woman that cheats on her husband.

I think you already have the answer to your own question. I don't think that there is a person in this forum who is going to tell you to stay with your wife, and continue to cheat on her just because you don't want to loose the house or bank account.
You already said that you have had other affairs. So I guess that you are going to tell us that out of all the women that you have cheated on your wife with, this one particular woman is so much more different, and better than all of the other home wreckers that you had affairs with? What makes this affair so much more different?
My advice is not so much for you because you have already made your decision as it is for your wife.
She deserves better!
FR Chuck is going to get you for this one!

Stay with your wife, and get professional counseling. The history of affairs shows a issue that will not be solved by merely changing the spouse, it would just continue there also.

I will say that honestly, your wife most likely deserves better than a man who has been unfaithful all these years, but time together and dreams and hopes require working together for it. ( and keeping your pants on when you are not home) But it is not right to destroy your wife's dreams either.

Get professional help,. period. After that, it may not work out, but you will have tried.

As for the other lady, is she nuts, you are cheating on your wife, she is cheating on your husband, and you believe each other could be faithful in a few years to each other. Yea like right ?

At what point did you start to cheat on a woman who bared your children? Obviously, you are a very selfish man who only is thinking about your feelings. Do you not think your wife deserves better and needs a MAN who is honest and respects her as a person. What about your children, exactly what respect do you have for them to treat their mother like she is yesterday's trash. I would love to know what kind of woman settles for someone else's husband, anyway. You need help to try to find the spark that once captivated you to your wife and if it has gone out let her go. You're hurting her a lot worse by abusing her love and trust. Whatever your choice be fair to everyone around you and their feeling. Remember what goes around comes around. If you continue to cheat and disrespect you wife like you are you may lose more then money... remember no matter the age of your children they will always be the ones you'll disappoint the most!! Good luck with your choices.

I agree with every answer. Keep your promise (marriage vows) and stay.

What the marriage needs is work. Work on it. Your wife deserves it.

Leave your wife. You've lied and cheated on this women your hole life.

Lied and cheated - nice life.

I agree -very selfish... think about yourself always. Too late to grow up. You can't fix it now it's too late...


Like I always say-----once a cheater, always a cheater. Case in point.

You'll cheat on this new women as well.

Bottom line your wife doesn't deserve you and you will be doing her a service by leaving. Im kind of floored that it seems that the only concern you have about leaving is your financial reasons. Listen its not like this was a one time affair that you now regret and possibly be able to work things out with your wife, you have openly admitted to cheating on your wife your whole married life, do you honestly think you deserve anything as far as your finances are concerned. I have to disagree with the post that say you should stay with your wife.
YOu obviously have always had a problem staying faithful and by you telling us that she wants to work things out but your having a problem with trying to make it work, just shows that your heart has been out of the marriage a long time now, and no bit of counseling is going to work.
DO your wife a fovor and leave, I'm not trying to come down on you, but why kid your wife into thinking there is a future when you know there isn't one, and that you will just be carrying on these affairs despite how she feels.
Your wife deserves better and has a right to be happy.
Your trying to find a solution that wouldn't hurt all parties invoved? Don't you think it's a bit late for that? YOu have already hurt the woman that you call your wife by having these affairs and I'm sure ounce your family knows your plans you'll be hurting them too. This decision is going to be tough on everyone, but don't kid yourself into thinking that you can make it "easier" for everyone, because you cant, it doesn't work like that.

Hi dude ,I hope you've read every answer to your post and give them a lot of thought.I too have been married more than 30 tears ,kids grown, grand kids bouncing in and out me and the wife enjoy each others company and have been through a lot.She is my friend, my partner, my lover, my life,we've been exclusive with each other since we met,I've been attracted to other females all my life and still am ,but would never even consider doing anything other than being the friendly person that I am.When I go out I know for a fact that I'm going home to my woman and no matter the attraction,you couldn't pay me to disrespect my promise to my wife to be faithful. Seems you have an extreme problem with being selfish and dishonest and I'm not really sure if a professional can help,but you need a lot of help.To put financial consideration before your wife and kids and grandkids?I think I'd rather die before hurting them or cutting them from my life.As you've been cheating for a while and gotten good at it,I can only imagine what you've already deprived her of,and you seem not to care and that is out of my realm of understanding ,because she has to be a saint to have put up with you for all these years. The most telling thing about your story is that after all you've put you family through you show no signs of regret or that you've learned anything over the years except to be more careful.UGGGGHH!You have got to know that your behavior is thoroughly disgusting!My advice is you give her the house, cars, furniture,and pay her half your salary ,all the bank accounts ,retirement fund ,and any thing of value,and get your miserable butt out of her life forever,only then can you BEGIN to make up for the years of abuse you have heaped on your family:cool: :confused: :mad:

So well said!! That's it man - you get it!! talaniman.

I have a feeling this guy has had a miserable life. Yes, he might have married the wrong woman, but what a waste of a life.

YES - this guy shows no remorse or regret. What a waste of a life.

This is the type of guy I write about that single women fall for. He sells them a load of crap and lies to get them into bed - the old 'I am leaving my wife', 'my wife and I aren't intimate', 'we sleep in separate rooms - were together for the kids'.

He tells the single women anything - he knows ALL these lines.

The funny thing is his whole life I am sure is lies and cheating.

And then comes here for advice!! Now that's funny!!

I do have a honest question for you. Why did you marry this woman in the first place if you knew you couldn't be faithful to her? And in the midst of all this adultry why didn't you just get a divorce and save her 30 years of heart ace? These are just honest questions and not to be meant as a put down on you. Im just curious.

I meant to put him down. Bizgurl - you hit it right on the head.

"GRASS SEEMS MUCH GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE"--would it still be green for her (your other woman) after you halve your assets? Do you think she'll stay with you after your wife is done with you? Do you think your children will forgive you? Sorry, I have no respect for you. Marriage is a lot of work, but I don't think that you even tried to work on it. Of course I can see that you were busy, SOMEWHERE ELSE. Look at your face in the mirror and ask yourself, "Do I look like Tom Cruise?", if the answer is yes, then go for it, and give your faithful wife a break. :mad:

"Hi dude ,I hope you've read every answer to your post and give them a lot of thought.I too have been married more than 30 tears "

talaniman - was that a freudian keyboard slip? Gave me a bit of a laugh anyway x


:D

You got me giggles,fingers move faster than the brain,I had to laugh myself!

Sorry this means you don't love your wife if she repulse's you!

You need to leave your wife if there really is nothing there... You claim that you have cheated a number of times all you will do is keep hurting your family and your wife. No matter what you say, you are using your wife cut her free let her fly. She does not need to be treated in this horrid way that you are treating her.

Play with matches and you will get BURNT

I get the feeling you and your wife don't talk that much?? You need to tell her the way that you are feeling and be 100% with her... I think if you tell her your just worried about CASH and your still cheating, she will want you and her over...