My girlfriend of 18 months left me almost 2 weeks ago because I was flirting with a girl over the internet and lied to her, but afterwards I told her the truth. She never loved anyone as much as me and I never loved anyone as much as her. I can honestly say she is the love of my life. It was devastating for me. How it started was she found out 3 months ago and we tried to make things word, she left me once but came back a few days later because she said she missed me so much and she doesn't want to waste a day not talking to me. But a week after we got into an argument and she yelled at me and said it was over. A week later I came down to try to surprise her but instead she broke up with me in person and she said some cold things like I don't love you anymore, everything you do means nothing to me. Its been 2 weeks since the breakup and I didn't communicate with her until she called me on christmas day to wish me a christmas we started talking and she told me that she said those mean things to make me move on easier. She said she doesn't want me to go get hurt and that its best for me to let go because she doesn't think she will get back with me because she doesn't see herselft being happy with me. But I told her I will never let go and I will never give up because I promised her from the beginning I would never leave, and that she meant too much to me to let go like that. She said its hard for her as well and that she still has feelings. But mostly she wanted me to move on. I am giving her a lot of space. But what I don't get it if she said she loved me so much, she loved me too much how can she let go so easily? She said she is tired and has no more energy to fight for this relationship. I am not going to give up. I was hoping you guys could give me some good pointers as to how to win her back. She is the love of my life and my first true love. Don't tell me to move on please because I won't. I know she still misses me and cares for me if not she wouldn't of called me on christmas right? Even though it wasn't a very good conversation but still that shows that she still cares. What should I do to win her back. She said she can't forgive what I did and can't forget but I told her time will heal and she said its not. I need some good advice as to how to win her back please.

I think your approach is not good: it's either win or loose. Who wants to be on the losing end of things? Maybe she doesn't consider a relationship with you as a 'win-win'. You said, "She said she doesnt want me to go get hurt and that its best for me to let go because she doesnt think she will get back with me because she doesnt see herself being happy with me." One thing I don't quite understand is why relationships seem so fragile? Some of the advice that is posted is along the lines that if both parties are willing to work hard on repairing and renewing a relationship, that it might have a chance. Perhaps you should consider that she is not wanting a relationship, other than as friends. She appears to want to treat you as a puppy. Is that acceptable to you?

If you are so set in never giving up, then that's your choice as long as you are aware of the misery and pain, that goes with that decision. It not easy to handle rejection, but being stubborn sure ain't the way. If that's what you want, then good luck, you'll need it.

You've made up your mind and so has she. Unfortunately you're the one who's going to get burned unless you change your mindset. She intends to move on and has flat-out told you so. You on the other hand refuse to do so. There are no tricks or gimmicks to "winning her back." The more you try, the more you'll push her away (though she's already pretty much gone, so you can't push her much farther away than she already is). I know it's not what you want to hear but you do need to move on. You can't spend the rest of your life wishing and pining for something that's not there and that's never going to happen. You'll only be cheating yourself out of all that life has to offer. Don't make that mistake.

There is no way you can win someone back... its impossible peoples emotions can't be changed unless they want them to. I think what the guys are getting at is move on for yourself start no contact for you, and one of two things will happen 1) you'll hear nothing but will move on slowly 2) she'll coming sniffing around either way your onto a winner.

Granted the first option isn't what you want but its what none of us wanted in the beginning but it helps us grow stronger in the long term. By pushing and being in her face you'll annoy her and she'll dislike you for it, back away and let her think.

Give it time and see how you feel in a little while! Good luck

Well I'm not going to give up on you Jacob, because I'm living proof that you can turn things around in your position.

First things first, how much space have you given her? No contact and no talking and no ANYTHING for how long? You guys need at least 2-3 weeks, and at most... a month or 2. In that passing time, you need to talk to family, friends, co-workers... anyone really. Don't talk about it too much at work, just after work or free time or whatever. Or keep talking to us here. We're here to help!

Write a lot. Do a journal. Every time you want to talk to her, start up your journal (which I wrote in notepad) and write down everything you want to say to her. Even write stuff you want to say to yourself. It's good for the mind.

In leaving her alone, and letting you be alone with yourself, things will happen. "Absense makes the heart grow fonder". If she does like you, she will miss you over time. And when you are alone yourself, you will be able to figure things out, and find your own flaws and what-not. If you are really determined to win her back, you will be able to better yourself.

Then after all your no-contact is over, you can call her and try one last time. If it works, then all right! If not, then at least you tried, AND you made yourself better for the next girl that comes along. It's a win-win for you!

I agree with EuRa's post except the above.What you need to do before you initiate NC,is make it clear that you love them and you don't want a separation.Leave them in no doubt as to how you feel.
NC should then be started,but going back after,say 2 months will not help you one bit if you are rejected.It will only bring you back to square one.
Even if she does take you back it will be on her terms,her conditions and you will feel like you are walking on eggshells,hoping you are always doing the right thing in the hope you won't be dumped again.This is no way to reconcile.
She needs to come to you,so you are both on a level playing field.By contacting her you will only be handing her ALL the power,and I don't see that being a healthy thing to do.

So try and get on with your life.Should she come back to you,let it be HER decision.Then in my opinion the chances of a successful relationship increase dramatically,once the time apart was used to reflect and learn from past mistakes.

I agree with bustertypsy if she comes back it has to be on an even playing field without any ajendas! We would all like our ex's back (none more so than me), no contact is the only way of giving you any chance at all. Thers no doubt she still cares for you but let her breathe and figure things out for herself then you will know!

To be honest you have to be willing to admit defeat sometimes in life, she may never forgive you but by smothering her you will have no chance!

Everywhere you look everyone says no contact...

What if both people are to stubborn and follow this no contact thing hoping the other will turn around? It's like a lose/lose situation. Unless of course you move on.

No contact gives both parties the chance to step back and figure out what went wrong in the relationship and what part they played. It also gives them a chance to figure out what they really want from life... I think it is very rare when both parties are that stubbon, I still have some doubts about it myself but I implemented no contact and I've made progress I'm more of the person I was and I'm happy also my ex is nibbling a little at the moment so it works in most cases in my experience on this site!

No contact is to heal, so you can make better decisions, and see things in a realistic manner. Its about getting yourself together. I suggest you all read up a little more, and isn't it funny, how many stories are here where they got back together and were happy ever after. NONE. So let get the facts straight before you tell everyone this is to get the ex back. Its not.

I agree no contact gives you the space to heal, that's it, you can't do anything whilst you're a mess. The chances of getting back together are very slim indeed and the quicker you realise it the better for you, you can't make someone fall in love with you its impossible or id be dating a underwear model!

Bustertipsy,
I don't understand your comment on this post?
You advocate NC to heal,then you disagree with me for advising them not to make contact after two months.This sounds like a contradiction in terms.
Your basing your advice on the assumption that you are healed in two months, and that is false for most people. NC, is not about her at all, its about you being healthy enough to reevaluate yourself in an honest way. Its not about trying again, its about realistic feelings. If you have read other threads of those that have done as you suggest, breaking NC, and contacting the ex, things have changed and they end up where they started, some have gotten back together, but they had changed so much, they broke up again, and had to start all over. NC is forever, and most who go thru it, no longer want to go back with the exes, as they have healed fully and want to move on to better things. Thats why I disagreed, and a fact no one who has ever come here has ever gotten back with the ex, and lived happily ever after, none. So there is no way I let you feed those in a vulnerable positions, to beleive in someone who says to put themselves back where they started. Thats not healthy.

Example: My ex finished with me.I left her in no doubt that I didn't want things to end,told her I loved her,then walked away and have done total NC since.So are you saying it's ok for me to try one last time after 3 months of NC???
No, its not okay to try contacting her after 3 months. You take NC one day at atime until you are in a place she no longer haunts your thoughts, and you are happy without her. You have never heard me say to go back and try again, never. Because after people heal, and can think rationally, they are so ready for something new, they don't look back. Thats why it so important to read many threads as I have before you advise something. And yes I know this from experience, not books.
So what happens if I get rejected? I'm back to square 1 and 3 months of NC wasted. tell me your comment is a mistake.
When you were dumped, you are already rejected, so now its time to heal, not just feel better, I have never told anyone to try again. Hpoe I explained my position and if you have more questions let me know.:)

I personally have my doubts about N/C I mean I think if you lover left you for another and there is no hope at all of getting back together then of course N/C is all you have and it's a very good tool to have... I suppose for those that want their ex's back it's a difficult one I think it certainly helps you focus on your life and realise what you really want, if that's your ex back then nobody can tell you to feel any different.

Its difficult there's a lot of good advice on this site but I use it more as a guideline than gospel, and it's there if you want it but nobody can tell you how to feel or what you want, only the individual knows that. Its like what do you do if you ex starts getting in touch with you more and more and you want them back can you just ignore it, I'm not too sure I could at this point.

Your right its only opinions, you are still free to do whatever you feel is right for you.

How long have you been nc?

I've been no contact about three weeks, my ex told me to f@cking grow up and stop being childish when I asked her not to bother me anymore if she don't want me back. Since then she saw my sister in a club and cried when my sister told her I was doing well and getting more like my old self again. Just before new year she text me with a chain text saying things like text this to all of the people you love and don't want to lose in 2008, I ignored it there's no point in texting her unless she wants to talk about us that was 6 days ago