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runninggirl · Sep 12, 2007, 08:53 AM

Hello. I have been dating a man for 3.5 years. I cannot see any real inventment this man is willing to make in our relationship other than he does spend time with me. I recently lost all my child support so I am very strapped financially. I asked if he would like to move into my home with me so we can share expenses, he said he would not feel comfortable doing that at this time. He has never offered to help me out in anyway even though 4 nights out of the week he does stay at my house. He also was married before as well. Although he has laid down the law with me as far as being able to see any other men he says it is OK that he has a "friendly relationship" with his ex. He stops over there every Saturday stating that he goes to see the cat. Although he expects me to abide by his wishes that I see no other men he is unwilling to listen when I say I feel uncomfortable with his ties to his ex. I feel he is controlling me but has no right to. I am getting to the point that I think this is an unhealthy relationship for me but I have invested much and he does mean very much to me. Should I hang in there or should I listen to myself?

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 08:58 AM

Runninggirl you need to do just that RUN RUN RUN.

This man has sucked 3.5 years from you while giving nothing in return. My bet is that this "friendly" relationship with his ex involves more then just visiting to see the family pet. This man has pretty much told you that after all this time he is not interested in giving you anymore then he has now in anyway (financially, emotionally, physically).

My guess is that you know this guy is not worth your time and you just need some validation. Yes girl. Leave. Go out and find someone who really cares about you and will invest emotionally in a relationship.

LearningAsIGo · Sep 12, 2007, 09:55 AM

Should I hang in there or should I listen to myself?

Um... you know the answer to this. Yes, you should go... he's made his intentions clear and you should stand up for yourself and what you need.

Chery · Sep 12, 2007, 10:20 AM

Girl.. get over your fear of being alone. Get your self-respect back into gear. Get your door lock changed or the key back from him.

Then, Get your best walking shoe on and kick his *** right out of the door.

If you put up with this person much longer, you'll not like yourself.

What child-support? Do you have children?

You might have invested a lot in this, but it sounds like his investment was only for his benefit and you did all the sacrificing.

Get back with us, and rest assured that you have our best wishes in this.

Stringer · Sep 12, 2007, 10:30 AM

Hi runninggirl, cancel your subscription with him.

Not once in your post did you mention that you love him. He has the "best" of both worlds and is making very little investment in your world. He is a "taker" and apparently gives little in return.

I know you are in the middle of this situation and it is hard to see or feel clearly (why you posted this-right?) But listen to what is being told to you here, many of us have been through something like this. Yes you have some financial difficulties but when you consider what he is doing, saying and showing you, you know what you have to do. And, you know in your heart that it will not change or get better.

Good luck to you, you are stronger than you think. Invest your valuable time in finding someone who cares and will love yo and your children, not a "player."

Stringer

runninggirl · Sep 15, 2007, 08:01 AM

Thank you for the great advice. Since I posted this I have told him that I am through. By the way, I do love him but love can also be a drug so now I am willing to go through the withdraw. As with any addiction the first week is the toughest but I am strong and what I have always told my children and friends, tough it out and in a year from now you can look back and see how far you have made it. By the way, I lost my child support because my last child turned 18, so I not only have 4 children I also have 4 friends and they are behind me. Thanks again for the correct answers.

Chery · Sep 15, 2007, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by runninggirl

Thank you for the great advice. Since I posted this I have told him that I am through. By the way, I do love him but love can also be a drug so now I am willing to go through the withdraw. As with any addiction the first week is the toughest but I am strong and what I have always told my children and friends, tough it out and in a year from now you can look back and see how far you have made it. By the way, I lost my child support because my last child turned 18, so I not only have 4 children I also have 4 friends and they are behind me. Thanks again for the correct answers.

So glad it worked out for you. You sound like your so mature and have support from your family and friends. You are indeed a lucky girl.