My wife never makes the first move in bed. Please tell me that woman are very emotional and they have to be in the mood upstairs unlike us men. I just have no confidence to even try anymore. Its like a job and too much work now. I just think if I really satisfied her she would want it more. She says that I do. Keep in mind she never does turn me down if I try. I just wish she was I guess just more sexy and horny more. Like when we were in high school you know.

In so many words I know what your trying to suggest. So many things can alter our mood/s that it has become hard to know when and if a partner is interested in sex, food, talk, work, etc. etc. After high school our priorities change a bit and this takes time away from the things we dealt with in high school. Security is very important as is feeling safe and respected. Work takes much of our mental time and continues past work hours for many. Like a very exotic car there's more than just 4 tires making black lines on the pavement. Your partner has many ways of drawing pictures and now you might have to expand your view of your relationship in order to see all the wonders she brings and sex is just one of so many. You'll see your tires smoke from time to time but what about the other "stuff." Sex is like a door to the world that only opens if we put our shoes and pants on and walk into it.

Statictable -> huh?

Mike -> my wife have been together for 11 years. The first few years that we were sexually active, we couldn't be pulled off each other and we experimented. Over the years, our night time activities slowed way down. We please each other, no question. But I was having/still having the same problem as you. My wife turns me on, and I love her more than words, but the lack of sex is my only complaint. We just had a baby, and now we're down to like once or twice a month. I am a patient man, but my patience is thinning. I talk to my wife about it, suggesting how to fix it, everything is good for a week where we go two or three rounds, then that's it for that month. It is very frustrating, but I try to keep the communication lines open, and try my best to be supportive and patient.

I really don't think that men quite understand how for so many women, mood is EVERYTHING.

I love my husband, he turns me on, and we have a pretty interesting sex life--but he'd have the same complaint as you. I am just NOT in the mood most of the time. I can be gotten into the mood, and easily, if he starts it, but I have no interest in starting something most of the time. I don't FEEL sexy--I spent all day working, and came home and did housework, and paid bills, and did laundry, and by the time I go to bed, I'm TIRED! And I don't even have KIDS!

Mood is EVERYTHING for me. If we go out, and do something fun, or stay in and get silly and connect with each other, then yeah, I'll be in the mood! But if it's our normal routine, forget it!

Think back to high school and how much LESS responsibility there was! Of COURSE it's easier to be in the mood then! For me, anyway, I weighed 50 lbs less, fit into clothes that made me feel sexy, and had time to put on make up and get ready for dates, and the energy to do flirty/fun things like go dancing or play games or sit at Dennys until 2 am.

(okay, that's maybe college... but you get the idea)

My husband has learned that if he wants me to start it, he has to beat me home, have dinner on already, the laundry done (or at least out of sight), the house straightened, and the majority of the "other chores" list done (things like running to the store, or wrapping a wedding gift, or whatever). If *I* can be the one to come home from work, putter a bit, watch TV with a beer, and do nothing--well, YEAH, I'll be in the mood!

Don't get me wrong... like you guys, I'm sure, my husband has chores and does them. It's not like we don't split the household stuff. I'm just less willing to want to have sex in the middle of a floor that hasn't been vacuumed for a week than he is--or have sex in a living room where there is stuff all over the end tables, or in the bedroom with dirty clothes on the floor, or WHATEVER.

It's highly possible based on her upbringing or personality she is just the passive type. Some women can learn to be comfortable enough in themselves to be more open about what they want and when they want it as far as sex is concerned. I find it odd that so many are afraid to be open about that when they are so outspoken about everything else. Odd but true.

Amen sister!! Just add a two year old with it :)

Wow! This was going to be my answer exactly. Thanks for typing it for me! LOL :D

Synnen,

I'm a stay-at-home dad. I cook, clean, do the laundry. I do those things so all my wife has to do is come home and relax. Yes she works hard and long hours. I change my shirt three times a day due to spit up and other leaky things from the baby. I have very little adult contact and just want to have that sexual connection with my wife to make us both relaxed and feeling good about ourselves. Now what is your answer to that? Why is it that because I'm the man that I have to always make the first move? Is it because I'm always in the mood? How do you think it feels when you try to make the first moves and your wife falls asleep or has no real response? Granted, the baby doesn't go to bed until late at night and we're both exhausted, but I'm still in the mood...

I really think it's that women are able to internalize it more. For a lot of us, while sexual fulfillment is nice, the nice cozy feeling you get when you go to bed next to the person you love is JUST as nice. Not better, but equal.

Remember, too, that for so many of us, we spent our formative teenage years being told that lusting is BAD! Lust just gets you pregnant! Or diseases! Better to just date a guy and hold hands, because the consequences for women are so much harsher than for men--sorry, I know that's not fair because men suffer the consequences of unplanned pregnancies too, but it's not the same. Getting pregnant as a teenager (and I don't know many women my age who didn't know someone who was pregnant as a teen) pretty much ruins your life for a woman. (Well, not really, but it feels like it at the time).

Guys can have sex and go on with their day. I don't know about other women, but *I* can't do that. I can't just say "oh, hey...let's have sex!" There HAS to be some build up to it for me--cuddling, teasing, flirting, innuendo, whatever. It isn't just "On" automatically. And frankly, a lot of guys don't get that. If I start with flirting, and it goes nowhere, then I don't just move on to sex. That was my effort at starting things! Starting things, for me, can be as simple as saying "Hey stranger, come here often?". It's not generally a kiss, or a grope or simply saying "Let's have sex!".

Yes, I'm generalizing, and I'm sorry for it. But seriously... half the problem is that men and women aren't even LOOKING at it the same way. I need to feel that he's going to bed with ME, all of me, not just my private parts--and that involves engaging the REST of me in the fun.

Is this making any sense to you guys?

Hay anyone of you has to begin
So why not u...
Tell her that she should also move... as you do
It is always going ot be mutual.tell her what you want.. tell her what you like... talk to her while loviing her.

Here's another idea, get her to tell you one of her fantasies. If she has trouble expressing thigs like that, she might need a cocktail or two first. I know a lot of women have a fantasy about an anonymous stranger. Act that out for her. After time, everyone's sex life gets a little routine but let her know that she is free to fantasize and that it doesn't hurt your feelings that she has them. Another idea, my gal likes me to be the man and just "take" her and regardless of what mood she is in, it is a near instant turn on for her. Maybe by your initiation of sex, if you are being trepidatious about it, it is coming off to her as needy instead of you being the man and being confident. I am 100% behind the concept of women's lib but underneath it all, most women want a man to be a man. Ladies, any comments? Agree? Disagree?

Recent studies indicate that the excitement and passion of a new relationship subsides after two years. So...


... just a test. Arrange a babysitter, then, call your wife and tell her to meet you without any underpants on and wearing a skirt at such and such restaurant bar tell her to sit at the bar, not a table. I'll let you imagine what you are going to do after you see her sit down... maybe, you're already chatting with a woman there...

(caveat... don't have sex in public, but don't have sex at home) :D


Good Luck!

They are all the same... Control is what they are after. I'm an attractive man, Woman tell me everyday. They are attracted to me because they have no control over me. The same goes for all man... Don't look for any solutions. There are none! That is just the way woman are. We got separated at one point. She told me that I was not good enough for her anymore and that I did't supported her. Bull!! The minute she found out that I had another fine woman she ussed her sexuality to seduce me back with her. I don't mind... I'm back with my kids. That is what I wanted. Now she founds excusses to go out on meetings at night. If she only knew that I know the truth... The guy she sleeps with is a friend of one of my co-workers... This is starting to be sooooo funy! Woman are all the same... in some ways...

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