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    steffy_bear's Avatar
    steffy_bear Posts: 47, Reputation: -2
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    #21

    Dec 1, 2007, 06:36 PM
    And the parents not knowing oh well. They should just tell them and what they say is what they say. I don't care what anyone says, everything happens for a reason and if they are meant to be then it will happen no matter what the parents say or not. Please tell me if you were going to marry someone and you brought them home and your parents didn't like them would you leave them to make your parents happy or stay with them to make yourself happy? The parents can not like the idea and be cautious but ultimately it is their decision.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #22

    Dec 1, 2007, 06:44 PM
    Again NOT when one or both are minors! When are you going to understand that? If I was going to marry someone I would no longer be a minor. So your question has no bearing. If its "meant to happen" then they can wait until they are both over 18 and see if they are really in love. But while they are minors, the parents make the decision.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #23

    Dec 1, 2007, 08:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by steffy_bear
    And the parents not knowing oh well. They should just tell them and what they say is what they say. I don't care what anyone says, everything happens for a reason and if they are meant to be then it will happen no matter what the parents say or not. Please tell me if you were going to marry someone and you brought them home and your parents didn't like them would you leave them to make your parents happy or stay with them to make yourself happy? The parents can not like the idea and be cautious but ultimately it is their decision.
    We are not talking about adults bring someone home, we are talking about teenagers, minors. 13 is too young to be dating and a parent, has every right to say so.
    Whether you agree or this agree, is immaterial. We are talking about minors, and a girl who is barely in her teens.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #24

    Dec 4, 2007, 07:02 AM
    Comments on this poststeffy_bear disagrees: That's your opinion and personally I think your sdvice is bad not mine. =]

    First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

    When your advice ignores established facts and encourages a child to defy their parents then that IS bad advice. You are entitled to disgaree with me but your use of a negative comment was inappropriate.
    Rinacakes1991's Avatar
    Rinacakes1991 Posts: 41, Reputation: 1
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    #25

    Dec 5, 2007, 12:39 PM
    One of my bfs is always liking younger girls his latest is a 13 and he like you is 16 but he's almost 17. I have he upmost respect for love but she's just a baby you're age difference is not only illegal but also irrealistic what happens when you're 18 and you can go clubing? And her parents will not like it. Trust me I'm 16 and these 20 year olds try pursuing me and my parents go crazy.
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
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    #26

    Dec 5, 2007, 01:03 PM
    I disagree Rinacakes, but only with your last comment about love is love. You can justify anothing under the guise of love. I've read a lot about ages are just numbers and all that nonsense, at the ages we are talking about I doubt most realize what love actually is and what ramifications wait for them when they do things out of "love". At 13 I loved candy, soccer and a slurpee now and again, let kids be kids and lets get off this notion that age plays no part in anything, itreally is the silliest thing I've heard in a while.
    sjgh's Avatar
    sjgh Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #27

    Dec 5, 2007, 01:40 PM
    Personally, I would let my 13 year old date a 16 year old. But rest assured, there would be strict guidelines until my daughter reached the age of majority. I am sure if the boy was 'truly in love' with my daughter he would be willing to endure my rules.

    Rule number one would be that all contact with my daughter would be chaperoned by myself, my husband or both until she reached the age of majority. Zero exceptions.

    I think that one simple rule would put things into proper perspective for the would-be-suitor. If he is honourable, there should be no problems.

    I myself am 3 years (and for part of the year 4 years) older than my husband. Granted, I was 27 and he was 24 when we began dating, but I understand your dilemma.

    Work it out with her parents if you wish to court this girl. This will make or break your relationship.
    carly381's Avatar
    carly381 Posts: 32, Reputation: 2
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    #28

    Dec 15, 2007, 03:48 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem
    When one is in their adolescence they are more often than not more in love with the concept of being in love then actually in love with someone. Kids in their adolescence don't have the maturity and experience to truly judge whether they are really in love or not. Sure it feels like love to them, but it rarely is.

    Age doesn't matter when both are adults, but it certainly does matter when one or both are minors. Part of the responsibility of parents is to make judgements that their children are not experienced enough to make. They know that what I said about adolescents and love is true. That's why parents aren't so willing to look beyond the age because they can see the difference between love and infatuation.
    I COMPLETELY disagree the thing is you can tell if your in love when you're a child and adults just take a child's maturity for granted !
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #29

    Dec 15, 2007, 07:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by carly381
    i COMPLETELY disagree the thing is you can tell if your in love when your a child and adults just take a childs maturity for granted !

    So your claim is that a child of 13 with little experience in intersexual relationships, can tell when they are in love. And if you believe that I have a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to buy.

    Sorry kid, but adults, who have already been through it, know better. Young teens today are rushed into this whole relationship thing. Kids change partners weekly. Hormones are mistaken for love. When you grow up (you are 13 and think you are engaged) you'll know what I mean.
    ninascrazy1's Avatar
    ninascrazy1 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #30

    Dec 15, 2007, 06:47 PM
    Eh, if it makes you happy, then sure, but personally I think 13's a little young..
    ninascrazy1's Avatar
    ninascrazy1 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #31

    Dec 15, 2007, 06:54 PM
    "Age doesn't matter when both are adults, but it certainly does matter when one or both are minors. Part of the responsibility of parents is to make judgements that their children are not experienced enough to make. They know that what I said about adolescents and love is true. That's why parents aren't so willing to look beyond the age because they can see the difference between love and infatuation."

    love doesnt have jack to do with age. sure if youre 14 and run around saying youre in love after a month, you clearly dont know what youre talking about. but if youre 14 and have been with someone since you were 12, im sure they know what love was. it also depends on maturity level as well. just because you are legally "a minor" doesnt mean you know nothing when it comes to love. youre implying that once they hit 19 they'll know all about it, concidering theyre not "minors" any longer. which is a very ignorant statement.

    Just take it slow guys there's no time limit on love. You'll know if you loved them or not when you break up and find yourself still in love 6 months later.
    letmetellu's Avatar
    letmetellu Posts: 3,151, Reputation: 317
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    #32

    Dec 15, 2007, 07:44 PM
    You say you are more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. Do you like her enough and are you man enough to go and sit down with her and her parents and tell them just about what you said in your post ( I might not say it exactly like that) but experess to them that you like her a lot and that she has the same feelings for you. Tell them that you realize that this may not last a life time or for that matter even a year because people do change but for now the two of you are at the stage that you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend if they approve. And also point out that in a few years the difference in your ages will not matter, if fact it will be about average of couples getting married. Good luck to both of you.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #33

    Dec 15, 2007, 08:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by godsbabygirl267
    I am also a 13 year old girl and to me age does not matter. ... Mom is also always really busy with stuff and hardly ever notices what i do. ... Age should never create an issue in a relationship, however,... its basically all that matters to people outside of a relationship. ... However, I do not support the main obvective of most guys. SEX DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT, take advantage of her
    Nikki
    Some good advice and some not so good advice. You don't say how much older your boyfriends have been. But at 13 you really shouldn't have had many, if any relationships.

    I think it's a shame that your mom doesn't have time for you and hasn't given you the boundaries a 13 yr old should have.

    Its also not true that age is all that matters to those outside a relationship. As has been said here, age does not matter in an adult relationship, but it DOES matter when one or both are still minors.
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #34

    Dec 15, 2007, 08:29 PM
    I had parents freek out about the age difference thing, back when I was 17 and the girl was 15. My thoughts then were "what could a 17 yr/old do that a 14 year old couldn't, but it made a difference to the parents, so that was the end of the story.

    Now I have a slightly different perspective...

    Do you have a job in which you can support someone else along with yourself? Shouldn't the purpose of dating be to look for a marriage partner? If it is close friendship, why can't you do that without attaching all the pressures of dating into the situation? Do you want this to be just a practice relationship for when you are actually ready for finding a life partner? I'm not saying to stop enjoying each other's company and friendship, but take a long look at your motivation.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #35

    Dec 16, 2007, 01:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by carly381
    I Think That if you two love each other then forget the age ive gone out with younger gus and older it doesnt matter about age her parents should be willing to look past the age and see that you really love her with your heart !
    Are you serious? If an 11 year old girl decides she loves a 16 year old boy and he her, I as a parent am supposed to just let them be because they think they love each other? Give me a break.
    No need for parents then, (except to buy kids what they want and put a roof over their heads) let them do what they want. Let then live.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #36

    Dec 16, 2007, 04:26 PM
    Obvouisly carly381 has no idea what parents are suppose to be doing, they are suppose to be showing you what is right and wrong, and setting rules and boundies that you are suppose to follow. Not just letting things happen. I am sorry if you have parents like this, since proper parenting is not like that.
    lissa_need_love's Avatar
    lissa_need_love Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #37

    Dec 16, 2007, 07:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by djmidnight
    Hi! i have just turned 16 and i am dating a 13 year old, and i was wondering if that is "OK". We are both virgins, and we DO both love each other very much. WE both know our limits when it comes to the relationship, niether one of us would go further than the other would want to at anything. Yes I have just turned 16, and yes lot of guys that age arent in it for love, but i can say that i am. I am not going to say..ohh i dont want sex, for any guy would like that, but i know the limits. You might think she is immature, but she is not. We like to play around and stuff like that but at the same time we can still be serious and have normal conversations and what not without it getting "silly". Of course, i am more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. My first thought is they may not like the whole idea, but maybe if we explain all this to them they wont have a problem.
    please help me out on this one! thanks!
    Well ima tell truth love make you do some crazy , even on tha age tip. But ima be real and straight up she's to young rite now you need to keep that between you until she's a good 15 or at least 16 cause telling her mama I mean mi mama would have been done went crazy but I don't know maybe you should wait but I can't say that cause your in love so make the best out of it
    One love lissa
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #38

    Dec 17, 2007, 08:08 PM
    Just do homework together, and please just do homework together. Help each others at school and visit each others' parents houses, okay?
    BayB's Avatar
    BayB Posts: 11, Reputation: 2
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    #39

    Dec 17, 2007, 11:35 PM
    Yea you're fine. Just make sure the parents are okay with it... If you love someone.. thats what matters the most. Don't pay any attention to other people.
    Its not even against the law.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #40

    Dec 18, 2007, 12:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by BayB
    yea youre fine. Just make sure the parents are okay with it.... If you love someone..thats what matters the most. Dont pay any attention to other people.
    Its not even against the law.
    Hello, BayB!

    Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I do hope that you take some time to read thoroughly, an original post and how other people have already responded to posts to which you decide to form an opinion and then post a response.

    djmidnight obviously was looking for other's opinions as to what do, so I do take exception to your advice of "Don't pay any attention to other people." Would that include you?

    Also, djmidnight has not so much logged onto this site nor responded to any of the responses posted to this thread since November 3, 2007 at 09:05 A.M.

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