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    timetorave68's Avatar
    timetorave68 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 22, 2005, 01:08 PM
    Gay Falls for Straight Man! What to do?
    Hi everyone,
    I'm a 28 year old gay man and not out yet. I met a guy 4 years ago who
    I trained at the workplace. He seemed interesting. He's 22. So the second day of just knowing him I invited him to my cousins house to watch a
    Sporting event. He didn't have a car so I drove him there. He had just arrived
    From Europe to make a better life for himself. I invited him just to be nice
    And didn't have any feelings for him. Anyway, as the months passed,
    We grew stronger in this friendship and he even tagged me as his only
    Friend and that it made him uncomfortable to see me with my other friends
    It felt good to hear that. More months went by and we kept going out every
    Weekend: independent films, dinner, museums. No girls involved, even though
    He sometimes talked about one day finding himself a nice girl.

    The last three years have been hard for me, well both of us. I have fallen
    In love with him. What fed this love is all the help we have given each other
    In bad times, the goodtimes we have, camping trips, and so forth. Every time we see each other we welcome each other with a long tight hug and we even hug longer during our evening separation. Sometimes kiss him in the neck while hugging. We always say ,"I Love you, bud" to each other. People some-
    Times wondered about us. And him being a macho doesn't get bothered by
    This. That's what I love about him. He makes me feel secure and I feel
    Accepted. He sometimes kisses my fore head and says "Im so blessed to
    have a friend like you, no other person would ask for something better"

    I tell him that I have so much love for him, that I feel three times what he feels for me and he understands. I can't accept him leaving for a woman.

    I get jealous when he tells me of his days work (we work separately now).
    When he tells me that he had lunch with a female coworker, or something
    That has to do with someone else. He knows I get jealous and doesn't
    Like that. We have broken our friendship twice because of that.
    He says that Im his only friend and that he loves me and one day he will
    Have a wife and for me to accept that. I tell myself "Better Hurt Now than
    later and Leave this situation" but it would be mean for me to take away
    Myself from him and take away his "Heaven", as he tells me sometimes.

    LAST NIGHT HE DROPPED THE BOMB ON ME:

    He asked me to pick him up from his apartment because he wanted to talk
    About something. To make things short. He got a new job that he applied
    For recently. He met a girl. He say's not his tipe but wants to be with her
    To see if there is connection. Before he told me this he said to me. "The
    reason I'm telling you this is because your my bud and I will always be loyal
    to you and you will never be replaced" I died inside when he told me all
    This. I thought "thats it" tears came out. The nightmare that I was afraid of and preparing myself for three years has finally arrived even though he
    Says that I'm already making assumptions. I will always die when I'll see
    Them together. I cannot be around this.

    FRIENDS AT ASK MEHELPDESK, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
    Im dying right now and feel that I can't succeed in anything, no motivation
    Anymore. He is my rock. Salvation.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #2

    Oct 22, 2005, 01:21 PM
    Dude - 2 things - you never CHANGE someone's orientation. This guy is straight. You are his FRIEND. Be his friend. In a few months this 'crush' will be all over. Realize he likes woman and that;s it. You set yourself up for this. People can't change because you want them to.

    I am straight and I will never have feelings for a guy. Just like you can't be d-gayed. Your born with it.

    Be happy for him. You're being selfish with this fantasy. It's not reality.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #3

    Oct 23, 2005, 04:30 AM
    Love
    Hi,
    The fact that you say you are Gay really has nothing to do with being in love.
    All of us have, at one time, lost someone who we were in love with... unless you are 10 yrs old. In my 63 yrs of life, I was in love with 4 or 5 girls before I finally got married.
    Being Gay doesn't seem to be the issue, but the fact you are in love, is the issue.
    As most of us have solved the same type of feelings by meeting new people. Get out, make new friends, and become involved with others, maybe in a group or something. Get a hobbie where you will be with others, maybe bowling? etc. You WILL eventually meet someone else... it will take a little time.
    The longer you stay by yourself, wishing what you could have done different, the longer it will take to get over it.
    I do sincerely with you the best.
    letmeno's Avatar
    letmeno Posts: 215, Reputation: 23
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Oct 23, 2005, 10:09 PM
    I have a question, because I am sort of confused.
    Were you two JUST friends or were you two actually like lover's but not open about it?
    Wildcat, (no offense timetorave) but I don't think that I know of a straight man who would let another guy kiss him on the neck.
    I mean is he REALLY straight?
    I have a different opinion about it all but I am not real sure what the other guy's sexual preference is here.
    Katiy's Avatar
    Katiy Posts: 56, Reputation: -3
    -
     
    #5

    Nov 15, 2005, 03:30 AM
    You are setting yourself up
    You are like a fruit fly.
    dimples's Avatar
    dimples Posts: 256, Reputation: 9
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    #6

    Nov 15, 2005, 11:36 AM
    The best thing here would be to get over him & move on. What he feels for this woman, I do not think he will feel for you. You might be his closest friend but he is STRAIGHT. I do not think there will ever be a chance he will change & dump her for you. So, you can continue being his friend & accept reality as it is. He will never be yours like you wanted. That's sucks but that's life.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #7

    Nov 15, 2005, 12:01 PM
    You should be happy having a good friend who loves and respects you, that you can do things with and know he's in your corner.Don't repay his kindness with this insane jealosy.he accepted and respected you ,so how come you can't do the same for him.This is not about sex it's about being real.
    Mipo_Horsy's Avatar
    Mipo_Horsy Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Apr 17, 2007, 06:09 AM
    OMG same situation as me!I can't do anything now!But I still have time because I'm 15 and e is 17.Im trying to be more like caring him but I'm shy everybody in class or not can see that I devoted him but he is the dumbest in the class so I can't do anything!
    Noah Hulke's Avatar
    Noah Hulke Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 17, 2007, 09:01 AM
    Dear timetorave68...
    Life is full of heartbreaks, and heartbreaks are so universal, but we all end up overcoming them and we move on. I'm not saying it will be easy but sometimes things aren't always meant to be. Cherish the strong friendship you two have and enjoy all the memories that once were, and the memories that are yet to come. I'm sure you will find a solemate one day, and he will be an amazing person. I know this because I have faith. I believe that everyone has a solemate and that oneday you will meet him. All you can do is except this and understand that it wasn't meant to be. If you ever need to talk write me back and I will give you my phone number. You seem like a cool guy with a lot of passion for love and life and that's cool and hot. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.

    Noah
    iloveLf221's Avatar
    iloveLf221 Posts: 62, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Aug 9, 2007, 02:15 PM
    Hey, I'm sorry about your recent mishap! I know that all hope is lost, however, there may be a light at the end of the dark tunnel. I believe that when people fall in love, they don't look at the age, gender, or any other difference, I believe that they fall in love with who is on the inside, so, maybe you should just give him time, or tell him your feelings!
    DON'T GIVE UP!!
    emopunk7's Avatar
    emopunk7 Posts: 1,052, Reputation: 161
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    #11

    Aug 10, 2007, 08:41 AM
    Find a gay guy next time... Now you learned a valuable lesson and you won't be hurt the same way ever again if you learn from this. Be proud of what was there... Your expectations got the best of you, but just tell him you understand. Tell him what's been going on and that you are sorry. Tell him you wish him the best... If you can continue the friendship then continue it with no expectations. If it will be too hard, try doing other things.
    sky_is_grey's Avatar
    sky_is_grey Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Aug 11, 2007, 07:46 PM
    I say let him know how you feel, you know that you will NEVER be able to feel as simply a friend from now on, you might as well start by being honest, both with yourself and him, I wish you all the luck in the world!
    ky37m's Avatar
    ky37m Posts: 35, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Aug 27, 2007, 11:12 PM
    First of all, let me say I wish you well. I fell in love with my best friend when I was 18. He was, is and always will be straight. I am now 40, haven't saw in in at least 10 yrs and truly love him as much as I did then. I don't obsess about it every minute, but I still dream of him from time to time. And honestly if he came to me today and ask me to leave with him, I would. That's not gay, straight, black or white... its love... but anyway, kind of off the point, my friend would have never let me hug him in a loving manner and a kiss?? No way!! I knew this and accepted it. It sounds like your friend is playing you like a fiddle. Maybe I've grown into a skeptic, but I can't believe that a straight guy would allow affection from another man, especially in public. I'm sorry that your hurting, and I wish you well
    SnakeBite's Avatar
    SnakeBite Posts: 68, Reputation: 4
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    #14

    Aug 28, 2007, 06:45 PM
    From the way you have described your relationship with this guy; i.e. you hug, kiss and tell each other "I Love You," funny, it sounds like he is Bi/Gay but he doesn't want to admit it.
    Does he know you are gay?
    Ask him if he is bi?
    He may be a closet case trying to fit in by dating women!
    sky_is_grey's Avatar
    sky_is_grey Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Aug 31, 2007, 08:05 AM
    ky37m and snakebite, thos are EXCELLENT answers. It shows that you need to be able to put yourself in that situation and maybe even BE in that situation to understand.
    davimarti's Avatar
    davimarti Posts: 17, Reputation: 4
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    #16

    Sep 4, 2007, 03:37 PM
    Seems like your friend may be gay and has not accepted it yet
    introesque's Avatar
    introesque Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Oct 4, 2007, 01:54 AM
    I don't know if you got your question answered yet. But I was looking tonight for anyone else who's ever had the same kind of issues I've had.
    I too have falling many times in love with someone who did not love me. Yes, and one was a straight man too.
    I've recently had the opportunity to "relive" this experience with a man that I work out with and work together with.
    I thought this would never happen to me again. And what do you know, I am handling it better than I did.
    This time I was really able to stop myself from doing the same thing all over again and both he and I still work out together, and I am so happy that he's found someone that he can care about. I was also able to focus better on myself and what I wanted in life and hammer out this issue once and for all.
    Iknow you wrote this a long time ago but I hope I can here from you to see how your doing. Never give up!
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #18

    Oct 4, 2007, 05:32 AM
    Find a fellow gay man... you just won't get your average straight guy to go for the gay lifestyle no matter how hard you wish. Its clear he is only interested in women.

    Had he even been bi-curious you might have had a chance. In any case you have been a good friend to him even if that's all it ever was. And I'm sure that meant a lot to him.
    Ziggystardust's Avatar
    Ziggystardust Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #19

    Oct 27, 2007, 02:12 PM
    I understand where you are coming from I hope since you posted it 2 years ago you and him are good friends still

    I feel like that about a close friend of myne he thought I fancied him when I just had a strong feeling towards him in a friends sense and he likes me back but not in the way I feel about him in the summer holidays I said I liked him and he was like its OK if you fancy me I now he's straight he has a girlfriend and we both feel that our friendship is obviously going to last since we are both very open about each other to each other and best of luck hope it worked out for you
    lcdsi's Avatar
    lcdsi Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Apr 1, 2009, 06:43 PM
    I know this initial question is several years old but I can sympathize what you went through

    I fell in love with my best friend in college and basically had my heart broken when he started dating a girl.

    However, the positive side is after several years of not seeing each other (graduation/ different jobs) we've renewed our friendship.

    All I can say is that it takes time to get rid of the pain and you shouldn't waste a good friendship even if he's not attracted to you in that way.

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