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    j9s's Avatar
    j9s Posts: 2, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Jul 17, 2007, 09:30 AM
    Does anyone ever get their Ex back after No Contact?
    I have read a lot of posts where people recommend going No Contact after a break up. Most of the time I read this when the girl said to the guy "I need a break to figure out how I feel and if we should be together." Usually the girl says at first she doesn't want to date other people but usually does so later on. My question is does going NC work at getting the person back?

    No Contact works by making them miss you and realize what it is to be without you in their life. They start to feel the void and begin to wonder what you are up to since you aren't their puppy dog any more. You actually start to get some of your balls back. I know the thinking is that you start working on healing yourself in case they don't come back. And maybe by the time they do come back you don't want them anymore. I also know that telling them how much you want them back and how much you care about them will only push them further away.

    But does No Contact actually work at getting the person back?
    SAB123's Avatar
    SAB123 Posts: 685, Reputation: 94
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    #2

    Jul 17, 2007, 10:24 AM
    Yes 5 times?? It's been 5 months and on this 6th breakup since we were engaged I contacted her after 2 months and still wanted to get married she said no. But I think she still wants to come back but looks like an idot for breaking up so many times with me.
    Jiser's Avatar
    Jiser Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 281
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    #3

    Jul 17, 2007, 11:49 AM
    It hurts so much I know, but NC is for yourself. Nobody can predict the future but the best thing is to get on with your own life and get happy alone.

    My ex came back twice. It didn't work out. She came back within two weeks each time. The last time was 6 months ago and no luck yet.
    dreamguy's Avatar
    dreamguy Posts: 58, Reputation: 13
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    #4

    Jul 17, 2007, 12:19 PM
    NC will not work to get your ex back if the reason she broke up with you was because you hardly ever paid attention to her in the first place while in the relationship.

    If you were not giving her affection, were not attentive to her needs, were not there when she needed you, there was lack of communication on your end, then how is NC going to work to draw her back?

    Doing NC will just reinforce in her mind the reason she left you and it's because you didn't show her that you really loved her.

    But if the reasons for the breakup were caused by you smothering her, clinginess/neediness, heated arguing, or she wants to date other guys, she wants space, you were a pushover, then I would say strict NC is the way to go for getting her back. Don't initiate contact. Answer one out of every 3-4 of her calls. Don't stay on the line for more than 2 minutes.

    My point is there is no one size fits all strategy for getting an ex back. If you were a jerk in the relationship who was never there for her then I think you need to be in some contact to show her you are serious about fixing your issues. Maybe do NC for 1 week then send her flowers and a letter of apology. Why should she make the moves to get you back if you were the one who neglected her?

    She may not take you back right away but is testing the waters with how much you have improved in your communication skills. So using the NC strategy will backfire in this case especially if she's a good woman who had every legitimate reason to leave.
    itit's Avatar
    itit Posts: 28, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 17, 2007, 02:22 PM
    It totally depends on the situation.
    stonewilder's Avatar
    stonewilder Posts: 420, Reputation: 99
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    #6

    Jul 17, 2007, 02:46 PM
    I have no idea. My husband and I split up for 2 and a half years with no contact. We ran into each other and was back together for 6 years. We then split again for 3 months and was back together (living separately) for another year and split again. Almost 2 years later and we continue to be "friends" (the kind that never see each other or talks unless we have a problem). I know he loves me and I love him... always will, but that doesn't mean we're willing to deal with the heart ache of trying it again.
    dreamguy's Avatar
    dreamguy Posts: 58, Reputation: 13
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    #7

    Jul 17, 2007, 03:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stonewilder
    I have no idea. My husband and I split up for 2 and a half years with no contact. We ran into each other and was back together for 6 years. We then split again for 3 months and was back together (living separately) for another year and split again. Almost 2 years later and we continue to be "friends" (the kind that never see each other or talks unless we have a problem). I know he loves me and I love him....always will, but that doesn't mean we're willing to deal with the heart ache of trying it again.
    Were these breakups mutual? Or who dumped who?
    hair2007's Avatar
    hair2007 Posts: 135, Reputation: 6
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    #8

    Jul 17, 2007, 03:36 PM
    My ex always comes to me crying, I'm his soulmate, he grew up... (we are 38) and I'm ashamed to say I was always there for him, believing him, and then he is the one to never try with effort. Never includes me in his life won't sleep over move in forget it, he says down the road... yet he is the one asking to try again!!

    So, I guess he is the dumper in a way, and also me cause I end up seeing no effort and start to complain and he realizes he doesn't want a real relationship, just verrry casual. Its been 12 yrs all together, the last 3 we have been divorced. It just ended again 3 weeks ago, only thing now he is dating his neighbor!! I gues I can say he never really wanted to try, just knew I was there for plan b, just in case
    Jiser's Avatar
    Jiser Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 281
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    #9

    Jul 17, 2007, 04:10 PM
    Concentrate on the present and the future not the past.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #10

    Jul 17, 2007, 04:12 PM
    No contact isn't about them coming back. It is about you giving yourself a chance to get over the ending of the relationship and begin to move on.

    If they come back it will most likely never work anyway so I wouldn't sit around waiting for it to happen.

    Use no contact to mourn the ending of the relationship and begin the healing process. Nothing else.
    hair2007's Avatar
    hair2007 Posts: 135, Reputation: 6
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    #11

    Jul 17, 2007, 04:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Skell
    No contact isnt about them coming back. it is about you giving yourself a chance to get over the ending of the relationship and begin to move on.

    If they come back it will most likely never work anyway so i wouldnt sit around waiting for it to happen.

    Use no contact to mourn the ending of the relationship and begin the healing process. Nothing else.
    I agree... at least I try to... lol... every time my ex came back it didn't work, and not cause of me, I think I was just comfort to him like a habbit, when there's nothing else to do... so dumb I am...
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
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    #12

    Jul 17, 2007, 04:20 PM
    I agree wth Skell,

    No contact is about you, not about them missing you. According to your posts, he is seeing someone else. Why would you want the scumbag back?
    Canada_Sweety's Avatar
    Canada_Sweety Posts: 597, Reputation: 49
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    #13

    Jul 17, 2007, 04:20 PM
    NC will not work to get your ex back if the reason she broke up with you was because you hardly ever paid attention to her in the first place while in the relationship.

    If you were not giving her affection, were not attentive to her needs, were not there when she needed you, there was lack of communication on your end, then how is NC going to work to draw her back?

    Doing NC will just reinforce in her mind the reason she left you and it's because you didn't show her that you really loved her.
    I disagree... pathetically enough, the first guy I actually felt love for treated me like dirt, never called, never paid attention, and for our 1 month anniversary (which was a big deal to me) he went out and got high with his friends, YET I went back to him after 3 months with NC. I showed up on his doorstep and I asked him if we could talk, we worked things out and we went back out. Sadly, after a while we realized that we just weren't going to be able to keep the relationship going because we both wanted totally different things. A second time this happened but once again he took me back and we worked things out. Of course, our relationship ended because by then we were spending so much fuel on working on the relationship that neither of us were even living it.
    I hope that you'll be able to work things out for yourself and maybe time really is what you need. It hurts but it works and it gives you time to see what is really on your mind. In the mean time, try taking up a hobby or something to take your mind off the dirtbag. Best Wishes:)
    dreamguy's Avatar
    dreamguy Posts: 58, Reputation: 13
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    #14

    Jul 17, 2007, 05:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Skell
    No contact isnt about them coming back. it is about you giving yourself a chance to get over the ending of the relationship and begin to move on.

    If they come back it will most likely never work anyway so i wouldnt sit around waiting for it to happen.

    Use no contact to mourn the ending of the relationship and begin the healing process. Nothing else.
    Here we go again. We have one of these s who try to force hardcore NC down people's throats! If you want help for how you can get your ex back go to LoveShack.org: Interpersonal Relationship Advice and Assistance Center - Love and dating advice, platonic relationships, and more. and some other sites. The head gurus of this site are against devising any strategies to get an ex back. They want to force feed you with the move on crappy advice!
    stonewilder's Avatar
    stonewilder Posts: 420, Reputation: 99
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    #15

    Jul 17, 2007, 05:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by dreamguy
    Were these breakups mutual? Or who dumped who?



    After so much on again, off again you start to forget who did what and why. Anyway, first time I dumped him. Second time it was mutual but he would say I dumped him. Third time he dumped me. I don't really think it matters though who dumped who... it hurt either way.
    dreamguy's Avatar
    dreamguy Posts: 58, Reputation: 13
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    #16

    Jul 17, 2007, 05:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stonewilder
    After so much on again, off again you start to forget who did what and why. Anyway, first time I dumped him. Second time it was mutual but he would say I dumped him. Third time he dumped me. I don't really think it matters though who dumped who... it hurt either way.

    Oh it matters all right because the dumper is not the one trying to make sense of what happened. The dumper does not go through a grieveing process.
    mckenzie134's Avatar
    mckenzie134 Posts: 647, Reputation: 67
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    #17

    Jul 17, 2007, 05:52 PM
    If someone says they want a break normally I find this is a females way of saying she either no longer wants to be in the reltionship or she's not sure what she wants. This can normally happen because you ahave been together for a whiole and she is thinking it may not be as exciting as what it first was. Well this is normal and if you have been a great guy to her and had lots of fun. Then you let her go you let her realise what it is like to have a life without you. What I find is that for a stupid reason girls at first chase hard are worried the guy is not that into them but as the relationship continuees they feel more comfortable and they then start to think they are not sure what they want cause they don't use there head and say I have this great guy who I have heaops of fun with and a great time. NONONONONo this is not what they want they want a guy who they are not sure about someone who makes them feel it inside of them not in there head unfortunately..

    You must learn girls don't think like guys we think she's great she think I feel so funny around him I WANT HIM. You have to make a girl feel like she needs you that is how you get them. Its not about her liking you it's the way you make her feel... She has to miss you. That is why when she wants a break there is one thing you do, when she wants the break don't cry but if it has been a long relationship 18 months plus tell her how yourve had heaps of fun together and why would she want to do this and you can get a bit angry at her for she is stuffing you around let her know you won't stand for this don't try and beg show her you don't take that and say well if that's how you feel its over and tell her to go. Do not contact under any circumstances even if you think you have something to say Don't SAY ANYTHING let her realise and wonder what you are doing. She will regiain those feelings and tell herself you are a grreat guy and she has made a mistake. You must also play this properly when she calls and they ALWAYS call ALWAYS!! ALWAYS you don't answer your on a break your busy doing other things. SHE WILL CALL AGAIN that's when you answer if she wants to catch up you say OK,, But when you catch up you tell her she wanted the break and she can't just change her mind your happy the way things are maybe we can take it slow and see what happens... SIMPLE


    BUT Definitely DO NOT CALL CAN NOT DO YOU ANY GOOD AT ALL!! SHE MUST FEEL THE VOID IN HER LIFE AND WANT O COME BACK...
    Canada_Sweety's Avatar
    Canada_Sweety Posts: 597, Reputation: 49
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    #18

    Jul 17, 2007, 05:58 PM
    ... wow...
    vivia12's Avatar
    vivia12 Posts: 143, Reputation: 15
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    #19

    Jul 17, 2007, 06:05 PM
    That's my question does NC bring someone back, I like what you said about not being their puppy,its like the dumper throws scraps at you. Maybe NC will heal and bring someone new in your life, I'm hopeing that for me
    TrueFaith's Avatar
    TrueFaith Posts: 1,202, Reputation: 313
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    #20

    Jul 17, 2007, 06:25 PM
    The reason why we do No contact.. is to protect ourselves.. if we dumped them or have been dumped its easyier that way..

    At the end of the day you got to do what's right for you.. if you can handel being friends after a break up.. which is insane ;) I might add.. why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you..

    But anyway :) NC isn't for everyone.. but it's a really good way of getting over someone.. and.. but yeah I know of a few Ex that come back.. after NC..
    If it works out great if not. Then well its just that isn't it :)

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