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flo98022 · Nov 30, 2007, 11:00 PM

My husband and I are trying to get custody of our grandchildren. We live in Washington state and so do the children. We were told by the judge we need to prove our ex son in law unfit. What criteria is needed to do this.
Thanks
Flo

oneguyinohio · Nov 30, 2007, 11:12 PM

Abuse of the kids or any kids, lack of being around them, a long or very violent criminal record on his part that could put the children at risk... drug convictions and stuff like that...

Not just bacause you think you would make better parents or have more money than he does. It also might be possible for you to fight for grandparents rights if you don't get custody. Some states allow that.

Clough · Nov 30, 2007, 11:33 PM

Please also be sure to be documenting any reasons you think him to be unfit. Also, it does help if there have been witnesses to anything that he has done that you think may be a reason to show and prove as to why he is unfit.

excon · Dec 1, 2007, 06:18 AM

Hello flo:

IF he's unfit, the reasons you think so, ARE the reasons you tell the judge. Don't go LOOKING for reasons that the judge will like. He either IS unfit for parenting or he ISN'T.

excon

s_cianci · Dec 1, 2007, 06:39 AM

The first and foremost criterion would be to demonstrate that your ex son-in-law is a danger to the children in question, be it physically and/or morally. You need to present concrete evidence to substantiate this. Can you demonstrate physical abuse? Is he a drug user and could you prove that? Does he neglect the children in a gross, willful manner? You'd have to muster whatever evidence you could and present it to the judge. Simply having a negative opinion about your ex son-in-law won't cut it ; you have to have facts and the means by which to back up those facts.

macksmom · Dec 1, 2007, 06:55 AM

Where is the mother of the children in the situation?

batman070707 · Dec 11, 2007, 04:22 PM

It takes time and diligence to prove a parent unfit, epsecially if it's the mother whose ability to care is being questioned. Descript documentation (written and visual) of the child's condition while in BOTH parent's care can demonstrate the contrast in living conditions. It won't be a quick fix. It will take patience and a good, strong case. If you are trying to prove a parent unfit, be sure and keep your nose clean, because your skeletons may be exposed, too.

lilred40 · Dec 11, 2007, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by flo98022

My husband and I are trying to get custody of our grandchildren. We live in Washington state and so do the children. We were told by the judge we need to prove our ex son in law unfit. What criteria is needed to do this.
Thanks
Flo

You'll need any kind of proof you can find from witnesses (family, friend, children, etc... ) Has Children Social Services ever been called? If so, try to get their report (if possible). Take pictures of the child/children for a visual proof, and mark the date taken. I will have to agree with batman070707 too. Make sure your "closet" is clean too. I know quite a few families that need C.S.S. to step in, and they are unfit too, but they give them 72 hours to clean up their act "or else". Of course, that "or else" never comes unfortunately for the children. I know down where I live, if C.S.S get c alled, they investigate you until the cows come home. The do random checks on the child/children at home, school, church, etc... They don't play around.

Best of luck to you and your grandchildren.

DonewithBMDQ · Dec 29, 2011, 08:00 PM

You should read what the laws of your state say and what the court rulings have been by the court you are in. Proving a parent unfit, is all but impossible. If there are any mental or medical problems, it does not make the parent necessarily unfit. Most judges tend to try to work with the mother/father and give them every opportunity to be the parent they need to be. Just because there is a past criminal behavior, doesn't mean anything. I personally have a family member who has had several drug related convictions, as early as 4 years ago since the last offense, and he was awarded full custody of his minor child. Be informed, don't make false accusations or he said she said stuff. If there isn't any extreme evidence, chances are he will not have his rights permanently revoked. Like I said, and it is from life experience, and each state differs, courts will do everything possible to give the parent plenty of opportunity to make the necessary changes in their life before revoking their parental rights.