In the past I have been diagnosed with panic attacks and general anxiety. I did the meds and the counseling, but honestly I'm not even sure if anyone has it right. The worst part is that for insurance purposes, I must go to the specific dr. or counselor assigned to me. Well, about me. I'm 36, married to a blind man,and with an 11yr. Old daughter. I work as a teacher. I also have my divorced sister living with me, and a grandmother in an assisted living facility who I keep an eye on. For a long while I have felt as if I have the weight of the shoulders on me and the littlest thing will set me off. The other thing... my mom passed away to cancer 3 yrs ago, and I still remember it like yesterday, as she was the one who always kept me centered. Anyhow, I can go on for days, crying and sleeping and feeling sorry for myself, as if I have wasted my life. Then, there are other times... usually with my friends, where I feel so carefree that I feel as if no one can ever bring me down. At work though, it is constant stress, as if the clock's second hand is ticking full blast in my brain. I hate what it is I'm doing to my family, yet at the same time, I wish I could leave them and start a new life. I know this is not normal. As a result, I have had two affairs which have ended in disaster... being that both times the other guy really did fall in love with me and in some weird way, I think I did too. My husband has been nothing but patient with me, and I appreciate it, although at some times, I wish he would just go away. What I am getting at, is that there is never any consistency to my actions or feelings... and it has been years now. I wish I could just be a regular person. I wish someone could help me before I self-destruct. Is this a product of my brain, or of my own doing.. meaning my lifestyle. Also, any suggestions with dealing with the insurance company about getting a real dr. to help-- or at least some kind of support group? I feel as if I'm drowning and that I'm the one who tied the anchor to my leg.

Well,here can be a really good support group,

I see this is your first post( hopefully one of many)So, Welcome to AMHD

I am sorry for the affairs, they make a person empty and unworthy of their partners affections afterwards, Been there , done that.( don't recommend it)

I wonder what your councilor would say if you began pursuing a treatment for , oh say, depression, perhaps bi-polar behavior?I am not trying to diagnose you from one post, just suggest a possible avenue for you to consider( some of what you stated was up and down behaviors, associated with bi-polar behavior)But only a qualified physician can tell you, or you can ask for more information from your provider.

Here, we discuss what's going on in our lives and try to feel like a community of caring people,It works if we are willing( OK 70%on -30% off (approx working times)... lol)

Sorry, I am medicated and a little giddy today.

Typically I would say stay for a while, see if this is something you can do, and become a part of the community of Ask Me Help Desk.

Hope this is helpful,

Ken

If your insurance is an HMO then I can understand why you are assigned doctors to you. If you are not satisfied with a particular doctor I believe you can change over to another within the same group. Keep trying until you find a mental health physician that will work with you situation.

If you have a PPO type health insurance then you are pretty much free to seek help from a wider range of physicians. Seek one that will give you the best care, even if it means driving out of your way.

Either way, what you are feeling sounds like a mental health issue. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand and can be treated. It is totally real for you and nobody should be discounting the way you feel. On the other hand, a physiological condition may be enabling your mental state. Diet? Stress? Deficiencies in minerals?

This is your health, your life and you are right in feeling like the world rests on your shoulders. But at least you have discerned this situation and are asking for help which is a good thing. Don't give up. Seek the medical treatment you need even if some of it comes out of your own pocket.

Sometimes we feel as if our problems are truly unique and no one else has ever experienced the situation or feelings that you are having. Rest assured that you might be the only one reporting this here but there are others who have been down and out a whole lot worse. And they have recovered.

I empathize with your feelings. I say to myself that things can and will get better for me. If you truly believe this then with the correct help you too will be on the right road.

Best wishes.

Thank you KBC for the kind welcome. What you are saying is exactly what I am fighting for... I simply want a real, thought-out diagnosis from a doctor, which I guess is hard to come by because of HMOs. DA BA AD, as you read so far,I have an HMO and it is supposedly one of the best out there, but apparently not for mental health issues. I already have spoken to their customer service regarding this, and they have no answer for me except that I can simply file a complaint against my current psychiatrist assigned to me. As far as the physical, I can say I'm in excellent health based on my recent physical done. Funny thing as both of you may have noticed... I have an idea of what is wrong with me per se, but how do I get my doctor to see it? I just need help out of whatever it is I am going through. While I'm not looking for a diagnosis here... I got what I wanted so far, and that was an ear to listen to me and some kind words and understanding. This was worth more than whatever I have heard from my psych and counselor to date. I guess I must take the next step and simply find a way to pay a better doctor from my own pocket. As it is, I know that whatever it is that is wrong will have no quick fix, but at least I want someone to acknowledge that it is way more than just anxiety. I want someone to really test me, talk to me, and investigate my history. I guess, as far as HMOs are concerned... it will never happen to me via that route. Oh well, a spending I will go!

Very compassionate and comforting

Made me feel as if I was not alone in this

Hang in there. Try to give yourself some feedback on your anxiety attacks. Evaluate what gets you into that state and identify it if you can.

Then once you do this, identify what gets you out of it. My daughter for example likes to sniff on cinnamon sticks when she begins anxiety attacks. This helps her calm down for some reason.

Take a break and walk out to some place that is comfortable for you. No one else can make you do what you don't or can't do. Find a way through as best as you can without medication. Leave the medication up to experts in the field. Like I stated before, even if it means finding someone who is not in your plan, it's worth your life to get the help.

Look into your past and try to identify when and why you started having your attacks. Based on this identification can you now use your experiences to come to terms as to resolving these issues? Perhaps misunderstanding of an event left you hopeless. Investigate it now. Learn more about yourself and honestly admit to your shortcomings. Once you do this then you can begin to solve these issues.