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stefani1 · Jun 27, 2007, 10:27 AM

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years seems to be pushing me away. He was preivously married for a about 9 years I think and the marriage did not work out due to her cheating... my question is, could he be so hurt from his previous relationship that he is scared of this one now to take the next step? I am not pushing him towards marriage nor do I like to bring it up as I know he might feel weird or not ready for it. I myself am not ready, but, I know in my heart that one day I want to be married. Why does this happen? Why do people bring lesions and pain from their previous relationship into a new one? Its not fair :(

laurenjd · Jun 27, 2007, 10:31 AM

It's very hard not to allow past issues to affect your future, I know this first hand. Best advice would be to sit down and really talk to him about everything you're feeling and allow him to open up and tell you exactly how he feels about it.

Kattalover · Jun 27, 2007, 10:50 AM

What do you mean by "seems to be pushing me away"? What does he do or say that makes you feel rejected?

Normally, people don't suddenly start rejecting their partner of 2 1/2 years, so if he does and says things he's never said or done before, what could have triggered them? Were you discussing changes in your relationship and/or your lives, such as moving in together? Or moving away from each other because of job issues?

A little more background and input would really be helpful.

stefani1 · Jun 28, 2007, 10:17 AM

Well he pushes me away or makes me feel as if the relationship is scaring him off because, I think, we are too close to the next step which is marriage. I moved in with him about 8 months ago. Things are good, his 3 kids accept me and things are OK. I don't really like bringing up marriage because in my eyes he may be a bit bitter about it right now since his divorce and child support issues have gone sour. But recently, yes, we did bring up marriage. He told someone that he doesn't want to get married. At least its what I heard. And he states he said he didn't want to get married anytime soon. Now this is the same case with me, but, why would this push him away from our relationship? I mean I don't have any kids form him so I can't screw him with child support. Nor would I divorce him and screw him for alimony. What is his deal?

Kattalover · Jun 29, 2007, 12:51 PM

The person you need to talk to most is your boyfriend, not other people. Ask him for a heart-to-heart and let him know that you feel he's pushing you away. Be precise in describing what behavior leads you to that conclusion. See what he says. If necessary, reassure him that your moving in doesn't mean you want to marry him anytime soon.

stefani1 · Jul 2, 2007, 03:05 PM

I try to speak with him but it is extremely har dto do. He is one of those people that you walk on egg shells when you want to have a conflicting conversation you know? Like he has a bit of a bad temper. I do understand what your trying to tell me though.