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    ebeciasz's Avatar
    ebeciasz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 15, 2008, 01:00 AM
    In love with boss - what to do
    I am in love with my boss. He's all I think about. The problem is he's in a relationship and our employment situation is such that it would be frowned upon ethically if we started seeing one another as I am apprentice and he is my sponsor (professionally speaking). His relationship is kind of on the rocks but I think they are scrambling to save it. I hate to wish their relationship fails but I have no choice other than to sit back and do nothing and it's killing me. Any suggestions on what I should do?
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Jan 15, 2008, 01:29 AM
    Stop obsessing about your boss, first off.

    He's in a relationship, AND he's your boss--that's off-limits in at least 2 ways.

    I suggest going out and meeting some other guys, and focus on your actual JOB when at work.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #3

    Jan 15, 2008, 06:08 AM
    Get a different job
    KalFour's Avatar
    KalFour Posts: 332, Reputation: 46
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    #4

    Jan 15, 2008, 06:23 AM
    Have a crush on the boss if you want, but please don't expect anything to come of it. A lot of people won't think it's appropriate, possibly including him.

    And more importantly, if he is in a relationship, you need to stand back and leave him alone. Even if it's on the rocks, you can't expect anything to happen. You'd be best to go out and meet some more eligible guys. Leave that one for his girlfriend and try to maintian a professional relationship.

    Kal
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
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    #5

    Jan 15, 2008, 07:37 AM
    You don't need the heartache of getting involved with a man in a relationship OR your boss. Have you thought of what could happen? Really, hon, it's not the best of situations.

    Work-place romances at the least are confusing and complicated... do you like what you do? Then seriously, don't go after your boss.
    EuRa's Avatar
    EuRa Posts: 315, Reputation: 64
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    #6

    Jan 15, 2008, 08:09 AM
    Part of the reason you are attracted to him is because he is your boss AND because he's in a relationship. Like the forbidden fruit. Subconsciously, he's a better man because you can't have him.

    Anyway, someone said it earlier. That's a big no-no in 2 ways. You need to seek elsewhere, and fast. Search craigslist, Yahoo personals, go out to a bar... ANYTHING! You should stop spending 100% of your attention on a guy that you don't even know for sure you'd get anyway.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Jan 15, 2008, 08:17 AM
    These types of relationships seldom work out well and
    1. if he was seeing you on the side, what would stop him from seeing someone else on the side from you.
    2. he is with someone, till he breaks up he is not free
    3. dating a boss is almost always a bad idea.

    If he was to be free and you want to date, go to work somewhere else and then date him.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #8

    Jan 15, 2008, 10:20 AM
    Seldom?? Have they ever?

    She stands a higher rate of survival having a crush on a married man, him leaving his wife, and them sailing off into the sunset together, than she does of this working out.

    Don't you think? This, like so many other relationships, has to have your intuition screaming out at you.
    ebeciasz's Avatar
    ebeciasz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jan 15, 2008, 08:29 PM
    The nature of my employment is that it's temporary. Within the next 6 months I won't be working there anymore as it was stipulated in my contract that my employment was only for the term of my apprenticeship.

    I won't do anything with him unless he is single. That was the issue. I had thought he was single but apparently was misinformed. I thought his wife had left him a few months ago. Then he told me that the office gossip was not quite correct and that the wife had moved out but that they were still involved.

    He is behaving properly and this is what makes me think he is worth having. Now it's too late to undo having told him my feelings for him. All I can do is try not to think about him I guess. I didn't put enough detail in my original post to show the entire picture I guess, but the conclusion is the same nevertheless. He's still taken until he's single and I've got some months of getting over this disappointment.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #10

    Jan 16, 2008, 07:10 AM
    You start by saying he is behaving properly, I disagree. Behaving properly does not involve sharing information about your personal life with your staff ever!
    ebeciasz's Avatar
    ebeciasz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jan 16, 2008, 11:23 AM
    Okay, I don't know what Utopian planet you come from, but in an office of 5 people it is pretty hard to hide the fact that one is having relationship/marital problems. This is especially the case when one has to make certain arrangements in order for their spouse to move, thereby missing work (when you're the boss and are in charge of extremely important files etc.). This is a small town as well. And, it wasn't as if he was randomly telling everyone about his personal life. He had to make explanation of his actions as his separation was happening. As well, it was his 'wife' that told the receptionist in a phone call that they were having relationship problems. It wasn't him. Quit being so judgmental and assuming the worst about people. If you pass judgment on someone you should at least affix a disclaimer stating that perhaps you could be off-base because you don't know all the facts. And I'm not going to state, in one posting, all the intimate details of the situation because that would take a page.
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
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    #12

    Jan 16, 2008, 11:27 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ebeciasz
    He's still taken til he's single and I've got some months of getting over this disappointment.
    Its always rough when the head knows but the heart doesn't listen, isn't it? Good luck on that... having been there myself, I know your struggle! Take care!
    lavenderly's Avatar
    lavenderly Posts: 88, Reputation: 23
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    #13

    Jan 16, 2008, 11:33 AM
    Good thing for u. Your contract is temporary. So even if u screwed up by telling him your feelings, u don't have to stick by that same job and office for the next year or so.

    Another reason a temporary job is good because u don't have to meet your boss daily in future. It is a disappointment to learn that he is taken, but u can get over the disappointment fast! When u finally stop seeing him at work, do not contact him. U will soon get over a man u barely know.
    incognita's Avatar
    incognita Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jan 16, 2010, 05:57 AM
    Honey nobody understands you more than I do... and I know how you feel when your heart gets trapped in a complicated situation as such.I am in love with my boss too.. he is handsome, classy and has a golden heart.But he also have a wife and kids... I see in his eyes that he likes me,and he may guess my feelings for him,but beside that being very nice to me nothing happens.His conduit is perfect proffessional and I admire him even more for this... What can I tell you?I live to see him,and I hate to be off... pleasing him and getting a smile from him is my greatest joy... but I'm also aware that this is just a dream.And just like you,I wouldn't do anything with him while he's married.I care too much about him to ruin his family.But love is love,heart knows no logic.Wish you the best sweetie,and don't blame yourself for being able to love.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #15

    Jan 16, 2010, 06:57 AM

    This thread is two years old so hopefully its sorted now.

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