Six years ago two years after we were divorced my ex wife wanted to move to Las Vegas and take the kids. After letting her know that I was not just going to let her move them 800 miles away she left without them. My ex has always put me down to the kids and she blames me for her move. After two years of attorneys and child advocates I won custody and they never moved. They visit her every summer and part of Christmas break. As they get older they want to move out there because they have no boundaries or rules. After telling them that they would not be able to stay out there the accusations have started flying huge. I got my three kids back last week from their summer break, and they are 3 completely different kids. They think I and my current wife are nothing but liars and their mom has plotted them totally against us.. I Don't NOW HOW TO FIX THEM. There is now another child advocate investigating child abuse.. ( this is the 4th time in 4 years) but this time the kids seem to be completely brainwashed and are listening and lying with their mom. Should I just let my kids move out there even though I know we will just be picking up the pieces in a year? Or do I win this thing AGAIN and deal with the consequences of my kids hating us for it? My ex is always in contact with the kids continuing to brainwash them and I can't stop it from happening or get the kids to listen to my side of the story. What's worse is they know their mom lies to them constantly and is always letting them down but they won't aknowledge it. She has been to Colorado once in 5 years to visit them. ANY IDEAS OR OPINIONS?

Our kids don't always like us. That is a part of being a parent. If mom is turning them against you she will do it whether they are living with her or not. So either way you will likely be in the same position, "the bad guy". If you truly believe they will not be properly cared for by her then you fight and you keep them. Get them all into counseling. They will realize later when they are older that you did the right thing and will love you more for it. But it is your job to make the unpopular decisions on behalf of your children. They won't always like you for it. But you have to do it sometimes. This time is extremely difficult for children of divorced parents. They will get through it and see the truth eventually. You have to just stick it out and do your best. Good luck.

Well mabey instead of trying to get all of your kid on your side at once focus on one then the other your bound to get thourgh to one of them

Kids need boundries - and they crave it - as goofy as it sounds, if there are no limits, there is the question of "don't they care enough about me?" Kids of divorce pit parents against each other. The non-custodial parent sometimes lets them do whatever they want... they try to become a friend rather than a parent... down the road, as adults, they will resent that. Of course they are going to love having so much freedom with their mom... but when it comes to day-to-day living... school, etc, can they count on her? Kids want parents to prove their love... giving up custody can be viewed as giving up on them.

Yes - they will be different after spending a couple months with their mom - no limits, no - or little - boundries. They know what their mom is about... they know she's lied to them, and they'll come back at you with "Mom lets us do such n such"... stay consistent with your rules.

Child advocates brought in because of abuse accusations against you? They would, I hope, interview you and your wife. The stories need to remain consistent that the kids tell - if they are lying, the stories change - and most child advocates are aware of things like that.

Stick to your guns... your children will be better for it. Tell them it's your job to get them ready to be responsible adults. There will be rules they will have to follow all their lives, and it's best they learn that now, or when they are out on their own, it will be extremely difficult to deal with real life. You have rules because you love them - it would be easy if you didn't care enough about them to give them rules and boundries, but because you love them so much, you want to prepare them to be the best people they can be.

Ideally, having the same, or close to the same rules in both homes is the way to go, but from I can see, she's not willing to discuss the parenting of the children with you.

Good luck... and hang on - this roller coaster ride is incredibly stressful, but your children are worth it... you've been showing that through your determination so far... don't give up on them now!

I don't know if you have a big enough case, but my mom was so afraid that when she got divorced my dad would do what your ex-wife is doing and use me as a weapon against her--not to mention he was a psychopath in his own right but that is unrelated. Anyway the point is she basically forced him to give up parental rights and because of that I did not turn out into a screwed up product of a divorce (no offense but kids who go through divorce and the whole mind game of the 2 parents end up totally wacko. I know this because my two sisters are 15 & 18 years older than me and they went through what your kids are going through. Can you prove abuse or emotional abuse or something or use something to force your ex-wife to give up her rights.