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    LainaB's Avatar
    LainaB Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 26, 2007, 11:46 AM
    Sudden Break-up - NO WARNING!
    Hello all!

    I'm new here, but I read some of the posts, and you all seem to have some sound advice. Here's my story:

    My ex-boyfriend and I met about two months ago, and we immediately clicked. We spent the weekend after our first date together going to parties, meeting his friends, and hanging out with his family. We both agreed with each other's spiritual beliefs and *honestly* never had any disagreements. By the second week we were together, he started spending the night every night. I'd never done this with a boyfriend before, and I knew we were moving fast, but everything felt so natural. It seemed like we'd known each other for years. In the coming weeks, we'd spend more time around mine and his friends, and both sides agreed that we were great for each other... At one point, we were talking about our relationship, and he said that he had certain things that he looked for in a girl, and I had all those qualities. Plus, he would constantly make comments about how he couldn't wait for me to see his parent's house at Christmas, and that "we" were doing well because his job was really taking off. For all intents and purposes, I thought things were going great!

    On my end, I tried my best to be a supportive girlfriend. I didn't gripe when he went to a strip club with his buddies... he made it clear that he wasn't thrilled about the outing, but he was going because his friend (who was moving away) really wanted to... I didn't complain when he had to work late. I truly enjoyed playing the "domestic goddess" by cooking dinner and washing his clothes. I fit in well with his friends, and even tolerated his carting me around all over the place from one social function to another (which really surprised him). At some point in there, however, I summer ended, and I started teaching again and my schedule and routine changed. In addition, I had a second job to help me get out of debt faster. Suddenly, I had lesson plans to write on the weekends, and I was exhausted after a day's work. We started seeing less of each other, even on the weekends because we both seemed to have separate plans, but still I thought things were going okay.

    Then last weekend, he went to his 10-year high school reunion. The next day he said that he had been asked to house sit for his step-brother, and that we wouldn't be coming over. On Monday, he came over and we cooked dinner together and had a nice night. We sat down and he showed me some things he'd been working on at work, and we ended up going to bed and having a nice little roll in the sack. The next morning, I got ready for work, made his coffee as usual, and headed out the door. Didn't see him again until Friday. He DID call and text me throughout the week asking how my day was and wishing me good night and stuff. On Thursday, I asked him when he was coming back to see me because I missed him. He said that his step-brother wouldn't be back until Monday, but he'd come over on Friday and we'd do something. Friday he showed up and he dropped the bomb. He said that he didn't feel that spark anymore; that he knew that the longer he waited, the harder it would be to let go; and that he couldn't tell me what happened, but that it just wasn't there for him.

    Needless to say, I was FLOORED... Where had this come from? My question is THIS: WHY did he leave? Was this a knee-jerk reaction to something else going on? How do I handle this? I would take him back in a heartbeat because I KNOW that this was totally out of character for him, and I had NO warning whatsoever. Even looking back, I can't see the warning signs... Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

    Thanks so much... I know this was LOOOOONG, but I appreciate your input.

    Laina
    Jiser's Avatar
    Jiser Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 281
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    #2

    Aug 26, 2007, 12:01 PM
    Hey two months isin't a long time. Eight weeks! Not enough time to get to know someone well, I would say? Some peoples true colours don't allways appear for a long time.

    Right now you have to accept this is over! No begging or calling or pleeding will do you any good. What will do you good is going NO CONTACT. That means deleting his number to stop those late night drunken texts and calls, deleting any social networking links with him as well as any instant messaging conatcts etc. No contact will allow you to heal and the emotional storm to pass.

    Any contact you do have with him will only confuse you more. Trust me on this, been there done that and so has a lot of people. We have often have to have pain to learn and grow! So take any experience from this relationship and learn from it. Don't dwell it the past, that's unhealthy.

    Nows the time if you ever wanted to do anything in your life? Travel, start a new hobby become more outgoing etc. Well do it! Meet some new people and see your friends and family more. Why not even ask them about their pasts if they so wish? Maybe they could offer you some advise. I have found keeping active, laughing, improving myself mentally and physically, keeping busy and having things to look forward to has helped me so much. In fact I have never done so much in my life since my breakup.

    My attitude was, well f**k this I am going to get out there and have a blast, my ex's loss not mine. So I did, I had more fun than I ever did with my ex. Without her breaking up with me I would never have probably did the things I did. So live your life you only get one. Life goes on and in time things will get easier.
    serena6878's Avatar
    serena6878 Posts: 94, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Aug 26, 2007, 12:05 PM
    The advice above is very right.
    LainaB's Avatar
    LainaB Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #4

    Aug 26, 2007, 12:23 PM
    Thanks Jiser for your wise advice. I have not contacted him since he breakup, and I'm not going to - even though I still have some of his stuff at my apartment. Also, I understand that eight weeks isn't a very long time to get to know someone, but I truly feel like this relationship is something worth fighting for. In the short time we were together, I've realized that we have a connection that I've never had with another man. And, I'm not some teeny-bopper who has her heart on her sleeve. I'm a professional woman with a Master's degree. I've been around the block a couple times...

    My question is, though, what caused the sudden change in feeling? A friend of mine said that sometimes guys have knee-jerk reactions in response to things they can't control. She gave the example of her friend's father (a lawyer) who was stressed at his job and came home and asked for a divorce. A week later, the man realized what a horrible decision he'd made just based on pressure from work. Things had been a bit rough for C (my bf) this past month, and I wonder if that mixed with his reunion and seeing so many of his friends married and with families, kinna freaked him out. If that's the case, is there a chance that he'd come to his senses?
    Tuscany's Avatar
    Tuscany Posts: 1,049, Reputation: 229
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    #5

    Aug 26, 2007, 12:47 PM
    Jiser is right on with his answer. In addition if his sudden change of heart is caused by stress or something outside to of the relationship then that is something he needs to deal with. If he decides he wants to try again he will contact you, but please don't you contact him. It will just make things more difficult for you. If he calls and wants to try again think hard about your decision. Don't you deserve more than someone who runs when the going gets tough?
    biggsie's Avatar
    biggsie Posts: 1,267, Reputation: 125
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    #6

    Aug 26, 2007, 01:07 PM
    I don't think you did anything wrong, he's not ready to settle down, you

    Threaten his freedom... He wants to run free, party, and not answer to

    Anyone -- going out with the boys -- not be tied down -- no commitment

    Stress and his reunion could be factors, I wouldn't lose any sleep over him
    LainaB's Avatar
    LainaB Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #7

    Aug 26, 2007, 02:57 PM
    WOW! Thanks biggsie and tuscany for your input... you're right... I do deserve someone who is going to handle stress and rough spots with more grit. As I was cleaning my apartment today and packing up his things, I started to feel more ticked off than upset. At this point, I'm just mad at him, not sad anymore... That doesn't mean that I don't want him to call me, though...
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #8

    Aug 26, 2007, 07:45 PM
    You may have been feeling a connection, but that does not mean he. He goes to a reunion and sees some more fish out there. Maybe he hooked up with and old fish.
    This is just one more thing that lets you know he was not as committed as you.
    Two months is not a lot of time to get to know somebody and you two did get into serious relation mode really fast.
    Chalk it up as a lesson learned and forget about him.
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
    Ultra Member
     
    #9

    Aug 26, 2007, 07:51 PM
    You guys burned bright and fast. As Jiser said at 8 weeks you don't really know someone and the tempo you guys moved at you became what sounds like a very serious couple without really knowing who he is.

    I totally relate to this one of my friends and I went through the same thing that you did at the same time. We were both really wrapped up in our relationship and all of a sudden BAM dumped. With time and hindsight being 20/20 I can tell that the guy just woke up and went how the heck did I get into THIS? Its easy for people to get wrapped up in the excitement of a relationship especially if they have not had a relationship in a while or the connection just feels so strong. Sometimes its wrong. Take what you can from this relationship, learn, heal and try to move on.
    karlamuriel's Avatar
    karlamuriel Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #10

    Feb 20, 2011, 06:31 PM
    The advices were very helpful for me as well... my fiancée of 2 years, suddenly told me he realized he doesn't love me anymore; but mind you, the day and hours before that, he was very sweet to me. So can you just imagine the pain that is hurting me right now... it's just been 2 days since it happened, so the scars are SO FRESH.

    For those who wrote their advices, I thank you... slowly, I will move on... and I believe someday, soon... the right guy for me will come.

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