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    sammy1982's Avatar
    sammy1982 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 11, 2007, 08:44 PM
    In love with wife but love another lady as well
    Hello,
    I have been married for close to 3 years now, we really don't have any issues within us at all. We are happy in all possible ways. We are emotionally attached, we are sexually happy. But yes because of my work nature I am unable to spend time with my wife as much as before. Also recently I have come across a women at work who has come really close to me; she knows me very well, knows that I am married and happy with my relation with my wife as well. My wife also knows her as a very good friend of mine. She has been telling that she loves me, and she loves me like crazy. We have even spend very intimate moments and made love couple of times as well. Now she is going to get married. I am getting emotionally involved because I have also started to Love her. I love my wife as well, because she is very good at heart and understands me well. I just want to understand how do i handle this situation, when the other lady in my life is going to get married but still promises to love me in the same way. What kind of a relation will that be? I am doing right but getting involved with her? If i get out of the relationship will it hurt her? It will be difficult for me to just get out if this cos i also love her. Please help me!!
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Nov 11, 2007, 09:22 PM
    What kind of a relation will that be? What kind of relationship is it N0W!
    The difference will be she will be married T00 and so she will be cheating on a husband just like you are cheating on a wife.

    What to do!? Since you love her and she loves you. Get her boyfriend and your wife together and ditch the two of them so you can be together with the 'other woman'. Then your wife has somebody to preoccupy her time so she doesn't have to spend it "getting over you" and how she will feel that she lived a lie these past years. Gee maybe your wife could even have a *faithful* marriage then. And maybe *the other guy* deserves the same!
    Evidently you must not be IN love with your wife like you seem to believe you are!
    NewlywedTX's Avatar
    NewlywedTX Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Nov 11, 2007, 09:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by sammy1982
    Hello,
    I have been married for close to 3 years now, we really dont have any issues within us at all. We are happy in all possible ways. We are emotionally attached, we are sexually happy. But yes because of my work nature i am unable to spend time with my wife as much as before. Also recently i have come across a women at work who has come really close to me; she knows me very well, knows that i am married and happy with my relation with my wife as well. My wife also knows her as a very good friend of mine. She has been telling that she loves me, and she loves me like crazy. We have even spend very intimate moments and made love couple of times as well. Now she is going to get married. I am getting emotionally involved cos i have also started to Love her. I love my wife as well, cos she is very good at heart and understands me well. I just want to understand how do i handle this situation, when the other lady in my life is going to get married but still promises to love me in the same way. What kind of a relation will that be? I am doing right but getting involved with her? If i get out of the relationship will it hurt her? It will be difficult for me to just get out if this cos i also love her. Please help me!!
    You made a commitment to your wife (and vice versa), and your new work friend is preparing to make a lifetime commitment to another man. If your wife has managed to stick it out with you in spite of your behavior with this other woman (and, believe me, she probably at least senses that something is going on), then count your blessings, re-commit yourself to your wife, and leave this other woman alone! You've been lucky enough to find love once. Don't throw it all away to chase after some other woman who seems ready to commit to someone other than you.
    sammy1982's Avatar
    sammy1982 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 11, 2007, 09:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    What kind of a relation will that be? What kind of relationship is it N0W!
    The difference will be she will be married T00 and so she will be cheating on a husband just like you are cheating on a wife.

    What to do!??? Since you love her and she loves you. Get her bf and your wife together and ditch the two of them so you can be together with the 'other woman'. Then your wife has somebody to preoccupy her time so she doesn't have to spend it "getting over you" and how she will feel that she lived a lie these past years. Gee maybe your wife could even have a *faithful* marriage then. And maybe *the other guy* deserves the same!
    Evidently you must not be IN love with your wife like you seem to believe you are!



    I am ready to recommit myself, my wife also thinks there is nothing going on, my behaviour has not changed with her at all. We don't have any issues at all. I have tried to break up many a times with the other lady, but she is the one who doesnot want to leave me. She has told very clearly "I want you in my life..I need you .. i love you etc..." which is confusing me. I don't want to cheat my wife.She is a sweetheart, good in all sense.Please suggest?I really need an advice on this.One more thing is that this other lady is getting in to a relationship and prepared to cheat on her would be because when we started having an affair; I was already married. She knew it very well that I would never end up my marriage.Yet another fact that she is not a virgin, which she claimed was an accident. This is again giving me doubts.Please advice?
    sammy1982's Avatar
    sammy1982 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 11, 2007, 09:49 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by NewlywedTX
    You made a commitment to your wife (and vice versa), and your new work friend is preparing to make a lifetime commitment to another man. If your wife has managed to stick it out with you in spite of your behavior with this other woman (and, believe me, she probably at least senses that something is going on), then count your blessings, re-commit yourself to your wife, and leave this other woman alone! You've been lucky enough to find love once. Don't throw it all away to chase after some other woman who seems ready to commit to someone other than you.

    I am ready to recommit myself, my wife also thinks there is nothing going on, my behaviour has not changed with her at all. We don't have any issues at all. I have tried to break up many a times with the other lady, but she is the one who doesnot want to leave me. She has told very clearly "I want you in my life..I need you .. i love you etc..." which is confusing me. I don't want to cheat my wife.She is a sweetheart, good in all sense.Please suggest?I really need an advice on this.One more thing is that this other lady is getting in to a relationship and prepared to cheat on her would be because when we started having an affair; I was already married. She knew it very well that I would never end up my marriage.Yet another fact that she is not a virgin, which she claimed was an accident. This is again giving me doubts.Please advice?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #6

    Nov 11, 2007, 11:22 PM
    Hmmm... MAYBE you could think about it in this perspective... YOU PLAY with fire YOU GET burned!!
    What IF---Wife finds out... gf is now married... wife leaves your cheatin' heart...
    Girlfriend and new hubbie work things out... and YOU are left out in the cold with NEITHER!!

    Then there is the Integrity, morals, faithful, commitment type issues that just maybe you should prioritize as the right thing to do!
    FrOsT_bItE's Avatar
    FrOsT_bItE Posts: 125, Reputation: -2
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    #7

    Nov 12, 2007, 12:02 AM
    I've seen a movie like this (Romulus, my father) watch it some time. Everything you've added in you question is EXACTLY the same as the movie I listed above. The lady who married the father left him and her son behind and married some other guy. They had a kid together but the guy committed suicide coz' she was having WAY too much sex with other guys. The guy she left was in love with another lady, but was still very much in love with his wife. He found out by a friend of his that the lady was marrying this other guy, and his wife also committed suicide. I suggest that you watch this movie and if the lady you've been seeing behind your wife's is already getting married, then why would you believe she loves you? She's getting married! And you have a wife back at home trusting you with ALL her heart. What do you think might happen if she found out you were having an affair with another lady? Or put yourself in her shoes You'd be devastated to find that this good friend of yours has barged into your relationship and stolen he man you loved. If she does find out, do you think that she might be able to trust another guy again??
    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
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    #8

    Nov 12, 2007, 12:24 PM
    Why don't you come clean with your wife. It is not fair to her to keep lying. She has committed herself to you. You can not say the same thing. You are acting as if you are single with no attachments. Otherwise, you would not be having sex with two women.
    sammy1982's Avatar
    sammy1982 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Nov 12, 2007, 07:59 PM
    Thank you very much for such an awesome advise. I will surely clear this issue off in a smooth way. Thank you all for showing me the right path. I now believe that there are still Good people who think good about others. Thanks ever so much. Cheers!
    yrotseus's Avatar
    yrotseus Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Nov 13, 2007, 05:46 AM
    I would like to add that I have been the wife in this kind of situation. I found out that my husband of 22 years was trying to arrange a get together with another woman he met on line. She was showing him her body parts via web cam.

    It has really killed the trust I had for all thoes years. It eats at me every day. It hurts when I think of the email he sent that I read. This will damage your relationship.

    I will not leave my husband, I love him too much but I will never trust like I use to.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Nov 13, 2007, 11:53 AM
    Yeah, Once you lose that trust and your wife chooses to keep the marriage it is really hard for her to trust. She will question every move you make and watch every step you take and you will feel like crap. Even try to make it out like SHE is the one that has a problem and needs help.
    mjl's Avatar
    mjl Posts: 486, Reputation: 26
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    #12

    Nov 13, 2007, 03:05 PM
    That's awful!! I couldn't imagine! You took vows in your wedding. What happens if the girlfriend gets married and forgets about you and your wife frind out and leaves you (which I hope she does). You will be left with no one which you deserve no one because of your actions!
    donf's Avatar
    donf Posts: 5,679, Reputation: 582
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    #13

    Nov 13, 2007, 05:45 PM
    Sammy,

    I just cannot understand your original post! If you are happy in all ways, then why are you even looking at another woman with a plan in your mind to bed her. Next question, exactly why do you see this woman as a friend to your wife? Is there some silly reason why this friendly woman is considering bedding down with you? Is this something you would do to your friend? Oh gee, since you are my friend, I just thought you would not mind if I was playing around in your wife's pants. After all, I am your friend and friends do share with one another, why don't you see if you can if you can get her in the sack with you, she would like that!

    I don't understand your complete lack of respect for your wife. What about your "VOWS". Do you happen to remember those little things?

    My suggestion is to hit your knees and say a prayer of thanks that you have not been drawn into a miserable existence yet and then make your peace with your wife, she deserves it.
    sammy1982's Avatar
    sammy1982 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Nov 18, 2007, 09:18 PM
    Thank you very much,

    This story has got over, my friend got married, have spoken about it. Have relief and peace restored in my life back.
    amylc's Avatar
    amylc Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Nov 28, 2007, 08:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by sammy1982
    Hello,
    I have been married for close to 3 years now, we really dont have any issues within us at all. We are happy in all possible ways. We are emotionally attached, we are sexually happy. But yes because of my work nature i am unable to spend time with my wife as much as before. Also recently i have come across a women at work who has come really close to me; she knows me very well, knows that i am married and happy with my relation with my wife as well. My wife also knows her as a very good friend of mine. She has been telling that she loves me, and she loves me like crazy. We have even spend very intimate moments and made love couple of times as well. Now she is going to get married. I am getting emotionally involved cos i have also started to Love her. I love my wife as well, cos she is very good at heart and understands me well. I just want to understand how do i handle this situation, when the other lady in my life is going to get married but still promises to love me in the same way. What kind of a relation will that be? I am doing right but getting involved with her? If i get out of the relationship will it hurt her? It will be difficult for me to just get out if this cos i also love her. Please help me!!
    Try asking yourself what you believe is the right thing to do and do it. Align your actions with your moral compass. Unless, you choose not to have morals, so you can have drama.
    david405's Avatar
    david405 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 29, 2007, 12:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by sammy1982
    Hello,
    I have been married for close to 3 years now, we really dont have any issues within us at all. We are happy in all possible ways. We are emotionally attached, we are sexually happy. But yes because of my work nature i am unable to spend time with my wife as much as before. Also recently i have come across a women at work who has come really close to me; she knows me very well, knows that i am married and happy with my relation with my wife as well. My wife also knows her as a very good friend of mine. She has been telling that she loves me, and she loves me like crazy. We have even spend very intimate moments and made love couple of times as well. Now she is going to get married. I am getting emotionally involved cos i have also started to Love her. I love my wife as well, cos she is very good at heart and understands me well. I just want to understand how do i handle this situation, when the other lady in my life is going to get married but still promises to love me in the same way. What kind of a relation will that be? I am doing right but getting involved with her? If i get out of the relationship will it hurt her? It will be difficult for me to just get out if this cos i also love her. Please help me!!
    what u want to do it that u have to know which one want you like really bad my
    thought is that u stay with your wife I think that girl that likes you she's just trying to get sum
    u don't if she's clean or not and u be married almost 3 year don't let her come between u and you wife man
    jasmine_rezzag's Avatar
    jasmine_rezzag Posts: 191, Reputation: 10
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    #17

    Nov 30, 2007, 02:22 AM
    You guys have made mistake after you made love with her! You have hurted your wife! How could you say you love her? What about your marriage?what about your commitments?your wife does not do anything wrong to you and your marriage,but you do! I think you can meet many women's who know you well as your wife,maybe they love you as well,then you make love with them as well? Then why you get married why you made commitments to your wife? To be honest,I do not like you after I read your post,I hate man who is not royal unfaithful to their love and marriage! Life is long,you can meet many lures,do you want to try every time even your behaviour hurt someone else? You need self-controled,never find excuse for anything you do! You have hurted your wife,and you have hurted that woman unless she does not really love you! I don't like her as well! Claiming love you,have sex with you,then get married with other man,and maybe continue keep sex relationship with you! What a !I hate that kind of person,I hate any person who use love as excuse to do something which will hurt some one else! Love is not love if it hurt someone who love you!
    I don't want to be rude,I do want to offend you!but I am really angry!but if my husband do such kind of something to me,I will devoice him! No one deserves hurt and pain especially when someone says love you and hurt you and the same time! I hate that! You should leave that woman at the very moment you know she love you and you know she wants to have sex with you!but you don't!
    jasmine_rezzag's Avatar
    jasmine_rezzag Posts: 191, Reputation: 10
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    #18

    Nov 30, 2007, 02:28 AM
    You know my ex did the same thing to me,I left him without hesitation.he was together with that girl! He even laughed at me with that girl,and said I was a loser,but know that girl left him,and he wants me back,but I refused without hesitation as well! You have to think about who is more important for you! Sometimes,you make one little wrong move,you regret forever! Marriage is divine,unless it is meaningless for you right now!
    jasmine_rezzag's Avatar
    jasmine_rezzag Posts: 191, Reputation: 10
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    #19

    Nov 30, 2007, 02:33 AM
    One more thing,if that woman really loves,she won't get married with other man so soon,even she knows you are married!maybe she will get married,but won't be so soon!I don't think she really loves you!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #20

    Dec 3, 2007, 09:21 PM
    Selfishness and arrogance, mixed with no remorse is a losers legacy. What goes around will come back around. Your actions are those of a human who has life and BS, all screwed up.

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